NationStates' Transgender Thread II

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

See, I respect people who join the military and police force out of a desire to do good.

I despise the institutions themselves, though.

Also, lots of really horrible people in both.

Anyway. Not the purpose of the thread, I suppose.

I think you hit the nail on the head though.

I mean it doesn't really mean anything, cause I can't be a Navy pilot anyway. Gonna shoot to be a lawyer instead but, law school = money I don't have so.... whatever.

[Vassenor]

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

:hug:

Who are you hugging? Me? Yourself? Ahhh whatever.

[Nature-Spirits]

I didn't think it'd be right to awkwardly enter the topic with a long post I pre-typed, and especially during a conversation I may be interrupting (not on forums too much), so I spoilered it. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed lately due to the family politics orbiting my gender, and frankly just need people to talk to - as politely as I can word that. So here goes:

I’m a stranger to the world of NSG, and fell out of NS entirely a year or so ago due to a sudden rise in both academic responsibility (AP tests >.<) and the gender question in my life. So while I may recognize some names here, I highly doubt my name rings a bell to anyone here. But I digress,

I’m 18, pre-everything trans MtF, and like to be called Sara. I more or less discovered all of that around 2009, during the first few months of middle school in a new state after my parents divorced more than ten years ago, and following a new custody order due to my mom’s (former custodian) behavior with her new spouse (now separated). Over the years I’ve told my friends, who knew me initially only as my male self, about my gender and have been relying on them for support more than ever lately.

I think during my junior year of high school, I asked my high school drama teacher if I could start dressing up during rehearsals, and received a welcoming yes. Time progressed, and during school breaks I would visit my mom for more clothes and accessories to work with, and now I dress up as my preferred gender all the time at school now. I am nowhere close to passing; I have no makeup, wear leggings constantly to hide my leg hair, and am seriously lacking in the back. I rely on a senior privilege allowing dismissal from my last class of a day three minutes early to quickly change back into my tee shirt and jeans I arrived in and store my outfits either in a convenient locker given to me by my drama teacher or in my bag to sleep in.

A year has passed, and I realized in horror that I recently spent my last school break of high school, and am about to graduate. In that, I will lose that major outlet of expression (other than sleeping in my clothes and wearing my hair in pigtails during my Boy Scout (supportive troopmates) campouts).

It would be easy to start over in college if it wasn’t for the politics back at home. My father doesn’t approve. Recently, I did talk to him about going to a college further away, or moving out for the local community college (a hasty and rash idea, me) in order to leave the house I live in where I can’t express myself. He told me he didn’t understand, and he accepted my apology for being rash when I gave it – but then turned around and angrily vented to my brother, my source of advice and reason recently, and further fueled the fear I have of my father and my well-being over the next two years before I can escape to a higher university where I’ll need to board.

For context, my father is the man who came into my room a year and a half ago while I was at school, “decided to put my pants away for me, as a favor”, and seized a poorly hidden stash of a beautiful silver dress, my stuffed bra, and a black cardigan - preventing me from dressing up for that drama season. In case I forgot to mention, he does not know I dress up at school.

I understand it’s not supposed to be easy. But on top of not being able to look at a follicle of hair without dysphoric thoughts having to deal with the paranoia and anxiety of preventing another room raid occupies my thoughts constantly. All I currently do is cope; I talk with supportive friends, dress up whenever logistically possible to calm myself down (even wearing some lighter clothes under my boy clothes), read Rain (a wonderful recommended read from a region embassied with mine), and wait.

So that’d be my life story there. First time I typed it without crying, really – hands are shaking though. I read back a few pages and figured you guys would be good people to talk to about life, the issues, and whatever may be on our minds today.~

Hey! I'm sorry you're experiencing this, although I'm glad that you have outlets for self-expression. I hope things get easier for you.

Also, Rain is wonderful. If I'm correct, this thread is connected to the region you're referring to.

[The Serbian Empire]

I didn't think it'd be right to awkwardly enter the topic with a long post I pre-typed, and especially during a conversation I may be interrupting (not on forums too much), so I spoilered it. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed lately due to the family politics orbiting my gender, and frankly just need people to talk to - as politely as I can word that. So here goes:

I’m a stranger to the world of NSG, and fell out of NS entirely a year or so ago due to a sudden rise in both academic responsibility (AP tests >.<) and the gender question in my life. So while I may recognize some names here, I highly doubt my name rings a bell to anyone here. But I digress,

I’m 18, pre-everything trans MtF, and like to be called Sara. I more or less discovered all of that around 2009, during the first few months of middle school in a new state after my parents divorced more than ten years ago, and following a new custody order due to my mom’s (former custodian) behavior with her new spouse (now separated). Over the years I’ve told my friends, who knew me initially only as my male self, about my gender and have been relying on them for support more than ever lately.

