Conversion from Theism to Atheism

[The Orson Empire]

Well I am not an atheist, but I have experienced doubt, which is what eventually led me to turn away from fundamentalism.

You were a fundie?

Pretty much. My mother had some fundamentalist beliefs that she passed on to me.

[Wisconsin9]

I appear to be going through a period of heavy religious doubt, since I partook in a thread about criminal systems. For some reason, I ended up contradicting myself, eventually reasoning that nothing exists, and then I just sort of lost it from there.

Point being, I perceive this as a conversion- or a transition- from theism to atheism. For some reason I don't really believe that there is a god anymore. Anyway, is this merely a "phase", in which I will find theism again, or is atheism more of a permanent position? I am fairly new to the concept of atheism, so forgive me for any ignorance or naivety. I am just really confused.

Well, if you get convinced, you could become a theist again. But perhaps you'll be an atheist.
Someone has probably already posted this, but I'll do it again.
RationalWiki's Frequently asked questions of the newly deconverted. That website helped me come to terms with my atheism as I became conscious of it (personally I've been an atheist all my life, almost). Good luck in your life.

I find myself perfectly satisfied as a biological organism living in a (somewhat) advanced society with other biological organisms! I find it amazing how I can contemplate my existence in the first place.

It terrifies me, frankly.

Yup. Still, it's a nice adrenaline jolt when you have the occasional existential nightmare about how you're nothing more than an accident of chemistry, brought into the universe with the unique torture of being able to realize your utter insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I envy those of faith.

[Dalcaria]

You were a fundie?

Pretty much. My mother had some fundamentalist beliefs that she passed on to me.

When I was younger I was much closer to that as well (though not quite as bad as some). Had really nothing to do with family, more to do just with the popular "Christian Culture", which was getting heavily influenced by the US. This changed when I was in grade 9 or 10 perhaps, not sure. So back around 2009 or 2010 I think, not 100% sure.

[The 93rd Coalition]

Yeah, NationStates does that to you.

See, the internet is like a piece of dark chocolate. Ingesting it feels good at first, makes you feel sophisticated, but then the bitterness sets in. And then when you see exactly what you're dealing with, you feel disgusting inside.

I can't say I have made the transition you have, but know at least that I, and others, can empathize with your situation, in a hardcore manner. Being exposed to this site at such a malleable age, while simultaneously being trained up in the strictures of the Catholic Church, is not fun. It feels like you're being in separate directions, while the direction you want to go in - for me, theism - is extremely difficult to accept. Like you, I was born and raised into something of a traditionalist family, although my mother is an extraordinarily epic and tolerant individual.

If I have one piece of advice to give you, it's "doubt everything." This has, in my experience, truly been the wisest policy. Everything has bias, rumor and speculation attached to it - although certain religious foundations are more guilty of this than most. Never base your belief on certainties, because generally most of those are debatable in some way. Get multiple sources, multiple viewpoints, and your own store of knowledge - then find out what fits with you.

This too shall pass. Don't worry.

[Neutraligon]

Well, if you get convinced, you could become a theist again. But perhaps you'll be an atheist.
Someone has probably already posted this, but I'll do it again.
RationalWiki's Frequently asked questions of the newly deconverted. That website helped me come to terms with my atheism as I became conscious of it (personally I've been an atheist all my life, almost). Good luck in your life.

It terrifies me, frankly.

Yup. Still, it's a nice adrenaline jolt when you have the occasional existential nightmare about how you're nothing more than an accident of chemistry, brought into the universe with the unique torture of being able to realize your utter insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I envy those of faith.

I see it differently. I see it as amazing,as something truly special. For a moment in time the chemicals have come to together and formed me, and that the stuff that make up me is star dust, and will sometime return to be dust.

[The Orson Empire]

Pretty much. My mother had some fundamentalist beliefs that she passed on to me.

When I was younger I was much closer to that as well (though not quite as bad as some). Had really nothing to do with family, more to do just with the popular "Christian Culture", which was getting heavily influenced by the US. This changed when I was in grade 9 or 10 perhaps, not sure. So back around 2009 or 2010 I think, not 100% sure.

