Winter Short Story Contest (2012) Winners Announced!

[Costa Alegria]

Why should I have?

Because generally speaking, a writing contest's judges won't go over and judge something that isn't finished. That's what happens.

Look, just look at it for five minutes.

What Nazi Flower Power said. Too much plot, chapters unsuitable. Punctuation mistakes. That sort of thing. And besides, if you just wanted feed back, the general writing thread would have been better, not a contest thread.

Shit, that was my fault, I forgot to update for the fourth page.

Eeh, I probably would have written it off as "unfinished" anyway.

[Nazi Flower Power]

Why should I have?

Because generally speaking, a writing contest's judges won't go over and judge something that isn't finished. That's what happens.

Look, just look at it for five minutes.

What Nazi Flower Power said. Too much plot, chapters unsuitable. Punctuation mistakes. That sort of thing. And besides, if you just wanted feed back, the general writing thread would have been better, not a contest thread.

Shit, that was my fault, I forgot to update for the fourth page.

Eeh, I probably would have written it off as "unfinished" anyway.

You should probably give it a score, even if you don't spend a ton of time agonizing over your judgement. I mean it'll lose points for not having a complete story arc, but the post was pretty clearly intended to be an entry, and it's not their fault that CM forgot to update that list at the beginning of the thread.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

._. Well, I've learned something today. A lot of things, actually, but they're all useful.
Back to the drawing board.

Ha! beat you by ONE point!

Now let's see.
NOTES
1.) Never do that name theme thing again. Ever. I'm not some parent who can only ever think of my first child's name.
2.)Less plot, more explosions. I plan on becoming the refined Michael Bay; not only is everything going to blow up, but there won't even be an excuse plot Think things through. How did I miss this step? I'm at the age where I lack a brain, that's how.
3.) Make the setting more defined. Costa had a problem with that in my story.
4.) Expand my vocabulary.
5.) Less semicolons; I've had a problem with those for some reason.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
6.) No more serious stuff. I should have taken my friend's advice and do a comedic piece. I'm not Freidrich Nietzsche, I had(well, am having) a stable upbringing.
7.) The ending was kind of a pull. Never do that again, me.

This has been a good learning experience for me. I'll get Kingsmouth next year.

[Kingsmouth]

Ha! beat you by ONE point!

Now let's see.
NOTES
1.) Never do that name theme thing again. Ever. I'm not some parent who can only ever think of my first child's name.
2.)Less plot, more explosions. I plan on becoming the refined Michael Bay; not only is everything going to blow up, but there won't even be an excuse plot Think things through. How did I miss this step? I'm at the age where I lack a brain, that's how.
3.) Make the setting more defined. Costa had a problem with that in my story.
4.) Expand my vocabulary.
5.) Less semicolons; I've had a problem with those for some reason.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
6.) No more serious stuff. I should have taken my friend's advice and do a comedic piece. I'm not Freidrich Nietzsche, I had(well, am having) a stable upbringing.
7.) The ending was kind of a pull. Never do that again, me.

This has been a good learning experience for me. I'll get Kingsmouth next year.

oh, no:
"damn you kingsmooooooooooooouth!"?
I am very dissapointed.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Now let's see.
NOTES
1.) Never do that name theme thing again. Ever. I'm not some parent who can only ever think of my first child's name.
2.)Less plot, more explosions. I plan on becoming the refined Michael Bay; not only is everything going to blow up, but there won't even be an excuse plot Think things through. How did I miss this step? I'm at the age where I lack a brain, that's how.
3.) Make the setting more defined. Costa had a problem with that in my story.
4.) Expand my vocabulary.
5.) Less semicolons; I've had a problem with those for some reason.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
6.) No more serious stuff. I should have taken my friend's advice and do a comedic piece. I'm not Freidrich Nietzsche, I had(well, am having) a stable upbringing.
7.) The ending was kind of a pull. Never do that again, me.

This has been a good learning experience for me. I'll get Kingsmouth next year.

oh, no:
"damn you kingsmooooooooooooouth!"?
I am very dissapointed.

I'm not so sour about losing to you.

[Kingsmouth]

oh, no:
"damn you kingsmooooooooooooouth!"?
I am very dissapointed.

I'm not so sour about losing to you.

I know, but it still makes me very sad knowing that you just didn't care. Do I mean that little to you? I thought what we had was special!