I think during my junior year of high school, I asked my high school drama teacher if I could start dressing up during rehearsals, and received a welcoming yes. Time progressed, and during school breaks I would visit my mom for more clothes and accessories to work with, and now I dress up as my preferred gender all the time at school now. I am nowhere close to passing; I have no makeup, wear leggings constantly to hide my leg hair, and am seriously lacking in the back. I rely on a senior privilege allowing dismissal from my last class of a day three minutes early to quickly change back into my tee shirt and jeans I arrived in and store my outfits either in a convenient locker given to me by my drama teacher or in my bag to sleep in.

A year has passed, and I realized in horror that I recently spent my last school break of high school, and am about to graduate. In that, I will lose that major outlet of expression (other than sleeping in my clothes and wearing my hair in pigtails during my Boy Scout (supportive troopmates) campouts).

It would be easy to start over in college if it wasn’t for the politics back at home. My father doesn’t approve. Recently, I did talk to him about going to a college further away, or moving out for the local community college (a hasty and rash idea, me) in order to leave the house I live in where I can’t express myself. He told me he didn’t understand, and he accepted my apology for being rash when I gave it – but then turned around and angrily vented to my brother, my source of advice and reason recently, and further fueled the fear I have of my father and my well-being over the next two years before I can escape to a higher university where I’ll need to board.

For context, my father is the man who came into my room a year and a half ago while I was at school, “decided to put my pants away for me, as a favor”, and seized a poorly hidden stash of a beautiful silver dress, my stuffed bra, and a black cardigan - preventing me from dressing up for that drama season. In case I forgot to mention, he does not know I dress up at school.

I understand it’s not supposed to be easy. But on top of not being able to look at a follicle of hair without dysphoric thoughts having to deal with the paranoia and anxiety of preventing another room raid occupies my thoughts constantly. All I currently do is cope; I talk with supportive friends, dress up whenever logistically possible to calm myself down (even wearing some lighter clothes under my boy clothes), read Rain (a wonderful recommended read from a region embassied with mine), and wait.

So that’d be my life story there. First time I typed it without crying, really – hands are shaking though. I read back a few pages and figured you guys would be good people to talk to about life, the issues, and whatever may be on our minds today.~

I am glad to see you here again.

[Aphryss]

I didn't think it'd be right to awkwardly enter the topic with a long post I pre-typed, and especially during a conversation I may be interrupting (not on forums too much), so I spoilered it. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed lately due to the family politics orbiting my gender, and frankly just need people to talk to - as politely as I can word that. So here goes:

I’m a stranger to the world of NSG, and fell out of NS entirely a year or so ago due to a sudden rise in both academic responsibility (AP tests >.<) and the gender question in my life. So while I may recognize some names here, I highly doubt my name rings a bell to anyone here. But I digress,

I’m 18, pre-everything trans MtF, and like to be called Sara. I more or less discovered all of that around 2009, during the first few months of middle school in a new state after my parents divorced more than ten years ago, and following a new custody order due to my mom’s (former custodian) behavior with her new spouse (now separated). Over the years I’ve told my friends, who knew me initially only as my male self, about my gender and have been relying on them for support more than ever lately.

I think during my junior year of high school, I asked my high school drama teacher if I could start dressing up during rehearsals, and received a welcoming yes. Time progressed, and during school breaks I would visit my mom for more clothes and accessories to work with, and now I dress up as my preferred gender all the time at school now. I am nowhere close to passing; I have no makeup, wear leggings constantly to hide my leg hair, and am seriously lacking in the back. I rely on a senior privilege allowing dismissal from my last class of a day three minutes early to quickly change back into my tee shirt and jeans I arrived in and store my outfits either in a convenient locker given to me by my drama teacher or in my bag to sleep in.

A year has passed, and I realized in horror that I recently spent my last school break of high school, and am about to graduate. In that, I will lose that major outlet of expression (other than sleeping in my clothes and wearing my hair in pigtails during my Boy Scout (supportive troopmates) campouts).

It would be easy to start over in college if it wasn’t for the politics back at home. My father doesn’t approve. Recently, I did talk to him about going to a college further away, or moving out for the local community college (a hasty and rash idea, me) in order to leave the house I live in where I can’t express myself. He told me he didn’t understand, and he accepted my apology for being rash when I gave it – but then turned around and angrily vented to my brother, my source of advice and reason recently, and further fueled the fear I have of my father and my well-being over the next two years before I can escape to a higher university where I’ll need to board.

For context, my father is the man who came into my room a year and a half ago while I was at school, “decided to put my pants away for me, as a favor”, and seized a poorly hidden stash of a beautiful silver dress, my stuffed bra, and a black cardigan - preventing me from dressing up for that drama season. In case I forgot to mention, he does not know I dress up at school.

I understand it’s not supposed to be easy. But on top of not being able to look at a follicle of hair without dysphoric thoughts having to deal with the paranoia and anxiety of preventing another room raid occupies my thoughts constantly. All I currently do is cope; I talk with supportive friends, dress up whenever logistically possible to calm myself down (even wearing some lighter clothes under my boy clothes), read Rain (a wonderful recommended read from a region embassied with mine), and wait.

So that’d be my life story there. First time I typed it without crying, really – hands are shaking though. I read back a few pages and figured you guys would be good people to talk to about life, the issues, and whatever may be on our minds today.~

Hi Sara, pleased to meet you! Welcome to the thread.

