[CLOSED]Fall 2016 Poetry Contest

[Deamonopolis]

I have raised $9,000,000 through crowdfunding and I demand a recount hehehe

[USS Monitor]

I've unstickied this since the deadline for entries is past.

[Schiltzberg]

The judging resumes. I'm almost done, but still have a few more to go.

Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 82/100

I quickly realized that the subject of the poem was Jesus in the Garden the night before he died, and that in itself is a very moving image. I thought that the author did a good job of describing the scene of this. I did not give full credit for the subject, because I felt like the author should have written a stanza or two about how Jesus himself is feeling, rather than just describing the scene. I think that this was indirectly touched on to some extent, but I was hoping for something like "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? as he leaned his head against the olive tree." I don't know, maybe that is my poem to write then, but I thought that the emotion could have been better expressed. It was still very good.

I thought that this was creative, and what I liked about it was that it could be applied into the everyday lives of the people to, based on the way that it was told. It shows very much the human side of Jesus, and the way that he is described as being very human, and having the devil tempt him is very relatable to us as humans.

I did not think that the language control was extraordinarily great, but I thought that it was good. I liked the humanization of the snake "hissing and laughing," which gave the poem a strange, eerie feel to it, and the imagery of the star twinkling in the sky. This was all very good, and I also liked the use of capitalization to show significance of certain words, and I considered this a method of style. I also liked the subtle end rhyme.

The structure was pretty consistent throughout, but not perfect, at least when I read it through. It was not distracting to my comprehension of the poem though, so I only took off two points.

I noticed two spots where the punctuation was incorrect, but other than that, the poem was perfect grammatically, so I only deducted one point.

I gave seven bonus points, because I liked how this poem could be related into the life of the reader and I liked the religiousness of the topic of the poem, and religion in itself is a human emotion. Very good job to the writer of this poem, and I enjoyed it a lot.

Subject: 13/20
Creativity: 19/30
Language Control: 10/20
Structure: 10/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 0/10

Total: 55/100

This topic brought back memories of my freshman science class, which is probably not a good thing. Honestly, I did not find the topic that interesting, though I did give a fair amount of points for the author's apparent passion about the topic, which shone through as I was reading this entry. The real reason why I deducted points was the length. Like I said, I did not find this topic too thrilling, but what really made me feel that way was having to read about it for twelve stanzas (assuming I counted correctly). It is not always a bad thing for a poem to be long, if there is something to talk about, then it is great, but I felt that it was unnecessary for this poem to be that long, and I think that it would have been better if it had been about one half as long, or maybe two-thirds as long.

I did not find this particularly creative, and the author basically just talked about the scientific things of these elements without really putting a clever spin on it in my opinion.

I marked down heavily for language control, simply because the end rhyme was so forced. Almost all of the end rhymes seemed to be so forced, and a lot of them did not even make sense. It just sounded really weird and was really distracting. I like end rhyme, but not if it is forced like that. I also found no other attempt to dominate language through methods like word choice, internal rhyme, etc.

The structure was a bit distracting, since it did not stay consistent throughout the poem. Honestly though, it was not really the structure that was all that distracting, because I was already so distracted by the end rhyme.

The grammar was pretty good, but for example, stanzas three and four have punctuation issues. Probably about half of the poem is punctuated correctly, so I only took off two points for this. Also, there were some fragment sentences in the poem, but they were written in such a way that they were not distracting, and they could be considered style.

I did not give any bonus points, because I honestly felt like this poem was just forgettable. I'm really sorry if that sounds harsh.

Subject: 14/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 2/10

Total: 78/100

The subject was kind of cliche, but it was well executed. I liked the use of style in this poem, and I thought that the author's style was very evident.

I thought that it was very clever how the lovers were described as being one together on numerous occasions. I thought that that image kind of brought the whole poem together, since it was mentioned at both the beginning and the end of the poem. I also respect the wit of the author to submit a poem of this type into a contest where it is unique in theme.

I liked the parallel structure used throughout the poem to convey that sense of togetherness that the author seemed to want to convey. I loved the word choice, comparing the people to animals at one point. I thought that was brilliant.

The structure was very free verse, so it was not consistent throughout the poem, but that was kind of the whole point, and I recognized that as part of the author's style. The style was not overly distracting, and that is the main thing, so I gave a good score.

The lack of punctuation seemed to be a use of the author's style in this case, so I did not mark the author down for this. The only typo I found was that "it's self" should be "itself," so I marked down a point for this.

I only gave two points in the bonus category, and it wasn't that I felt that the poem was bad; it was just that I felt that the poem really well matched the rubric, so it had already scored a lot of points.