[The Empire of Pretantia]

I'm not so sour about losing to you.

I know, but it still makes me very sad knowing that you just didn't care. Do I mean that little to you? I thought what we had was special!

It's not you I love; it's the idea of you.

[Conserative Morality]

6.) No more serious stuff. I should have taken my friend's advice and do a comedic piece. I'm not Freidrich Nietzsche, I had(well, am having) a stable upbringing.

Boooo, hiss!

If that's what you like writing, write it. Stable or unstable upbringing has nothing to do with it.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

6.) No more serious stuff. I should have taken my friend's advice and do a comedic piece. I'm not Freidrich Nietzsche, I had(well, am having) a stable upbringing.

Boooo, hiss!

If that's what you like writing, write it. Stable or unstable upbringing has nothing to do with it.

You're right, but it's definitely not what I like writing.

[Costa Alegria]

Well, write what you like writing about.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Well, write what you like writing about.

Hangovers.

[Venaleria]

Venalerian Judging Results

Characters 20/25

Plot 16/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 12/15

Style 13/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 76/100

Comments: I felt very confused with the plot in this story. I did not really understand what its purpose was throughout the passage. Your grammar was also a little "rusty". Good effort though!

Characters 22/25

Plot 20/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 13/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 87/100

Comments: This was a very successful story in my opinion. Only a few comments: I felt the characters could have been described a little more in the detail and the plot was not as progressive or purposeful as it could have been. Good job!

Characters 24/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 94/100

Comments: This was a very fun, creative read! I loved the characters and the rhyming you included! I think that it could have had a better rhythm than it does already as the text does not flow in the best way. Other than that, very good!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 96/100

Comments: This was surprisingly moving passage for a short story. I loved the characters and plot development! It showed a fantastic moral at the end which teaches us something about human nature and mistakes that we make. Wonderful!

Characters 24/25

Plot 21/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 2/5

Overall 89/100

I thought this was an interesting thing to read. The characters were explained and described very well and the plot was gradually progressed. I enjoyed the dialect which you wrote in. However, the spelling and grammar on this was not acceptable. That category, in a way, is the most important. Good job!

Characters 25/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 100/100

Comments: I think that was one of the best stories I've ever read. Impeccably neat, grammatically clean, and plot-wise, perfect. Very meaningful and emotional as well. Not much more to say about it.

Characters 23/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 92/100

Comments: This was a very satisfying read. It could've used another edit after it was written, but mainly, the grammar was fine. I think the notes you included saved you since they included information which explained how the plot might play out later. Good story!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 97/100

Comments: Fantastic! The plotline was very informational. I felt as if the characters could have been explained just a tad more in the context though. Very well done!

Sorry I wasn't able to include many comments, I was on a bit of a "time-rush" if you will. I also apologize for these results being posted extremely late! Good luck to you all!

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Venalerian Judging Results

Characters 20/25

Plot 16/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 12/15

Style 13/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 76/100

Comments: I felt very confused with the plot in this story. I did not really understand what its purpose was throughout the passage. Your grammar was also a little "rusty". Good effort though!

Characters 22/25

Plot 20/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 13/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 87/100

Comments: This was a very successful story in my opinion. Only a few comments: I felt the characters could have been described a little more in the detail and the plot was not as progressive or purposeful as it could have been. Good job!

Characters 24/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 94/100

Comments: This was a very fun, creative read! I loved the characters and the rhyming you included! I think that it could have had a better rhythm than it does already as the text does not flow in the best way. Other than that, very good!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 96/100

Comments: This was surprisingly moving passage for a short story. I loved the characters and plot development! It showed a fantastic moral at the end which teaches us something about human nature and mistakes that we make. Wonderful!

Characters 24/25

Plot 21/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 2/5

Overall 89/100

I thought this was an interesting thing to read. The characters were explained and described very well and the plot was gradually progressed. I enjoyed the dialect which you wrote in. However, the spelling and grammar on this was not acceptable. That category, in a way, is the most important. Good job!

Characters 25/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 100/100

Comments: I think that was one of the best stories I've ever read. Impeccably neat, grammatically clean, and plot-wise, perfect. Very meaningful and emotional as well. Not much more to say about it.

