Ardokian General Election, 2014 [OPEN]

by **Ardoki** » Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:02 pm

General Election Announced by Ministry of the Interior
ABC News | Ardokian Broadcasting Corporation

Wednesday 25 June 2014

Minister Nikolaos Petronius, of the Ministry of the Interior, announces the date of the 2014 General Elections.

Minister Nikolaos Petronius, of the Ministry of the Interior, announced the date for the Ardokian 2014 General Elactions, as a press conference earlier today outside the Ministry of the Interior Building. The elections shall be held between the 26th of July, and the 2nd of August. That gives the political parties a month to campaign, before campaigning must be ceased on the 26th of July.

Here is the Minister of the Interior's Speech:

"I am here today, to announce the date of the General Elections. The date of the 26th of July WST (western standard time) has been chosen by myself, others from the Ministry of the Interior, and the government.

The elections shall run for a full week, with voting stations closed on the 2nd of August WST. As I should remind you, voting is compulsory, and failure to vote without a good reason, will result in a fine, repeat offenders will be punished more harshly.

Campaigning for the election by political parties may begin first thing tomorrow WST, and shall cease completely, before the 26th of July WST. Violations will result in fines.

Thank you for your time."

Hopefully this will be an exciting election. We here at ABC News are looking forward to hear the will of the people, which party will be elected, and how many seats will each party get?

Lets look at the parties contesting this election, shall we?

Social Democratic Party of Ardoki

Leader: Alexander Andronikas (current Premier of Ardoki)
Founded: 1905
Time in Power: 22 Terms
Headquarters: One Akakios Parade, Arvatiya
Newspaper: Social Democratic Weekly
Youth Wing: League of Young Social Democrats
Membership: 184 million
Ideology: Social Democracy, Democratic Socialism, Progressivism
Political Position: Centre-Left, Left-Wing
Colours: ____ Tyrian Purple
Current Representation: 67% (National Assembly)
Website: http://www.ardokiansocialdemocrats.org

Liberal Party of Ardoki

Leader: Stefanos Stavros (current leader of the opposition)
Founded: 1906
Time in Power: 0 Terms
Headquarters: 6 Narvun Street, Arvatiya
Newspaper: A Liberal Future
Youth Wing: Liberal Youth
Membership: 31 million
Ideology: Liberalism
Political Position: Centre
Colours: ____ Blue
Current Representation: 25% (National Assembly)
Website: http://www.ardokianliberals.org

Green-Left

Leader: Sophia Michelakis
Founded: 1979
Time in Power: 0 Terms
Headquarters: 9 Yulitarchia Street, Arvatiya
Newspaper: Green-Left Weekly
Youth Wing: Young Greens
Membership: 7 million
Ideology: Green Politics, Progressivism
Political Position: Left-Wing
Colours: ____ Forest Green
Current Representation: 8% (National Assembly)
Website: http://www.ardokiangreens.org

As can be seen, the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki (SDPA) a majority of seats in the National Assembly. In fact, the Social Democratic Party has been in power since 1905, that is 109 years. The SDPA has so far been the only political party to ever control Ardoki. Most claim that this is because the SDPA is the perfect political party, which the majority of the people love, for obvious reasons. While some, a minority if I might say, accuse the SDPA of vote-rigging, however there is absolutely no evidence to suggest this at all.
According to numerous opinion polls, the Social Democratic Party is expected to gain between 5%, and 13% of seats in the National Assembly, primarily from the Liberal Party. This is believed to be due to the spectacular performance of the current premier of Ardoki, and leader of the Social Democrats, the Honourable Alexander Andronikas.

Under the guidance of the SDPA, Ardoki has achieved a high level of political freedom, and social and economic equality. Without the SDPA, Ardoki would be nowhere near it is today, a democratic and free nation with a strong economy and a very high living standard. All Ardokians recognise this, and for the great achievements of the SDPA, they remain loyal to it. Regardless of the history and current situation of the SDPA, these elections shall give a democratic voice to the people of Ardoki.

Current Opinion Poll (as of 20th of July 2014)

~ Courtesy of Siforia Polls

~ Anna Michel, Senior Elections Reporter

by **Ardoki** » Sat Jul 26, 2014 6:49 pm

Campaigning Commences
ABC News | Ardokian Broadcasting Corporation

Thursday 26 June 2014

Premier Alexander Andronikas at the commencement campaign rally of the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki.

