[Draft] Commend Neo Nibu

[-Apollo-]

Hello, I am hoping to Commend my good friend Neo Nibu (also known as Emperor Neo) for his efforts and contributions to this game. This is my first attempt in writing any sort of WA proposal, I am hoping you all can give me some feedback to make it better and your opinions on what is worth being Commended for.

CURRENT DRAFT

The World Assembly Security Council,

Recognizing Neo Nibu for founding the following unique regions within the world giving a welcoming home to many nations;
1) Founding Trav Khar a noble region with a long history, devoted to the search for truth and standing against tyranny.
2) Founding The International Nations a region with a distinctive penguin loving culture.
3) Founding the Death Star a region for nations with Starwars culture.
4) Re-Founding Solarius which was once one of the largest defender organizations within the world, home to nations of the light.

Observing Neo Nibu as President of The Capital Wasteland, and his timeless efforts in its expansion giving home to many Fallout themed nations.

Praising Neo Nibu for his stance against injustice as author of Security Council resolution #33 condemning Durkadurkiranistan II for ‘Project Purge’ which resulted in over 800 nations being ejected unfairly from The North Pacific.

Applauding Neo Nibu as a member of the Founderless Region Alliance (FRA) and as head of the Trav Khar Warriors (TKW) for the following achievements;
1) Working with the FRA on the defense of Utopia, Hell, and a handful of other founderless regions.
2) The TKW success in holding Warzone Australia for over three months.
3) The TKW recent success in taking Warzone Asia.

Hereby Commends Neo Nibu

--------------------------------

Original Draft

The World Assembly Security Council,

Acknowledging [nation=short]Neo Nibu[/nation] as a nation devoted to creating unique regions within the world and as a positive force in defending against tyranny.

Applauding Neo Nibu for founding Trav Khar as a Pillar of Freedom giving a home to many nations and establishing it as a world power.

Recognizing Neo Nibu as founder of both The International Nations & the Death Star, unique regions within the World.

Observing Neo Nibu as President of The Capital Wasteland, and his timeless efforts in its expansion.

Applauding Neo Nibu for the re-founding of Solarius, which was once one of the largest defender organizations within the world.

Recognizing Neo Nibu as a member of the Founderless Region Alliance (FRA) and as head of the Trav Khar Warriors (TKW).

Impressed with Neo Nibu and the TKW for holding Warzone Australia for over three months and their recent success in holding Warzone Asia.

Praising Neo Nibu as author of Security Council resolution #33 and his condemning of ‘Project Purge’ by Durkadurkiranistan II in The North Pacific.

Hereby Commends [nation=short]Neo Nibu[/nation].

[Mousebumples]

I'm not familiar enough with the assertions made in the proposal draft to make any judgments on that front.

HOWEVER, I would recommend using parallel verbage to start each clause. You currently have a bunch of gerunds (-ING verbs) and one past-tense verb (impressed). If you're uncertain as to other verbage to use, I'd recommend a thesaurus.

[-Apollo-]

Basically every past Security Council Resolution I read begins their clauses that way. It's why I wrote it like that.

[Sedgistan]

Acknowledging [nation=short]Neo Nibu[/nation] as a nation devoted to creating unique regions within the world and as a positive force in defending against tyranny.

On the forums use the [nation] tags (though when you submit, the [nation=short] tags are better). I'd recommend replacing the word 'creating' with 'founding'.

Mousebumples is saying that some of the words you've started clauses with are repeated (Applauding and Recognizing), and it'd be better to use other words instead. Also, 'Impressed with' doesn't really fit with the rest of the words you've used - it'd sound better if replaced.

You've got lots of information about Neo Nibu in your proposal, but not much explanation of why he's worthy of commendation. If you're not sure what I'm getting at, have a read through of this.

[-Apollo-]

Thanks that was very helpful, I have updated my proposal. Did some restructuring, added a bit, I believe fixes the issues. I'm a little concerned some parts may not follow rule 4, when I refer to "Starwars culture" or "Fallout themed nations", do they? If they don't work, what would you recommend?

Also is there any parts I should removed, or do I need to add more worthy things?

[Sedgistan]

I'm a little concerned some parts may not follow rule 4, when I refer to "Starwars culture" or "Fallout themed nations", do they? If they don't work, what would you recommend?

Ah yes, those are Rule 4 violations, as they're RL references. I'm a bit rushed at the moment, so can't come up with any alternatives, but if no-one else does, then I'll try and do so.

[Unibot II]

I'm a little concerned some parts may not follow rule 4, when I refer to "Starwars culture" or "Fallout themed nations", do they? If they don't work, what would you recommend?

Ah yes, those are Rule 4 violations, as they're RL references. I'm a bit rushed at the moment, so can't come up with any alternatives, but if no-one else does, then I'll try and do so.

