NationStates

New Aquilia wrote:I can't believe this actually got to quorum for the vote to be taken

Certainly there could've been a lot better SC resolutions that could've gotten to quorum?

Too many delegates, unfortunately, approve proposals without reading the actual proposal, and only looking at the title and category. It only makes the WA look bad, and wastes everyone's time on voting for proposals such as this one.

The Stalker wrote:Omg... Clearly we need to condemn Kenny a second time!

We really should. He's terrible. I'll start writing one tomorrow.

Just because things have happened a long time ago doesn't mean they are no longer relevant. You don't say anything about Kenny clearing up so I say nay.

Terravoss wrote:Recognizing that Omigodtheykilledkenny is not a World Assembly member, nor has it been for quite a while,

Though his puppet governments are EVERYWHERE, and continue to wield terrible influence. I'm still not sure that my nation is not an Omi puppet...

Terravoss wrote:Satisfied that the Creative Solutions Agency created and funded by Omigodtheykilledkenny no longer poses a threat to the World Assembly Compliance Commission, as Omigodtheykilledkenny is not a World Assembly member, and therefore is not required to comply with World Assembly law,

Nations still regularly threaten to loophole WA laws based on the precedent set by the Creative Solutions Agency. While the Agency itself may or may not still exist (every spy who has gone in search of it has come back either dead or stupid drunk, or both...) the evil done by its establishment and effective propaganda campaign stay with us.

Terravoss wrote:Seriously Doubting that any dolphin has ever been harmed by the governenment of Omigodtheykilledkenny,

According to our satellite data, the Omi Dolphin Harming Fleet (DolpHarm) has harmed at least 1000 dolphins in the time it took to write this sentence.

Terravoss wrote:Impressed that nation in a region of terrorists and war criminals Omigodtheykilledkenny has granted its citizens extensive civil rights, and political freedoms,

Any news reports indicating that Omi citizens enjoy civil and political freedoms are merely blatant propaganda issued by the Omi government to distract you from the activities of DolpHarm.

Terravoss wrote:Further Impressed that Omigodtheykilledkenny has compiled and maintains an archive of World Assembly resolutions, and has authored groundbreaking resolutions such as: GAR #8 World Assembly Headquarters, and GAR #17 World Assembly General Fund, which have become the backbone of the World Assembly,

I'm still largely convinced that there's some horrible loophole or blocker in all those laws that we simply haven't found. Also, how is establishing a dilapidated old building to house a bunch of cantankerous bastards and then giving them a mechanism to tax individual nations a good thing?

Terravoss wrote:Understanding that Omigodtheykilledkenny, has actually done more positive for International Community than negative,

We... do not reach this conclusion.

Terravoss wrote:Thoroughly Convinced that Omigodtheykilledkenny has righted any and all wrongs committed against the World Assembly, and thus no longer deserves to be shunned,

Frankly, the entire Omi population could spend a thousand years tending to the poor orphan dolphins (dorphans) they've created while simultaneous donating all of their gross domestic product directly to us and they'd still barely make a dent in righting all of the wrongs they've committed against the World Assembly and human decency in general.

OPPOSED.

Esteemed Members of the Security Council,

We rise in strong opposition to the attempt by Terravoss to strike out the totally just and proper condenmation of the most vile and evil nation in the entire history of ... history. The nation of Omigodtheykilledkenny is not just an axle of evil; it is the whole four tires and fuel injected sports engine of evil. Why the crime of this foul nation are so many that I cannot list them all (at least without needing to take a bathroom break not once but probably three times or more ... I hear they have a drug for that but I digress).

The fact that they still have a fracking Death Star is more than enough reason to keep them on the perpetual hall of shame. Fracking is evil and everyone knows that!

How would anyone allow a nation, whose very penguins EXPLODE from sneaking around this body pretending that it is NORMAL.

Why this nation is so vile that it managed to get an embassy with my own region of Catholic (what were they thinking?)!

