The Bastard NS Mod from Hell - Injustice for All

[Reploid Productions]

(Archived BNSMfH stories can be found HERE!
Usual disclaimers about parody and names being made up, any resemblance to real or existing players/people/etc is coincidental.)

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 5 - Volume 1
Champion of.... the lusers?!
By: Reploid Productions - Bastard Mod alter-ego "Reploid Seductions"

I sit and seethe.

That in itself is fairly normal. You can't make it as a bastard moderator if you can't call up vast reserves of finely aged hatred and loathing. Usually directed at the lusers who never appreciate the hard work it takes to clean up their putrid little messes. But no, today's target is not the players; today's rage is of a newer vintage, harsh and potent. For this time, it is not the lusers that are the target of my wrath, I'm in agreement with them even! No, it is a much bigger target, perhaps the only thing that could possibly unite the bastard mods and the lusers in shared loathing.

Elektron Gaming, and especially their parent company KAMO.

In other words, the bastards hosting Nationstates until very recently. Years ago, it was all sunshine and rainbows; forums that worked, and just visible on the horizon the promise of Nationstates DX.

Then the honeymoon ended. Users' forum accounts would break, preventing random people from being able to post to the forums. That used to be MY hobby in the good old days when [reploidseductions] was a forum admin in more than name alone; when I could make thousands tremble in fear with just two little words: forum pruning. Not even the dire warnings of [violent] could get Elektron to work out the problem. Now, I have nothing against randomly making lusers unable to post; I do however, want to have control over that functionality!

And then, THEN along comes Nationstates DX, the promised land for the faithful that Maxx Berries said would one day appear. "And on that day, the faithful shall verily find a new land upon which lie untold riches. Oh, and built in trade and war, too." or something like that. Okay, so with how long NSDX has been vaporware and rumor, it's understandable that the actual product would not live up to the impossible expectations. It didn't even live up to really low ones, either.

No mod tools? How am I supposed to be a bastard moderator without the tools by which I wreck havoc on the lusers? Worlds? Oh good, can we shove all the really obnoxious lusers into one world and place bets on who survives? No? Well what's the bloody point? Worlds would make an excellent quarantine technique! Regions; pardon, continents are assigned? Good BOFH, I can hear the wailing of the invader/defenders already. Which while I heartily approve of making them wail, there are perfectly bastardly uses for the regional invasion game.

And the premium content? It would be downright bastardly if it wasn't so pathetic. Just $5 a month for a custom flag! A couple bucks for useless spies to add subterfuge to the game. I'm sorry, but I've seen damned dirty RPers play subterfuge better. And these awards? Right, because I'm going to pay real-world money to put a little graphic on some OTHER nation.

Oh, and Elektron apparently decided that breaking forum accounts at random wasn't ambitious enough; perhaps KAMO pushed them into it, but they've upgraded from forum accounts breaking to entire nations breaking! Again, bastardly, but there's no control, no finesse! Bastardly acts aren't bastardly if they're accidental!

But all this? That's just the surface level of the seething hatred. Elektron has committed a far worse list of crimes against Bastard Mods.

They deleted one of our lusers. Flagrant trespass into the NS mods' territory, without so much as a 'by your leave'! There is nothing wrong with deleting a luser; I've certainly done so plenty of times, and on the most flimsy of charges. But they are MY lusers to punitively punish, not Elektron's! Add to that the fact KAMO still owes the Boss some amount of money from what NSDX earned (I'm honestly surprised it's made anything, really,) and the continued breaking and entering into OUR turf.... This will not stand!

... Now I just need to concoct a daring scheme of vengeance and a means to transport it overseas......


~Reploid Seductions
~She Who is Feared, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

To be continued!

[Crazy girl]

I love these. Welcome back

Now for the other mods to get started too, ya lazies.

[North Wiedna]

I, too, am a fan.

[Flibbleites]

It's been too long since we've had a new one of these.

[Spartzerina]

I've heard of and read all the old ones, and can't wait to read the new ones!

[The HURD]

Great post, I will await further developments

[Starblaydia]

...In other words, the bastards hosting Nationstates until very recently. Years ago, it was all sunshine and rainbows; forums that worked, and just visible on the horizon the promise of Nationstates DX...

Yeah, that's a piece of fiction all right! Awaiting the next part, too.