I'm personally not the best person for advice regarding family transphobia (since my family has been ridiculously supportive) but I know some other frequent posters here are in similar situations. All I can offer is that this, too, shall pass. Which is not a particularly helpful bit of advice right now, I know. I felt it was important to welcome you though.

From what you've posted, it sounds like your father knows you're trans already, however skewed his understanding of that might be, but doesn't accept it. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't come out to him; but what do you think his reaction would be if you did?

[Albrook]

Hey! I'm sorry you're experiencing this, although I'm glad that you have outlets for self-expression. I hope things get easier for you.

Also, Rain is wonderful. If I'm correct, this thread is connected to the region you're referring to.

I appreciate your kind words.~ As I've been telling myself, its two more years until I can finally get somewhere unless something magically changes my dad's mind on everything (unlikely).

And the region was LCRUA, I believe. I was patrolling my RMB when I stumbled on a link to their newsletter - a nice little thing, lots of information!

I am glad to see you here again.

And I'm glad to see you again as well!

Hi Sara, pleased to meet you! Welcome to the thread.

I'm personally not the best person for advice regarding family transphobia (since my family has been ridiculously supportive) but I know some other frequent posters here are in similar situations. All I can offer is that this, too, shall pass. Which is not a particularly helpful bit of advice right now, I know. I felt it was important to welcome you though.

From what you've posted, it sounds like your father knows you're trans already, however skewed his understanding of that might be, but doesn't accept it. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't come out to him; but what do you think his reaction would be if you did?

I thought a lot about that question, and actually sit down for hours thinking of what exactly I would say to Dad if I either wanted to confront him myself or if I had to impromptu defend myself in an argument. As the history nerd I am, I sat down and actually thought a little bit about the past.

First, biography. My father claims it's all hormones and a phase. I know that while my dad recently turned 50 this year, my brother turned 30. Also, he told me that in his now-disconnected family (legal issues over death of my great-grandmother), their parents gave life/birth to their first - my aunt Karen - while they were 16. The biography of my Dad's family, and in himself, is probably why he is not supportive of my decision at this age.

Then, the history. I talked to my regional founder, good old Vandoosa, one day and he told me that "back in his day" (he was born around the time my Dad was in his teens) that homosexual people were only just coming out, and with that came all the hate and propaganda against them - the awareness of transgenderism was negligible at this time. The culture my father grew up in likely encouraged sanctioning the then "sexual deviants" of the time, and I've yet to research the documents necessary to prove that - I'm sure they're out there somewhere.

And then there's now, and how I hold my tongue when my dad talked about recent, but not current (he's likely holding his tongue around me this year; it's obvious we're both avoiding each other now), events, and raved about the stupidity of these "lgbt, e-i-e-i-o" people. Not to mention the anger he showcased towards my brother after every time we talked recently, while I skirted the exact terms.

So with all that, I believe that if I were to talk to my dad, he would not understand. However, I believe that he tries to be "better than his father", as he told me, and won't kick me out, but will probably sanction me in other ways - such as possibly trying to "cure" my condition, to my probable resistance. I'm already aware that what I've already brought up is cleaving the family apart (my nuclear family sans dad vs. dad), so that will only continue, and only more anger from my dad will be directed at others.

But my dad is the best actor I know - he'll say one thing to me and actually be thinking something else, so honestly I don't know for sure what his reaction will be to me. I do know, however, that if I am dependent on him at the time I tell him, it will be a big, angry mess.

[The Serbian Empire]

I didn't think it'd be right to awkwardly enter the topic with a long post I pre-typed, and especially during a conversation I may be interrupting (not on forums too much), so I spoilered it. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed lately due to the family politics orbiting my gender, and frankly just need people to talk to - as politely as I can word that. So here goes:

I’m a stranger to the world of NSG, and fell out of NS entirely a year or so ago due to a sudden rise in both academic responsibility (AP tests >.<) and the gender question in my life. So while I may recognize some names here, I highly doubt my name rings a bell to anyone here. But I digress,

I’m 18, pre-everything trans MtF, and like to be called Sara. I more or less discovered all of that around 2009, during the first few months of middle school in a new state after my parents divorced more than ten years ago, and following a new custody order due to my mom’s (former custodian) behavior with her new spouse (now separated). Over the years I’ve told my friends, who knew me initially only as my male self, about my gender and have been relying on them for support more than ever lately.

I think during my junior year of high school, I asked my high school drama teacher if I could start dressing up during rehearsals, and received a welcoming yes. Time progressed, and during school breaks I would visit my mom for more clothes and accessories to work with, and now I dress up as my preferred gender all the time at school now. I am nowhere close to passing; I have no makeup, wear leggings constantly to hide my leg hair, and am seriously lacking in the back. I rely on a senior privilege allowing dismissal from my last class of a day three minutes early to quickly change back into my tee shirt and jeans I arrived in and store my outfits either in a convenient locker given to me by my drama teacher or in my bag to sleep in.

