Forgiveness, when to give.

[GeneralHaNor]

seeing as how my mother is that "crazy drugged out bitch" and I don't even send her a birthday card

the answer is never.

has she ever apologized and asked for your forgiveness?

yeah, she's even gotten clean in order to have me back in her life

Until she gets dirty again
Even Prison couldn't reform her.

She's currently (allegedly) clean now, but I'm not holding my breath.

[GeneralHaNor]

seeing as how my mother is that "crazy drugged out bitch" and I don't even send her a birthday card

the answer is never.

sometimes you need to just cut people from your life, this chick sounds like dead weight.

Sorry to hear about your mother General. I too come from a family of addicts. No clue how I turned out as well as I did.

Oh I fell into the same traps, I'm no saint, difference is I got away from it.
However I don't see myself in such noble light, I can see myself returning, and the thought of that return is what keeps me "clean"

[Ashmoria]

has she ever apologized and asked for your forgiveness?

yeah, she's even gotten clean in order to have me back in her life

Until she gets dirty again
Even Prison couldn't reform her.

She's currently (allegedly) clean now, but I'm not holding my breath.

thats an encouraging sign.

but you have no need to forgive and forget and pretend that she is a wonderful mother. protecting yourself is far more important.

[Tectorum]

Persoally i forgive rather easily. If it is something minor like taking 50 cents from me or something simple like that i usually just say "You shouldve just asked, i probably would have gave it to you" and we both have a laugh and get on with our lives.

However if someone really wrongs me then they have to prove they are worthy of forgiveness. They have to first ask for it at which point i throw a pair of boxing gloves at them and put on mine. The way i see it, if there willing to get the tar knocked out of them by a short kid who knows ninjitsu they deserve forgiveness.


But on the topic of the OP. She seems to honestly want to move on with her life. I have a cousin who was a drug addict. She went clean for a year and all of us forgave her except her mom. Eventually she ended up purposefully overdosing on crack in a bathtub mostly because of the fact that her own mother just saw her as a crackhead and wasnt worth her time.

I really doubt you want to have that on your consciounse.

[Greed and Death]

has she ever apologized and asked for your forgiveness?

yeah, she's even gotten clean in order to have me back in her life

Until she gets dirty again
Even Prison couldn't reform her.

She's currently (allegedly) clean now, but I'm not holding my breath.

At least you got an apology, I honestly thought she might be on her 9th step. For all I know this girl still blames me for getting her on drugs while I was out of town helping my step dad recover from a surgery.

[Risna]

I forgive always and i hate myself for it. I got burned a few times and it is not nice. I am easy to take advantage of. However I protect myself and always use contracts. I had to take it to court twice to get my money. I lost two friends that way but I did get my money in the end. It was sad I lost a few nights of sleep to it on how the world can suck like that.

[Tectorum]

I forgive always and i hate myself for it. I got burned a few times and it is not nice. I am easy to take advantage of. However I protect myself and always use contracts. I had to take it to court twice to get my money. I lost two friends that way but I did get my money in the end. It was sad I lost a few nights of sleep to it on how the world can suck like that.

^thats another reason why i have the boxing gloves

[Geniasis]

I forgive, but my guard remains up. Some may say that means I haven't really forgiven.

She tried that argument(when on the stuff) with me saying if i forgave her i would date her again.

That's just manipulative. In that case, I could forgive her but the pain of what she had done would make it very difficult for me to date her. And at any rate, your lives aren't at the same place they were back then.

That's the difficult thing about forgiveness: It doesn't magically undo everything that's happened.

[You-Gi-Owe]

Well the crazy Ex of mine that went off the deep in of drugs contacted me recently. She had fallen worse than I had thought. Had wound up doing crack and gotten to 78 pounds before begging a court to order her to rehab. We exchanged some pleasantries and briefly caught up. I was happy she had sobered up.
Then I stopped responding to her emails. At first I could not figure out why, then after some introspection I determined it was because she had not apologized and I had not rendered forgiveness. In my mind she remains the drug bitch that burned me, and is after my money.

So, NSG when do you forgive?
And if forgiven do you lower your guard ?
As an added question to what degree is a recovering addict expected to account for their behavior ?

There are two ethical standards regarding forgiveness.
1. The offender expresses a sincere apology and does their best to provide restitution or recompense, at which time failing to forgive might be viewed as a sin.
2. Grace, forgiveness whether the offender deserves it or not.

[Umbra Ac Silentium]

Well the crazy Ex of mine that went off the deep in of drugs contacted me recently. She had fallen worse than I had thought. Had wound up doing crack and gotten to 78 pounds before begging a court to order her to rehab. We exchanged some pleasantries and briefly caught up. I was happy she had sobered up.
Then I stopped responding to her emails. At first I could not figure out why, then after some introspection I determined it was because she had not apologized and I had not rendered forgiveness. In my mind she remains the drug bitch that burned me, and is after my money.

So, NSG when do you forgive?
And if forgiven do you lower your guard ?
As an added question to what degree is a recovering addict expected to account for their behavior ?

