NationStates' Transgender Thread

[Replevion]

Be patient, hun! Trans care in the US is MUCH more accommodating and flexible than in the Commonwealth. I was only part time for 4-5 months and then full time for two before my HRT regimine started, and I'm 31. If you find the right therapist and the right doctor things can be streamlined.

Believe me, transitioning in your late teens or early twenties is a blessing most of us would kill to have had. You still have all your life ahead of yourself, and one's 20s is probably the best part.

I'm going on what I was told by professionals. 5 months if part time I'm fine with. Not 5 years f nothing, which is what's going to happen.

In the US that's not going to happen. Not in any major urban area with any modern mental health professional.

You have to remember, the British mental health process on trans issues is radically different from the American. I'm speaking from direct experience on both the West and East Coast with half a dozen therapists, as well a proxy anecdotes from support groups. It's very different over here, whether your British clinicians know it or not.

[Bottle]

I have been complimented on having mannerisms that are naturally feminine (which they are), but that in of itself is really creepy. I mean to be told you're good at being yourself... um...... yeah? Thanks? It was a chaser "admirer" though, so insensitivity and objectification is often par for that course.

Eew, very creepy. Reminds me of a relative who would pointedly compliment me for being "dainty" and "modest." Obviously I don't think there's anything wrong with being a small person who prefers jeans and hoodies (which I am), but being complimented in that way was always vaguely gross.

[Val Halla]

I'm going on what I was told by professionals. 5 months if part time I'm fine with. Not 5 years f nothing, which is what's going to happen.

In the US that's not going to happen. Not in any major urban area with any modern mental health professional.

You have to remember, the British mental health process on trans issues is radically different from the American. I'm speaking from direct experience on both the West and East Coast with half a dozen therapists, as well a proxy anecdotes from support groups. It's very different over here, whether your British clinicians know it or not.

That's still two years, even if I can afford it. There's plenty of options, but none of them are good. It's bullshit. I can either wait two years to start, and get in huge debt, wait 5 years to have a chance at starting, still falling into debt, though less of it, or just putting up with it, and never passing ever.

[Replevion]

In the US that's not going to happen. Not in any major urban area with any modern mental health professional.

You have to remember, the British mental health process on trans issues is radically different from the American. I'm speaking from direct experience on both the West and East Coast with half a dozen therapists, as well a proxy anecdotes from support groups. It's very different over here, whether your British clinicians know it or not.

That's still two years, even if I can afford it. There's plenty of options, but none of them are good. It's bullshit. I can either wait two years to start, and get in huge debt, wait 5 years to have a chance at starting, still falling into debt, though less of it, or just putting up with it, and never passing ever.

There are places in the US where trans care is a mandatory part of insurance. Working in DC it's that way for me. My hormones are covered and my therapy is co-paid. Even SRS is covered... not that I want it personally.

[Val Halla]

That's still two years, even if I can afford it. There's plenty of options, but none of them are good. It's bullshit. I can either wait two years to start, and get in huge debt, wait 5 years to have a chance at starting, still falling into debt, though less of it, or just putting up with it, and never passing ever.

There are places in the US where trans care is a mandatory part of insurance. Working in DC it's that way for me. My hormones are covered and my therapy is co-paid. Even SRS is covered... not that I want it personally.

I'd still end up in debt from just trying to get there and live. I'm condemned to ruin.

[Replevion]

I have been complimented on having mannerisms that are naturally feminine (which they are), but that in of itself is really creepy. I mean to be told you're good at being yourself... um...... yeah? Thanks? It was a chaser "admirer" though, so insensitivity and objectification is often par for that course.

Eew, very creepy. Reminds me of a relative who would pointedly compliment me for being "dainty" and "modest." Obviously I don't think there's anything wrong with being a small person who prefers jeans and hoodies (which I am), but being complimented in that way was always vaguely gross.

Ugh I know. I may be swung pretty far on the binary, but I don't like the socio-cultural baggage of the cult of being a "proper lady". Fuck that. If I'm dressed "racily" or "modestly" it's my fucking business based on how I feel that day, not seeking somebody's approval for how I happen to fall on their arbitrary scale of "morality", like how much fabric is draped on me changes what kind of person I am.

*cough* soz for the rage rant.

[Bottle]

In the US that's not going to happen. Not in any major urban area with any modern mental health professional.