A year has passed, and I realized in horror that I recently spent my last school break of high school, and am about to graduate. In that, I will lose that major outlet of expression (other than sleeping in my clothes and wearing my hair in pigtails during my Boy Scout (supportive troopmates) campouts).

It would be easy to start over in college if it wasn’t for the politics back at home. My father doesn’t approve. Recently, I did talk to him about going to a college further away, or moving out for the local community college (a hasty and rash idea, me) in order to leave the house I live in where I can’t express myself. He told me he didn’t understand, and he accepted my apology for being rash when I gave it – but then turned around and angrily vented to my brother, my source of advice and reason recently, and further fueled the fear I have of my father and my well-being over the next two years before I can escape to a higher university where I’ll need to board.

For context, my father is the man who came into my room a year and a half ago while I was at school, “decided to put my pants away for me, as a favor”, and seized a poorly hidden stash of a beautiful silver dress, my stuffed bra, and a black cardigan - preventing me from dressing up for that drama season. In case I forgot to mention, he does not know I dress up at school.

I understand it’s not supposed to be easy. But on top of not being able to look at a follicle of hair without dysphoric thoughts having to deal with the paranoia and anxiety of preventing another room raid occupies my thoughts constantly. All I currently do is cope; I talk with supportive friends, dress up whenever logistically possible to calm myself down (even wearing some lighter clothes under my boy clothes), read Rain (a wonderful recommended read from a region embassied with mine), and wait.

So that’d be my life story there. First time I typed it without crying, really – hands are shaking though. I read back a few pages and figured you guys would be good people to talk to about life, the issues, and whatever may be on our minds today.~

Hi Sara, pleased to meet you! Welcome to the thread.

I'm personally not the best person for advice regarding family transphobia (since my family has been ridiculously supportive) but I know some other frequent posters here are in similar situations. All I can offer is that this, too, shall pass. Which is not a particularly helpful bit of advice right now, I know. I felt it was important to welcome you though.

From what you've posted, it sounds like your father knows you're trans already, however skewed his understanding of that might be, but doesn't accept it. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't come out to him; but what do you think his reaction would be if you did?

And I'm not very good in this family transphobia either. I've got a support system that is pretty strong save for the issues of expected gender roles. Mom doesn't seem to understand that I'm still having to produce a sham until I get gendered properly.

[Nature-Spirits]

Hey! I'm sorry you're experiencing this, although I'm glad that you have outlets for self-expression. I hope things get easier for you.

Also, Rain is wonderful. If I'm correct, this thread is connected to the region you're referring to.

I appreciate your kind words.~ As I've been telling myself, its two more years until I can finally get somewhere unless something magically changes my dad's mind on everything (unlikely).

And the region was LCRUA, I believe. I was patrolling my RMB when I stumbled on a link to their newsletter - a nice little thing, lots of information!

Hopefully you're able to figure something out! I know how it feels to be waiting to transition. My mom's not anywhere near as bad as your dad sounds, but I've had my fair share of arguments with her about trans stuff, and I still don't feel able to present as I wish in her presence.

Ah. The region I was referring to is The Transgender Region.

[Noraika]

I didn't think it'd be right to awkwardly enter the topic with a long post I pre-typed, and especially during a conversation I may be interrupting (not on forums too much), so I spoilered it. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed lately due to the family politics orbiting my gender, and frankly just need people to talk to - as politely as I can word that. So here goes:

I’m a stranger to the world of NSG, and fell out of NS entirely a year or so ago due to a sudden rise in both academic responsibility (AP tests >.<) and the gender question in my life. So while I may recognize some names here, I highly doubt my name rings a bell to anyone here. But I digress,

I’m 18, pre-everything trans MtF, and like to be called Sara. I more or less discovered all of that around 2009, during the first few months of middle school in a new state after my parents divorced more than ten years ago, and following a new custody order due to my mom’s (former custodian) behavior with her new spouse (now separated). Over the years I’ve told my friends, who knew me initially only as my male self, about my gender and have been relying on them for support more than ever lately.

I think during my junior year of high school, I asked my high school drama teacher if I could start dressing up during rehearsals, and received a welcoming yes. Time progressed, and during school breaks I would visit my mom for more clothes and accessories to work with, and now I dress up as my preferred gender all the time at school now. I am nowhere close to passing; I have no makeup, wear leggings constantly to hide my leg hair, and am seriously lacking in the back. I rely on a senior privilege allowing dismissal from my last class of a day three minutes early to quickly change back into my tee shirt and jeans I arrived in and store my outfits either in a convenient locker given to me by my drama teacher or in my bag to sleep in.

A year has passed, and I realized in horror that I recently spent my last school break of high school, and am about to graduate. In that, I will lose that major outlet of expression (other than sleeping in my clothes and wearing my hair in pigtails during my Boy Scout (supportive troopmates) campouts).