Premier Alexander Andronikas, leader of the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki, officially launched the general election campaign of the SDPA today at the Arvatiya Harbour Convention Centre. There were over 50 000 members of the SDPA packed into the auditorium, and many more watching it on the ABC from home.

The Premier promised to inject "fresh thinking" into the Ardokian government, to help Ardoki keep its place as a country admired by the world. Massive investments into the economy, education, healthcare, and the public services, in order to "Maintain Ardoki's very high living standard". The Premier also promised that Ardoki would start accepting more refugees, and increase programs to integrate them into Ardokian society.

The Premier's address was met with a rapturous applause, and the Premier performed break-dancing for the lucky viewers. Here is a link to a video of his break-dancing uploaded to youtube.

The Liberal Party of Ardoki also held its campaign today, with the opposition leader, Stefanos Stavros, announcing that if elected, The Liberal Party will privatise certain public services, while retaining essentials such as healthcare and education publicly controlled. The Liberal Party has also expressed interest in reducing taxes, and regulation to lure foreign corporations into Ardoki.

Green-Left leader, Sophia Michelakis, has announced that the Green-Left wishes to maintain the current level of nationalisation, and further regulations against polluting, including severely punishing corporations who pollute over a certain threshold. She has also announced that the fishing, mining, gas, and oil industries should be cut back significantly to protect Ardoki from environmental damage. Green-Left also wishes to slowly introduce grassroots democracy, into the Ardokian political system.

ABC News shall keep you informed over the entire duration of the General Election.
Let the campaigning, commence...

~ Miyko Xaxos

by **El Cuscatlan** » Sat Jul 26, 2014 7:35 pm

News have reached me about so called elections in Ardoki. I wanted to address this, because it clearly shows how wicked Ardokian political system - representative democracy - is. Why is it such stupid political system? Because in fact when we look at Ardokian political scene, we have no choice, I repeat, no choice at all but members of the same wicked socialist elite ruling the masses in the name of democratic socialism. This mi amigos is the key to Ardokian political system.

It gives people no choice. In fact, they have an illusion of choice. In such system, there is little regard for individual opinion. Citizens are being forced to search for something similar - lose their ideas and follow blindly the path created by the party leaders. All of us know that political party creates it's own mini-authoritarianism; inside it, you can not ascend if you won' t obey the party leader. I admire people with leadership skills. But they should not do this at cost of the people. Leader is measured not by it how big baton he has, but how many hearts he has won. Besides, such system allows easily corruption to arise.

People in Ardoki have no real choice on who to vote. It is either left, left or left. Vote all you want, flight plan remains the same. But in you, patriots of Ardoki, lies the strength. One man with faith is enough to drive communists, masons, terrorists, oligarchs, moneylenders and whatever social parasites appear. Ardoki still has a chance for itself. Not by violence, but by faith of it's people. Even if you, Ardokian patriots are limited now in number, do not break, for good always prevails.

LIBERTAD O MUERTE! ARRIBA CUSCATLAN!

by **Ardoki** » Sat Jul 26, 2014 8:11 pm

Cuscatlani Attack Upon Ardoki, and Democracy Itself
ABC News | Ardokian Broadcasting Corporation

~ Thursday 26 June 2012

El Caudillo Raul Martinez of Gran Cuscatlán.

Raul Martinez, the dictator of Gran Cuscatlán, lambasted the system of representative democracy, which Ardoki uses, today in a speech of his. The hatred of democracy among dictators is expected, but Mr Martinez had the audacity to accuse representative democracy of "having no choices" (paraphrase), and maintaining an oligarchy of the "wicked socialist elite ruling the masses". Such accusations against representative democracy are unfouned, and completely laughable and dismissible coming from an authoritarian dictator.