You have to remember, the British mental health process on trans issues is radically different from the American. I'm speaking from direct experience on both the West and East Coast with half a dozen therapists, as well a proxy anecdotes from support groups. It's very different over here, whether your British clinicians know it or not.

That's still two years, even if I can afford it. There's plenty of options, but none of them are good. It's bullshit. I can either wait two years to start, and get in huge debt, wait 5 years to have a chance at starting, still falling into debt, though less of it, or just putting up with it, and never passing ever.

I don't mean to downplay your frustration, but for whatever it's worth I'm a female person who doesn't always "pass" as a woman.

Don't know if you've ever played this game, but try pretending that everyone you see is actually trans, and see how many of them have some feature or mannerism that would totally "clock" them as not passing.

When I started doing this I realized that most men I saw had some feature that, if I were trying to pass as male, I would obsess and worry over. Like hands that are "too small," or facial features a bit "too delicate," or a way of standing with a hip cocked to the side that really isn't Textbook Manly, or the complete inability to grow a full beard. I even counted the number of men who have visible Adam's apples in my department at work, and fully a third of them don't.

What I'm getting as is that, while I really do understand the desire to pass (again, not at all trying to negate those feelings), I think it's possible to place too much importance on looking exactly "right," and to wind up despairing if you don't think you're going to end up with perfect results.

[Replevion]

There are places in the US where trans care is a mandatory part of insurance. Working in DC it's that way for me. My hormones are covered and my therapy is co-paid. Even SRS is covered... not that I want it personally.

I'd still end up in debt from just trying to get there and live. I'm condemned to ruin.

Debt is part of modern life. Don't get crazy with it, but don't fear it to such a degree that ruin is certain. It's manageable.

[Auremena]

That's still two years, even if I can afford it. There's plenty of options, but none of them are good. It's bullshit. I can either wait two years to start, and get in huge debt, wait 5 years to have a chance at starting, still falling into debt, though less of it, or just putting up with it, and never passing ever.

There are places in the US where trans care is a mandatory part of insurance. Working in DC it's that way for me. My hormones are covered and my therapy is co-paid. Even SRS is covered... not that I want it personally.

Gift it to me, plox.

[Replevion]

I even counted the number of men who have visible Adam's apples in my department at work, and fully a third of them don't.

Thank goddess for that!

[Replevion]

There are places in the US where trans care is a mandatory part of insurance. Working in DC it's that way for me. My hormones are covered and my therapy is co-paid. Even SRS is covered... not that I want it personally.

Gift it to me, plox.

Move here plox...

[Auremena]

Gift it to me, plox.

Move here plox...

I did...
12 years ago.
I do have a cousin out on Reston I've been meaning to visit.

[Val Halla]

I'd still end up in debt from just trying to get there and live. I'm condemned to ruin.

Debt is part of modern life. Don't get crazy with it, but don't fear it to such a degree that ruin is certain. It's manageable.

I'm done. I can't live like this. I won't make it to 17. I can't cope anymore, and I sure as hell can't cope for another 3 to 6 years. Fuck, I'm dead. They didn't listen, so I'm not taking the blame either.

[Auremena]

Debt is part of modern life. Don't get crazy with it, but don't fear it to such a degree that ruin is certain. It's manageable.

I'm done. I can't live like this. I won't make it to 17. I can't cope anymore, and I sure as hell can't cope for another 3 to 6 years. Fuck, I'm dead. They didn't listen, so I'm not taking the blame either.

C. T. F. O. Gurl.
You're all worked up and overreacting. Take a few to chill out and think the info you've gotten through. Something doesn't sound right to me about it.

[Val Halla]

I'm done. I can't live like this. I won't make it to 17. I can't cope anymore, and I sure as hell can't cope for another 3 to 6 years. Fuck, I'm dead. They didn't listen, so I'm not taking the blame either.

C. T. F. O. Gurl.
You're all worked up and overreacting. Take a few to chill out and think the info you've gotten through. Something doesn't sound right to me about it.

This is the info I've been given, passed down from the clinics. I need 3 months for the referal to be made, to be put on a 6 month waiting list, to go on 6 months of evaluation, to 6 months of nothing because of my age, to a 1 year + waiting list for the next one, for more evaluation. This is how it is.

[Jormengand]

Debt is part of modern life. Don't get crazy with it, but don't fear it to such a degree that ruin is certain. It's manageable.