"to celebrate the Dark Side and the Imperial Empire" <-- would be consistent with Death Star's WFE. *shrugs*

[Anime Daisuki]

I wouldn't support this for a few reasons.

While the proposal may say "founder of", "protector of", or "refounding of" (sounds great isn't it?), you fail to mention the manner these were carried out. I have watched as Trav Khar slowly build its empire through spamming natives to persuade joining TK, and when that failed to password and refound by force. You fail to mention for example, that The Capital Wasteland, Solarius, The International Nations, The Boneyard, and The Mojave Wasteland, and most recently Venice, have now all become colonies. The last two of which are now passworded and left to die, so they can be refounded. His campaign for his own commendation a few months back, also shows vanity which is nothing to commend about.

-AD

[Modernisation]

I talking on behalf of Venice. We became a colony under our own will and are under no threat.

[Enclave Mojave branch]

i wasn't forced to join the mojave wasteland I joined cause I wanted to

[-Apollo-]

Thanks for your input guys.

Anime Daisuki, I wish you would have tg and talked to the natives of these regions to get the facts first hand before making such accusations, as you will find them to be unfounded. Had you talked to the natives of The Mojave Wasteland or Venice you would have learned that they joined by choice under no threat, they know their region's password, and have grown in size since joining.

I'd like to also state that neither Trav Khar nor Neo Nibu has ever "password and refound by force," we are not raiders we work with the FRA. Neo Nibu is the legitimate founder of The International Nations, Death Star, and Solarius. None were re-founded under such conditions.

"His campaign for his own commendation a few months back"

A few months back our young Delegate at the time Austin Setzer, wrote a commendation for our region Trav Khar, not of Neo Nibu, and yes he did support the efforts of a fellow Trav Kharian, perhaps it was a bit vain to support the commendation, but I believe he had the best intentions.

I hope this clears the air, and I hope anyone with similar concerns would first talk to the natives of these regions before assuming the worst.

[Anime Daisuki]

I know the difference between a native and an inserted puppet. The nation 'Modernisation' is a puppet.
Venice was invaded by raiders led by TurkeyHill on Jan 18, he had one endorsee, Uluru Aborigines. Prior to the invasion, there were only 3 'natives' in Venice, only one of which I should add, is native looking (This is 'British HK'). Defenders liberated Venice six days later on Jan 24. Two days after Venice was freed, 'Modernisation' arrived in the region. At the same time, one inactive nation 'Sir Bob Dylan' suddenly woke up from his stupor and gained WA status. One endorsed the other and Sir Bob Dylan took the delegateship, passworded the region, and declared Venice a colony. As soon as they've done that, both resigned from WA.

Now we can think about it: Isn't it remarkably coincident that Sir Bob Dylan that was inactive previously, suddenly woke up, gained WA just as Modernisation joined after the invasion? And right after declaring the region a colony, both resigned from WA at the same time? We have seen this trick before: It's from the same playbook followed by Macedon Empire/Macedonia, DEN, Eastern Roman Empire, etc.

Now don't get me wrong. Personally I have little care for Venice. However, I just don't see how colonizing regions is worthy of being commended.

-AD

[Durkadurkiranistan II]

I support this; Neo Nibu is a cool dude.

[Cuba Socialista]

I know the difference between a native and an inserted puppet. The nation 'Modernisation' is a puppet.
Venice was invaded by raiders led by TurkeyHill on Jan 18, he had one endorsee, Uluru Aborigines. Prior to the invasion, there were only 3 'natives' in Venice, only one of which I should add, is native looking (This is 'British HK'). Defenders liberated Venice six days later on Jan 24. Two days after Venice was freed, 'Modernisation' arrived in the region. At the same time, one inactive nation 'Sir Bob Dylan' suddenly woke up from his stupor and gained WA status. One endorsed the other and Sir Bob Dylan took the delegateship, passworded the region, and declared Venice a colony. As soon as they've done that, both resigned from WA.

Now we can think about it: Isn't it remarkably coincident that Sir Bob Dylan that was inactive previously, suddenly woke up, gained WA just as Modernisation joined after the invasion? And right after declaring the region a colony, both resigned from WA at the same time? We have seen this trick before: It's from the same playbook followed by Macedon Empire/Macedonia, DEN, Eastern Roman Empire, etc.

Now don't get me wrong. Personally I have little care for Venice. However, I just don't see how colonizing regions is worthy of being commended.

-AD

You really know your stuff

[Modernisation]

I do know I'm not a native, but i'm also not a puppet. It's extremely annoying being raided, so Sir Bob Dylan passworded the region, but we are still recruiting nations.


