Boyfriend issues

by **Travilina** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:10 pm

Ok so I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 1/2 months now and he said he wants an open relationship. What the hell does that mean? He says he wants to be with me but have sex with other girls. What should I do?

by **Mongolian Khanate** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:11 pm

How about asking him first what he means by that?

by **Teinohikira** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:12 pm

Blast him with a Kamehameha Wave. Duh...

by **Mike the Progressive** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:12 pm

If you are in to that kind of thing, go for it. If not, do not accept it or dump him.

by **Travilina** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:14 pm

I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

by **Big Jim P** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:15 pm

Get a girlfriend. Make him jealous. After all, if he can have a girl on the side, you should be able to too.

by **DaWoad** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:15 pm

Mike the Progressive wrote:If you are in to that kind of thing, go for it. If not, do not accept it or dump him.

this with the caveat that so called "open" relationships don't generally workout well. It's simply to hard for the parties involved not to get jealous/ self destructive.

by **Mike the Progressive** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:16 pm

Travilina wrote:I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

So...dump him? Other fish in the sea?

by **Teinohikira** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:16 pm

Travilina wrote:I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

Oh well, too bad. Get Over It.

by **DaWoad** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:16 pm

Mike the Progressive wrote:
Travilina wrote:I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

So...dump him? Other fish in the sea?

sound advice sir *nods*

by **The Floridian Coast** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:16 pm

Open relationships generally don't work out. It isn't unlikely one partner in the open relationship is more committed and in love, and the other is more casual. And then you have to take into account what kind of attachment could potentially form with each participant and their new sex partners. Humans naturally get attached. To try to defy instincts by setting up an idealistic system where you can love someone and fuck anyone, is generally not a good idea. I don't think there is anything "wrong" with it, consenting adults can do whatever they want with zero boundaries, that's my perspective, I just think it's unhealthy.

by **DaWoad** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:17 pm

Teinohikira wrote:
Travilina wrote:I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

Oh well, then who's fault will that be?

the cheater's? was that meant to be a trick question?

by **Teinohikira** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:18 pm

DaWoad wrote:
Teinohikira wrote:Oh well, then who's fault will that be?

the cheater's? was that meant to be a trick question?

by **Sun Aut Ex** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:18 pm

Yeah, you're gonna have to let him go. He's either looking for an out, or he just isn't that into you. Sorry.

by **Mike the Progressive** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:18 pm

DaWoad wrote:
Mike the Progressive wrote:
So...dump him? Other fish in the sea?

sound advice sir *nods*

Of course it is, I gave it

by **Gilthador** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:18 pm

If you're not ok with it, tell him so. If he loves you, he will accept your position. If you love him, you should make an effort to understand why he wants an open relationship. Try to come up with a compromise. Relationships are all about sacrifice.

These things are best decided upon at the beginning of a relationship, rather than several months into one.

by **The Floridian Coast** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:19 pm

Travilina wrote:I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

If you're not okay with it, then you should break up with him.

Personally, I have a lot of contempt for partners who cheat, as I was in an 18-month long distance relationship and I never cheated, nor did I ever ask her for permission to casually fuck someone else since it took awhile before I could be with her in person.

by **Travilina** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:20 pm

See I agree, I don't think it will work at all. I think it's wrong he's asking me to be ok with him being with other girls. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I really love him and don't just wanna give up on us but what else is there if he won't commit to me?

by **Kobeanare** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:20 pm

DaWoad wrote:
Mike the Progressive wrote:If you are in to that kind of thing, go for it. If not, do not accept it or dump him.

this with the caveat that so called "open" relationships don't generally workout well. It's simply to hard for the parties involved not to get jealous/ self destructive.

Source?

by **Travilina** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:21 pm

Big Jim P wrote:Get a girlfriend. Make him jealous. After all, if he can have a girl on the side, you should be able to too.

I'm a girl I don't want a girl. I want a hot sexy guy lol with a six pack!

by **Mike the Progressive** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:21 pm

Travilina wrote:See I agree, I don't think it will work at all. I think it's wrong he's asking me to be ok with him being with other girls. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I really love him and don't just wanna give up on us but what else is there if he won't commit to me?

If he isn't willing to commit, he doesn't really love you. And if you are willing to remain faithful to him, and he not to you, then you deserve better.

There, there. *pat, pat* It's gonna be alright *gives tissue*

by **Mongolian Khanate** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:22 pm

Teinohikira wrote:
DaWoad wrote:the cheater's? was that meant to be a trick question?

Nice edit, but in your original post you asked if he was 12 or 13;

this can be easily answered by looking at the founding date of his nation. I don't quite think he was 6-7 when he created his account. Just wanted to make sure your inquiry didn't fall into the void. Cheers!

by **Santa Moutramas** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:22 pm

Try agreeing "too much" with him. Men's Ego is a powerful thing and can manipulated quite easily. Show him that you care as much (or, as little) for your relationship as he does.
If you see him troubled that you agree so easily on that, that means he cares about you enough and he doesn't actually want to share you as much as he wants to try out new "things".
If, on the other hand, see that he's totally ok with that, then in that case, use the "open relationship" card for your benefit, to search for another, steadier monogamist boyfriend. And if you start thinking "i m not that kind of girl", well, i m sorry, but your relationship with your current boyfriend is no longer the same, and it doesn't, nor ever will, fulfil you.

I'm an RL Wikipedian! · by **Wikipedia and Universe** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:22 pm

Travilina wrote:I'm definitely not ok with it, but I'm kinda scared if I say no he will go behind my back and do it anyways :/

Talk to him about it. A true open relationship is two-sided. You should really just go and talk to him about it first because the level of communication and understanding can make or break this type of thing. Open relationships do not entail going behind another person's back. I know of three people on this site (Nana+Gallo and The Dog Hold) who are involved in healthy, functional open relationships. You may consider it down the road, or not, but make sure you both have a full understanding of what he is proposing. PLEASE TALK TO HIM YOURSELF. SPEAK YOUR MIND AND ALSO BE OPEN-MINDED.

by **Reseda Island** » Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:23 pm

Travilina wrote:Ok so I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 1/2 months now and he said he wants an open relationship. What the hell does that mean? He says he wants to be with me but have sex with other girls. What should I do?

tell him to dream on dumba**