I'm done. I can't live like this. I won't make it to 17. I can't cope anymore, and I sure as hell can't cope for another 3 to 6 years. Fuck, I'm dead. They didn't listen, so I'm not taking the blame either.

Oh honey.

Wish I could help you.

[Bottle]

C. T. F. O. Gurl.
You're all worked up and overreacting. Take a few to chill out and think the info you've gotten through. Something doesn't sound right to me about it.

This is the info I've been given, passed down from the clinics. I need 3 months for the referal to be made, to be put on a 6 month waiting list, to go on 6 months of evaluation, to 6 months of nothing because of my age, to a 1 year + waiting list for the next one, for more evaluation. This is how it is.

Having to wait for drugs or surgery doesn't mean you have to wait 3-6 years for "physical change."

For instance, many trans women want to have long hair, but going on hormones won't magically cause hair to sprout out a foot longer...you've still got to take the time to grow it out.

And, conversely, for most trans women hormones won't magic away the problem of facial hair. (Heck, plenty of natal females who have entirely normal female hormone levels have unwanted facial hair.) Electrolysis tends to be the method of choice for dealing with this, but it's not the only one.

Both trans women and trans men tend to want to see redistribution of body fat (trans women tend to want more "curves" and trans men tend to want fewer), but while hormones will change where new fat is stored they will not magically melt off what is already on the body. To do that you still have to adhere to the same kind of diet and exercise as anybody else.

Point being, even if your worst case scenario is true, you are not being condemned to a lifetime trapped with a body you can't stand. (Or to death. Please don't die.) There are a host of ways you can modify your body all by yourself.

[Val Halla]

This is the info I've been given, passed down from the clinics. I need 3 months for the referal to be made, to be put on a 6 month waiting list, to go on 6 months of evaluation, to 6 months of nothing because of my age, to a 1 year + waiting list for the next one, for more evaluation. This is how it is.

Having to wait for drugs or surgery doesn't mean you have to wait 3-6 years for "physical change."

For instance, many trans women want to have long hair, but going on hormones won't magically cause hair to sprout out a foot longer...you've still got to take the time to grow it out.

And, conversely, for most trans women hormones won't magic away the problem of facial hair. (Heck, plenty of natal females who have entirely normal female hormone levels have unwanted facial hair.) Electrolysis tends to be the method of choice for dealing with this, but it's not the only one.

Both trans women and trans men tend to want to see redistribution of body fat (trans women tend to want more "curves" and trans men tend to want fewer), but while hormones will change where new fat is stored they will not magically melt off what is already on the body. To do that you still have to adhere to the same kind of diet and exercise as anybody else.

Point being, even if your worst case scenario is true, you are not being condemned to a lifetime trapped with a body you can't stand. (Or to death. Please don't die.) There are a host of ways you can modify your body all by yourself.

The same issues still arise though. I've tried growing my hair, but it just doesn't grow properly. And then there's money, other physical factors, and that still won't be enough. As those crackheads with the signs say "The end is nigh"

[Bottle]

Having to wait for drugs or surgery doesn't mean you have to wait 3-6 years for "physical change."

For instance, many trans women want to have long hair, but going on hormones won't magically cause hair to sprout out a foot longer...you've still got to take the time to grow it out.

And, conversely, for most trans women hormones won't magic away the problem of facial hair. (Heck, plenty of natal females who have entirely normal female hormone levels have unwanted facial hair.) Electrolysis tends to be the method of choice for dealing with this, but it's not the only one.

Both trans women and trans men tend to want to see redistribution of body fat (trans women tend to want more "curves" and trans men tend to want fewer), but while hormones will change where new fat is stored they will not magically melt off what is already on the body. To do that you still have to adhere to the same kind of diet and exercise as anybody else.

Point being, even if your worst case scenario is true, you are not being condemned to a lifetime trapped with a body you can't stand. (Or to death. Please don't die.) There are a host of ways you can modify your body all by yourself.

The same issues still arise though. I've tried growing my hair, but it just doesn't grow properly. And then there's money, other physical factors, and that still won't be enough. As those crackheads with the signs say "The end is nigh"

It sounds like you're pretty overwhelmed right now. Understandable, given that 3-4 years is close to a quarter of your lifetime at this point, and you're being told that's how long you're going to have to wait to get something that means so much to you.

