Title - The Anti-Issue
The Issue - It's Me. Hi. I'm The Issue. It's Me. Tales as old as time. Specially tailored, swift to answer. I have this thing where your nation gets older but your leader never wiser. All my options come with prices and vices, your nation ending up in crises...
Option 1 - Did you notice the covert narcissism I disguise as altruism in some kind of congressman? Yet nobody agrees! All of the issues you've ghosted are gathering dust in your inbox, never dismissed. Just enough to prevent your nation's doom - once every 48 hours.
result - @@LEADER@@ receives an issue every two days.
Option 2 - The editors laugh at us from hell. You think I'm here on good will, yet I am the monster in your feed. I wake you up screaming every day. It must be exhausting always rooting through these issues. Once a day I'll watch you as you're leaving for work...
result - @@LEADER@@ receives an issue every day.
Option 3 - Dreaming of an easter egg? Slowly lurching toward unlocking your new capital city? Matters too big to hang out in your inbox for long. Maybe kill some time both midnights and afternoons.
result - @@LEADER@@ receives an issue twice daily.
Option 4 - The family gathers ‘round and reads me. Some scream, others laugh and put their leaders through hell. I imagine many card farmers autoclick through me for money. Your obsessions extend to the graveyard shift. I'll make you stare directly at the screen at least four times daily.
result - @@LEADER@@ is overrun with issues.
Option 5 - Sometimes I feel like every leader is a sketchy and whiny baby. Look in the mirror! I should not be available on any of your devices. Put me on hold with vacation mode.
result - @@LEADER@@'s got issues?
Option 6 - Watch you leaving 'cause you got tired of my scheming - for the last time. Pierce your nation in the heart and let it be killed to an apocalyptic fireball; ah, it's time, to finally CTE.
result -