[The Grene Knyght]

The judging resumes. I'm almost done, but still have a few more to go.

Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 82/100

I quickly realized that the subject of the poem was Jesus in the Garden the night before he died, and that in itself is a very moving image. I thought that the author did a good job of describing the scene of this. I did not give full credit for the subject, because I felt like the author should have written a stanza or two about how Jesus himself is feeling, rather than just describing the scene. I think that this was indirectly touched on to some extent, but I was hoping for something like "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? as he leaned his head against the olive tree." I don't know, maybe that is my poem to write then, but I thought that the emotion could have been better expressed. It was still very good.

I thought that this was creative, and what I liked about it was that it could be applied into the everyday lives of the people to, based on the way that it was told. It shows very much the human side of Jesus, and the way that he is described as being very human, and having the devil tempt him is very relatable to us as humans.

I did not think that the language control was extraordinarily great, but I thought that it was good. I liked the humanization of the snake "hissing and laughing," which gave the poem a strange, eerie feel to it, and the imagery of the star twinkling in the sky. This was all very good, and I also liked the use of capitalization to show significance of certain words, and I considered this a method of style. I also liked the subtle end rhyme.

The structure was pretty consistent throughout, but not perfect, at least when I read it through. It was not distracting to my comprehension of the poem though, so I only took off two points.

I noticed two spots where the punctuation was incorrect, but other than that, the poem was perfect grammatically, so I only deducted one point.

I gave seven bonus points, because I liked how this poem could be related into the life of the reader and I liked the religiousness of the topic of the poem, and religion in itself is a human emotion. Very good job to the writer of this poem, and I enjoyed it a lot.

Subject: 13/20
Creativity: 19/30
Language Control: 10/20
Structure: 10/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 0/10

Total: 55/100

This topic brought back memories of my freshman science class, which is probably not a good thing. Honestly, I did not find the topic that interesting, though I did give a fair amount of points for the author's apparent passion about the topic, which shone through as I was reading this entry. The real reason why I deducted points was the length. Like I said, I did not find this topic too thrilling, but what really made me feel that way was having to read about it for twelve stanzas (assuming I counted correctly). It is not always a bad thing for a poem to be long, if there is something to talk about, then it is great, but I felt that it was unnecessary for this poem to be that long, and I think that it would have been better if it had been about one half as long, or maybe two-thirds as long.

I did not find this particularly creative, and the author basically just talked about the scientific things of these elements without really putting a clever spin on it in my opinion.

I marked down heavily for language control, simply because the end rhyme was so forced. Almost all of the end rhymes seemed to be so forced, and a lot of them did not even make sense. It just sounded really weird and was really distracting. I like end rhyme, but not if it is forced like that. I also found no other attempt to dominate language through methods like word choice, internal rhyme, etc.

The structure was a bit distracting, since it did not stay consistent throughout the poem. Honestly though, it was not really the structure that was all that distracting, because I was already so distracted by the end rhyme.

The grammar was pretty good, but for example, stanzas three and four have punctuation issues. Probably about half of the poem is punctuated correctly, so I only took off two points for this. Also, there were some fragment sentences in the poem, but they were written in such a way that they were not distracting, and they could be considered style.

I did not give any bonus points, because I honestly felt like this poem was just forgettable. I'm really sorry if that sounds harsh.

Subject: 14/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 2/10

Total: 78/100

The subject was kind of cliche, but it was well executed. I liked the use of style in this poem, and I thought that the author's style was very evident.

I thought that it was very clever how the lovers were described as being one together on numerous occasions. I thought that that image kind of brought the whole poem together, since it was mentioned at both the beginning and the end of the poem. I also respect the wit of the author to submit a poem of this type into a contest where it is unique in theme.

I liked the parallel structure used throughout the poem to convey that sense of togetherness that the author seemed to want to convey. I loved the word choice, comparing the people to animals at one point. I thought that was brilliant.

The structure was very free verse, so it was not consistent throughout the poem, but that was kind of the whole point, and I recognized that as part of the author's style. The style was not overly distracting, and that is the main thing, so I gave a good score.

The lack of punctuation seemed to be a use of the author's style in this case, so I did not mark the author down for this. The only typo I found was that "it's self" should be "itself," so I marked down a point for this.

I only gave two points in the bonus category, and it wasn't that I felt that the poem was bad; it was just that I felt that the poem really well matched the rubric, so it had already scored a lot of points.

When can we expect the other judges to weigh in?

[Shazbotdom]

Good luck to all those to be judged.

[Schiltzberg]

The judging resumes. I'm almost done, but still have a few more to go.

Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 82/100

I quickly realized that the subject of the poem was Jesus in the Garden the night before he died, and that in itself is a very moving image. I thought that the author did a good job of describing the scene of this. I did not give full credit for the subject, because I felt like the author should have written a stanza or two about how Jesus himself is feeling, rather than just describing the scene. I think that this was indirectly touched on to some extent, but I was hoping for something like "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? as he leaned his head against the olive tree." I don't know, maybe that is my poem to write then, but I thought that the emotion could have been better expressed. It was still very good.

I thought that this was creative, and what I liked about it was that it could be applied into the everyday lives of the people to, based on the way that it was told. It shows very much the human side of Jesus, and the way that he is described as being very human, and having the devil tempt him is very relatable to us as humans.

I did not think that the language control was extraordinarily great, but I thought that it was good. I liked the humanization of the snake "hissing and laughing," which gave the poem a strange, eerie feel to it, and the imagery of the star twinkling in the sky. This was all very good, and I also liked the use of capitalization to show significance of certain words, and I considered this a method of style. I also liked the subtle end rhyme.

The structure was pretty consistent throughout, but not perfect, at least when I read it through. It was not distracting to my comprehension of the poem though, so I only took off two points.

I noticed two spots where the punctuation was incorrect, but other than that, the poem was perfect grammatically, so I only deducted one point.

I gave seven bonus points, because I liked how this poem could be related into the life of the reader and I liked the religiousness of the topic of the poem, and religion in itself is a human emotion. Very good job to the writer of this poem, and I enjoyed it a lot.

Subject: 13/20
Creativity: 19/30
Language Control: 10/20
Structure: 10/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 0/10

Total: 55/100

This topic brought back memories of my freshman science class, which is probably not a good thing. Honestly, I did not find the topic that interesting, though I did give a fair amount of points for the author's apparent passion about the topic, which shone through as I was reading this entry. The real reason why I deducted points was the length. Like I said, I did not find this topic too thrilling, but what really made me feel that way was having to read about it for twelve stanzas (assuming I counted correctly). It is not always a bad thing for a poem to be long, if there is something to talk about, then it is great, but I felt that it was unnecessary for this poem to be that long, and I think that it would have been better if it had been about one half as long, or maybe two-thirds as long.

I did not find this particularly creative, and the author basically just talked about the scientific things of these elements without really putting a clever spin on it in my opinion.

I marked down heavily for language control, simply because the end rhyme was so forced. Almost all of the end rhymes seemed to be so forced, and a lot of them did not even make sense. It just sounded really weird and was really distracting. I like end rhyme, but not if it is forced like that. I also found no other attempt to dominate language through methods like word choice, internal rhyme, etc.

The structure was a bit distracting, since it did not stay consistent throughout the poem. Honestly though, it was not really the structure that was all that distracting, because I was already so distracted by the end rhyme.

The grammar was pretty good, but for example, stanzas three and four have punctuation issues. Probably about half of the poem is punctuated correctly, so I only took off two points for this. Also, there were some fragment sentences in the poem, but they were written in such a way that they were not distracting, and they could be considered style.

I did not give any bonus points, because I honestly felt like this poem was just forgettable. I'm really sorry if that sounds harsh.

Subject: 14/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 2/10

Total: 78/100

The subject was kind of cliche, but it was well executed. I liked the use of style in this poem, and I thought that the author's style was very evident.

I thought that it was very clever how the lovers were described as being one together on numerous occasions. I thought that that image kind of brought the whole poem together, since it was mentioned at both the beginning and the end of the poem. I also respect the wit of the author to submit a poem of this type into a contest where it is unique in theme.

I liked the parallel structure used throughout the poem to convey that sense of togetherness that the author seemed to want to convey. I loved the word choice, comparing the people to animals at one point. I thought that was brilliant.

The structure was very free verse, so it was not consistent throughout the poem, but that was kind of the whole point, and I recognized that as part of the author's style. The style was not overly distracting, and that is the main thing, so I gave a good score.

The lack of punctuation seemed to be a use of the author's style in this case, so I did not mark the author down for this. The only typo I found was that "it's self" should be "itself," so I marked down a point for this.

I only gave two points in the bonus category, and it wasn't that I felt that the poem was bad; it was just that I felt that the poem really well matched the rubric, so it had already scored a lot of points.

When can we expect the other judges to weigh in?

The other judges are in the process of judging. As far as I know, they are both working on it and trying to get this done as soon as possible. I have telegrammed them both, telling them my goal is to get the contest judged by December 14, which is 2 weeks after submissions closed.

[The Grene Knyght]

When can we expect the other judges to weigh in?