I began to shift away from fundamentalism around the 9th grade as well. This also coincided with my increase exposure to the internet and exposure to viewpoints other than radical fundamentalism, which is what helped me see the other side of things.

[Wisconsin9]

Yup. Still, it's a nice adrenaline jolt when you have the occasional existential nightmare about how you're nothing more than an accident of chemistry, brought into the universe with the unique torture of being able to realize your utter insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I envy those of faith.

I see it differently. I see it as amazing,as something truly special. For a moment in time the chemicals have come to together and formed me, and that the stuff that make up me is star dust, and will sometime return to be dust.

Well, sure, it's all incredible and miraculous and all that shit. The fact that sapient life evolved on Earth at exactly the time when the moon has a large enough orbit to almost but not quite entirely block out the sun is absolutely fucking amazing (and I can't even begin to imagine how low the odds of it happening that way were), but that doesn't stop the terror from setting in when I consider the possibility that I will simply stop when this meat shell finally gives in.

[Neutraligon]

I see it differently. I see it as amazing,as something truly special. For a moment in time the chemicals have come to together and formed me, and that the stuff that make up me is star dust, and will sometime return to be dust.

Well, sure, it's all incredible and miraculous and all that shit. The fact that sapient life evolved on Earth at exactly the time when the moon has a large enough orbit to almost but not quite entirely block out the sun is absolutely fucking amazing (and I can't even begin to imagine how low the odds of it happening that way were), but that doesn't stop the terror from setting in when I consider the possibility that I will simply stop when this meat shell finally gives in.

Death both does and doesn't scare me. I think in the end it is a relief, that knowledge that I will not have to spend an eternity doing anything, that at some point I will eventual no longer exist.

As for the other, not so uncommon.

[Jute]

I appear to be going through a period of heavy religious doubt, since I partook in a thread about criminal systems. For some reason, I ended up contradicting myself, eventually reasoning that nothing exists, and then I just sort of lost it from there.

Point being, I perceive this as a conversion- or a transition- from theism to atheism. For some reason I don't really believe that there is a god anymore. Anyway, is this merely a "phase", in which I will find theism again, or is atheism more of a permanent position? I am fairly new to the concept of atheism, so forgive me for any ignorance or naivety. I am just really confused.

Both is possible, as it is possible to go back from atheism to theism again.

[Apraxia]

Full disclosure: I'm atheist. That being said, I was raised in a Catholic household and that God was in all things. When I was a teenager, I stopped wanting to go to church because it was boring, as it is for many kids. It wasn't until my mom asked me why I didn't want to go to church that I actually thought about it. As we discussed it, I began to realize how little of an impact the church and God really had on me. It was scary. All my life I was taught that God will take care of us and when I stopped believing, suddenly I was walking a tightrope without a net. Life can end at any point and no one to "save" you. I tried to go back to the church to try and reinstate my belief, but I started seeing everything from brand new eyes and, to me, it was just clear as day that it was all ritualistic repetition for something that could never be proven. At that point, I began to live my life without a saviour, but with a purpose. I was going to live a good life as a good person and study and work hard, get into grad school, start a family and so on and so forth.

My point is that your faith is your own and no one can tell you how to live your life. It's scary when something that's always been a part of your life is suddenly no longer there. You need to discover your purpose. In the end, you live your life exactly as you would have anyway. Atheism doesn't exactly take you down a road of darkness and despair where you'll give in to drugs and become a raving psychopathic murderer. No. Life goes on. It isn't God that keeps pushing us forward. It's our purpose that does. If your purpose is "because God said so", you may want to reexamine a few things. Otherwise, life moves forward. Whether you believe or not, it's your inner peace that's being questioned. You will find it. Have faith in yourself. If God is real, then He'll be proud of you, too. If not, then you'll be proud of yourself and so will the people who care about you.

[Wisconsin9]

Well, sure, it's all incredible and miraculous and all that shit. The fact that sapient life evolved on Earth at exactly the time when the moon has a large enough orbit to almost but not quite entirely block out the sun is absolutely fucking amazing (and I can't even begin to imagine how low the odds of it happening that way were), but that doesn't stop the terror from setting in when I consider the possibility that I will simply stop when this meat shell finally gives in.

Death both does and doesn't scare me. I think in the end it is a relief, that knowledge that I will not have to spend an eternity doing anything, that at some point I will eventual no longer exist.

