When is it time to leave the parental nest?

[Saiwana]

For people who have children or had children before, there is a major milestone and question to look forward to which is:

When should someone be expected to leave your home after you've raised them to adulthood.. exactly?

https://finallyfamilyhomes.org/help-you ... -move-out/
https://dailytrojan.com/2024/01/26/movi ... n-concept/

On one hand, it is unreasonable to expect anyone to be financially responsible for somebody for forever or indefinitely, but on the other hand- I can see how it can be harsh/cruel to push someone into homelessness or to cut off all resources from them if they're truly unprepared to live on their own.

My view on this is that sooner is better when it comes to moving out and becoming independent, but that 18 is usually too soon if K-12 education usually ends at around 16 to 18 for most people.
There are a great many stories of people who were kicked out or made homeless at 18 years of age and as a result- if their parents ever needed help- they proceeded to not help them and put them in a nursing home at first opportunity, if not having lasting resentment from enduring a hard launch after adolescence.

Here is what I'd consider reasonable: if someone is a good son/daughter in terms of not getting into trouble- let your child stay in the home while they're employed and expect them to save their money and keep their expenses low.
If a person temporarily has no housing costs/burden, it is a huge financial advantage that could set them up for some if not permanent success if they're responsible and not wreckless. Instead of paying rent and being $186,000+ poorer, they could instead invest the money in building a portfolio of appreciating assets such as Crypto, Stocks, Bonds, REITs/Real Estate, 401Ks, IRAs, and etc. if not a down payment for getting their own house. All this can be done if they land a good job or have a good work ethic with even a lame job for up to 5 years or so if this process is started early or after 18 years of age.

I never did move away from my parents, but if they wish me to leave- I'm ready to do so. I'll admit that they were too permissive with me, but that I am lucky to have them. I did eventually start earning income and that is the exact plan I'm following- keep expenses low, save money, invest that money in what is likely to appreciate or get return, use the proceeds to seamlessly move out with no hard friction or financial crisis from the housing market being too expensive or whatever else that is unaffordable about living on your own.

Where do you stand on this issue? How would you handle this as a parent? When did you move out if you did? If you still live with your parents while an adult- why and do you have a plan for when to move out? What age or general time frame do you believe is the ideal time for someone to become independent in terms of living on their own? The average age of people leaving their parents' home is allegedly 26 years of age. In other countries, it can be much longer, such as if a residence is multi-generational. Discuss.

[Ethel mermania]

When they are ready.

[Kreigsreich of Iron]

At the age of majority.
Where I come from, that’s 18.

[Kostane]

When they are ready.

These are my thoughts exactly. When a child leaves their parents house is up to the child, the parents, and no one else.

[Kerwa]

I left home at 18. That was pretty usually where I am from in those days. Most people actually really looked forward to moving out, it was a big deal.

[Saiwana]

I left home at 18. That was pretty usually where I am from in those days. Most people actually really looked forward to moving out, it was a big deal.

So, did you have economic hardship? The issue is that if someone only has high school education or little to no work experience, that they'll only be able to get a lowly paid or minimum wage job that can't afford the prevailing cost of rent/housing where they live.

[Kerwa]

I left home at 18. That was pretty usually where I am from in those days. Most people actually really looked forward to moving out, it was a big deal.

So, did you have economic hardship? The issue is that if someone only has high school education or little to no work experience, that they'll only be able to get a lowly paid or minimum wage job that can't afford the prevailing cost of rent/housing where they live.

Well i didn’t have much money, but it was a different world. I finished my a’levels and went to university. Rent wasn’t really a problem in those days if you were okay living in a shitty area, and since I am it was not a problem. Things are so different now.

[New haven america]

The idea that a kid should leave the house at 18 is a very Boomer idea. No really, the Boomers and maybe early Gen X were basically the only generations in history that could easily leave the nest safely at 18.

Throughout most of history, people either stayed home until their mid/late 20's, until they got married (Where a house or funds/materials for a house were a common wedding gift), or they still lived at home until inheriting the house, usually in an attached loft or guest house.

And due to... a certain generation not investing in their grandkid's futures leading to the first generations that were worse off than their ancestors, waiting to leave home needs to become the standard again.

[Liberal Malaysia]

In Asia, there is no shame in continuing to live with one's parents. But I'm heavily Westernized so I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that.

[Kerwa]

The idea that a kid should leave the house at 18 is a very Boomer idea. No really, the Boomers and maybe early Gen X were basically the only generations in history that could safely leave the nest safely at 18.

Throughout most of history, people either stayed home until their mid/late 20's, until they got married (Where a house or funds/materials for a house were a common wedding gift), or they still lived at home until inheriting the house, usually in an attached loft or guest house.

And due to... a certain generation not investing in their grandkid's futures leading to the first generations that were worse off than their ancestors, waiting to leave home needs to become the standard again.