[Dalmatia Cisalpina]

Good to see these again. I've been reading the archives -- thanks for posting them across, Rep.

[Allanea]

Great post, I will await further developments

Next year? *winks at your username*.

[Todd McCloud]

I must say. Pretty freaking awesome.

Post more, plz?

[Gauntleted Fist]

I lol'd.

Then I thought some.

Then I lol'd some more.

[Big Jim P]

Keep em coming! These are great!

[Reploid Productions]

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 5 - Volume 2
Crap, they're onto us?!
By: Reploid Productions - Bastard Mod alter-ego "Reploid Seductions"

Another day, another DEAT, and my plans for unholy vengeance upon KAMO proceed apace. But while I seethe still with untold hatred for that company, things have largely returned to normal. DEAT the whiners, forumban the NSG addicts and SRS BIZ dirty RPers.... sign onto my WA puppet and stir up trouble with those anal-retentive legalese-speakers in the General Assembly. Same old, same old. While browsing the tasklist, I run across one from a particularly unhappy luser.

Pardon, ex-luser, because the rest of the bastards and I saw fit to put him on the Kill-On-Sight list. Most people figure out that if a mod bans them, it's probably the lesser of potential evils and they quietly take it. Oh, but not this fellow, who immediately evaded and saw fit to start making the same old tired threats every other idiot has made. He'll keep coming back, we can't stop him, restore his nation or ELSE...

Can't he come up with something more original than that? Ask, and ye shall receive, for yon hyperlink appears in the tasklist! Out of morbid curiousity (okay, boredom) I wander over to see what his Master Plan for the Destruction of Nationstates is. It takes me to.... a blog. THAT's his big "HAHA FEEL MY WRATH" trump card?

I'm sure some of you have heard of the game Nation States and few read the book by author Max Berry. But what many may not know is said author supports terrorism through anarchy.

No, that would be me.

If you look at what he allows on his little experiment its quite interesting, he allows people to create entire nations designed to destory other nations through acts of online terrorism such as taking control of there region and blocking them out,

Well, I delete idiotic RPers, I suppose that counts as destorying them! Okay, I promise that's the only spelling error joke I'll make. Really! And the lusers aren't the online terrorists. They're the victims. My victims, specifically. That just makes me giddy to say. My victims! My helpless prisoners, doomed to suffer eternally at my whim!

or simply hacking another persons account, he calls this hostile take over, but in truth its merly support the attitude of terrorism and the decay of society that Max Berry seems most interested in.

Again, no, that would be me. Half a point for originality, I suppose.

I have no idea what his goal is, but being a better human being does not follow that line of though apperntly.

I dunno what his goal is either. He never shows up around these parts. But being a better human being definitely doesn't follow MY line of thought. You need intelligent people for that, and lusers are not intelligent. They must be taught through fear!

Anyone who does not agree with him, or his staff of anarchists are propmtly removed so that others can be manipulated by him.

So... how can somebody who never says anything, never seems to actually show up, and has little or nothing to do with the site anymore manipulate anyone? Come on, at least place the blame where it belongs! ME! So I'm trigger-happy, that's my job!

I would suggest avoiding this website, and making sure your children do as well, unless of course you support global terrorism and one mans dream of total chaos and anarcy.

So I'm no longer a petty internet tyrant, and now part of the Global Conspiracy or something? Sweet!

Of course, he still misses the point. Anarchy? Hardly. Anarchy doesn't involve the trembling masses quivering in abject fear, knowing that inescapable doom awaits them and all their efforts against that finality are futile. Despair is what I support, the lusers crying out, their efforts perhaps only putting off the inevitable for a time. But it always looms, their certain destruction ever-present like the deadly chill of cold steel at their necks, poised and ready to strike at my whimsy-

... Oh wow, did I go off on a tangent there. Oh, and there he is again, babbling about how we can't keep him off the site, how he'll bring us to our knees-

>>CLICKY-CLICKY!<<

I'm sorry, I can't hear lusers over the sound of my keyboard and mouse deleting them.


~Reploid Seductions
~She Who is Feared, She Who Wields the Oversized Butcher Knives of Deletion
~The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... from HELL!

[Krytenia]

I'm trying to work out how much of that is actual fiction.