The other judges are in the process of judging. As far as I know, they are both working on it and trying to get this done as soon as possible. I have telegrammed them both, telling them my goal is to get the contest judged by December 14, which is 2 weeks after submissions closed.

Awesome.

[Schiltzberg]

Here is the last of my judging. Thank you all for a great contest, and the other judges will hopefully weigh in soon. After the other judges weigh in, I will average out the scores from the three judges for each entry, and post the rankings of the entries with the winners.

Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 17/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 1/5
Bonus: 6/10

Total: 61/100

The subject was extremely cliche, and not very well executed in my opinion. The whole love topic has to be done really well and very uniquely in order for me to not deduct points.

I did not find this poem overly creative at all. I gave it one point over half credit, because I liked the line "how not [to] know I was just sleeping?"

The language control was good. I liked the use of contractions to create a sort of rhythm, although this rhythm was not consistent throughout the poem. I did like the effort in this category though. I felt like the word choice could have been more creative.

The structure was not consistent throughout the poem, and the rhythm was slightly off in some areas, so I deducted some points.

This piece was riddled with typos and errors all throughout the poem. There were misspellings, lack of spaces between words, and some sentences that should have ended in question marks ended in periods. I did not see any of this as a stylistic device.

I gave six bonus points, because I did not think that this poem was all that bad.

Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 25/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 5/10

Total: 85/100

This poem seemed to be somewhat philosophical, and it was much deeper than the other entries, at least in my opinion. I thought that it was good, but honestly, I tend to prefer more explicit poetry, where you actually know exactly what it is about, and maybe there are sometimes deeper meanings. This poem was well written though, and would probably be considered the best one of the contest by someone who prefers deeper, more abstract poetry.

The poem was very creative, using the idea of light and darkness as a double meaning, which I thought was very clever. The style of writing was also very different from that of anyone else who was submitted into this contest, so I gave points for uniqueness in style as well.

The use of language was nothing less of masterful. The end rhymes were all beautiful, and the vocabulary and were choice were both extremely complex and beautiful. This was definitely deserving of a perfect score in the language control category.

The structure was spot on, and this was very easy to read, and it followed the requirements of a sonnet perfectly. No complaints here.

I scoured the poem three times looking for grammatical errors, but I couldn't find any, unless you consider the use of a conjunction to start a sentence as an error, which I do not. I believe that this is the only poem in the contest with perfect grammar.

I added up the score and thought that it was really high, and thought that maybe I wouldn't give a bonus because it scored more highly than I thought that I would score it. I then realized that the reason why the score was so high was because of the perfect scores on language control, structure, and grammar, and I thought that it would be unfair to not give a bonus because of this, since the author did such a good job in those categories, and was deserving of a good score. I did not give all ten bonus points, but I gave five, which I think is pretty fair.

[Red Alert 2-Transylvania]

Submissions:
"Cry of the Innocent Victims" by Bhikkustan
"High Energy" by Deamonopolis
"Slave to a Beauty" by Anollasia
"Mirror" by Gaiahan
"The Innocent Must Suffer" by Thranon
"Fade to Black" by The Grene Knyght
"Together" by Astrolinium
Untitled by Techno-Titania
"Not Proud" by Bodegraven
"In The Garden" by Luminesa
"Science in Rhyme" by Fephilonia
Untitled by Olivaero
"Maybe?" by Natanians and Nosts
"Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark" by Havl

The submissions are currently under judgement, and the results will be posted when the judges are finished judging.

Prepare for my horrid opinion.

For Cry of the Innocent Victims, I would say it captures mood and feeling already, and the vague nature of it till the end makes it so applicable to nearly anything, from a revolt in the Iron Curtain to Vietnam to Korea to other conflicts.
With that being said, this manner of "They came to us, they wronged us, now we lament" is almost a cliche. There was no real... twist... to the piece, you could almost see or feel how it would go throughout it. It's limited and predictable, though aside from that it is beautiful and does promote the battle against tyranny and evil, so it gets points there!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 8/10 for righteousness

Total: 81/100
High Energy
It's always interesting to hear stuff about the elections, and it's hard to grade such content without letting bias slip in.Now, onto the review!
First off, funny and epic. I'm picturing an RPG with Trump saving America in some sides-scrolling RPG or something. That being said, I feel it lacks a sort of rhythm to it. It is just SO close to having some, but then larger lines derail it. Minimize! If it distracts, it detracts! Cut the fat! And keep up the great work!
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 6/10

Total: 88/100
Slave to a Beauty
I find this one to be similar to Cry of the Innocent Victims in that it's a good execution of a dime a dozen cliche. If this skill was applied to something more bold and different, you could type gold. As it is now, I cannot in good faith view it as much different than other, similar "oh her beauty entraps me I am head over heels for her" pieces.
Subject: 12/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 8/10 for eloquence!