For the sake of Unibot, this resolution must stand for eternity!

The Forsworn Knights wrote:

Terravoss wrote:Whats wrong with this? Unless you actually have something to contribute, you can keep the fucking snark to yourself thanks.

Against just for that.
Actually I was against it anyway, but still.
Have you even talked to the guy before you tried repealing his condemnation? Lots of folks like their condemnations.

Oh, Terra is just the latest active puppet from a particular player. He's had beef with Kenneth for a long time.

What a week to be a WA member.

Aetur, August 4th, 2015 As another bullcrap resolution reaches quorum in the World Assembly, the Imperial Council and key members of Parliament have been summoned to Aetur to determine whether or not Omigodtheykilledkenny poses a threat to World Security. "We have to face the facts," stated Lord Chancellor Eduardo vel Verjei. "DolpHarm, Omi's main instrument for harming dolphins, has not been sighted in years. Our intelligence agencies have been unable to give any decisive proof of the Creative Solutions Agency's continued existence, and while many feel that Omi is not exactly a bastion of human rights, we have to admit that it has been weeks since they have committed a human rights violation." Eduardo was promptly shouted down by other members of the Council. The Emperor himself voiced his opinion after the brief bout of shouting had ended. "Well it doth please us to elect for the continued condemnation against Omi, it doth also press us to examine with all diligence the evidence that showeth Omigodtheykilledkenny's villainy," declared his imperial majesty. As soon as the members of the Council decoded the Emperor's brief address, they grudgingly began to examine all relevant data on Omigodtheykilledkenny. The examining was interrupted by a phone call for Mathis Epdraigh, MP for Saueryth and Lord of the Admiralty. The call was from a destroyer in the Vystrian Ocean, informing the Lord Admiral that DolpHarm had been spotted within Imperial waters. Nearby naval squadrons were unresponsive, leaving only one destroyer to stop the D.R.E.A.D.N.O.U.G.H.T.s (Dolphin Removing Evil Ambassadors of the Domain of Nefariousness, Omigodthekilledkenny, Über Great. Trademarked ®) that comprise Omi's navy. The destroyer, the HIMS Whiteridge, was recalled to Aurilon province to avoid sparking international war and save the lives of those involved. Later investigation showed that captains and admirals in the naval squadrons responsible for allowing the D.R.E.A.D.N.O.U.G.H.T.s' entry into Imperial waters were members of H.Y.D.R.A (Harming Your Dolphins Regardless of Age), a nefarious shadow organization that very well may pervade all of existence.

We can always count on Certain WA nations to turn serious councils to Farce. Thanks guys.

How many times has someone attempted to repeal this condemnation? 2-3 years ago it happened like 3 times in a few months.

Why don't you just commend OMGTKK instead of repealing the condemnation? You'd have a better chance.

The Great Destruction wrote:Why don't you just commend OMGTKK instead of repealing the condemnation? You'd have a better chance.

People were actually considering it until they found out that it wouldn't cause a tear in space and time and destroy us all as they had hoped.

Judge: ...and for collaborating with Terravoss to bring yet another stupid SC repeal to vote, the parolee is sentenced to sixteen years of teaching Kennyite students to read. Take her away.

Parolee: But Your Honor! They're Kennyites! You can't teach them anything! I'll be teaching the same bunch of no-good deadbeats the same chapter of See Spot Run for the entire 16 years! Oh please, Your Honor; show me some mercy and let me work it off in the acid mines instead!

Judge: I have made my ruling, Congresswoman Jackson. You're lucky I didn't send you back to the Eternal Kawaii. Now bring in the next parole violator.

[A young Xt'Tap gentleman is dragged into the courtroom.]

Judge: Now, Mr. Batko-Yovino, the terms of your parole clearly state you are not to have access to a weapon of any kind, and since the Death Star is most definitely a weapon, you are now at my mercy. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

Susa: Actually, I do, You Honor.

[He opens his trenchcoat to reveal his trusty suicide vest.]