Here is a small excerpt from his speech:

"It gives people no choice. In fact, they have an illusion of choice. In such system, there is little regard for individual opinion. Citizens are being forced to search for something similar - lose their ideas and follow blindly the path created by the party leaders. All of us know that political party creates it's own mini-authoritarianism; inside it, you can not ascend if you won' t obey the party leader. I admire people with leadership skills. But they should not do this at cost of the people. Leader is measured not by it how big baton he has, but how many hearts he has won. Besides, such system allows easily corruption to arise. "

This paragraph is laughable, due to the fact that he is criticising representative democracy for 'having' those problems. Representative democracy does have its problems, however it is currently the best system we have. Party leaders are not dictators, they are responsible to their party, who can replace them at any time, and they party is directly responsible to the people, who can remove it from power whenever it so pleases.
While in a dictatorship, such as Gran Cuscatlán, there is absolutely no choice, there isn't even an illusion of choice. One person, the dictator, in Gran Cuscatlán's case, Raul Martinez, has absolute power, and can literally do whatever pleases him.
Furthermore, corruption in Ardoki, which uses a representative democratic system, virtually nonexistent. Corrupt politicians are barred from politics for life, while corrupt corporations have their assets seized. While it is common fact that authoritarian societies, such as Gran Cuscatlán, are often incredibly corrupt, as there is no one to hold the government accountable. Democracy is the key to a society free of corruption, authoritarianism only allows corruption to grow unchecked.

Here is the closing statement of his speech:

"People in Ardoki have no real choice on who to vote. It is either left, left or left. Vote all you want, flight plan remains the same. But in you, patriots of Ardoki, lies the strength. One man with faith is enough to drive communists, masons, terrorists, oligarchs, moneylenders and whatever social parasites appear. Ardoki still has a chance for itself. Not by violence, but by faith of it's people. Even if you, Ardokian patriots are limited now in number, do not break, for good always prevails."

First of all, there are several right-wing political parties. However, the people prefer more left-wing parties, so they have exercised their choice, they do not want major right-wing parties, left-wing and centrist parties are what they really want. Then, he goes on trying to incite a revolution. He blames the usual scapegoats for fascists, unusually for a fascist he does not directly include Jews. He then pretends to want a peaceful revolution, which is very strange. How can a small minority overthrow a large majority who holds all the power in a country? Such as revolt is not possible, and shall never occur.

Wishful thinking from a dictator jealous of Ardoki's might and wealth.

~ Nona Harasius

by **Adab** » Sat Jul 26, 2014 10:30 pm

The Empire of Adab
Fluctuat nec mergitur
She is tossed by the waves but does not sink

To: Whoever it may concern, Ardoki
From: Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Empire of Adab

Greetings,

I, Emperor Tizqar III, in my capacity as Leader of the Government of the State of Adab, wish to congratulate the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki (SDPA) on 109 years of successful and commendable public service to the nation and the people of Ardoki. I am filled with awe and admiration at the success which a democratic and free Ardoki has achieved under the guidance of the SDPA over so many years. I hope that this success can continue for many years to come, and that more and more people in Ardoki will be able to have an enjoyable life, benefiting from the extensive political freedom and social and economic equality which have been achieved by their nation. We also wish to congratulate Premier Alexander Andronikas on what has been a successful tenure as Premier of Ardoki. It must not be denied that his competence in the job has led to great achievements which shall be remembered for generations to come, even after we, the torch-bearers and freedom fighters of this era, have all passed away.

On behalf of the Government of the State of Adab, I wish to declare my support for the SDPA and Premier Alexander Andronikas in this election, believing that they, gifted with the ideals of fresh thinking and innovation, are most suited to bring Ardoki forward to achieve even more greatness, while maintaining peace and prosperity, in the 21st century. I also hope that the general election may be able to proceed smoothly, untainted by allegations of electoral fraud which have marred so many other elections in this world, and that the final results of the election shall faithfully reflect the will of the people of Ardoki.

Thank you for your attention. Blessed be your nation, along with each and every person who inhabits it.

Signed,
His Imperial Majesty Tizqar III, Emperor
His Highness Inimabakesh al-Tikriti, Minister of Foreign Affairs

by **Ardoki** » Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:44 am

Perfection, Equality, Order

Ministry of the Exterior

Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki

To: Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Empire of Adab
Subject: Your Support of the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki
Urgency: Moderate
Encryption: Moderate
Decryption: KlIu76
To whom it may concern,

We, the government of Ardoki, and myself as a representative of the Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki, thank you sincerely for your support of the SDPA. For years the SDPA has ensured the best possible living standards and level of freedom for the Ardokian people, and hopes to be able to continue this goal. Electoral fraud is non-existent in Ardoki, however certain groups like to accuse the SDPA of vote-rigging, in an attempt to remove us from power. However, we shall endure, the people will know the truth, and they will stand beside us, as they have done for over 109 years.