Total: 75/100
Mirror
Alright, this one is straightforward. "There is nothing you can do stop trying to pretend you are making a difference" is a bit of a runon, no? Another stab at government and authority. I don't mind the mood, I don't have anything against some of the phrases, but the coherence is lacking and the work itself is victim to being part of a a cliche style.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 22/30
Language Control: 15/20
Structure: 9/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 66/100
Also, wow, it had to add up to 66? I didn't even do that on purpose!

The Innocent Must Suffer [sounds like a metal band/song!'
It has spirit, and a good, consistent tone, but it lacks something deeper or different to it. It almost seems like it was made for a class assignment.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 18/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10 because the layout and brevity is refreshing.

Total: 74/100

Together
Wow. Just wow. It's catchy, memorable, and has good rhythm. I'd say it's a contender for #1!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being peppy and almost nostalgic!

Total: 85/100

"Untitled", Techno-Titania
It's a haiku, so it's a quick one. Again with the elections, and it's catchy thanks to its brevity, but is too short to have much of a spin on it.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 5/10

Total: 76/100

Not Proud
Hoe. Lee. Cow. It starts by coming off a bit edgy, but it develops into something like a mantra of disgust. I need a rap version of this to blast while working out.
Subject: 18/20
Creativity: 28/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 89/100

In The Garden
Spiritual. Deep. A bit on the nose with those aspects, and slightly cliched but also powerful. Certainly leaves an impression
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 17/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10

Total: 88/100

Science in Rhyme
Scientifically proven to have rocked my socks off. I'm too stunned to say more.
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 29/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being educational while somehow being bearable. Why didn't my classes have this in my day?

Total: 90/100

Untitled, by Olivaero
Disorienting. Fast. Primal. Throws off the shackles of standard subjects. Great work.
Also some lines seem to be references. "Skin on skin", reminiscent of raiders, "He is me and I am him" makes me think Persona.
My gripe is that it tapers off at the end, a bit abrupt, like slamming on the breaks.
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 30/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the ending.

Total: 88/100

Maybe?
Very loose form, an interesting style. The tone is consistent without over-saturating the work. Some parts seem a bit too far gone though, which detract from the end result.
Subject: 20/20
Creativity: 21/30
Language Control: 14/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the wistful and yet anguished, peppered in at just the right amount.

Total: 77/100

Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark
Interesting. Unique. Shedding a little light on the point of the dark. However, the subject matter and the expression are harmed by execution
Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 27/30
Language Control: 13/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 8/10 for the mysticism mixed in with wistfulness

Total: 81/100

[The Grene Knyght]

Submissions:
"Cry of the Innocent Victims" by Bhikkustan
"High Energy" by Deamonopolis
"Slave to a Beauty" by Anollasia
"Mirror" by Gaiahan
"The Innocent Must Suffer" by Thranon
"Fade to Black" by The Grene Knyght
"Together" by Astrolinium
Untitled by Techno-Titania
"Not Proud" by Bodegraven
"In The Garden" by Luminesa
"Science in Rhyme" by Fephilonia
Untitled by Olivaero
"Maybe?" by Natanians and Nosts
"Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark" by Havl

The submissions are currently under judgement, and the results will be posted when the judges are finished judging.

Prepare for my horrid opinion.

For Cry of the Innocent Victims, I would say it captures mood and feeling already, and the vague nature of it till the end makes it so applicable to nearly anything, from a revolt in the Iron Curtain to Vietnam to Korea to other conflicts.
With that being said, this manner of "They came to us, they wronged us, now we lament" is almost a cliche. There was no real... twist... to the piece, you could almost see or feel how it would go throughout it. It's limited and predictable, though aside from that it is beautiful and does promote the battle against tyranny and evil, so it gets points there!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 8/10 for righteousness

Total: 81/100
High Energy
It's always interesting to hear stuff about the elections, and it's hard to grade such content without letting bias slip in.Now, onto the review!
First off, funny and epic. I'm picturing an RPG with Trump saving America in some sides-scrolling RPG or something. That being said, I feel it lacks a sort of rhythm to it. It is just SO close to having some, but then larger lines derail it. Minimize! If it distracts, it detracts! Cut the fat! And keep up the great work!
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 6/10

Total: 88/100
Slave to a Beauty
I find this one to be similar to Cry of the Innocent Victims in that it's a good execution of a dime a dozen cliche. If this skill was applied to something more bold and different, you could type gold. As it is now, I cannot in good faith view it as much different than other, similar "oh her beauty entraps me I am head over heels for her" pieces.
Subject: 12/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 8/10 for eloquence!

