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[DRAFT] The Schools of the Future. (Temp. Closed)

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
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Jyzeria
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[DRAFT] The Schools of the Future. (Temp. Closed)

Postby Jyzeria » Sat Oct 25, 2014 7:14 pm

So I decided to make a draft of an issue that I want to submit.
Open for comments, suggestions, etc.
The effects are exaggerated because I found that some issues in the game have exaggerated effects too.
So here is it...

Title: The School of the Future.

Description: In response to the digitalization of books in @@NAME@@, many citizens are suggesting to allow using gadgets in school as a substitute for books.

Validity: Response for the option 4 of Issue #099.

Options:

[option]"We should be embracing the future now!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a lazy but smart student. "We should be allowed to use our gadgets to read our lessons.", shows a bar chart on a 12 by 7 inch tablet before continue talking. "Research shows that more students can remember their lessons when they're reading it on their gadgets." he added. "I am too sick to bring all this heavy books when I'm going to school."
[effect]students are often found playing Candy Crush in their school.
[stats]civil rights increases a bit, book publishing industry decreases a little.

[option]"That student is right!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a parent with a middle class family. "But how about for those who cannot afford those gadgets? What will they use to study lessons? I suggest that those gadgets should be provided by the schools, which is funded by the government.". Reads a news article in the internet then added, "Wouldn't it be nice if our children will only bring themselves when going to school?"
[effect]schools have recently shift to use gadgets as a book.
[stats]economy increases, tax increases a bit.

[option]"What?!?! This should not happen!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the renowned author of educational books in @@NAME@@. "Why would you allow this to happen? Do you know that writing books is my only expertise? If you allow this to happen, I will lose my mon-- I mean, my job!". Throws a book at your face and cries.
[effect]student's bags are often heavier than the student itself.
[stats]book publishing industry increases a bit.

[option]"I agree about that!", says @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the best professor in the @@NAME@@ University. "Did you know that one of my old student @@RANDOMNAME@@ was graduated as the top student of the @@NAME@@ University because she loves to read?" Reads a book before he continue talking, "Anyway, my point is, students should be reading their books during class hours, not using their gadgets. There is a time to play, and there is a time to study."
[effect]professors at the @@NAME@@'s Universities are often called by the students as "Gadget Destroyers".
[stats]stupidity decreases, youth rebelliousness increases a bit.


NOTE: Currently on the rewriting processes, but you can still write here a feedback about it.
Last edited by Jyzeria on Sat Nov 08, 2014 3:58 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Jyzeria
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

UPDATES & CHANGES

Postby Jyzeria » Sat Oct 25, 2014 7:15 pm

Update #1. Added a 4th option, added some effects, and some grammar corrections.
Update #2. Changed/removed some words. Option #4 became the option #2, and options #2 & #3 moved to the options #3 & #4 respectively (to make it clear, option 4 changed position into option 2, and options 2 & 3 was moved and became the option 3 & 4).
Last edited by Jyzeria on Sun Oct 26, 2014 11:23 pm, edited 3 times in total.
☆☆☆ The Republic of Jyzeria ☆☆☆
"Einheit zum Wohlstand"
☆ Jyzerian Values ☆
Bravery & Patriotism | Equity & Justice | Peace & Prosperity

☆ Info ☆
Capital:
Valencia
Leader: President Laura Neumann
2105-present
Defstale: 4 (Vigilance)
IC Year 2114
Factbooks | Dispatches | Z-Day Info


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Jyzeria
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Founded: Jul 23, 2014
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jyzeria » Sat Oct 25, 2014 10:26 pm

-- RESERVED --
☆☆☆ The Republic of Jyzeria ☆☆☆
"Einheit zum Wohlstand"
☆ Jyzerian Values ☆
Bravery & Patriotism | Equity & Justice | Peace & Prosperity

☆ Info ☆
Capital:
Valencia
Leader: President Laura Neumann
2105-present
Defstale: 4 (Vigilance)
IC Year 2114
Factbooks | Dispatches | Z-Day Info


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Jyzeria
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Founded: Jul 23, 2014
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jyzeria » Sun Oct 26, 2014 4:41 am

NOW OPEN FOR COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS, ETC... :)
☆☆☆ The Republic of Jyzeria ☆☆☆
"Einheit zum Wohlstand"
☆ Jyzerian Values ☆
Bravery & Patriotism | Equity & Justice | Peace & Prosperity

☆ Info ☆
Capital:
Valencia
Leader: President Laura Neumann
2105-present
Defstale: 4 (Vigilance)
IC Year 2114
Factbooks | Dispatches | Z-Day Info


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Golgothastan
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Postby Golgothastan » Sun Oct 26, 2014 9:19 am

Use a generic alternative rather than a brandname (iPad, Candy Crush).

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Sacara
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Postby Sacara » Sun Oct 26, 2014 11:58 am

Golgothastan wrote:Use a generic alternative rather than a brandname (iPad, Candy Crush).

Nah. Candy Crush connects to people. Maybe change iPad though.
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Landenburg
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Postby Landenburg » Mon Oct 27, 2014 10:03 am

How does option 2 increase the economy? All I see is more government funding. Probably have education/welfare go up, rather than the economy.
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Schiltzberg
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Postby Schiltzberg » Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:55 pm

Good idea, but it needs a lot of work. You're getting there though! I don't really understand what is being said in option 4 so I would rewrite it if I were you. The grammatical errors are distracting; I would definitely proofread another time or two.
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Jyzeria
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Jyzeria » Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:34 am

Thanks for the feedback. I am not really good at English, and I don't even have experience in writing issues here. But I will try to rewrite it.
☆☆☆ The Republic of Jyzeria ☆☆☆
"Einheit zum Wohlstand"
☆ Jyzerian Values ☆
Bravery & Patriotism | Equity & Justice | Peace & Prosperity

☆ Info ☆
Capital:
Valencia
Leader: President Laura Neumann
2105-present
Defstale: 4 (Vigilance)
IC Year 2114
Factbooks | Dispatches | Z-Day Info


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Czechostan
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Left-wing Utopia

Postby Czechostan » Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:49 pm

Don't interrupt the dialogue too many times, it's not necessary to say "he continues" or "he adds," besides, the names are randomly generator so the speaker could be male or female. Remove the "throws a book at your face and cries," that looks pretty unprofessional, or at least reword it. The third option seems fairly unnecessary, actually. The issue is very clever, but you should rephrase some of the options.


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