Sometimes the only thing to do is scream into a pillow. Or vent-post on an internet forum with people who can at least sympathize. And I think a lot of us do sympathize. Really sorry you're having to go through this.

[Val Halla]

The same issues still arise though. I've tried growing my hair, but it just doesn't grow properly. And then there's money, other physical factors, and that still won't be enough. As those crackheads with the signs say "The end is nigh"

It sounds like you're pretty overwhelmed right now. Understandable, given that 3-4 years is close to a quarter of your lifetime at this point, and you're being told that's how long you're going to have to wait to get something that means so much to you.

Sometimes the only thing to do is scream into a pillow. Or vent-post on an internet forum with people who can at least sympathize. And I think a lot of us do sympathize. Really sorry you're having to go through this.

Thanks.

This really shouldn't be an issue, but it is. Given that I'll be 21 before I look noticeably different, I really don't think I can make it.

[Bottle]

It sounds like you're pretty overwhelmed right now. Understandable, given that 3-4 years is close to a quarter of your lifetime at this point, and you're being told that's how long you're going to have to wait to get something that means so much to you.

Sometimes the only thing to do is scream into a pillow. Or vent-post on an internet forum with people who can at least sympathize. And I think a lot of us do sympathize. Really sorry you're having to go through this.

Thanks.

This really shouldn't be an issue, but it is. Given that I'll be 21 before I look noticeably different, I really don't think I can make it.

I felt the same way about puberty. I started at 11 and was still pupating in college. It was endless and miserable and it seemed like every day there was a new part of my body that was wrong and hateful.

The only comfort in life is that everything ends, one way or another.

[The Carlisle]

Thanks.

This really shouldn't be an issue, but it is. Given that I'll be 21 before I look noticeably different, I really don't think I can make it.

I felt the same way about puberty. I started at 11 and was still pupating in college. It was endless and miserable and it seemed like every day there was a new part of my body that was wrong and hateful.

The only comfort in life is that everything ends, one way or another.

I feel like a bit of an odd case. I bloomed late, 15-16, around there. I had some heavy dysphoria for a period of time, claiming my body was a cage and wasn't mine. But that period ended. This is my body, and I can change it to what I desire. I think dying my hair really helped with that, as it was the first body modification I had and proved that I can change my body to what I desired and empowered me. After that, I didn't really mind what my body was like. It was male, that's biology. I can change it, and I didn't fret over my beard or hands or jaw.

I actually grew a beard for November. Pretty fun actually. Helped with the chill, but shaving it was a pain. And I prefer smooth skin the sharp hairs.

[Bottle]

I felt the same way about puberty. I started at 11 and was still pupating in college. It was endless and miserable and it seemed like every day there was a new part of my body that was wrong and hateful.

The only comfort in life is that everything ends, one way or another.

I feel like a bit of an odd case. I bloomed late, 15-16, around there. I had some heavy dysphoria for a period of time, claiming my body was a cage and wasn't mine. But that period ended. This is my body, and I can change it to what I desire. I think dying my hair really helped with that, as it was the first body modification I had and proved that I can change my body to what I desired and empowered me. After that, I didn't really mind what my body was like. It was male, that's biology. I can change it, and I didn't fret over my beard or hands or jaw.

I actually grew a beard for November. Pretty fun actually. Helped with the chill, but shaving it was a pain. And I prefer smooth skin the sharp hairs.

Body mods really helped me with dysmorphia, too.

I think in my case the process of my body becoming an adult body was just going to suck no matter what. I know that isn't true for everyone but it was for me. There was no way out by through, as they say, and it wasn't until my body had "settled" a bit that I was able to even begin finding peace with it.

[Liberonscien]

I have been complimented on having mannerisms that are naturally feminine (which they are), but that in of itself is really creepy. I mean to be told you're good at being yourself... um...... yeah? Thanks? It was a chaser "admirer" though, so insensitivity and objectification is often par for that course.

Eew, very creepy. Reminds me of a relative who would pointedly compliment me for being "dainty" and "modest." Obviously I don't think there's anything wrong with being a small person who prefers jeans and hoodies (which I am), but being complimented in that way was always vaguely gross.

I'm the same way fashion wise. Only I'm a freaking giant 2ish meters tall guy.

[Nature-Spirits]

I'm finally getting referred. It's not quite done yet, but the referral form should be done next week. Progress. Real this time.