Characters 23/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 92/100

Comments: This was a very satisfying read. It could've used another edit after it was written, but mainly, the grammar was fine. I think the notes you included saved you since they included information which explained how the plot might play out later. Good story!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 97/100

Comments: Fantastic! The plotline was very informational. I felt as if the characters could have been explained just a tad more in the context though. Very well done!

Sorry I wasn't able to include many comments, I was on a bit of a "time-rush" if you will. I also apologize for these results being posted extremely late! Good luck to you all!

._. What.

[Kingsmouth]

Venalerian Judging Results

Characters 20/25

Plot 16/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 12/15

Style 13/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 76/100

Comments: I felt very confused with the plot in this story. I did not really understand what its purpose was throughout the passage. Your grammar was also a little "rusty". Good effort though!

Characters 22/25

Plot 20/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 13/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 87/100

Comments: This was a very successful story in my opinion. Only a few comments: I felt the characters could have been described a little more in the detail and the plot was not as progressive or purposeful as it could have been. Good job!

Characters 24/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 94/100

Comments: This was a very fun, creative read! I loved the characters and the rhyming you included! I think that it could have had a better rhythm than it does already as the text does not flow in the best way. Other than that, very good!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 96/100

Comments: This was surprisingly moving passage for a short story. I loved the characters and plot development! It showed a fantastic moral at the end which teaches us something about human nature and mistakes that we make. Wonderful!

Characters 24/25

Plot 21/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 2/5

Overall 89/100

I thought this was an interesting thing to read. The characters were explained and described very well and the plot was gradually progressed. I enjoyed the dialect which you wrote in. However, the spelling and grammar on this was not acceptable. That category, in a way, is the most important. Good job!

Characters 25/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 100/100

Comments: I think that was one of the best stories I've ever read. Impeccably neat, grammatically clean, and plot-wise, perfect. Very meaningful and emotional as well. Not much more to say about it.

Characters 23/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 92/100

Comments: This was a very satisfying read. It could've used another edit after it was written, but mainly, the grammar was fine. I think the notes you included saved you since they included information which explained how the plot might play out later. Good story!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 97/100

Comments: Fantastic! The plotline was very informational. I felt as if the characters could have been explained just a tad more in the context though. Very well done!

Sorry I wasn't able to include many comments, I was on a bit of a "time-rush" if you will. I also apologize for these results being posted extremely late! Good luck to you all!

Wow, okay. Glad you liked it. On grammar, you're probably right. I haven't read it since the day I wrote it, and I did so in a rush.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

Venalerian Judging Results

Characters 20/25

Plot 16/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 12/15

Style 13/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 76/100

Comments: I felt very confused with the plot in this story. I did not really understand what its purpose was throughout the passage. Your grammar was also a little "rusty". Good effort though!

Characters 22/25

Plot 20/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 13/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 87/100

Comments: This was a very successful story in my opinion. Only a few comments: I felt the characters could have been described a little more in the detail and the plot was not as progressive or purposeful as it could have been. Good job!

Characters 24/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 94/100

Comments: This was a very fun, creative read! I loved the characters and the rhyming you included! I think that it could have had a better rhythm than it does already as the text does not flow in the best way. Other than that, very good!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 14/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 96/100

Comments: This was surprisingly moving passage for a short story. I loved the characters and plot development! It showed a fantastic moral at the end which teaches us something about human nature and mistakes that we make. Wonderful!

Characters 24/25

Plot 21/25

Setting 12/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 2/5

Overall 89/100

I thought this was an interesting thing to read. The characters were explained and described very well and the plot was gradually progressed. I enjoyed the dialect which you wrote in. However, the spelling and grammar on this was not acceptable. That category, in a way, is the most important. Good job!

Characters 25/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 100/100

Comments: I think that was one of the best stories I've ever read. Impeccably neat, grammatically clean, and plot-wise, perfect. Very meaningful and emotional as well. Not much more to say about it.

Characters 23/25

Plot 24/25

Setting 13/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 14/15

Grammar/spelling 3/5

Overall 92/100

Comments: This was a very satisfying read. It could've used another edit after it was written, but mainly, the grammar was fine. I think the notes you included saved you since they included information which explained how the plot might play out later. Good story!

Characters 24/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 14/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 4/5

Overall 97/100

Comments: Fantastic! The plotline was very informational. I felt as if the characters could have been explained just a tad more in the context though. Very well done!