Total: 75/100
Mirror
Alright, this one is straightforward. "There is nothing you can do stop trying to pretend you are making a difference" is a bit of a runon, no? Another stab at government and authority. I don't mind the mood, I don't have anything against some of the phrases, but the coherence is lacking and the work itself is victim to being part of a a cliche style.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 22/30
Language Control: 15/20
Structure: 9/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 66/100
Also, wow, it had to add up to 66? I didn't even do that on purpose!

The Innocent Must Suffer [sounds like a metal band/song!'
It has spirit, and a good, consistent tone, but it lacks something deeper or different to it. It almost seems like it was made for a class assignment.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 18/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10 because the layout and brevity is refreshing.

Total: 74/100

Together
Wow. Just wow. It's catchy, memorable, and has good rhythm. I'd say it's a contender for #1!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being peppy and almost nostalgic!

Total: 85/100

"Untitled", Techno-Titania
It's a haiku, so it's a quick one. Again with the elections, and it's catchy thanks to its brevity, but is too short to have much of a spin on it.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 5/10

Total: 76/100

Not Proud
Hoe. Lee. Cow. It starts by coming off a bit edgy, but it develops into something like a mantra of disgust. I need a rap version of this to blast while working out.
Subject: 18/20
Creativity: 28/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 89/100

In The Garden
Spiritual. Deep. A bit on the nose with those aspects, and slightly cliched but also powerful. Certainly leaves an impression
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 17/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10

Total: 88/100

Science in Rhyme
Scientifically proven to have rocked my socks off. I'm too stunned to say more.
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 29/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being educational while somehow being bearable. Why didn't my classes have this in my day?

Total: 90/100

Untitled, by Olivaero
Disorienting. Fast. Primal. Throws off the shackles of standard subjects. Great work.
Also some lines seem to be references. "Skin on skin", reminiscent of raiders, "He is me and I am him" makes me think Persona.
My gripe is that it tapers off at the end, a bit abrupt, like slamming on the breaks.
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 30/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the ending.

Total: 88/100

Maybe?
Very loose form, an interesting style. The tone is consistent without over-saturating the work. Some parts seem a bit too far gone though, which detract from the end result.
Subject: 20/20
Creativity: 21/30
Language Control: 14/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the wistful and yet anguished, peppered in at just the right amount.

Total: 77/100

Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark
Interesting. Unique. Shedding a little light on the point of the dark. However, the subject matter and the expression are harmed by execution
Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 27/30
Language Control: 13/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 8/10 for the mysticism mixed in with wistfulness

Total: 81/100

tfw didn't get graded...
Did you miss mine, or is there another post coming (or is it actually there somewhere and I just can't see it)?

[Schiltzberg]

Prepare for my horrid opinion.

For Cry of the Innocent Victims, I would say it captures mood and feeling already, and the vague nature of it till the end makes it so applicable to nearly anything, from a revolt in the Iron Curtain to Vietnam to Korea to other conflicts.
With that being said, this manner of "They came to us, they wronged us, now we lament" is almost a cliche. There was no real... twist... to the piece, you could almost see or feel how it would go throughout it. It's limited and predictable, though aside from that it is beautiful and does promote the battle against tyranny and evil, so it gets points there!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 8/10 for righteousness

Total: 81/100
High Energy
It's always interesting to hear stuff about the elections, and it's hard to grade such content without letting bias slip in.Now, onto the review!
First off, funny and epic. I'm picturing an RPG with Trump saving America in some sides-scrolling RPG or something. That being said, I feel it lacks a sort of rhythm to it. It is just SO close to having some, but then larger lines derail it. Minimize! If it distracts, it detracts! Cut the fat! And keep up the great work!
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 6/10

Total: 88/100
Slave to a Beauty
I find this one to be similar to Cry of the Innocent Victims in that it's a good execution of a dime a dozen cliche. If this skill was applied to something more bold and different, you could type gold. As it is now, I cannot in good faith view it as much different than other, similar "oh her beauty entraps me I am head over heels for her" pieces.
Subject: 12/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 8/10 for eloquence!

Total: 75/100
Mirror
Alright, this one is straightforward. "There is nothing you can do stop trying to pretend you are making a difference" is a bit of a runon, no? Another stab at government and authority. I don't mind the mood, I don't have anything against some of the phrases, but the coherence is lacking and the work itself is victim to being part of a a cliche style.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 22/30
Language Control: 15/20
Structure: 9/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 66/100
Also, wow, it had to add up to 66? I didn't even do that on purpose!