It would be easy to start over in college if it wasn’t for the politics back at home. My father doesn’t approve. Recently, I did talk to him about going to a college further away, or moving out for the local community college (a hasty and rash idea, me) in order to leave the house I live in where I can’t express myself. He told me he didn’t understand, and he accepted my apology for being rash when I gave it – but then turned around and angrily vented to my brother, my source of advice and reason recently, and further fueled the fear I have of my father and my well-being over the next two years before I can escape to a higher university where I’ll need to board.

For context, my father is the man who came into my room a year and a half ago while I was at school, “decided to put my pants away for me, as a favor”, and seized a poorly hidden stash of a beautiful silver dress, my stuffed bra, and a black cardigan - preventing me from dressing up for that drama season. In case I forgot to mention, he does not know I dress up at school.

I understand it’s not supposed to be easy. But on top of not being able to look at a follicle of hair without dysphoric thoughts having to deal with the paranoia and anxiety of preventing another room raid occupies my thoughts constantly. All I currently do is cope; I talk with supportive friends, dress up whenever logistically possible to calm myself down (even wearing some lighter clothes under my boy clothes), read Rain (a wonderful recommended read from a region embassied with mine), and wait.

So that’d be my life story there. First time I typed it without crying, really – hands are shaking though. I read back a few pages and figured you guys would be good people to talk to about life, the issues, and whatever may be on our minds today.~

Hey there Sara, and welcome to our little peice of the internet. First of all

I'm so sorry to hear about all that is going on in your life right now, and I wish I could be more of a help, but all I can tell you is that sympathize with you, because my parents were also very much transphobic. The only thing I can say is to use your friends as your rock when you need them, and you can also work to prepare yourself for transitioning, if that's what you want to do, with the time you have, so you can take off sprinting when the opportunity presents itself. Also take a look around for outlets in the local area. Maybe spend a bit more time than was usual before with your supportive friends, so that you can express yourself more?

I've only read a bit of 'Rain', so maybe I'll return to it.

[Aphryss]

Hey! I'm sorry you're experiencing this, although I'm glad that you have outlets for self-expression. I hope things get easier for you.

Also, Rain is wonderful. If I'm correct, this thread is connected to the region you're referring to.

I appreciate your kind words.~ As I've been telling myself, its two more years until I can finally get somewhere unless something magically changes my dad's mind on everything (unlikely).

And the region was LCRUA, I believe. I was patrolling my RMB when I stumbled on a link to their newsletter - a nice little thing, lots of information!

I am glad to see you here again.

And I'm glad to see you again as well!

Hi Sara, pleased to meet you! Welcome to the thread.

I'm personally not the best person for advice regarding family transphobia (since my family has been ridiculously supportive) but I know some other frequent posters here are in similar situations. All I can offer is that this, too, shall pass. Which is not a particularly helpful bit of advice right now, I know. I felt it was important to welcome you though.

From what you've posted, it sounds like your father knows you're trans already, however skewed his understanding of that might be, but doesn't accept it. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't come out to him; but what do you think his reaction would be if you did?

I thought a lot about that question, and actually sit down for hours thinking of what exactly I would say to Dad if I either wanted to confront him myself or if I had to impromptu defend myself in an argument. As the history nerd I am, I sat down and actually thought a little bit about the past.

First, biography. My father claims it's all hormones and a phase. I know that while my dad recently turned 50 this year, my brother turned 30. Also, he told me that in his now-disconnected family (legal issues over death of my great-grandmother), their parents gave life/birth to their first - my aunt Karen - while they were 16. The biography of my Dad's family, and in himself, is probably why he is not supportive of my decision at this age.

Then, the history. I talked to my regional founder, good old Vandoosa, one day and he told me that "back in his day" (he was born around the time my Dad was in his teens) that homosexual people were only just coming out, and with that came all the hate and propaganda against them - the awareness of transgenderism was negligible at this time. The culture my father grew up in likely encouraged sanctioning the then "sexual deviants" of the time, and I've yet to research the documents necessary to prove that - I'm sure they're out there somewhere.

And then there's now, and how I hold my tongue when my dad talked about recent, but not current (he's likely holding his tongue around me this year; it's obvious we're both avoiding each other now), events, and raved about the stupidity of these "lgbt, e-i-e-i-o" people. Not to mention the anger he showcased towards my brother after every time we talked recently, while I skirted the exact terms.

So with all that, I believe that if I were to talk to my dad, he would not understand. However, I believe that he tries to be "better than his father", as he told me, and won't kick me out, but will probably sanction me in other ways - such as possibly trying to "cure" my condition, to my probable resistance. I'm already aware that what I've already brought up is cleaving the family apart (my nuclear family sans dad vs. dad), so that will only continue, and only more anger from my dad will be directed at others.

But my dad is the best actor I know - he'll say one thing to me and actually be thinking something else, so honestly I don't know for sure what his reaction will be to me. I do know, however, that if I am dependent on him at the time I tell him, it will be a big, angry mess.

Ack! I can certainly understand the desire for financial/social independence, it makes a lot of things a lot easier in a lot of ways. It may be you delay coming out to your dad until you are independent - while it's not an ideal solution, it's an option on the table. I suspect, though, that at some point your own desire to change will outweigh your fear of your dad's anger, and it's good to have a strategy you can deploy if/when that happens.

