[DRAFT] The War on Maxxmas

[The Eltran]

[Description]
Your plans for a quiet holiday dinner with a few of your closest advisors was interrupted when the restaurant's receptionist greeted the guest after you with the words "Happy Holidays."

[Option 1 text]
"You hear this woke nonsense, @@LEADER@@?" fumes the red-faced man. "Happy Holidays?! I'm @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@, and I celebrate Maxxmas! Not Festivus or Thanksgiving or International Talk Like a Pirate Day! MAXXMAS! You better do something about this war on Maxxmas before these aggressive, overbearing, lily-livered yellow-bellies turn our country into Brancaland!"

[Option 1 result]
artificial foliage and multi-stem candlesticks are considered contraband in @@NAME@@

[Option 2 text]
"I celebrate Maxxmas too," stammers the red-faced receptionist, who seems to be doing her best to hide behind you. "But we have plenty of regulars here who celebrate other holidays, or none at all. All I want to do is make our guests feel welcome so that they can enjoy a good meal, regardless of the occasion. Maybe you could add a few new holidays to the calendar? It would be good for business, and give hard-working @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ something to look forward to.

[Option 2 result]
diners close in observance of National Pancake Day

[Option 3]
"I just had the most brilliant idea!" beams your Minister for Creative Solutions, flush with excitement. "We don't add holidays OR abolish them! We move them! Instead of a war on Maxxmas, we have every holiday on Maxxmas! Nobody will feel obligated to say "Happy Holidays" if there's only one, right?

[Option 3 result]
there's only one holiday in @@NAME@@ but nobody can decide what it's called

[Description]
Your plans for a quiet holiday dinner with a few of your closest advisors was interrupted when the restaurant's receptionist greeted the guest after you with the words "Happy Holidays."

[Option 1 text]
"You hear this woke nonsense, @@LEADER@@?" fumes the red-faced man. "Happy Holidays?! I'm @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@, and I celebrate Maxxmas! Not Festivus or Thanksgiving or International Talk Like a Pirate Day! MAXXMAS! You better do something about this war on Maxxmas before these aggressive, overbearing, lily-livered yellow-bellies turn our country into Brancaland!"

[Option 1 result]
artificial foliage and multi-stem candlesticks are considered contraband in @@NAME@@

[Option 2 text]
"I celebrate Maxxmas too," stammers the red-faced receptionist, who seems to be doing her best to hide behind you. "But we have plenty of regulars here who celebrate other holidays, or none at all. All I want to do is make our guests feel welcome so that they can enjoy a good meal, regardless of the occasion. Maybe you could add a few new holidays to the calendar? It would be good for business, and give hard-working @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ something to look forward to.

[Option 2 result]
bars close in observance of World Party Day

[Option 3]
"I just had the most brilliant idea!" beams your Minister for Creative Solutions, flush with excitement. "We don't add holidays OR abolish them! We move them! Instead of a war on Maxxmas, we have every holiday on Maxxmas! Nobody will feel obligated to say "Happy Holidays" if there's only one, right?

[Option 3 result]
there's only one holiday in @@NAME@@ but nobody can decide what it's called

[Option 4 validity]
Nation has a military

[Option 4 text]
"All this talk about a 'war on Maxxmas' is just a ruddy metaphor," muses your top general. "Maybe we ought to be a little more literal about it. Attacking on Maxxmas is our best chance to catch Blackacre with their pants down and take back @@ANIMAL@@ island!"

[Option 4]
there are a lot of empty seats at holiday dinners in @@NAME@@ following a botched invasion of Blackacre

[Description]
Your plans for a quiet holiday dinner with a few of your closest advisors was interrupted when the restaurant's receptionist greeted the guest after you with the words "Happy Holdays."

[Option 1 text]
"You hear this woke nonsense, @@LEADER@@?" fumes the red-faced man. "Happy Holdays?! I'm @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@, and I celebrate Maxxmas! Not Woofenoot or Thanksgiving or International Talk Like a Pirate Day! MAXXMAS! You better do something about this war on Maxxmas before these liberal Gen-Z Millennial fascists turn our country into Brancaland!"

[Option 1 result]
artificial foliage and multi-stem candlesticks are considered contraband in @@NAME@@

[Option 2 text]
"I celebrate Maxxmas too," stammers the red-faced receptionist, who seems to be doing her best to hide behind you. "But we have plenty of regulars here who celebrate other holidays, or none at all. All I want to do is make our guests feel welcome so that they can enjoy a good meal, regardless of the occasion. Maybe you could add a few new holidays to the calendar? It would be good for business, and give hard-working @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ something to look forward to.

[Option 2.1 result]
@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ calendars say that every day is a holiday

[Option 2.2 result]
every day is a holiday in @@NAME@@

[Possible Option 2 policy: religion is legal]

[Option 3]
"I just had the most brilliant idea!" beams your Minister for Creative Solutions, flush with excitement. "We don't add holidays OR abolish them! We move them! Instead of a war on Maxxmas, we have every holiday on Maxxmas! Nobody will feel obligated say "Happy Holdays" if there's only one, right?

[Option 3 result]
there's only one holiday in @@NAME@@ but nobody can decide what it's called

[Option 4 validity]
Nation has a military

[Option 4 text]
"All this talk about a 'war on Maxxmas' is just a metaphor," muses your top general. "Maybe we ought to be a little more literal about it. Attacking on Maxxmas is our best chance to catch Blackacre with their pants down and take back @@ANIMAL@@ island!"