There are two ethical standards regarding forgiveness.
1. The offender expresses a sincere apology and does their best to provide restitution or recompense, at which time failing to forgive might be viewed as a sin.
2. Grace, forgiveness whether the offender deserves it or not.

I give unethical forgiveness?

[You-Gi-Owe]

There are two ethical standards regarding forgiveness.
1. The offender expresses a sincere apology and does their best to provide restitution or recompense, at which time failing to forgive might be viewed as a sin.
2. Grace, forgiveness whether the offender deserves it or not.

I give unethical forgiveness?

Do you? To be clear, it's ethical to forgive even before sincere apology/restitution, however, witholding forgivness might be less than ethical, depending on the circumstances.

[Umbra Ac Silentium]

I give unethical forgiveness?

Do you? To be clear, it's ethical to forgive even before sincere apology/restitution, however, witholding forgivness might be less than ethical, depending on the circumstances.

Well, I forgive practically as soon as it happens. (Excepting myself here) The whole random grace part confuses me, though, and I don't see what it has to do with forgiving people. >3> So, yeah...

[Bitchkitten]

Well the crazy Ex of mine that went off the deep in of drugs contacted me recently. She had fallen worse than I had thought. Had wound up doing crack and gotten to 78 pounds before begging a court to order her to rehab. We exchanged some pleasantries and briefly caught up. I was happy she had sobered up.
Then I stopped responding to her emails. At first I could not figure out why, then after some introspection I determined it was because she had not apologized and I had not rendered forgiveness. In my mind she remains the drug bitch that burned me, and is after my money.

So, NSG when do you forgive?
And if forgiven do you lower your guard ?
As an added question to what degree is a recovering addict expected to account for their behavior ?

Forgive, yes.
Trust, no.

[Flameswroth]

So, NSG when do you forgive?

To be honest, I don't think I've truly forgiven anyone that has harmed me personally. I mean sure, my older brother used to be pretty rough and tumble with his older brotherly ways (punches and whatnot), and I've forgiven him that. But people who have betrayed or hurt me on a more...intangible level really don't get forgiven in my book. For instance, ex-girlfriends. Whether they cheated or no, and no matter how hard I might try to 'stay friends', I never forgive them. I find myself taking personally pretty much everything they do. It's interesting, because it's almost like I'd rather not forgive them and shove them away and demonize them to make it hurt less.

If I could wave a wand and make this not so, I believe it'd be wise to forgive once the person no longer influences your life. Once they move out/you move away/whatever and stop seeing them in person, you can cut the connection, forgive them their problems and wish them well.

And if forgiven do you lower your guard ?

Nevah. Nevah evah. Nevah evah evah!

[Samuraikoku]

I'm too prone to forgiveness. But I NEVER forget.

[Wilfred Test]

I try to forgive easily but I find it hard, I usually forgive eventually.

[Glorious Freedonia]

Forgive as soon as you are able. There is nothing wrong with being once bitten and twice shy.

[The Atlantean Menace]

Well the crazy Ex of mine that went off the deep in of drugs contacted me recently. She had fallen worse than I had thought. Had wound up doing crack and gotten to 78 pounds before begging a court to order her to rehab. We exchanged some pleasantries and briefly caught up. I was happy she had sobered up.
Then I stopped responding to her emails. At first I could not figure out why, then after some introspection I determined it was because she had not apologized and I had not rendered forgiveness. In my mind she remains the drug bitch that burned me, and is after my money.

So, NSG when do you forgive?
And if forgiven do you lower your guard ?
As an added question to what degree is a recovering addict expected to account for their behavior ?

It doesn't sound like you forgive her. Therefore, don't offer forgiveness. Even if she asks for your forgiveness, do not give it unless you actually forgive her. It's not your job to make people feel less guilty about stuff they did to you.

Also, to what degree are they expected to account for their behavior? The same as everyone else. They did what they did. They are 100% accountable for it.

[Ashmoria]

Well the crazy Ex of mine that went off the deep in of drugs contacted me recently. She had fallen worse than I had thought. Had wound up doing crack and gotten to 78 pounds before begging a court to order her to rehab. We exchanged some pleasantries and briefly caught up. I was happy she had sobered up.
Then I stopped responding to her emails. At first I could not figure out why, then after some introspection I determined it was because she had not apologized and I had not rendered forgiveness. In my mind she remains the drug bitch that burned me, and is after my money.

So, NSG when do you forgive?
And if forgiven do you lower your guard ?
As an added question to what degree is a recovering addict expected to account for their behavior ?

It doesn't sound like you forgive her. Therefore, don't offer forgiveness. Even if she asks for your forgiveness, do not give it unless you actually forgive her. It's not your job to make people feel less guilty about stuff they did to you.

Also, to what degree are they expected to account for their behavior? The same as everyone else. They did what they did. They are 100% accountable for it.

well said. that is excellent advice.

[Amazonnia]

I forgive when they can give me a full apology and not some half a**ed I'm sorry. When I do forgive I don't lower my guard because I know they are just going to possibly go back at it again. Most people in human nature take more than they give unless they are natural givers. I just wouldn't trust a rehabilitated person at all because there are high chances of them snapping back to old ways.