Now this may be something you already know, but I think it's important to point out that you are not responsible for how your dad reacts; his behaviour is on him. If he gets angry, it's not because you "made him" angry - it's because he decided to react with anger. I know what it's like living with angry people, creeping about trying not to set them off; but I think that that approach is ultimately futile and self-destructive.

[Nature-Spirits]

Now this may be something you already know, but I think it's important to point out that you are not responsible for how your dad reacts; his behaviour is on him. If he gets angry, it's not because you "made him" angry - it's because he decided to react with anger. I know what it's like living with angry people, creeping about trying not to set them off; but I think that that approach is ultimately futile and self-destructive.

To add to this: When you come out to people, the way you come out has very little to do with how they react. If someone's going to react negatively, they're going to do so whether you scream it out in anger or whisper it fearfully or write them a letter. I know what it's like to blame yourself for other people's actions, and it's entirely unhealthy. I'm a much happier person when I don't hold myself responsible for how others conduct themselves. (That's not to say that your actions can't have an impact on others -- they can, and do -- but rather that, for instance, a person prone to angry outbursts will be so whether you're present or not.)

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

So does anyone else have advice to offer as to my college councilor? I feel like I'd have a better plan if she knew, but at the same time I'm a little scared of telling.

[Albrook]

Lots of posts over dinner! Allow me to reply as efficiently as possible,

@The Serbian Empire and Nature-Spirits

Aw, I'd give you guys my mom if I could. She's been a great help to me. Not only does she help me buy my clothes and everything, but her and her friends try to "teach me the ways" as well. Luckily, I learned how to sit in a skirt before coming out to my school - that would have been pretty gross if I didn't.~

I'm not very assertive with my support system and friends and such. I figure that in the game of respect, if I show respect for my friends and teachers that they'll show the same for me. I don't bother them with "no sir, ma'am!" or "no, Sara!", as some have known me since middle school as a male, and don't want to exact any discomfort that could lead to more problems so close to the end of my senior year. I do appreciate those that do properly gender me, and tend to be in a better mood around them.

@Norakia

And a for you~

I think I have at least one or two conversations daily with my friends since my Spring Break. I talked with my school's guidance councilor (who often asks my drama teacher and sometimes me how I'm doing - bonus!) about everything, and got a pretty nifty list of service providers in my entire state. I prepare for transition how I can - I try to learn and adopt more information about gender role, what to wear, how to walk - good stuff like that.

And that's when I start wishing I wasn't so much of a recluse that stays in my room all the time (and have my dad finally teach me to drive :v) so I could actually go out more without looking sketchy. I would like more friends to dress up around in different settings though..

@Aphryss

It already did, and that's why I'm playing damage control in my family now after my Dad blew up after we last talked.

I wish I could just accept that Dad's anger is his own thing, but I've just grown relating "Oh man, Dad is angry about something. Yup, it's something I did". In fact, most of my past memories for the past few years are only tense arguments with my Dad. We never actually talked, and that's what's really been killing me lately. Do I talk to him, and risk more anger and another storm for my family tree to endure with the hope for at least a better level of personally understanding each other, or just wait and never know the guy, but have some sense of security in just a state of "not understanding"? It tasks me.

[Noraika]

So does anyone else have advice to offer as to my college councilor? I feel like I'd have a better plan if she knew, but at the same time I'm a little scared of telling.

Is there an assurance of confidentiality required by the school, in regards to your discussions?

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

Lots of posts over dinner! Allow me to reply as efficiently as possible,

@The Serbian Empire and Nature-Spirits

Aw, I'd give you guys my mom if I could. She's been a great help to me. Not only does she help me buy my clothes and everything, but her and her friends try to "teach me the ways" as well. Luckily, I learned how to sit in a skirt before coming out to my school - that would have been pretty gross if I didn't.~

I'm not very assertive with my support system and friends and such. I figure that in the game of respect, if I show respect for my friends and teachers that they'll show the same for me. I don't bother them with "no sir, ma'am!" or "no, Sara!", as some have known me since middle school as a male, and don't want to exact any discomfort that could lead to more problems so close to the end of my senior year. I do appreciate those that do properly gender me, and tend to be in a better mood around them.

@Norakia

And a for you~

I think I have at least one or two conversations daily with my friends since my Spring Break. I talked with my school's guidance councilor (who often asks my drama teacher and sometimes me how I'm doing - bonus!) about everything, and got a pretty nifty list of service providers in my entire state. I prepare for transition how I can - I try to learn and adopt more information about gender role, what to wear, how to walk - good stuff like that.

And that's when I start wishing I wasn't so much of a recluse that stays in my room all the time (and have my dad finally teach me to drive :v) so I could actually go out more without looking sketchy. I would like more friends to dress up around in different settings though..

@Aphryss

It already did, and that's why I'm playing damage control in my family now after my Dad blew up after we last talked.