[Option 4]
there are a lot of empty seats at holiday dinners in @@NAME@@ following a botched invasion of Blackacre

[Tinhampton]

I prefer Option 2.2. "Holdays" is misspelled. Option 4 is funny - as, to be frank, is literally the entire issue - but I'm not sure that the editors are all that interested in war right now.

[Bisofeyr]

I agree with Tin, this is a pretty funny take on the issue. Some pieces of feedback from my mind palace:

1. In option one, "liberal Gen-Z Millennial fascists" is accurate to the issue IRL, but I see no reason that liberals are inherently the ones "suppressing" Maxxmas in the game, and "Gen-Z Millennial" will only get dated as time goes on. I would exchange that out for something a bit more timeless like "derelict tree-hating hooligans" or "perpetually-naughty adolescent fascists-to-be"; though I don't think either of those are as funny as what you currently have, but I hope you catch my drift with it.
2. Effect line 2 is on the right track, but I think if you follow the natural conclusion of such an effect, it's quite a bit funnier. "workers look forward to having National Hotdog Day off" or something I think is a better choice here.
3. Effect line 3 is also lacking a bit, given how literal it is. Perhaps "celebration is relegated to a single day each year", which keeps the same concept.

I like the issue overall

[Governor George C Wallace]

I second the folks above who say that this issue is clever and I got a chuckle out of the last option. Being said, I don’t know if declaring war is a valid option for issues outside of the issue regarding Brazilistan.

I agree with Tinhampton in this regard

Maybe “threaten war on Maxxmas” instead of “declare war on Maxxmas” with a cruise missile before Blackacre will be able to notice, would work better

[Arctic Lands]

Consider this historical occurence: after the Russian Empire fell, the Soviet government quickly eliminated Christmas by introducing New Year celebrations instead.

Maybe there could be something similar here, with "Happy New Year"?

[Trotterdam]

It's ironic that this draft is itself playing into the war by refusing to use the word "Christmas".

[The Eltran]

I prefer Option 2.2. "Holdays" is misspelled. Option 4 is funny - as, to be frank, is literally the entire issue - but I'm not sure that the editors are all that interested in war right now.

Holidays is misspelled three times, embarrassingly.

My understanding is that the mods have two main objections to war. One that leaving it open-ended means creating issue chains, but there's no sequel* hook here. It's over. Ya lost. The other objection I'm aware of is that issues with war options tend to downplay the consequences of war. I have no intention of doing that, and I'm happy to make the issue result even more of a downer, if that would help.

That said, I'm also willing to go forward with this as a three-option issue if the editors don't want Option 4.

1. In option one, "liberal Gen-Z Millennial fascists" is accurate to the issue IRL, but I see no reason that liberals are inherently the ones "suppressing" Maxxmas in the game, and "Gen-Z Millennial" will only get dated as time goes on. I would exchange that out for something a bit more timeless like "derelict tree-hating hooligans" or "perpetually-naughty adolescent fascists-to-be"; though I don't think either of those are as funny as what you currently have, but I hope you catch my drift with it.
2. Effect line 3 is also lacking a bit, given how literal it is. Perhaps "celebration is relegated to a single day each year", which keeps the same concept.

I get a great deal of joy out of satirizing people who use contradictory labels for people (eg "far-left liberals," "she's a Marxist, communist, fascist, socialist"). With that being said, there are less America-specific words that have antonyms. I'll see what I can do.

Effect 3 is my favorite line of the entire issue. I'd have to get a pretty funny idea to change it. (I'm also confused why you think that line is literal, but "celebration is relegated to a single day each year" isn't) Effect 2 will be different in the next draft, though.

Maybe “threaten war on Maxxmas” instead of “declare war on Maxxmas” with a cruise missile before Blackacre will be able to notice, would work better

There's a specific reason to invade on a holiday: the top brass are likely to be at some black tie event, and more grunts than usual are likely to be drunk. Missile defense are neither, so they're the exact people I wouldn't expect to be unprepared. Also, I'd rather just drop the option entirely than change the effect to something that isn't themed around the tragedies of war (my rough draft had "the average @@DEMONYM@@ has replaced Maxxmas celebrations with Veterans Day memorials this year")

It's ironic that this draft is itself playing into the war by refusing to use the word "Christmas".

I didn't use the word "Eid," either. The second I mention any religious holiday by name, I need to start mucking around with validities.



*I actually did think of a sequel to this issue, but it's a sequel to Option 2, so it's about calendars instead of war.

[Lumiere du Premier]

Typo, at the top, you spelt Holdays instead of Holidays

[Enzonar]

Option 4 unironically made my heart sink its so good tho

[The Eltran]

Bump for new draft. I'd appreciate some input from the content team on keeping or dumping Option 4

[Millenhaal]

One funny way you could maintain option four is having some guy propose bombing wherever Maxxmas’ equivalent of the North Pole is. Perhaps something sounding similar to Australia?

[Alvosa]

It's ironic that this draft is itself playing into the war by refusing to use the word "Christmas".

Maxmass is Christmas in the NSverse I think.

[The Eltran]

I realized I had a validity problem with my second version of option 2, so I changed it

One funny way you could maintain option four is having some guy propose bombing wherever Maxxmas’ equivalent of the North Pole is. Perhaps something sounding similar to Australia?

I kind of want to do it with a gut-punch sad Christmas type of result, or not do it at all