Thank you, the ironically-named United Survivalists...

[Reploid Productions]

Surprisingly little. Mostly my bastard alter-ego's commentary.

[Buffett and Colbert]

I love these! I'm so glad you're writing them again!

[Spartzerina]

Now, where are all the other mods' Bastard NS Mod from Hell stories?

[Euroslavia]

The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator from HELL!
Year 5, Volume 3
I do what I want.
By: Euroslavia - Bastard Mod alter-ego "Uraslave"




No one tells me when to moderate and how to do so. I re-appear to this game whenever I feel like it and whenever it benefits me the most. The most recent return? Us moderators were given a forewarning that for the next week, the amount of actions we had completed would result in a good sum of money* per action. So my first thought was, what could potentially get me the most amount of actions? And immediately, it came to me. International Incidents. That forum is full of horrible role players along with players who literally write a novel every time they post. I mean seriously, get on with the action and the nukes! I'm not going to waste my time, reading a single post for a good hour. I could be doing better things with my time, like editing those posts and adding "in bed" to every single sentence, while claiming to have fixed a spelling error in the title, or simply deleting random posts in a thread to cause even more confusion to the role play.

Continuing on about International Incidents... Literally every single role play (or attempt, at that) I read....
...tossed out a warning for incorrect grammar here
...another for a misspelled title
...another simply because I didn't like his avatar.

Dragonball Z? Come on now. No one likes that show anymore. But what's getting me the most actions are these one sentence posts, such as "We delcare wra on you be ready to be destoryed!" For every misspelled word in a post such as this, they will receive a one-day ban per mistake. And maybe another warning or three just for the heck of it. The more actions I get out of it, the better.

It's funny when the general public thinks that when one 'player' goes all-out and gets themselves banned, the moderators have saved the forum. Little do they realize that some of these players have signed a contract with Maxx Berries and [violent] to put on a show for us, in order to keep the moderators as a group of 'respected' leaders and to make us look like we're doing good things for the forums. Hell, if I get extremely bored, I log onto an alt of mine, spam the forums up a bit, jump around a few regions in-game and cause a stir, and send a few hate telegrams in my spare time. The offended players then report it to the moderators, and we save the day by 'punishing' the rule breakers. Such a perfect guise.

I took a look at the World Assembly forum a few days back and realized what a gold mine this place was for stirring trouble. Some of these proposals are so insane, that I love them!

Education Rights
A resolution to improve worldwide human and civil rights.
Category: Human Rights
Strength: Strong

Description: Many school people may not like school at all but we need schools to give us a Future but if people dont want to go to school they shouldnt have to its there life and if they want to mess it up let them.

Absolutely brilliant! It's short and to the point. Now this is the sort of proposal that everybody should support. All those proposals that are serious and contain words that I can't even pronounce? Deleted. If I can't read what it says without yawning, it doesn't belong there as a potential proposal.

So in conclusion, be careful what you post. If you happened to make a spelling/grammar error in your post and I catch it, or if I simply don't like what you've decided to post... well.. you'd better hope that it doesn't happen! Or you may not end up seeing this forum again until 2013, if at all. Catch me in a devious mood, and all of your puppets will have disappeared as well. And your little dog too!


~ Uraslave
~ Spell-checking, conspiracy starter, grammar nazi, puppy stealer
~ The Bastard Nationstates Game Moderator... From Hell!


*Good sum of money = a 100% increase in our regular pay, per action committed
No dogs were harmed in the making of this story.

[Milks Empire]

You sure this wouldn't fit better in Fiction?

In regards to the story itself...

[DaWoad]

well it is a mod only thing (as of now) and absolutely hilarious now all we need is a coupe of alterego nations to RP the pathetic luzer nations who cower beneath the MODS!

[Mad hatters in jeans]

don't know why this piece of art is buried but i'll bring it up again. would i be penalised for grave-dig?
teh lols anyways.

[Buccaneers FC]

HOW ABOUT BIG FAT GLORIFICATION OF THE MODS

[Mad hatters in jeans]

HOW ABOUT BIG FAT GLORIFICATION OF THE MODS

HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE OFF CAPS LOCK?

[Scolopendra]

How about we all behave? Is that asking too much?

[Zwangzug]

The fact that we're posting in the "moderation forum" would seem to answer your second question...