I wish I could just accept that Dad's anger is his own thing, but I've just grown relating "Oh man, Dad is angry about something. Yup, it's something I did". In fact, most of my past memories for the past few years are only tense arguments with my Dad. We never actually talked, and that's what's really been killing me lately. Do I talk to him, and risk more anger and another storm for my family tree to endure with the hope for at least a better level of personally understanding each other, or just wait and never know the guy, but have some sense of security in just a state of "not understanding"? It tasks me.

Oh silly me. Welcome to the thread!

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

So does anyone else have advice to offer as to my college councilor? I feel like I'd have a better plan if she knew, but at the same time I'm a little scared of telling.

Is there an assurance of confidentiality required by the school, in regards to your discussions?

No. But it might help me in regards to knowing what to do when my parents rip the rug out from under me.

[Noraika]

Is there an assurance of confidentiality required by the school, in regards to your discussions?

No. But it might help me in regards to knowing what to do when my parents rip the rug out from under me.

Then it comes down to some other questions, such as do you trust them? Are they supportive of LGBT individuals? In the end, I can't tell you what to do, but you'll have to come to your own conclusion from what you know of them, and if you feel like its worth the risk.

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

No. But it might help me in regards to knowing what to do when my parents rip the rug out from under me.

Then it comes down to some other questions, such as do you trust them? Are they supportive of LGBT individuals? In the end, I can't tell you what to do, but you'll have to come to your own conclusion from what you know of them, and if you feel like its worth the risk.

I don't know if she are supportive, and I don't know her all that well but I'd say from what I see she is trustworthy. And I don't know what to do thats the problem >.>

[The Serbian Empire]

Lots of posts over dinner! Allow me to reply as efficiently as possible,

@The Serbian Empire and Nature-Spirits

Aw, I'd give you guys my mom if I could. She's been a great help to me. Not only does she help me buy my clothes and everything, but her and her friends try to "teach me the ways" as well. Luckily, I learned how to sit in a skirt before coming out to my school - that would have been pretty gross if I didn't.~

I'm not very assertive with my support system and friends and such. I figure that in the game of respect, if I show respect for my friends and teachers that they'll show the same for me. I don't bother them with "no sir, ma'am!" or "no, Sara!", as some have known me since middle school as a male, and don't want to exact any discomfort that could lead to more problems so close to the end of my senior year. I do appreciate those that do properly gender me, and tend to be in a better mood around them.

@Norakia

And a for you~

I think I have at least one or two conversations daily with my friends since my Spring Break. I talked with my school's guidance councilor (who often asks my drama teacher and sometimes me how I'm doing - bonus!) about everything, and got a pretty nifty list of service providers in my entire state. I prepare for transition how I can - I try to learn and adopt more information about gender role, what to wear, how to walk - good stuff like that.

And that's when I start wishing I wasn't so much of a recluse that stays in my room all the time (and have my dad finally teach me to drive :v) so I could actually go out more without looking sketchy. I would like more friends to dress up around in different settings though..

@Aphryss

It already did, and that's why I'm playing damage control in my family now after my Dad blew up after we last talked.

I wish I could just accept that Dad's anger is his own thing, but I've just grown relating "Oh man, Dad is angry about something. Yup, it's something I did". In fact, most of my past memories for the past few years are only tense arguments with my Dad. We never actually talked, and that's what's really been killing me lately. Do I talk to him, and risk more anger and another storm for my family tree to endure with the hope for at least a better level of personally understanding each other, or just wait and never know the guy, but have some sense of security in just a state of "not understanding"? It tasks me.

And I'm glad that your mom is awesome. Mine's pretty awesome herself, but she wants me to change a few things prematurely before I'm ready to go full time (this probably is a two to three years out thing).

[Albrook]

Is there an assurance of confidentiality required by the school, in regards to your discussions?

No. But it might help me in regards to knowing what to do when my parents rip the rug out from under me.

No. But it might help me in regards to knowing what to do when my parents rip the rug out from under me.

Then it comes down to some other questions, such as do you trust them? Are they supportive of LGBT individuals? In the end, I can't tell you what to do, but you'll have to come to your own conclusion from what you know of them, and if you feel like its worth the risk.

I read back a little bit to get the context of this, and think you might not be in the best of situations given the type of school. From my experience so far, I have received the most empathy from cis-females. I would imagine it would be harder to build a support system. Then again, early I only ever told my male friends, who did accept me. A close-knit group of friends to tell once you're in would be a good start, tell the councilor or no tell.

As I have gone into depth about my trials with my father, I'll ask a similar question I was asked: how do you know your parents will choose to totally drop you if they found out anything? I figured my dad would have done this for the longest time, until I actually said "I'm scared to death you'll probably kick me out.." and his response was "Now, why would I do that?" last time we talked. Some parents, despite how much we know about them and how scared we may be, may not act exactly as we assume they will.

I would start, if you are going to tell the councilor, by asking the questions Norakia suggested to your councilor, or perhaps alumni that have used that councilor (if such organization is available to your school). Even if the councilor does not respond as appropriately as you wish to the questions, you still have the backdoor lie of "Oh...it's just for a friend." due to the limited context around those questions, and the wide expanse of issues that those questions may entail.

