Awesome/Funny NS quotes (not your own quotes, please)

[Constaniana]

The mines of Jews and Christians? Is that like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?

Similar, but they reject the book of Armaments as Cannon.

[Nightkill the Emperor]

The man tried to silence me by cutting off my internet because my message is too dangerous.
Sheeple will tell you it's because I didn't pay my bill. But correlation is not causation. It's because I'm a threat to their system.

Bills are the way that the system keeps you down.

This made me laugh for reasons I don't fully understand.

[Val Halla]

Looked up a TUSC candidate in my constituency...

(Image)

Friendship Socialism is magic?

[Risottia]

In Moderation:

I didn't see his post when I made mine. Should I have done something different?

You should always anticipate moves by the Moderation team and, where necessary, travel back in time to correct any errors you may have made in doing so.

Translation: the only way to escape the wrath of the Mods is a TARDIS.

[Tsaraine]

In Moderation:

You should always anticipate moves by the Moderation team and, where necessary, travel back in time to correct any errors you may have made in doing so.

Translation: the only way to escape the wrath of the Mods is a TARDIS.

Oh, we'll catch that meddlesome Time Lord eventually, rest assured.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

*raises hand*

I wish to also join the smug asshole clan.

Pompous dick need not apply.

smug asshole + pompous dick = condescending buttsex

---

Your lifestyle to me seemed so tragic,
With the thrill of it all,

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

I think so Pret, but where are we going to get a duck, a horse, and a rubber mallet at this hour?

[The Greater Aryan Race]

No. Chuck E. Cheese reminds me that the world is a beautiful place filled with wonder.

And pee.

[Prussia-Steinbach]

Not prison. That's too cruel. What we should do is train them in some basic job skills. We currently have an undocumented immigration problem. What if we took these black people and sent them to areas where they need agricultural workers? We could have them work in the fields, and the ones who behave themselves and don't run off could even be given training in domestic work. We could even ensure that their children get training by having them work in the fields as soon as they're able to hold bags! Of course, we'll have to have some sort of discipline for recalcitrant types who run off due to not appreciating the opportunity, and various agricultural enterprises will have to be free to sell the services so as to ensure that they're not feeding more people than they really need, but I think that we could work something out.

I hereby nominate you for the 2015 Jonathan Swift Award.

I love the meals they serve at that award ceremony. Reminds me of home, somehow.

[Anollasia]

edit: user changed it, it's fine now.

You underestimate the speed at which mod-edits take place.

[Kaboomlandia]

No. Fats should be able to identify with whatever gender they want.

On the topic "legislating trans fats"

[Nightkill the Emperor]

A summary of Elfen High's climatic battle. The thing is that it's all pretty much accurate.

From the Associated Press on January 2nd, 2031 -

Holy flipping fuck, you guys. Tell me you felt that.

No? Stop giving me that look! I'm telling you, shit went down.

So, like, first of all - and I know this is crazy, but bear with me - all of you fuckers died. Charles Dance came out of nowhere, and I think Bryan Cranston was with him, and whoosh! Suddenly, there's no plant and Aleister Crowley is Peter Capaldi or something.

Stop laughing. I'm serious. I was there. The world ended. Well, the world, except Elfen High. Because of course. Because of course the second they send me to cover this shitty funeral, the world ends. I shouldn't have gone to this goddamn school - I told them that. Fuck you, Frank. I know I fucked your wife, but c'mon. Couldn't you have sent me to a warzone instead? Iraq might be a shithole, but at least it obeys physical laws.

Right. So. A bunch of B-list TV actors from the mid-2010's beat the shit out of each other and then the spaceships... look, I get it. I know this sounds insane. I know you think I've finally snapped, that all those years covering fiscal policy finally got to me. And I know that bitch Caroline is going to try to make this about my drinking. But it's not, it's real. I swear to God.

Also, God was there. He, also, is Charles Dance. He's brothers with the other Charles Dance, or maybe one is the other's father. I don't know, at that point, I was hiding in this big tree, trying to avoid getting killed by the robot angels.

Except the tree had a dragon in it. Actually, I think the dragon was god.

Anyways, then Aleister (who is also John Hurt) killed the dragon, and Tom Baker was there. So, naturally, Aleister rode the dragon into the school, and then rode the school through all of space and time. I passed out at some point, or maybe died, but when I woke up, I was in the school cafeteria, and everything was back to normal.