Hooray!

Would wearing baggy tops help him?

It doesn't make a difference, or is possibly worse, depending on the shirt. Sometimes baggier shirts tend to have wrinkles and folds in places I don't want them.

Weaves (button-up shirts) are much better than knits (shirts made from stretchier fabric) for hiding chest lumps, apparently.

It doesn't make a difference, or is possibly worse, depending on the shirt. Sometimes baggier shirts tend to have wrinkles and folds in places I don't want them.

You are right to avoid the baggy!

http://ftmguide.rassaku.net/

Highly recommend the above Complete Illustrated Guide To Looking Like A ^Hot Dude.

I love that guide. I've read it all the way through at least two times.

Sometimes I forget that I'm AMAB.

I have shared it with transmasculine friends of mine, though.

So today I went shopping and bought new clothes...

Behold, the badly-pixellated full-body image!
This is me failing to look sexy.

...and decided to take far too seriously someone who joked that I should use paint to colour my hair.

They work surprisingly well and are about a tenth the price.

Lookin' good, Jorm.

Well, it's been a tough month, and it's likely only to stay rough at least the next two weeks. Remembering last time that she (I still don't have a good name for her) was here, dad wanted to take her to a water park. She'll be here again next week. If I'm not asked to come along, I'll be upset that I wasn't included. If I am asked, then it brings a whole host of issues; what am I going to wear, how can I make it "work," what about my face and hair?
Then, in two weeks, those on mom's side of the family (save me) who lived out of state were due to reconvene in California. I learned last night that my grandpa died, so the funeral will likely be then. Even if I could afford to go, mom will probably tell me not to come.

That doesn't sound good, honestly. I'll be sending good vibes your way.

I got some new fancy clothes. I didn't get a chance to take pictures with my suit jacket, but I have a bunch with other stuff. And of course I had to wear my Rabbit hat.

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/t7jiyd4iqi3f ... nA6Ba?dl=0

Cute.

Also, you pull off that hairstyle really well.

Than you I will play my cards and see what happens

Good luck!

I can't believe I haven't seen this thread before?? I'm really glad it's here it makes me feel a lot more comfortable knowing there's others similar to myself on NSG.

Welcome!

Today is my last day of school, and I give my iPad back today. This means I will be on less. Do not be alarmed if I CTE. I'm not dead. Just means I forgot NS existed or I was too busy. If nothing else, I'll be back when school starts again, or I get the impending apocalypse email for my WA nation.

I can give out email/deviantart/tumblr/other contact info if anyone wants it.

Oh, that might be nice to have.

Well, I'm fucked. No physical change for at LEAST two and a half years. That's how long it'll be at least, until I can start, even if they let me. And I'll be in the US by then probably, which means I'll have to start all over again. I'm so fucking done.

Aw, honey. I want to hug you so badly.

Having to wait for drugs or surgery doesn't mean you have to wait 3-6 years for "physical change."

For instance, many trans women want to have long hair, but going on hormones won't magically cause hair to sprout out a foot longer...you've still got to take the time to grow it out.

And, conversely, for most trans women hormones won't magic away the problem of facial hair. (Heck, plenty of natal females who have entirely normal female hormone levels have unwanted facial hair.) Electrolysis tends to be the method of choice for dealing with this, but it's not the only one.

Both trans women and trans men tend to want to see redistribution of body fat (trans women tend to want more "curves" and trans men tend to want fewer), but while hormones will change where new fat is stored they will not magically melt off what is already on the body. To do that you still have to adhere to the same kind of diet and exercise as anybody else.

Point being, even if your worst case scenario is true, you are not being condemned to a lifetime trapped with a body you can't stand. (Or to death. Please don't die.) There are a host of ways you can modify your body all by yourself.

The same issues still arise though. I've tried growing my hair, but it just doesn't grow properly. And then there's money, other physical factors, and that still won't be enough. As those crackheads with the signs say "The end is nigh"

What do you mean your hair doesn't grow properly?

Also, my birthday was on the 21st, so I'm 17 now. And my mom bought be a skirt! xD It's really pretty (if a little short, considering it's supposed to be full-length and my legs are much longer than most womens', but that can be mostly solved by just hanging it low on my hips; also, it's really hard to conceal that bulge down there given the type of fabric, but I think once I get some women's underwear it'll be easier to tuck).