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

[Dalcaria]

When I was younger I was much closer to that as well (though not quite as bad as some). Had really nothing to do with family, more to do just with the popular "Christian Culture", which was getting heavily influenced by the US. This changed when I was in grade 9 or 10 perhaps, not sure. So back around 2009 or 2010 I think, not 100% sure.

I began to shift away from fundamentalism around the 9th grade as well. This also coincided with my increase exposure to the internet and exposure to viewpoints other than radical fundamentalism, which is what helped me see the other side of things.

Agreed on that. Ironically, I'd almost say the internet has given me a better scope of my faith than before as well. I've come to conclusions that things (like gay marriage for instance) aren't things we really need to involve ourselves in. Let people do what they want in that area, our spiritual obligations start and end with ourselves, not anyone else. We can reach out to people who want to learn, certainly, but we have no right to enforce our values on people. Learned that just through years of debating, and finally asking myself "what would God ultimately want?" Well, I wish more people came to this conclusion, but he wants us to love him, and love everyone else. Keeping gay marriage banned is neither loving them, nor bringing them closer to God, so how can we even consider this pointless use of force to be "God's will"?

Anyways, I digress, but that is one of the benefits to having spent time on here I think.

[Neutraligon]

Death both does and doesn't scare me. I think in the end it is a relief, that knowledge that I will not have to spend an eternity doing anything, that at some point I will eventual no longer exist.

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

Shrugs, to each their own.

[The United Colonies of Earth]

Well, if you get convinced, you could become a theist again. But perhaps you'll be an atheist.
Someone has probably already posted this, but I'll do it again.
RationalWiki's Frequently asked questions of the newly deconverted. That website helped me come to terms with my atheism as I became conscious of it (personally I've been an atheist all my life, almost). Good luck in your life.

It terrifies me, frankly.

Yup. Still, it's a nice adrenaline jolt when you have the occasional existential nightmare about how you're nothing more than an accident of chemistry, brought into the universe with the unique torture of being able to realize your utter insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I envy those of faith.

Yep, it hurts at times. Most of the dumb shit I do is probably to distract me from that.

[Godular]

I appear to be going through a period of heavy religious doubt, since I partook in a thread about criminal systems. For some reason, I ended up contradicting myself, eventually reasoning that nothing exists, and then I just sort of lost it from there.

Point being, I perceive this as a conversion- or a transition- from theism to atheism. For some reason I don't really believe that there is a god anymore. Anyway, is this merely a "phase", in which I will find theism again, or is atheism more of a permanent position? I am fairly new to the concept of atheism, so forgive me for any ignorance or naivety. I am just really confused.

Sounds to me as if you're a bit disconcerted by this realization, as if a part of you still feels as if you should continue to believe, even if the rest of you has made the decision to forego such things.

Everybody's journey is their own to take, you can only listen to arguments and decide for yourself. Though I would say in this case that the critical element is how critically you are willing to consider all arguments. Do you want evidence, or do you want affirmation? Do you want to see for yourself, or are you willing to take the word of another on it?

For perspective, my evolution to atheism (heh, c wut I did thar?) was a bunch of tiny steps that eventually led to me deciding that there wasn't really a point in believing in anything other than my own intrinsic desire to be a good person. Some would say that the desire to do good would be the influence of God, and I personally find that insulting. I want to do things for myself, and I want to improve the world around me, not because I feel some obligation to do so, but just because I freaking CAN... and it'd be kind of douchey not to.

It is up to you. Make your own decision.

And having seen the post where you mentioned your religious parents, I would suggest holding off on telling them until you are more concrete in your position. Just a suggestion tho.

[The Orson Empire]

Death both does and doesn't scare me. I think in the end it is a relief, that knowledge that I will not have to spend an eternity doing anything, that at some point I will eventual no longer exist.

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

You can't live forever. Technology may be able to advance to a point where you could upload your consciousness to a computer or something like that, but I doubt it will happen in the near future.

[Russels Orbiting Teapot]

Death both does and doesn't scare me. I think in the end it is a relief, that knowledge that I will not have to spend an eternity doing anything, that at some point I will eventual no longer exist.