But the fucking thing talks now.

Listen to me. Yesterday, the universe was destroyed, and Aleister Crowley rebuilt it. I don't expect you to believe me. I get it. Just... just check your stuff, alright? Just look around. Make sure he didn't fuck anything, or everything, or ohmygodIthinkwewereallinsidehim.

Fuck it. Fuck it all, man. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I should be dead, we should all be dead, and I have kids. I quit, man. I... I need to get my life together.

Just... fuck.

And I think I saw Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholson fucking in a dumpster.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Do you WANT to lose all your friends in a drawn-out conflict? I play where you buy all the rail lines to win; quicker and less violent for all parties.

The privatisation of the railways is a touchy subject in my friendship circles. It's a surefire way to get lynched.

This is why you stay on-topic, kids.

[Imperializt Russia]

The privatisation of the railways is a touchy subject in my friendship circles. It's a surefire way to get lynched.

This is why you stay on-topic, kids.

My fault again, is it?

[The Empire of Pretantia]

This is why you stay on-topic, kids.

My fault again, is it?

Actually... Yeah, it is.

[Prussia-Steinbach]

...this is definitely NOT the first time an American flag has been taken down in South Carolina.

[New Naephak]

So in case any of you ever had any doubt as to whether or not Nvidia was being anticompetitive:


http://www.reddit.com/r/pcgaming/commen ... we_should/


Project CARS, The Witcher 3, and who knows what else - all deliberately engineered by Nvidia to reduce the performance of competing cards. And that doesn't just mean AMD - it also means older Nvidia cards, too.

And the worst part?


The devs said that they don't even fucking care. They got their shekels and they're ignoring the issue. Nvidia gets their shekels and reaps the benefits of people like Czech who buy their products regardless, just because they have the ball in their court. And they have the court, too.


For my green friends out there, try to see this situation if it was reversed.
Let's say Star Citizen came out. Titan X gets 35 FPS on ultra 1440p, while the 290X gets 55. The Titan blows the 290X out of the water in terms of performance, but the game was engineered to gimp performance. You wouldn't be happy, would you?


And before someone says 'this is just capitalism' - it isn't. There are laws in place against this sort of thing.

15 U.S.C. § 1: "Every contract, combination in the form of trust or otherwise, or conspiracy, in restraint of trade or commerce among the several States, or with foreign nations, is declared to be illegal." (In layman's terms: attempting to create contracts/conspiracies to restrain trade is illegal)

15 U.S.C. § 2: "Every person who shall monopolize, or attempt to monopolize, or combine or conspire with any other person or persons, to monopolize any part of the trade or commerce among the several States, or with foreign nations, shall be deemed guilty of a felony." (in layman's terms: attempting to monopolize any part of trade or commerce is a felony)

15 U.S.C. § 14: "It shall be unlawful for any person engaged in commerce, in the course of such commerce, to lease or make a sale or contract for sale of goods, wares, merchandise, machinery, supplies, or other commodities, whether patented or unpatented, for use, consumption, or resale within the United States or any Territory thereof or the District of Columbia or any insular possession or other place under the jurisdiction of the United States, or fix a price charged therefor, or discount from, or rebate upon, such price, on the condition, agreement, or understanding that the lessee or purchaser thereof shall not use or deal in the goods, wares, merchandise, machinery, supplies, or other commodities of a competitor or competitors of the lessor or seller, where the effect of such lease, sale, or contract for sale or such condition, agreement, or understanding may be to substantially lessen competition or tend to create a monopoly in any line of commerce." (in layman's terms: requiring people who use your products to not use your competitors' products is illegal when it lessens competition)

The only way they could not be held accountable to Title 17 Chapter 1 laws is if they were considered a charity under § 37, which they obviously aren't.



And so, my brothers, my subjects, citizens of the Holy PC Gaming Empire and of the Great Gaming Republic itself, I call to you.

This is our darkest hour.

We have faced threats before. We, as an Empire, as a Republic, have battled before. Warred before. Lost before. Won before.
We survived two crashes only to rebuild. We're good rebuilding. We've done it before. We could do it again.
This Republic has gone almost uninterrupted since 1983. There's meaning there. There's power there.

This isn't about PC. This isn't about consoles.

We've fought before, but not like this.
The media tried to kill us in the 70s. We fought back. We won.
The market tried to kill us in the 80s. We fought back. We won.
The media tried again in the 90s. We fought back. We won.
The economy tried to kill us in the 00s. We fought back. We won.