Sorry I wasn't able to include many comments, I was on a bit of a "time-rush" if you will. I also apologize for these results being posted extremely late! Good luck to you all!

Wow, okay. Glad you liked it. On grammar, you're probably right. I haven't read it since the day I wrote it, and I did so in a rush.

I beat you this time. Now I have a 62.5 average. Altough one thing: I didn't intend for it to really have a moral. I guess this is something every author deals with, huh? Like people saying The Dark Knight is about the Bush presidency?

[Johz]

Characters 25/25

Plot 25/25

Setting 15/15

Creativity 15/15

Style 15/15

Grammar/spelling 5/5

Overall 100/100

Comments: I think that was one of the best stories I've ever read. Impeccably neat, grammatically clean, and plot-wise, perfect. Very meaningful and emotional as well. Not much more to say about it.

I... I think I love you. Thanks!

[The Empire of Pretantia]

So while the second judge gave me a good score, I don't think I'll do that again. Here's why:

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, DAMMIT!” screamed Schnavel at the top of his lungs. The still-wounded adventurer’s anger stayed the orc and his onslaught. Such was his anger that it summoned a tiger tank from the tavern behind him, to the right. The menacing pile of steel plowed through the tavern’s wall and aimed its gun to the orc, letting loose another, smaller menacing pile of steel. The orc flew through the air, crashing clean through the fountain in the city square; three blocks away. Out of the hatch came the tank’s commander, an orc. Well, not the same kind of orc as the one that just visited six houses in the span of a second; this one was able to straighten his back and speak clearly; or Schnavel assumed he was speaking clearly, as the orc spoke in another language.
“Ich bein Volksmarschal Grechel Von Orchsburg! Ich herrbehn deklaren dis panzerburgen acht sie orchfuhrur’s, und acht sie tehrieturies auf sie Orchsreich!”
Schnavel ceased to give a damn about who anyone is; this orc had just said something nonsensical, and Schanvel was tired of that happening. He let out a fearsome roar of unsurpassed rage, and charged for the tank, still losing gallons of blood to the huge gash in his back. The orc commander, panicked by the sudden failure in diplomacy, hastily climbed down and shut the hatch; in time to spare his head from the ball of rage and pointy teeth. Schnavel did not relent, biting the thick armor off of the tiger tank. With each mighty chomp the armor yielded in strips, tossed away to the curb as scrap metal. He mawed his way into the cabin, now filled with creatures of green, brown, and two shades of yellow. Vengeance was at hand, anger being quenched as the heads of the crew flew out from the hole one by one, until six orc heads lay before Gotha’s feet. Schnavel emerged from his hole bloodied, holding the volksmarschal’s head in his teeth.
“Gotha,”the head dropped to the ground,”Do not explain what is going on anymore. I have conjured a tank; your argument is invalid.”
He then collapsed from blood-loss.

I've been writing a comedic fantasy novel, and this is the end of the first chapter. The story will be about how a pub brawl became a war involving multiple factions. As I was writing, I realized that I was going to make something that could be described as a mix of Dr. Strangelove, The Hangover, Monty Python, the Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming, and 1812 Overture.

[Kingsmouth]

Did anyone get the moral out of my story?

[Kingsmouth]

So while the second judge gave me a good score, I don't think I'll do that again. Here's why:

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, DAMMIT!” screamed Schnavel at the top of his lungs. The still-wounded adventurer’s anger stayed the orc and his onslaught. Such was his anger that it summoned a tiger tank from the tavern behind him, to the right. The menacing pile of steel plowed through the tavern’s wall and aimed its gun to the orc, letting loose another, smaller menacing pile of steel. The orc flew through the air, crashing clean through the fountain in the city square; three blocks away. Out of the hatch came the tank’s commander, an orc. Well, not the same kind of orc as the one that just visited six houses in the span of a second; this one was able to straighten his back and speak clearly; or Schnavel assumed he was speaking clearly, as the orc spoke in another language.
“Ich bein Volksmarschal Grechel Von Orchsburg! Ich herrbehn deklaren dis panzerburgen acht sie orchfuhrur’s, und acht sie tehrieturies auf sie Orchsreich!”
Schnavel ceased to give a damn about who anyone is; this orc had just said something nonsensical, and Schanvel was tired of that happening. He let out a fearsome roar of unsurpassed rage, and charged for the tank, still losing gallons of blood to the huge gash in his back. The orc commander, panicked by the sudden failure in diplomacy, hastily climbed down and shut the hatch; in time to spare his head from the ball of rage and pointy teeth. Schnavel did not relent, biting the thick armor off of the tiger tank. With each mighty chomp the armor yielded in strips, tossed away to the curb as scrap metal. He mawed his way into the cabin, now filled with creatures of green, brown, and two shades of yellow. Vengeance was at hand, anger being quenched as the heads of the crew flew out from the hole one by one, until six orc heads lay before Gotha’s feet. Schnavel emerged from his hole bloodied, holding the volksmarschal’s head in his teeth.
“Gotha,”the head dropped to the ground,”Do not explain what is going on anymore. I have conjured a tank; your argument is invalid.”
He then collapsed from blood-loss.