The Innocent Must Suffer [sounds like a metal band/song!'
It has spirit, and a good, consistent tone, but it lacks something deeper or different to it. It almost seems like it was made for a class assignment.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 18/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10 because the layout and brevity is refreshing.

Total: 74/100

Together
Wow. Just wow. It's catchy, memorable, and has good rhythm. I'd say it's a contender for #1!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being peppy and almost nostalgic!

Total: 85/100

"Untitled", Techno-Titania
It's a haiku, so it's a quick one. Again with the elections, and it's catchy thanks to its brevity, but is too short to have much of a spin on it.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 5/10

Total: 76/100

Not Proud
Hoe. Lee. Cow. It starts by coming off a bit edgy, but it develops into something like a mantra of disgust. I need a rap version of this to blast while working out.
Subject: 18/20
Creativity: 28/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 89/100

In The Garden
Spiritual. Deep. A bit on the nose with those aspects, and slightly cliched but also powerful. Certainly leaves an impression
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 17/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10

Total: 88/100

Science in Rhyme
Scientifically proven to have rocked my socks off. I'm too stunned to say more.
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 29/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being educational while somehow being bearable. Why didn't my classes have this in my day?

Total: 90/100

Untitled, by Olivaero
Disorienting. Fast. Primal. Throws off the shackles of standard subjects. Great work.
Also some lines seem to be references. "Skin on skin", reminiscent of raiders, "He is me and I am him" makes me think Persona.
My gripe is that it tapers off at the end, a bit abrupt, like slamming on the breaks.
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 30/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the ending.

Total: 88/100

Maybe?
Very loose form, an interesting style. The tone is consistent without over-saturating the work. Some parts seem a bit too far gone though, which detract from the end result.
Subject: 20/20
Creativity: 21/30
Language Control: 14/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the wistful and yet anguished, peppered in at just the right amount.

Total: 77/100

Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark
Interesting. Unique. Shedding a little light on the point of the dark. However, the subject matter and the expression are harmed by execution
Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 27/30
Language Control: 13/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 8/10 for the mysticism mixed in with wistfulness

Total: 81/100

tfw didn't get graded...
Did you miss mine, or is there another post coming (or is it actually there somewhere and I just can't see it)?

He must have just missed yours. I'll telegram him that he missed you, and he should get on it.

[The Grene Knyght]

tfw didn't get graded...
Did you miss mine, or is there another post coming (or is it actually there somewhere and I just can't see it)?

He must have just missed yours. I'll telegram him that he missed you, and he should get on it.

[Lady Scylla]

I'll work on some of these later today. I wanted to allow a little time to pass following the drama.

[Schiltzberg]

Let's get the judging done. I wanted them done by today.

[Thranon]

Submissions:
"Cry of the Innocent Victims" by Bhikkustan
"High Energy" by Deamonopolis
"Slave to a Beauty" by Anollasia
"Mirror" by Gaiahan
"The Innocent Must Suffer" by Thranon
"Fade to Black" by The Grene Knyght
"Together" by Astrolinium
Untitled by Techno-Titania
"Not Proud" by Bodegraven
"In The Garden" by Luminesa
"Science in Rhyme" by Fephilonia
Untitled by Olivaero
"Maybe?" by Natanians and Nosts
"Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark" by Havl

The submissions are currently under judgement, and the results will be posted when the judges are finished judging.

Prepare for my horrid opinion.

For Cry of the Innocent Victims, I would say it captures mood and feeling already, and the vague nature of it till the end makes it so applicable to nearly anything, from a revolt in the Iron Curtain to Vietnam to Korea to other conflicts.
With that being said, this manner of "They came to us, they wronged us, now we lament" is almost a cliche. There was no real... twist... to the piece, you could almost see or feel how it would go throughout it. It's limited and predictable, though aside from that it is beautiful and does promote the battle against tyranny and evil, so it gets points there!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 8/10 for righteousness

Total: 81/100
High Energy
It's always interesting to hear stuff about the elections, and it's hard to grade such content without letting bias slip in.Now, onto the review!
First off, funny and epic. I'm picturing an RPG with Trump saving America in some sides-scrolling RPG or something. That being said, I feel it lacks a sort of rhythm to it. It is just SO close to having some, but then larger lines derail it. Minimize! If it distracts, it detracts! Cut the fat! And keep up the great work!
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 6/10

Total: 88/100
Slave to a Beauty
I find this one to be similar to Cry of the Innocent Victims in that it's a good execution of a dime a dozen cliche. If this skill was applied to something more bold and different, you could type gold. As it is now, I cannot in good faith view it as much different than other, similar "oh her beauty entraps me I am head over heels for her" pieces.
Subject: 12/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 8/10 for eloquence!