I mean, not really. It depended on a lot of things, but people would be apprenticed (indentured) in their mid teens, or go,to sea/join the army at like 14 or whatever. It all depended on many factors. Also, many, many, many people didn’t have a house to inherit.

People don’t leave home now because financialization (amongst other things) has made shelter costs unaffordable on ordinary wages.

[Dogmeat]

42

[Floofybit]

12

(As in noon)

[Bogmarsh in the mud]

The moment you feel yourself incapable of perfectly submissive obedience. Chop chop!

[The Archregimancy]

This isn't really as binary as question as the OP seems to assume. Like many people, I imagine, I transitioned to living away from my parents in stages.

I first left the family home aged 11-12, when I was in boarding school. I imagine most of you wouldn't count that, but I definitely wasn't living at home.

I then lived at home again until 16, when I became an exchange student in a country on a different continent. Again, that likely doesn't count, because while I wasn't living at home, I was living in someone's home - but my mother definitely broke down in tears while waving me off.

I then went to university at 17 (I was a year ahead of most of my peers; in American terms, I skipped a grade). I spent four years at university, only returning 'home' for Christmas and the summer (I'm simplifying here by glossing over a year I spent in a different country from my parents).

I became more or less financially self-sufficient at 21, with my first commercial archaeology job, though I returned briefly to my parents' house for a couple of months at the age of 23 after finishing my MA and while looking for a job; I'd also had a serious relationship collapse the same year, and needed somewhere to stay while I sorted myself out.

I definitively left 'the parental nest' at 23, and have been completely financially independent since. I haven't even lived on the same continent as my parents for nearly 30 years (although my father's no longer with us; so in 2024 we're just talking about my mother).

But as that outlines, there was a decade-long transition between my first living apart from my parents and my finally and definitively no longer leaning on my parents for support. No doubt the details of age and circumstance vary between people, but I imagine that's not wholly unusual.

[Terruana]

Why does there need to be an arbitrary age cut off?

[Saiwana]

Why does there need to be an arbitrary age cut off?

If there isn't a hard deadline, there usually is one eventually or some agreed upon date where the transition process is supposed to finish or wrap up.
If there isn't, chances are the child won't move out or "grow up" as expected. To not be an economic burden anymore past adolescence, some families have had to resort to a formal legal eviction process that results in a feud or strife within said family.

[Major-Tom]

Once you can provide for yourself, ideally.

It's certainly harder for young people nowadays, though. I know plenty of 20-somethings with decent paying jobs that still live at home because the cost of rent is so outrageously high, let alone the cost of actually buying a home.

[Terruana]

Why does there need to be an arbitrary age cut off?

If there isn't a hard deadline, there usually is one eventually or some agreed upon date where the transition process is supposed to finish or wrap up.
If there isn't, chances are the child won't move out or "grow up" as expected. To not be an economic burden anymore past adolescence, some families have had to resort to a formal legal eviction process that results in a feud or strife within said family.

But why does the deadline have to be an age as opposed to, for example, economic or social circumstances?

[Saiwana]

But why does the deadline have to be an age as opposed to, for example, economic or social circumstances?

This topic is also about what the wider general rule or societal expectations should be with regards to people moving out of their parents' home. The harsh reality is that some people will always be poor or not as economically successful. Some people flat out are unstable or don't have a solid plan to execute on.
In those instances, it isn't always as simple as- let your child stay indefinitely. People do want to eventually retire or do other things, once someone has grown up enough to where most other people expect them to head out on their own in some form or become self sufficient.

People do get torn between providing extended help far beyond what was intended or is impactful for their children or letting them become homeless and endure hardships that can destroy any ties they had with them long term.

[Grandocantorica]

It truly depends the situation of the person. For me I want to get out as soon as I can afford it.

[Terruana]

But why does the deadline have to be an age as opposed to, for example, economic or social circumstances?

This topic is also about what the wider general rule or societal expectations should be with regards to people moving out of their parents' home. The harsh reality is that some people will always be poor or not as economically successful. Some people flat out are unstable or don't have a solid plan to execute on.
In those instances, it isn't always as simple as- let your child stay indefinitely. People do want to eventually retire or do other things, once someone has grown up enough to where most other people expect them to head out on their own in some form or become self sufficient.

People do get torn between providing extended help far beyond what was intended or is impactful for their children or letting them become homeless and endure hardships that can destroy any ties they had with them long term.

Sounds like a complicated way of saying that there is no "one size fits all" solution to it?

[Japanese-Manchu Union]

(US Perspective)

---

This depends on the actual situation of the Family. I would usually say 18 or 21 at the latest. Once you reach out of your teens, I feel like you are already (practically) an adult human at this point. Although, since housing prices are practically reaching the millions soon enough, this would be a pretty valid reason to stay in the nest.

[Bilancorn]

I think it varies a lot from country to country tbf.

[Cannot think of a name]

When they are ready.

Only answer. Way to many variables for anything definitive.