Susa: I am a servant of the Almighty God, that you all may know his Infinite Justice!

[The observers in the gallery shriek in terror as they race for the exits.]

Judge: Really, Bailiff, aren't you supposed to search these people before bringing them into my courtroom?

Bailiff: But Your Honor, the suicide bomb is such a predictable plot-turn; who'd think he'd actually try it again?

Judge: Well, are you going to do something about this, or just stand there?!

[The bailiff pulls out his sidearm and fires.]

Susa: AAUUGH!!!! My detonating thumb!!

[He falls to the floor in agony.]

Judge: Let that be a lesson for you. I sentence you to ten more years as ambassador to the World Assembly. Take him away.

Susa: Nooooooooo!!!

Riley and Jimmy giggled through mouthfuls of popcorn as they watched the drama unfold on TV.

"Oh man," Riley said as he reached for his Arrogant Bastard Ale, "World's Dumbest Kennyites is the best show on television!"

"Much better than World Assembly," Jimmy murmured in agreement.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

The two whirled around in their lounge chairs to see that Captain Chiang had entered the green room.

"Really, Jack, you're the second-in-command of our country. Isn't there something more productive you could be doing?"

"Actually, Captain, that makes the vice president, so...no, not really."

"And what dramatic developments from the Security Council's 1800th debate about our nation are we missing now?" Jimmy asked sarcastically.

"Nothing...if you don't count national-security breaches as dramatic or important," Chiang answered.

"What national security breaches?"

"Only the top-secret DolpHarm and D.R.E.A.D.N.O.U.G.H.T. programs...you know, the dolphin-killing junkets? As far as the public knows, there's no real way to prove we have had any direct involvement in the harming of dolphins...yet it appears the nations of Losthaven and Aetur know all about them! I wanna know who blabbed, and I wanna know now!" she said angrily as she produced a stack of sharpened reeds.

Riley and Jimmy recoiled at the sight of the captain's favorite torture implement. "Well now, maybe we shouldn't get violent just yet," Riley said nervously. "Besides, usually it's the New York Times that reports this stuff. You can go after them all you want, but they'll never reveal their sources."

"Goddamn freedom of the press," Chiang groused dangerously as she tightened her grip on the reeds. "Why don't regular people realize how much it gets in the way when you have have to make people sing!" She made a menacing upward-jabbing motion.

"Besides," argued Jimmy, "the corporate sponsors seem to love the negative attention our country receives from all these Security Council votes -- it seems to underline the message of our national tourism campaign." He pointed to a tourism poster on the wall, depicting a innocent family of foreigners fleeing in terror from rioters, Xt'Tap militants and exploding penguins. Omigodtheykilledkenny: Such a thrill ride, you may never make it out alive! declared the accompanying slogan.

"So you know what you have to do..." hinted Riley.

"Fine," Chiang relented. "But if we're going down, we're not going down alone!"

---

Moments later, Chiang was on the floor of the Security Council.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she announced. "A lot has been said in the course of this debate about our country's alleged mistreatment of dolphins, and I'm here to assure you that these charges are all...indisputably true. But why the hell is the Security Council paying so much damned attention to us when the real criminals out there are getting away with murder?! Glen-Rhodes, for instance. They profit shamelessly off the sales of organs from the many fetuses they slaughter year after year! After all, their ambassador repeatedly contends, they're just clumps of cells; where's the harm? And Unibot. They are responsible for a host of corporate crimes and instances of environmental sabotage -- including the acidification of our national waters! And let's not forget Artichokeville, and their illegal detention of our ambassador, and their terrorizing of our citizens with billions of harassing letters about some stupid missing cat! And The Eternal Kawaii...who can forget their robbing us of our nuclear secrets and summoning the apocalypse over their own homeland?!

"Given the magnitude and the disturbing nature of these actual crimes committed by WA members -- none of which, incidentally, have ever been condemned by this Council -- who gives a fuck about bullying a few dolphins, huh?