Total: 75/100
Mirror
Alright, this one is straightforward. "There is nothing you can do stop trying to pretend you are making a difference" is a bit of a runon, no? Another stab at government and authority. I don't mind the mood, I don't have anything against some of the phrases, but the coherence is lacking and the work itself is victim to being part of a a cliche style.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 22/30
Language Control: 15/20
Structure: 9/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 66/100
Also, wow, it had to add up to 66? I didn't even do that on purpose!

The Innocent Must Suffer [sounds like a metal band/song!'
It has spirit, and a good, consistent tone, but it lacks something deeper or different to it. It almost seems like it was made for a class assignment.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 18/30
Language Control: 19/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10 because the layout and brevity is refreshing.

Total: 74/100

Together
Wow. Just wow. It's catchy, memorable, and has good rhythm. I'd say it's a contender for #1!
Subject: 15/20
Creativity: 20/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being peppy and almost nostalgic!

Total: 85/100

"Untitled", Techno-Titania
It's a haiku, so it's a quick one. Again with the elections, and it's catchy thanks to its brevity, but is too short to have much of a spin on it.
Subject: 10/20
Creativity: 16/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 15/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 5/10

Total: 76/100

Not Proud
Hoe. Lee. Cow. It starts by coming off a bit edgy, but it develops into something like a mantra of disgust. I need a rap version of this to blast while working out.
Subject: 18/20
Creativity: 28/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 13/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 7/10

Total: 89/100

In The Garden
Spiritual. Deep. A bit on the nose with those aspects, and slightly cliched but also powerful. Certainly leaves an impression
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 26/30
Language Control: 17/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 9/10

Total: 88/100

Science in Rhyme
Scientifically proven to have rocked my socks off. I'm too stunned to say more.
Subject: 19/20
Creativity: 29/30
Language Control: 16/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 10/10 for being educational while somehow being bearable. Why didn't my classes have this in my day?

Total: 90/100

Untitled, by Olivaero
Disorienting. Fast. Primal. Throws off the shackles of standard subjects. Great work.
Also some lines seem to be references. "Skin on skin", reminiscent of raiders, "He is me and I am him" makes me think Persona.
My gripe is that it tapers off at the end, a bit abrupt, like slamming on the breaks.
Subject: 17/20
Creativity: 30/30
Language Control: 18/20
Structure: 12/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the ending.

Total: 88/100

Maybe?
Very loose form, an interesting style. The tone is consistent without over-saturating the work. Some parts seem a bit too far gone though, which detract from the end result.
Subject: 20/20
Creativity: 21/30
Language Control: 14/20
Structure: 11/15
Grammar: 4/5
Bonus: 7/10 for the wistful and yet anguished, peppered in at just the right amount.

Total: 77/100

Sonnet for When I'm Afraid of the Dark
Interesting. Unique. Shedding a little light on the point of the dark. However, the subject matter and the expression are harmed by execution
Subject: 16/20
Creativity: 27/30
Language Control: 13/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 3/5
Bonus: 8/10 for the mysticism mixed in with wistfulness

Total: 81/100

Oh, wow, I'm refreshing?

[Red Alert 2-Transylvania]

Fade To black by the Grene Knyght
Subject: 14/20
Creativity: 29/30
Language Control: 20/20
Structure: 14/15
Grammar: 5/5
Bonus: 8/10

Total: 90/100

Wow. Okay, I gotta say first, apologies for missing this one.
Second, wow. The subject matter of "remember, ghosts call, wrap yourself up, go to sleep" is not exactly the most original concept, but
heavens me, the execution! If there is ever a poetry contest in a school of rock [wish I'd gone there!] , this would fit it.
I can imagine it being taken seriously and without any music, as a decent scare-work, or as the lyrics of a REALLY metal song, kvelt and throat-gurgling.
In short, overdone subject, but excellent execution.

[The Grene Knyght]

Hey so are we going with the results from the 2 judges so far, or are we going to wait for a third? (understandably this is a busy time of year but I hope this contest doesn't just die like the short story ones tend to do, especially since we're pretty much done with this except for an official announcement)

[USS Monitor]

Hey so are we going with the results from the 2 judges so far, or are we going to wait for a third? (understandably this is a busy time of year but I hope this contest doesn't just die like the short story ones tend to do, especially since we're pretty much done with this except for an official announcement)

The short story contests didn't always have that problem, but some of the old regulars, including a couple that were dependable as judges, have stopped posting in A&F or become much less active.