But we have never had to face an enemy like this.
We have fought before, we have never fought ourselves.

Our enemies do not surround us.
Our enemies pervade us.

They are the developer standing at the streetcorner, begging for pledges.
They are the publishers standing on the soapboxes, raining their wills upon their mangled and unwilling vassals.
They are the systems themselves, torn apart by corruption and greed.

They are us.
And if we don't act, we will become them.

This is not a battle.
This is not a fight.
This is not a war.
This is a choice. A choice that every gamer will have to make - do you, as a member of this great Republic, believe in yourself? Believe in your hobby? Believe in your very life!?

For the past thirty years I have watched the industry through its wanes and its waxes, but I have never seen it as dire as it stands today.

In the great history of Gaming, few have really stood for something. To really believe in the sanctity of the Great Republic of Gaming, to really believe in the power to believe, is not an easy thing to do. I look to our founding fathers: John Carmack, Gabe Newell, Tim Sweeney, et al. These men had character. These men saw an industry, a Republic, and knew that they could do their part to help make it that much better. Some of them would crack under pressure - some would not, but each tried their hand, and each had the power to believe.

You may say, "But Beno, gaming is about having fun. Can't we just all get along?" To which I say, to hell with you! Does the sleeping man have fun? Is the sleeping man free? For that's what apathy is - to willfully put your mind to rest, and resolve yourself to physical activity with no mental backing. Ignorance isn't bliss - ignorance is slavery, and freedom is its own reward.
For that's what this is about. Our very freedom is under attack - our freedom to choose our way of gaming, our freedom to choose our hardware, our freedom to game. This is not about peace, this is not about fun -for they are already at war with us, and if we choose not to fight then we are choosing to die.
And is that what you would want? Trade your very life for the chance to be happy for a little while? To that, I say "You can't spell apathetic without pathetic".

I cannot offer you that. I cannot offer you fun. I cannot offer you peace. I can offer you just one thing: The power to believe.
For this is a war that they are waging not just on our holy Republic, but on our very minds! They fill our forums with their bought-and-sold drivel, they fill our airwaves with their feces, they fill our thoughts with their repetitions. It is no surprise that the lowest of games sells the highest, when budgets are taken into account. On all spectrums of Gaming they writhe in their own filth, their own defecation, seeking endlessly to spread that defecations to the rest of gaming.

And I can't take it anymore!

Our very existence is at stake here - if we are not constantly vigilant, if we do not fight them at every level, they will win. We cannot, cannot, cannot allow that to happen. The results of loss here are unthinkable.

I see two worlds.

The first - chains. Chains placed on the wrists of the many. Chains placed on the necks of the poor. But I refer not to money - I refer to belief.
This world contains no fun. This world is built upon the backs of greed, of monopolies, of shitware, of terror. Terror of the gaming kind. They don't see it as fun - they who place the chains are in it only for the gains. And they're already starting. This world is run by the evil, for the evil.

The second - rain. Cool, beautiful rain. It falls past the eyes of the many as they great the developers and publishers as equal. The game designers have the money in this world, but all are rich - a true gaming platinum age.
This world contains only fun. The sorrows and evils of gaming's past are gone, and anew gaming is! This gaming, this New Republic, is built upon the backs of equality, democracy, and freedom. Freedom of the gaming kind. For when all are equal as gamers, as developers, as publishers, as distributors - then, then we can truly be free.


But I don't see that second world forming now.
I see only the first.
I see the shekels of today becoming the shackles of tomorrow.
The greed of today becoming the chains of tomorrow.
The monopolies of today becoming the tyrants of tomorrow.

But that's not all I see.

I see potential.

If left unchecked, unczeched, only the second world will form. And we will all, even those who wanted no part, suffer because of it.

But the first world can be formed. We will have to make it ourselves, of course, but it isn't impossible.
In fact, I wouldn't even say it's improbable.
We just have to do it.

We just have to believe.


The power to believe.
It may be the only power we will ever have...


..but it's the only power we will ever need.

[Kaboomlandia]

I still wonder, when it comes to pizza and pizza recipes in pizzerias, whether there's any supposed correlation between recipe named after some place, and contents of the recipe, or whether that's usually determined with darts board or roll of the die.