Also on the note of endorsing Sir Bob Dylan, this was so people raiding would have a harder time until we became a colony. He asked me to endorse him until we were safe.

[A mean old man]

Hello, I am hoping to Commend my good friend Neo Nibu (also known as Emperor Neo) for his efforts and contributions to this game. This is my first attempt in writing any sort of WA proposal, I am hoping you all can give me some feedback to make it better and your opinions on what is worth being Commended for.

Well, that's a bit of a turn-off right there.

The World Assembly Security Council,

Recognizing Neo Nibu for founding the following unique regions within the world giving a welcoming home to many nations;
1) Founding Trav Khar a noble region with a long history, devoted to the search for truth and standing against tyranny.
2) Founding The International Nations a region with a distinctive penguin loving culture.
3) Founding the Death Star a region for nations with Starwars culture.
4) Re-Founding Solarius which was once one of the largest defender organizations within the world, home to nations of the light.

Observing Neo Nibu as President of The Capital Wasteland, and his timeless efforts in its expansion giving home to many Fallout themed nations.

Are we even allowed to mention things like "Star Wars" And "Fallout" here?

This is grand and all, but I could go around founding regions left and right as well if I wanted to. And simply re-founding the home region of what "was once one of the largest defender organizations within the world" does not mean he has now inherited that organization's prestige and its accomplishments. I find it fairly distasteful that you are attempting to commend Nibu for the achievements of others.

...not that I'm assuming Solarius is even accomplished; I hadn't heard about it until now.

Praising Neo Nibu for his stance against injustice as author of Security Council resolution #33 condemning Durkadurkiranistan II for ‘Project Purge’ which resulted in over 800 nations being ejected unfairly from The North Pacific.

I certainly remember that and cannot imagine supporting a commendation of Neo Nibu because of it.

Applauding Neo Nibu as a member of the Founderless Region Alliance (FRA) and as head of the Trav Khar Warriors (TKW) for the following achievements;
1) Working with the FRA on the defense of Utopia, Hell, and a handful of other founderless regions.

So haven't many other people. Just being a member of the FRA shouldn't earn you an instant commendation by the WASC.

2) The TKW success in holding Warzone Australia for over three months.

That isn't particularly difficult, seeing as few people are actually interested in claiming warzones and if someone is holed up there with a certain amount of manpower behind their occupation others probably wouldn't even bother trying to put their WFE spam on it.

3) The TKW recent success in taking Warzone Asia.

Should we commend the hundreds of other nations who have captured warzones on a whim?

Your justification as of now is not convincing.

[-Apollo-]

This is grand and all, but I could go around founding regions left and right as well if I wanted to.

There is a little more to it than that, these are not mere backwater regions we're talking about. There is alot of time spent on recruiting and general maintenance for each region. Ensure they have a WA delegate, establishing positions in government, and so on.

And simply re-founding the home region of what "was once one of the largest defender organizations within the world" does not mean he has now inherited that organization's prestige and its accomplishments. I find it fairly distasteful that you are attempting to commend Nibu for the achievements of others.

Actually Neo Nibu was a member of Solarius during their glory days and it was the first region he joined likely the reason for his choice to refound it. Where he served as Colonel of Solarian Army Camp Delta and later camp Styx participating in many defense operations throughout that time. I thank you for pointing this out, and will edit the proposal so it's more clear.

...not that I'm assuming Solarius is even accomplished; I hadn't heard about it until now.

I'm sure not everyone knows of Solarius, but not everyone knows ever region and Solarius was very accomplished for it's time. I'm sure there are still some Solarian Veterans floating about. You can read more about Solarius on NSwiki.

http://nswiki.net/index.php?title=Solarius

So haven't many other people. Just being a member of the FRA shouldn't earn you an instant commendation by the WASC.

That isn't particularly difficult, seeing as few people are actually interested in claiming warzones and if someone is holed up there with a certain amount of manpower behind their occupation others probably wouldn't even bother trying to put their WFE spam on it.

Should we commend the hundreds of other nations who have captured warzones on a whim?

I'm not suggesting holding a Warzone or being a member of the FRA by itself is enough to be Commended, nor are these my main focus points, it is to show the various areas in which Neo Nibu has made a contribution. I will remove the bit about Warzone Asia though since it is rather minor and TK doesn't plan to hold it.

Are we even allowed to mention things like "Star Wars" And "Fallout" here?

Your right they do violate rule four, I have noted my concern about this in previous post. Unibot was kind enough to suggest a replacement for the Starwars one. I'm still trying to come up with a replacement for the fallout if anyone has any suggestions on what could work let me know.

[New German Dragons]

I authorized the joining of The Capital Wasteland to Trav. As the founder of TCW, i fully support the commendation

[Mahaj WA Seat]

sooo many Rule IV violations here.

My head spins.