We thank you once again for your support, and hope your nation endures and prospers for the centuries to come.
With kind regards,

Korina Megalos,
Minister of the Exterior
Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki

by **Flardania** » Sun Jul 27, 2014 6:24 pm

Kiryuin hopeful for change in Ardoki Foreign and Domestic Policy
FBC News | Flardanian Broadcasting Corporation

Lady Satsuki Kiryuin of Flardania.

The Ardoki media has had the gall to slander Raul Martinez after his latest remarks. This the latest ploy by the Ardokians to classify anti-Ardoki as anti democracy. The Ardokians had the audacity to accuse Martinez of claiming representative democracy of "having no choices" (paraphrase), and maintaining an oligarchy of the "wicked socialist elite ruling the masses". When it is simply in reference to Ardoki and The Taisuist [Constitutional] Autocracy easily saw it as such. Satsuki was nevertheless hopeful that this would be a real democratic event but is fully prepared for disappointment.

Here is a small excerpt from Satsuki's statement:

"Am I hopeful for Ardoki? Why yes I am, they have so much going right for them such as Health, Education and Wealth just like our Flardania. The problem is their Foreign Policy of running around causing a nuisance and their impossible dream of ruling the world. Of being disrespectful in categorizing nations such as expecting fascist nations to be anti-Semitic . I also would like a change of the brainwashing rehab centers and actual options in an election. By Illias I am left but to see all the left choices is insanity. I also do not like how they treat other nations beliefs in God or Goddess. If I want to believe that Ardoki has election I need to see different policies and Ideas from the different parties and that can't happen if the parties are under one bias. To sum it up simply Ardoki just need to stop thinking that Ardoki is a nation to be jealous of because that is the path of arrogance, ignorance and, intolerance. "

President Kiryuin also went on to say that she wish people would ask questions and hope for a more polite Ardoki but that will never work with the type of Rehabilitation Centers within Ardoki. She also references that democracy is also about freedom a freedom that doesn't exist if the Government doesn't approve of it, also know as limited freedom.

~ Mei Haruka

by **Tolmakia** » Sun Jul 27, 2014 7:35 pm

Message From The Republic Of Tolmakia
To: Manager of elections, or to whom it be addressed to otherwise
Subject: Endorsement

Speaking on behalf of The Republic of Tolmakia, we wish to commend his esteemed Premier Alexander Andronikas of the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki (SDPA). Debating that among the candidate parties, we have learned about the SDPA and find their timeline of 109 years to be outstanding and laudable. Therefore, we reason that the SDPA may be the most experienced in running the country. We also wish to mention the fact that (according to what we have learned) the SDPA has been able to achieve many goals, including high levels of many freedoms (i.e. social, economic, and political) throughout its timeline in what we believe to be for the better welfare for its people. We firmly believe that the SDPA may continue maintaining these successes, and continue preserving and further developing their nation's good future. Therefore, we give our support, and endorsement to the SDPA and Premier Alexander Andronikas.

The Republic sends its warm regards to your honorable nation, to the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki, and to the respectable Alexander Andronikas. We wish the best for the Ardoki General Elections to yield honest, satisfactory and fruitful results.

Regards, Minister Agnes Mcanborough
Regards, Minister Teshi Hershei

by **Ardoki** » Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:17 pm

Perfection, Equality, Order

Ministry of the Exterior

Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki

To: Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Tolmakia
Subject: Your Endorsement of the SDPA
Urgency: Moderate
Encryption: Moderate
Decryption: KiU76r
To whom it may concern,

We, the Social Democratic Party of Ardoki, thank you for recognising and supporting us in this election, which shall allow the Ardokian people to decide the fate of their country. We thank your government, and country, and hope that our countries can have friendly relations.

With kind regards,

Korina Megalos,
Minister of the Exterior
Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki

Flardania! What did you Just Say?
ABC News | Ardokian Broadcasting Corporation

Lady Satsuki Kiryuin of Flardania.

The Anime Reality Republic of Flardania recently made outrageous and incorrect statements about the Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki. Normally we would refute such unfounded accusations, but just a mere look at them, and it is clear such a refutation isn't needed. We shall just bold the incorrect statements.