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

No. But it might help me in regards to knowing what to do when my parents rip the rug out from under me.

Then it comes down to some other questions, such as do you trust them? Are they supportive of LGBT individuals? In the end, I can't tell you what to do, but you'll have to come to your own conclusion from what you know of them, and if you feel like its worth the risk.

I read back a little bit to get the context of this, and think you might not be in the best of situations given the type of school. From my experience so far, I have received the most empathy from cis-females. I would imagine it would be harder to build a support system. Then again, early I only ever told my male friends, who did accept me. A close-knit group of friends to tell once you're in would be a good start, tell the councilor or no tell.

As I have gone into depth about my trials with my father, I'll ask a similar question I was asked: how do you know your parents will choose to totally drop you if they found out anything? I figured my dad would have done this for the longest time, until I actually said "I'm scared to death you'll probably kick me out.." and his response was "Now, why would I do that?" last time we talked. Some parents, despite how much we know about them and how scared we may be, may not act exactly as we assume they will.

I would start, if you are going to tell the councilor, by asking the questions Norakia suggested to your councilor, or perhaps alumni that have used that councilor (if such organization is available to your school). Even if the councilor does not respond as appropriately as you wish to the questions, you still have the backdoor lie of "Oh...it's just for a friend." due to the limited context around those questions, and the wide expanse of issues that those questions may entail.

I got blackmailed by a male friend so I don't trust many men...

Also my parents have vowed to cut off college funding if I become 'too liberal,' or my mother at least. My dad just goes along with it. Also, some of the things they say about transpeople are absurd and hurtful.

[Aphryss]

Then it comes down to some other questions, such as do you trust them? Are they supportive of LGBT individuals? In the end, I can't tell you what to do, but you'll have to come to your own conclusion from what you know of them, and if you feel like its worth the risk.

I don't know if she are supportive, and I don't know her all that well but I'd say from what I see she is trustworthy. And I don't know what to do thats the problem >.>

Anyone employed as a counsellor should value confidentiality as part of their professional integrity; if they don't, they're garbage at their job.

You could try saying that you'd like to talk to her about stuff, but you're worried about it getting back to your parents, and can she promise to keep it to herself first?

As far as fear goes, well, fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that precedes today annihilation. It's perfectly natural to be nervous, but don't let it dictate your actions; I've lived with anxiety long enough to tell you that that's no path to happiness.

Once you've got some guarantee of confidentiality, what are the actual risks involved? She could be transphobic, or just not have good advice to give. Those are both on her, and they're certainly not worth not talking to her - since she could also be supportive and helpful.

[Renewed Imperial Germany]

I don't know if she are supportive, and I don't know her all that well but I'd say from what I see she is trustworthy. And I don't know what to do thats the problem >.>

Anyone employed as a counsellor should value confidentiality as part of their professional integrity; if they don't, they're garbage at their job.

You could try saying that you'd like to talk to her about stuff, but you're worried about it getting back to your parents, and can she promise to keep it to herself first?

As far as fear goes, well, fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that precedes today annihilation. It's perfectly natural to be nervous, but don't let it dictate your actions; I've lived with anxiety long enough to tell you that that's no path to happiness.

Once you've got some guarantee of confidentiality, what are the actual risks involved? She could be transphobic, or just not have good advice to give. Those are both on her, and they're certainly not worth not talking to her - since she could also be supportive and helpful.

But transphobia is hurtful, especially to me considering its what I go home too...

[Albrook]

I got blackmailed by a male friend so I don't trust many men...

Also my parents have vowed to cut off college funding if I become 'too liberal,' or my mother at least. My dad just goes along with it. Also, some of the things they say about transpeople are absurd and hurtful.

Drat. Right. Forgot I read that. That'd answer my question.

Anyone employed as a counsellor should value confidentiality as part of their professional integrity; if they don't, they're garbage at their job.

You could try saying that you'd like to talk to her about stuff, but you're worried about it getting back to your parents, and can she promise to keep it to herself first?

As far as fear goes, well, fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that precedes today annihilation. It's perfectly natural to be nervous, but don't let it dictate your actions; I've lived with anxiety long enough to tell you that that's no path to happiness.

Once you've got some guarantee of confidentiality, what are the actual risks involved? She could be transphobic, or just not have good advice to give. Those are both on her, and they're certainly not worth not talking to her - since she could also be supportive and helpful.

But transphobia is hurtful, especially to me considering its what I go home too...

I think what Aphryss is saying is that it's a one-time deal situation if your councilor isn't ideal. Once your councilor proves to you that she isn't the person to go to, you won't have to spill anything that will make it back to your parents, and you likely won't be in a position where you have to deal with her again on those issues - and common professionalism suggests she shouldn't go back into those issues unless you give the okay.

I do emphasize with you over the going home to transphobia thing. It nearly kills me every day at the end of school to undress just so I can go home; it embarrasses me. I can see why this compels you so much to avoid having to deal with it, but there are so many reasons why it really won't hurt to talk to your councilor.

It's a leap of faith, but I believe in you and feel that she will probably accept you.