And we'll call this pizza *spins wheel* Uncle William's *rolls dice* Hawaiian *throws dart at dartboard* big three meat treat.

I'm more impressed that the discussion is still going. In TET.

[Prizea]

You're mad because there is not enough anti-semantic propaganda here?

My constant pedantic search for semantic distinctions means that I too decry anti-semanticism.

[The united states of Saints]

I don't have the verse on hand, but the Bible says that the Second Coming Messiah will not acknowledge his divine inspiration, so that he will not be seen as a cult leader.

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, fuck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

[Larrylykinsland]

You're mad because there is not enough anti-semantic propaganda here?

To be fair to him, I'm equally cheesed off at this site's tolerance towards semantics. Bloody words and phrases coming into OUR WEBSITE and stealing our sentences ... it's a damn disgrace toward the brave lads who wrote our dictionary!

Of course, you do surely mean Semitic...

OOC:This lapse in intelligence has gotten me rekt several times. One instance is already on this page.

[Larrylykinsland]

Just so you know, if you hold my kids love of pistachio ice cream against him, we are going to have problems.

You durn busybodies! It was bad enough you forced us to accept neapolitan ice cream. Now pistachio?!

I swear, if anybody starts taking about eating caramel swirl I'mma git my white bedsheets together again... and clean the shit out of 'em.

Seriously you know how bad those stain?

[Nightkill the Emperor]

I thought it was spectacularly written, even if you disagree with what it's about.

Here's my perspective. It is the perspective of a single Protestant. It is not normative. I speak for no church, and still less for God. But for what it's worth, I will offer it.

In the Epistle to the Ephesians, the Apostle Paul writes that God "hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will."

In the same epistle, Paul writes that "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them."

So faith, then, is not something that we do. It is not an action, or an achievement. We cannot possess it. Rather, it is something that we are given - something that was planned for us from the foundation of the world.

So my first conclusion would be this: if you have lost your faith, then it is not your own fault. It is not through some lack of trying on your part. It is not a failure. If we believe, then it is by God's will. If we do not, then it is also by God's will.

As the psalmist says, "The Lord is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works." God does not make mistakes. If you do not believe, then you were meant not to believe, and it is good and holy that you do not.

There is one other important point, related to this but distinct from it. The God in whom you no longer believe has not ceased to love you. You are, of course, a sinner - but so am I. None of us is perfect. But you are not damned. You are not condemned. You are cherished.

I know this because when Christ died on the cross, he did not offer up his life for those who loved him. He died for those who didn't. "While we were yet sinners," Paul says, "Christ died for us." Love, says John, lies not in the fact "that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." God loved us before we loved Him. He goes on loving us even when we hate Him.

And Jesus himself said that God "maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

God's love is perfect. It is not tribal. It is not limited. It is not conditional. It does not begin when you receive the gift of faith. It does not end when your faith departs from you again. It is older than the foundations of the Earth, higher than the vault of the heavens, more unchanging than the bones of the mountains. It is in the ground you walk on, the air you breathe, the smile of everyone who has ever loved you, the warmth of the sun with each new morning. God loved you before you were born, and God will go on loving you long after you are dead - no matter how many times you lose your faith, or how many times you find it again.

So ask your questions. Struggle with your doubts. Like Jacob, wrestle with the angel all through the night. Maybe faith will find you again. Maybe it won't. Either way, whatever happens within your soul is sacred. But never, ever forget: all through that long dark night of doubt, no matter what dawn breaks at the end of it, God's love abides. You may not see it. You may not hear it. You may not believe it. But you will never have to face this world alone.

That's my two cents. Do with it as you will, no more and no less. I wish you nothing but joy.

[The Greater Aryan Race]

Ralk, you do know that you just gassed someone in full view of one of my convoys and helicopters right? I don't think they'll take too kindly to that.

You do realize that I'm the "Ralkovian" Empire.

[Lysset]

You know what chicks dig? A blog. You should get one.

Not particularly awesome, but it did elicit a few giggles.

(In response to a rather bloggy thread with an OP with "Nice Guy" syndrome)

[Wallenburg]

You also believe in unicorns and dragons and star wars and everything else that hasn't been utterly and completely disproven?

Unicorns? A horn mutation in an equus species could have happened in the past. Dragons? Lucifer. Star Wars? I am quite fond of it, and The Force is a binding, metaphysical, and ubiquitous power. Sounds like universal perturbations to me.

Quite hilarious in context.