Here is the offending excerpt:

"Am I hopeful for Ardoki? Why yes I am, they have so much going right for them such as Health, Education and Wealth just like our Flardania. The problem is their Foreign Policy of running around causing a nuisance and their impossible dream of ruling the world. Of being disrespectful in categorizing nations such as expecting fascist nations to be anti-Semitic . I also would like a change of the brainwashing rehab centers and actual options in an election. By Illias I am left but to see all the left choices is insanity. I also do not like how they treat other nations beliefs in God or Goddess. If I want to believe that Ardoki has election I need to see different policies and Ideas from the different parties and that can't happen if the parties are under one bias. To sum it up simply Ardoki just need to stop thinking that Ardoki is a nation to be jealous of because that is the path of arrogance, ignorance and, intolerance.
"

As you can see, it is mainly outrageous, and false propaganda. None of those things apply to Ardoki.

by **Grand Russian Federation** » Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:30 pm

United Russian Reactions to Ardoki General Elections
Пролетариат Сеть Новостей | Proletariat News Network

Alexander Andronikas, the predictably inevitable winner of the Ardokian General Election

Recently, elections in Ardoki have begun in full force, with the Social Democratic Party, Liberal Party, and Green Party competing for votes. Various critics have sprung up and called out the unfair state of the elections, with some examples being Raul Martinez, dictator of Gran Cuscatlan, and President Satsuki Kiryuin of Flardania. Today, Premier Vasily Topolov has addressed the situation in a speech at the Red Square. Here is an excerpt of speech:

"A fellow nation of the United Left, the Social Democratic Republic of Ardoki, has recently started up their elections. Some have criticized it, and some have praised it. Let me say first, that this election is absolutely pointless. Raul Martinez is absolutely correct in this situation. Why? Let us look at our facts: the Social Democratic Party led by Alexander Andronikas has been in power for not one term, not several, but 22 whole terms. The other competing majority parties have not even been in power once, showing the completely unfair monopoly the Social Democratic Party has over the nation. Their membership is enormous, and their public opinion is high, as a second reason why this election is absolutely unneeded...

So people may be asking 'well, then why do they hold these elections if they are elected every single time?'. It is merely to give an illusion of choice to their citizens, and flaunt to the whole world, that, 'hey, look, we have elections! We are soooo free, because we allow our citizens to pick their leaders!'. Ardoki is essentially, a dictator in the guise of a representative democracy...

The coverage of the Ardokian Broadcasting Corporation is despicable, to say the least.. Not only shoving propaganda into the reader's face, but slamming everyone who opposes them with no question. I would even go to say, that everyone who reads their twisted versions of the news, loses brain cells in the process. I would not be surprised, not in the least, if the ABC were to twist this speech to suit them..."

Later, Topolov uttered that, "if there was a party that supported an overthrow of the Social Democratic Party, I'd support it." It is unsure if he was serious or making a joke.

The Russian People's Commissariat of Education and Media also gave their opinions on the ABC News coverage, stating that "they are nothing more and nothing less than people who want to brainwash their citizens to follow the Ardokian government unquestioningly."

Whatever the case, it looks as though the Ardoki elections will meet their predictable end: the reelection of Alexander Andronikas and the Social Democratic Party.

by **Davinhia** » Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:46 pm

Although all 3 parties seem like terrible parties, I'd like to endorse the Social Democratic Party

by **The Scientific States** » Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:48 pm

The Prime Minister of The Scientific States endorses the Liberal Party, and wishes them the best of luck in the upcoming election.

by **Lolloh** » Tue Jul 29, 2014 8:38 pm

The Lolloh Gazette
Analysts Weigh in on Ardoki

Prime Minister Derpy Hooves, who today made remarks in favor of Ardoki's General Election

ARVATIYA, Ardoki - Today, Lollohian analysts weighed in on the General Elections in Ardoki, and the pundits seem to have reached a consensus: While the SDPA is well-intentioned, the lack of seriously opposition from even a centrist party makes it inevitably fixed in the SDPA's favor. Due to Ardoki's continued support of worldwide Communist revolution, as well as its continued support of questionable world leaders abroad, many believe that the General Election is simply a formality for removing old party members in favor of newer, more energetic ones.
Prime Minister Derpy Hooves, however, was of a different matter: In a press conference concerning the General Elections, she praised Ardoki for its "controlled, peaceful, and democratically-minded general elections, which seem to have brought much prosperity to the country," as well as promising her Coalition's support of the SDPA, which is expected to win by between 65%-75% of the vote, enough to avoid a runoff and put their long-standing candidate into power. The SDPA has not lost an election since its founding 109 years ago, and remains the dominant party in Ardoki. Some attribute Derpy Hooves' remarks to the hopes that Lolloh will be able to increase an alliance with the militarily powerful socialist country, making a good ally where Lolloh has few.