I've been writing a comedic fantasy novel, and this is the end of the first chapter. The story will be about how a pub brawl became a war involving multiple factions. As I was writing, I realized that I was going to make something that could be described as a mix of Dr. Strangelove, The Hangover, Monty Python, the Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming, and 1812 Overture.

two times the Russians are coming huh?
That looks neat, actually.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

So while the second judge gave me a good score, I don't think I'll do that again. Here's why:

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, DAMMIT!” screamed Schnavel at the top of his lungs. The still-wounded adventurer’s anger stayed the orc and his onslaught. Such was his anger that it summoned a tiger tank from the tavern behind him, to the right. The menacing pile of steel plowed through the tavern’s wall and aimed its gun to the orc, letting loose another, smaller menacing pile of steel. The orc flew through the air, crashing clean through the fountain in the city square; three blocks away. Out of the hatch came the tank’s commander, an orc. Well, not the same kind of orc as the one that just visited six houses in the span of a second; this one was able to straighten his back and speak clearly; or Schnavel assumed he was speaking clearly, as the orc spoke in another language.
“Ich bein Volksmarschal Grechel Von Orchsburg! Ich herrbehn deklaren dis panzerburgen acht sie orchfuhrur’s, und acht sie tehrieturies auf sie Orchsreich!”
Schnavel ceased to give a damn about who anyone is; this orc had just said something nonsensical, and Schanvel was tired of that happening. He let out a fearsome roar of unsurpassed rage, and charged for the tank, still losing gallons of blood to the huge gash in his back. The orc commander, panicked by the sudden failure in diplomacy, hastily climbed down and shut the hatch; in time to spare his head from the ball of rage and pointy teeth. Schnavel did not relent, biting the thick armor off of the tiger tank. With each mighty chomp the armor yielded in strips, tossed away to the curb as scrap metal. He mawed his way into the cabin, now filled with creatures of green, brown, and two shades of yellow. Vengeance was at hand, anger being quenched as the heads of the crew flew out from the hole one by one, until six orc heads lay before Gotha’s feet. Schnavel emerged from his hole bloodied, holding the volksmarschal’s head in his teeth.
“Gotha,”the head dropped to the ground,”Do not explain what is going on anymore. I have conjured a tank; your argument is invalid.”
He then collapsed from blood-loss.

I've been writing a comedic fantasy novel, and this is the end of the first chapter. The story will be about how a pub brawl became a war involving multiple factions. As I was writing, I realized that I was going to make something that could be described as a mix of Dr. Strangelove, The Hangover, Monty Python, the Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming, and 1812 Overture.

two times the Russians are coming huh?
That looks neat, actually.

The name of the movie is "The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming." It's about how WWIII is nearly started because of a failure to communicate.

[Esternial]

An average of 89 so far.

I am less displeased.

:3

[The Empire of Pretantia]

An average of 89 so far.

I am less displeased.

:3

._. @i.i

[Esternial]

An average of 89 so far.

I am less displeased.

:3

._. @i.i

Going from displeased to happy just like that would be silly.

[The Empire of Pretantia]

._. @i.i

Going from displeased to happy just like that would be silly.

Did the ecerpt from my story please you, O great Llama?

[Esternial]

Going from displeased to happy just like that would be silly.

Did the ecerpt from my story please you, O great Llama?

A long yet enjoyable read.

It would have pleased me more if you hadn't mistaken me for a Llama and called me an alpaca instead. You have made a grave error.