As for the other, not so uncommon.

Eh, I intend to live forever via transhumanism.

I don't necessarily believe that it will be possible in my lifetime for me to do so, but given the chance I see no reason not to take it.

[The United Colonies of Earth]

Death both does and doesn't scare me. I think in the end it is a relief, that knowledge that I will not have to spend an eternity doing anything, that at some point I will eventual no longer exist.

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

I would like to live forever too. Only when I feel that my work is done will I give in to the end, and die. But right now, it just feels like my life is a longer version of a weekend: a zillion things to do in a time that passes before you can fully comprehend it.
But, I digress, and must at least finish my homework...

[The Orson Empire]

I began to shift away from fundamentalism around the 9th grade as well. This also coincided with my increase exposure to the internet and exposure to viewpoints other than radical fundamentalism, which is what helped me see the other side of things.

Agreed on that. Ironically, I'd almost say the internet has given me a better scope of my faith than before as well. I've come to conclusions that things (like gay marriage for instance) aren't things we really need to involve ourselves in. Let people do what they want in that area, our spiritual obligations start and end with ourselves, not anyone else. We can reach out to people who want to learn, certainly, but we have no right to enforce our values on people. Learned that just through years of debating, and finally asking myself "what would God ultimately want?" Well, I wish more people came to this conclusion, but he wants us to love him, and love everyone else. Keeping gay marriage banned is neither loving them, nor bringing them closer to God, so how can we even consider this pointless use of force to be "God's will"?

Anyways, I digress, but that is one of the benefits to having spent time on here I think.

I pretty much agree with you.

I ended up coming to the conclusion that fundamentalism does not truly represent Jesus or his teachings, as fundamentalists often like to claim. What infuriates me most is that they have turned a religion that is supposed to be about love into a religion of hate, bigotry, and ignorance. It's disgusting.

These people want to force their beliefs on others in order to make themselves feel better.

[Dalcaria]

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

You can't live forever. Technology may be able to advance to a point where you could upload your consciousness to a computer or something like that, but I doubt it will happen in the near future.

Well, the human mind can also only comprehend so much. I think the older someone gets, and the more things change and they learn, the closer they get to total mental collapse. Could be wrong on that, but I did think I heard about that in a science article, or maybe "Through The Wormhole".

[The Nexus of Man]

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

I would like to live forever too. Only when I feel that my work is done will I give in to the end, and die. But right now, it just feels like my life is a longer version of a weekend: a zillion things to do in a time that passes before you can fully comprehend it.
But, I digress, and must at least finish my homework...

Looking into astronomy can actually help you with that. Y'know, becoming an addition to an ever-expanding universe.

[Wisconsin9]

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

Shrugs, to each their own.

I'll think of you as I watch Earth fall into the sun.

Fuck that, I want to live forever. Not just because death scares me, but because there's so much to do. If I decided that I wanted to see everything just on Earth I could never manage it, because by the time I had finished seeing it everything would have changed.

You can't live forever. Technology may be able to advance to a point where you could upload your consciousness to a computer or something like that, but I doubt it will happen in the near future.

I know, and I absolutely hate that. The best I can do is hope that that sort of thing is available and widespread before I die, and try to eke out as much enjoyment as I can in case it doesn't happen.

[Jute]

Yup. Still, it's a nice adrenaline jolt when you have the occasional existential nightmare about how you're nothing more than an accident of chemistry, brought into the universe with the unique torture of being able to realize your utter insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I envy those of faith.

Yep, it hurts at times. Most of the dumb shit I do is probably to distract me from that.

It's probably a reason why so many people believe there's more to it.

[Ifreann]

I converted to atheism by sacrificing a lamb to Atheismo during the solar eclipse.

[Neutraligon]

Shrugs, to each their own.

I'll think of you as I watch Earth fall into the sun.

You can't live forever. Technology may be able to advance to a point where you could upload your consciousness to a computer or something like that, but I doubt it will happen in the near future.

I know, and I absolutely hate that. The best I can do is hope that that sort of thing is available and widespread before I die, and try to eke out as much enjoyment as I can in case it doesn't happen.

Have fun. By the way I agree living longer, seeing more, is something I want (as long as those I love are also with me), but I do not want eternity.