by **Anollasia** » Wed Jul 30, 2014 4:58 am

We support the Liberal Party.

by **The Swiss Guardsmen** » Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:54 am

OPINION: "Living In The Ardokian Echo Chamber"
Astavian Human Rights Watchdog Representative Blasts Ardokian "History Of Oppression"

^{SHARE THIS:}

Diana Gierra (@dianagierra)
^{July 30, 2014 6:00 ECT | Vaticaina, Astavia}

Ardokian Premier Alexander Andronikas, a member of the country's Social Democratic Party, is expected by analysts to once again secure another term in power despite his government's destabilizing actions in recent months.
Photo courtesy of the Associated Press.

“Everything is always fine. There’s no problem anytime.
As I live in Ardoki, I know SDP loves me.
Everything is always fine. I love the State to the end of time.”

Diana Gierra is the Editor-In-Chief
of World Right's Watch, Astavia's largest
human rights watchdog group.

From the Editor's Desk (World's Rights Watch) – Sung to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star,” a casual passerby could easily be forgiven for thinking the above satirical verse was an actual Ardokian lullaby – to be recited to one’s child at the end of every day. That is, of course, after the child has completed his or her day’s worth of state-sponsored indoctrination at the local propaganda storehouse…err, I mean, glorious and exemplary public school of our most loving and beneficent state…oh yes, and death to the capitalist menace.

While this may seem like a gross exaggeration of the deplorable state of life for the citizens of Ardoki, I can honestly say (with no reservations in my mind) that this particular country, more so than any other I’ve covered in recent months, is just the kind of crazed international pariah state that makes right-wing hardliners giddy with excitement - because, as we have seen in recent weeks, nations such as Ardoki never fail to essentially gift pundits of the political right with ever-fresh reasons to fervently believe delusional double think, tyrannical secularism, and monstrous barbarism are the cornerstones of the radical left. Ardoki is, despite what it believes, feeding the fears and propaganda of its own enemies.

Premier Alexander Andronikas and his cabal of semi-educated minions in the Ardokian Social Democratic Party once again find themselves jockeying against impotent challengers for a renewed opportunity to be at the helm of the incredible train wreck that is the Ardokian state – a government of incompetent bureaucrats, petulant military officials, and a peevish propaganda arm that delights in spending every waking minute praising their Premier as “a genius, and the kindest and best person to ever live, and probably to ever live”. What exactly did our dear friend Alexander do to deserve such incredible praise, you ask? Well, besides funding ACNA's worthless excuse for a news agency, the glorious and most stupendous Premier announced Ardoki’s intent back in early July to launch an “International Campaign Against Discrimination”......by locking up anybody who disagreed with the socialist government in state-of-the-art brainwashing fun-time concentration camps – complete with white-clad psychiatrists, 24/7 exposure to government propaganda, degrading seminars on why you are a “stupid…bigot” if you do not enjoy your time on Flight Air Disaster Ardoki, and laughably questionable success statistics. But don’t worry dear readers, “100% of successfully treated individuals say that they loved their time at their rehabilitation centres,” and would have even paid to go through it in the first place (commence above Twinkle Twinkle lullaby any time you feel the need)! Well that’s just great ACNA. Just bloody perfect. I’m sure the brainwashed and medicated zombies who were “rehabilitated” honestly couldn’t be happier now......just as I’m sure 100% of the unsuccessfully treated ~~inmates~~ campers are now enjoying their all-expense paid dirt nap six feet under the ground. Needless to say, the aim of the Premier’s government – ending discrimination – was admirable. The execution (no pun intended) however, did not live up to the expectations of civilized international observers.

