The Security Council had always been a peaceful place.
In the golden days one could find thoughtful TannerFrankLanders and observant Oh My Daysians discussing racial tolerance over a hot chocolate, refined Reseda Islanders and sympathetic Sedgistanians engaging in mature debate about the merits of military action, and even kindly Kennyites and unconventional Unibotians... well, okay - they weren't quite so friendly. But even so, the abominable Ardchoilleans were rarely spotted around the Chamber, and there was an amicable atmosphere as ambassadors worked together in a harmonious environment, spreading peace and goodwill around the world.
This all changed on the 23rd of April, 2010. Late at night, while all the delegates were sleeping, the Secretariat snuck into the building and erected a fourth wall.
The once triangular building now had an entire corner walled off, and oh, how the representatives complained! The wall was restrictive, it was ugly, and it stopped them playing their impromptu games of 3-way British bulldog. What had happened to the principle of the ambassadors constructing their own building? Never mind that there were windows in the floor and chimneys coming out of the walls - dammit, they liked it this way!
The Secretariat protested that the architects had always planned to build the fourth wall - they'd just run out of bricks last year. This wasn't enough, though. Protests quickly broke out, and the Secretariat was nearly driven from the Chamber as angry ambassadors threw pies, shoes and even some unfortunate fish at them. Rapidly organising themselves, the ambassadors charged at the wall together, hoping to break it under their combined weight! Others sprayed obscene graffiti on the wall, while Pascal of Unibot released invisible ants on an unfortunate group of pro-wall ambassadors. One deranged individual even picked up a spare Condemnation badge and tried to nail it into the fourth wall, before being dragged off for "re-education" by the Secretariat.
Caught up in the heat of the moment, ambassadors stopped pushing against the wall and instead lunged at each other, a massive brawl developing. This whirling maelstrom of firsts and elbows spun around the chamber, gathering in pace and ferocity until finally the scrum fell kicking and screaming through one of the windows in the floor, landing with a splash in the lake.
Taking advantage of this, the gnomes locked all the doors, released a team of trained (invisible) anteaters, and cleaned up the mess. The Security Council Chamber remained locked down for several days, as shamed ambassadors dried off outside.
Eventually, they were let back into the building one at a time, after signing a contract promising good behaviour. As they entered, the ambassadors noticed the new wall had been painted a pleasant shade of violet. Looking upon it, they realised that maybe, just maybe, the fourth wall didn't look that bad.
The Security Council now got back to business, returning to its favourite topics of Nazis, 10000 Islands and Gatesville, though not without the occasional minor outbreak of fisticuffs and pie-fights.
Meanwhile, ambassadors began to speculate about the wall - what was hidden in the triangular area behind it? Some suggested that the ruined AMOM dirigibles were stored there; others claimed that tins of orange and blue paint confiscated off the Macedons were stashed inside.
But now, they were going to find out. For on this fateful morning, the ambassadors that entered the Great Chamber of the Security Council and looked upon the Fourth Wall noticed a door. Above that door read the words:
In the golden days one could find thoughtful TannerFrankLanders and observant Oh My Daysians discussing racial tolerance over a hot chocolate, refined Reseda Islanders and sympathetic Sedgistanians engaging in mature debate about the merits of military action, and even kindly Kennyites and unconventional Unibotians... well, okay - they weren't quite so friendly. But even so, the abominable Ardchoilleans were rarely spotted around the Chamber, and there was an amicable atmosphere as ambassadors worked together in a harmonious environment, spreading peace and goodwill around the world.
This all changed on the 23rd of April, 2010. Late at night, while all the delegates were sleeping, the Secretariat snuck into the building and erected a fourth wall.
The once triangular building now had an entire corner walled off, and oh, how the representatives complained! The wall was restrictive, it was ugly, and it stopped them playing their impromptu games of 3-way British bulldog. What had happened to the principle of the ambassadors constructing their own building? Never mind that there were windows in the floor and chimneys coming out of the walls - dammit, they liked it this way!
The Secretariat protested that the architects had always planned to build the fourth wall - they'd just run out of bricks last year. This wasn't enough, though. Protests quickly broke out, and the Secretariat was nearly driven from the Chamber as angry ambassadors threw pies, shoes and even some unfortunate fish at them. Rapidly organising themselves, the ambassadors charged at the wall together, hoping to break it under their combined weight! Others sprayed obscene graffiti on the wall, while Pascal of Unibot released invisible ants on an unfortunate group of pro-wall ambassadors. One deranged individual even picked up a spare Condemnation badge and tried to nail it into the fourth wall, before being dragged off for "re-education" by the Secretariat.
Caught up in the heat of the moment, ambassadors stopped pushing against the wall and instead lunged at each other, a massive brawl developing. This whirling maelstrom of firsts and elbows spun around the chamber, gathering in pace and ferocity until finally the scrum fell kicking and screaming through one of the windows in the floor, landing with a splash in the lake.
Taking advantage of this, the gnomes locked all the doors, released a team of trained (invisible) anteaters, and cleaned up the mess. The Security Council Chamber remained locked down for several days, as shamed ambassadors dried off outside.
Eventually, they were let back into the building one at a time, after signing a contract promising good behaviour. As they entered, the ambassadors noticed the new wall had been painted a pleasant shade of violet. Looking upon it, they realised that maybe, just maybe, the fourth wall didn't look that bad.
The Security Council now got back to business, returning to its favourite topics of Nazis, 10000 Islands and Gatesville, though not without the occasional minor outbreak of fisticuffs and pie-fights.
Meanwhile, ambassadors began to speculate about the wall - what was hidden in the triangular area behind it? Some suggested that the ruined AMOM dirigibles were stored there; others claimed that tins of orange and blue paint confiscated off the Macedons were stashed inside.
But now, they were going to find out. For on this fateful morning, the ambassadors that entered the Great Chamber of the Security Council and looked upon the Fourth Wall noticed a door. Above that door read the words:
Three Walled Bar
Below it, another sign:
"50% cheaper than the Strangers Bar"
Behind the bar stood Cedric, a young man who looked strangely similar to the deranged individual dragged off by the Secretariat for re-education. Cleaning glasses with a slightly glazed expression on his face, he awaited the thirsty hordes.