"Who. the fuck. cares?!"

Todd looks to his left.

Todd looks to his right.

"Oh, am I supposed to say if this repeal passed or not?" he inquired, probably to himself, as he didn't appear to be addressing any one person. After all, the sheer volume of noteworthy characters, some known while others unknown, was a bit daunting but at the same time relaxing, almost as if one could get lost in the crowd of misfits. Such was life. Kind of like a tire rolling along the road, downhill. It'll keep going until it hits a bump or the road veers off. Then it will start to unbalance, wobble, and come to rest. Life, like SC repeals, were only metastable at best.

But then there were the goats. Lots of goats. Everyone likes goats until they actually see one up close. All the matted fur. The smell of goats. The fact that they can scream and make some weird noises. And the eyes. They don't even look like real eyes. Ever wonder if a goat happens across some sheep and says to itself, "you know, if I really tried, I too could grow wool and become a beautiful sheep that they make various claymation movies about?" But then, it remembers it's a goat, and that things like table scraps and grease-laden aluminum cans taste really good. Plus people would probably end up eating a sheep over a goat. You know, the smell and what not.

Anyway there's a tire in the middle of the field, sitting there because the road kind of veered left and the rolling (at the time) tire didn't have another force acting on it so it couldn't just turn with the road. So it hit the shoulder, ran into some uneven grass, wobbled over, and fell to its side. Right. In. Front. Of. A. Goat. Just like that. See what happened there? It all ties in. So this was kind of a big day for the goat. Kind of didn't need to think about being a sheep for a bit as it could catch its reflection in the hubcap (let's pretend it's an older tire with an older hubcap because the new plastic ones don't reflect very well, even if they have the faux chrome finish on them). It could actually see its reflection. Yeah it looked pretty gross. But it was satisfied with itself. Because while it had a matted fur and weird-looking eyes, it had a pretty satisfying beard. And goats for whatever reason go for that kind of stuff. Sheep can't grow beards, it thought, as it waved its head around a bit to get a more complete view. It then blinked its eyes and fluttered them sensually. Maybe this was more than a hubcap. Perhaps... perhaps it was another goat?

After all, how can we expect the goat to really know it was his reflection? Most animals don't understand that, aside from some gorillas that learn sign language and maybe a few parrots. The rest are painfully unaware it's really them in that reflection. Heck, some animals just go after the mirror and start to fight or play with it. Remember the show America's Funniest Home Videos? The show where Bob Saget or Tom Bergeron would narrate these clips that didn't need narration and somehow make something like a guy faceplanting less funny? It kind of sucks the realism from the fail when you have a bunch of goofy sound effects and poor narration in the middle of those videos. Anyway, I think that show required a clip of something like a chihuahua getting upset at its reflection in the mirror and a bunch of laugh tracks and audience pans would play to let you know when to laugh and how much.

But then again, this is a special goat. It wants to be a sheep, so it understands probably a bit more than any other goat, so it shouldn't be a huge step to assume it recognized itself. And what a beard, going back to that. Like remember growing a beard the first time and it came in patchy or weird? Well this was pretty even, like if one took a Ivy League Professor and put his beard-grooming skills on a goat. Pretty fancy.

So we have a goat. And a tire. With a hubcap. What happens next? Goat notices the rubber on the tire. Goat likes to gnaw on rubber. Goat chomps down on it a few times. Goat doesn't understand what happens when its teeth shear the already weakened and worn rubber membrane of pressurized tire. Tire ruptures, sending the goat across the landscape. Or, if you prefer a strong east-central Ohio dialect, across the 'scape. So, it became a 'scape goat. And that, my friends, is why one does not travel to Dayton, Ohio, in the summer time. You wait until the winter, when enough snow is covering the road to prevent tires from rolling too far down hills. And most goats are in barns or pens and such.

Todd blinked. " "Repeal "Condemn Omigodtheykilledkenny"" was defeated 9,130 votes to 2,147."