When the Ardokian propaganda wing isn’t busy tripping over itself while drooling incessantly about how perfect everything (and I do mean everything) is in the Social Democratic Republic, their disgusting dribble turns into a frothy foam whenever anyone has the immense misfortunate of appearing to “threaten” the existence of the Ardokian state (which, for right-wing government leaders like Gran Cuscatlan’s Caudillo, Raul Martinez, quite frankly could be anything from getting up out of bed in the morning, to brewing capitalist-made - and therefore evil - coffee). I would be willing to wager good Denarii that Ardoki’s propaganda machine is at its most entertaining when it catches wind of someone questioning the way their government does things. It’s like watching a bad soap opera. You desperately, DESPERATELY want to turn it off. You know you could be doing more useful things than watching garbage on TV. But for some strange, inexplicable reason you just can’t help but look on in utter amazement as the stupefying ignorance and drama of the whole show washes over you. Each day, it seems, the list of Ardoki’s enemies grows longer and longer as this hyper-reactive, left-wing echo chamber of a country continues to isolate itself from everyone it encounters, even its own allies. Ardoki’s recent embroilment in a heated exchange of insults with the Grand Russian Federation, a fellow member of the United Left, over concerns Russian Premier, Vasily Topolov, voiced earlier this week about the upcoming General Election in Ardoki, demonstrates to the world once again that the Ardokinan government, on an institutional and professional level, believes in all sincerity that anyone who disagrees with them is out to destroy their way of life. I suppose living your life in an echo chamber really can make you ridiculously paranoid after all.

Unfortunately for Ardokian people, the actions their government has taken and the policy initiatives it has supported in recent months have proven time and time again that the “propaganda” international detractors publish against the country’s regime could not be closer to the truth. While the government of Ardoki may not be inherently totalitarian in nature (though the absence of any right-wing parties or grassroots movements suggests active and institutionalized suppression), the regime is undeniably oppressive to those who do not toe the party line, cruel to those who object to its policies, abrasive to respectable international leaders who do not share their “values”, impertinent when corrected, and above all – a constant and unapologetic threat to international peace. Ardoki’s continued support for the Syndicate of Militant Atheists, a dangerous faction classified recently by the Astavian State Ministry as a Tier-2 Terrorist Organization, is just one more sad example of Ardoki’s preference to burn bridges instead of build them. Not only does this disgusting and degenerate organization have the financial backing of the Ardokian government, but it also enjoys a large youth following in Ardokian schools due to compulsory membership laws enacted by, you guessed it, the Ardokian government. The Syndicate, established in 1909, has called repeatedly for the “extermination of religion and superstition,” and actively participates in illegal operations around the world (without the consent of international leaders) to “combat superstitious and religious beliefs…in order to liberate the worldwide proletariat”. Syndicate pastimes include, but are not limited to, “spontaneous” acts of disorder, receiving the tawdry praise of Ardokian news propaganda outlets (drool and all), burning effigies of religious figures (of various faiths mind you, because hey, if you’re going to hate religious people, hate them equally), spewing inane and incoherent garbage then getting mad when you try to serve it back to them, and burning Catholics to death in revenge killings (I suppose the Ardokians at least have a sense of irony, no?). Yes dear readers, join the Syndicate today! Because according to the Ardokian government, they’re a “welcoming and friendly organization" (*cough cough* Twinkle Twinkle *cough cough*).

One could quite literally write a book, nay - a series, on the deplorable history of Ardoki’s shameful domestic and foreign policies, but for me to do so here would take more time than I would ever wish to spend writing such a testament to failure. Suffice it to say Ardoki is, at the very least, a shining example of a politically, ethically, and culturally comatose society – ensnared in a seemingly unbreakable addiction to state oppression, controlled media, and radical suppression of “deviant” ideas. Every storm has a silver lining however, and though the upcoming elections in Ardoki may not bring immediate (or even helpful) changes to the country’s languishing political state, promises made by Premier Alexander, who will undoubtedly win this upcoming election, to “inject fresh thinking” into the Ardokian government may yet prove to be more than just his usual words without action routine. For all its shortcomings, Ardoki’s dedication to maintaining a solid economy, respectable education and healthcare systems, and well-organized public assistance programs demonstrates that all is not lost for the country. Perhaps, years down the line, political diversity will flourish in the Social Democratic Republic. Perhaps their propaganda machine will one day grind to a halt, and allow free and diverse news agencies, unsoiled by government influence, take up the mantle of providing people with accurate and reliable information. Till then, I suppose we’ll just have wait and see, and wish upon a twinkling star.

Ardokian General Election, 2014 [OPEN]

Ardokian General Election, 2014 [OPEN]

Who is online