Cows and Political Science!

[Farnhamia]

REALITY

You have two cows. You milk them. Eventually, after many years, the cows die.

reality
You have two cows. you sell one and buy a bull and start a cattle farm. several months of drought, mounting debts and poor beef yelds end when the Government forecloses on your farm and auction it off to help pay for the subsidies given to you.

The bank, in the person of an oily individual with mustaches he likes to twirl, does the foreclosing. The government, in the person of the local sheriff, runs you off.

[Heningrad]

CHINESE COW:
you have two cows. but cows are dishonorable because you do not eat them. you sell the cows, buy two dogs, and eat them instead.

[Daistallia 2104]

Westboro Baptist Church.

Both cows are picketed because you can't have a farm with nothing but two female cows. that's homosexuality, and god hates fags. so the church exercises it's legally protected freedom of speech and drive the farmer out of business and celebrate by having a burger because God loves burgers.

Westboro Baptist Church II:
Godhatescows.com

[Autash]

WASHINGTON STATE

You have two cows. One cow hangs around the west side of the pasture and has all the water and grass she needs, but when milking time comes she decides to do it later. The other cow hangs around the east side of the pasture and is always low on water and grass, and resents the cow on the west for having so much and the farmer for always favoring her for milk. The farmer forces the cow in the west to get up for milking; she thinks about kicking the farmer in the groin and leaving the farm, but after settling back down she decides she'll think about it later.

[Occupied Deutschland]

Montana Cows

You have three-hundred cows, spend all day almost every day managing them. Stay up most nights with shotgun in case those kooks from Wyoming try to cross the border and get friendly-like with one of your cows. Damned Wyomingites.

[Wazkyraque]

RICK JAMES:
You have two cows Bitch!

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
You have one donkey, and one elephant in a field full of cows, they can't agree on anything, they both make deals to cows in different fields, they don't realize they spent more than they could afford then they blame eachother.

[Ifreann]

Irony:
You have a herd of sheep, when all you need is a cow.

wat
Alanis Morisette irony?

The best kind.

[Nuevo Cadiz]

Ok after all the divisive budget talk lately; i am going to offer some humor. It might have been already posted, it might be labeled copy pasta but I did laugh at a couple of the definitions. Enjoy.


DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch. Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.


IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows. They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.



POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese Only five speak English. Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[Greater Cabinda]

FASCISM

You have two cows. The state takes one for the war effort, but lets you keep the other one provided you ignore the executions of your neighbors.

[Seigleterre]

CONSERVATISM

You have two cows. The cows are killed for homosexuality; you go bankrupt and blow your brains out with a 9mm.

[Nuevo Cadiz]

CONSERVATISM

You have two cows. The cows are killed for homosexuality; you go bankrupt and blow your brains out with a 9mm.

Not funny... Although the homo part was kinda funny.

[Acerbic]

1900's Austria:

You have two cows. One is black and one is white. Germany conscripts them both. The black cow then takes over Germany by stating that White Cows are the best and all heifers must die.

[Alaois De Lacy]

Seems really biased up in here.

To quote that great 20th century orator, Foghorn Leghorn, it's a joke, son, a joke.

this.... must..... be.... sigged.

[Greater Cabinda]

CONSERVATISM

You have two cows. The cows are killed for homosexuality; you go bankrupt and blow your brains out with a 9mm.

WALL STREET COWS

You have two cows. You overproduce milk for several years, and when the price of milk eventually falls, you ask for the government to bail you out.

[Seperates]

Conservatism:

You inherit two cows. You want there to be only two cows, so while your neighbors build up their technology and cow raising abilities, you sit on your ass and continue to milk using your hands, because that's the way your ancestors did it, and you don't want to *gasp* change.

*EDIT* Damn ninja'd

[Ifreann]

REALITY

You have two cows. You milk them. Eventually, after many years, the cows die.

reality
You have two cows. you sell one and buy a bull and start a cattle farm. several months of drought, mounting debts and poor beef yelds end when the Government forecloses on your farm and auction it off to help pay for the subsidies given to you.

Reality:
You have no cows, because you live in a city. You wouldn't even know what to do with two cows.

[Wazkyraque]

KA-BULL:
You had two cows. The Talibull régime stoned them both to death for wearing chador instead of burqas.

ALASKA:
You have two moose. You tell the government to stop the moose tax, but, come September, you gladly take your free $1,000 from the government. You vote for Ted Stevens and Sarah Palin out of gratitude.

ARGENTINA:
You have two cows. Their burps are causing the greenhouse effect.

ARKANSAS CITY, KANSAS:
You have two cows. You worry that someone from Winfield will rape them.

BANGLADESH:
You had two cows, but they died in a flood, so now your wife has to spend all 12 hours a day weaving baskets for 5 cents an hour.

BANGALORE:
you have two cows,they outsource milk

[Munathanura]

Australia:

You have two cows, but one can't produce milk, so you get another cow, which produces a lot of milk but doesn't socialise with the original two cows. One of the original cows, the one who can produce milk, thinks that it's about to be superseded by the new cow, so it tries to chase it off, only to be head butted by the original cow, which now engages in deep philosophical discussions.

After a while, the four cows start interacting with each other and decide to start working together. Two cows turn out to be dominant, each deciding to do the opposite of the other cow, and thus the other two cows get the deciding vote. Whichever cow they support has no choice but to do what they want, but both of the two non-dominant cows have different agendas. One wants to stop grazing altogether in order to preserve pristine areas of the paddock, while the other one wants to eat all the grass and then break into the paddock next door.

The four cows are so busy arguing and jockeying for power that they don't realise that they've eaten the paddock bare and starve to death.

[Alaois De Lacy]

NEW YORK COWS

fuggedabouddit...

(I can say it b/c I'm from Brooklyn)

[Ifreann]

Hipster:
You had two Kalmyk cows(most people haven't heard of them), but you sold them when your neighbour said he liked cows. You now have an alpaca and a Komodo dragon.

[Allrule]

McCarthyism:

You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor. The government declares you a communist and executes you without trial.

[The Ben Boys]

Ok after all the divisive budget talk lately; i am going to offer some humor. It might have been already posted, it might be labeled copy pasta but I did laugh at a couple of the definitions. Enjoy.


DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.


REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good


JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch. Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You drink some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You drink some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.


IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows. They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.



POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese Only five speak English. Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

That is so damn funny! Only Mindhar on LOTR even comes close to this.

[Alaois De Lacy]

McCarthyism:

You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor. The government declares you a communist and executes you without trial.

I like it.
are there any RL countries like that?

[Socialist States Owen]

BRITISH NATIONAL PARTY

You have two cows, but you ignore one because it was has black hide. The other one lazily squeezes out milk on occasion and reads a Daily Mail.

[Shofercia]

SOUTH AFRICA
You go bankrupt because you don't let the black and white cows reproduce together. You play vuvuzelas.

ANTARCTIC COW:
Why the hell are there cows in Antarctica?

Methinks you're trying way too hard

Corporacracy:

You elect two cows. The cows claim that since you elected them, they work for you. In reality, they argue nonstop in front of you, while getting in bed with the same corporate bull.