[DRAFT #2] Improved Food Quality

[Doge Flower]

Improved Food Quality: Draft 2
Votes for Draft 1: 19 Delegates

The World Assembly,

The quality of food consumed by citizens is very important. Maintaining high food quality is important to insure the citizens are kept in good health. In addition, contaminated food increases the risk of sickness from FBI (Food Borne Illness)

This new resolution will help to get quality meals to citizens, and limit the spread of Food Borne Illness.

1. Minimum Food Quality
   
   1. Funding can be offered to poor nations who can't afford to feed every citizen of their nation.
      
   2. Food in stores must meet a minimum quality in order to be put on the shelves.
      
   3. Adding to 1b, if a product is below the minimum quality standards, it must be removed from sale so it doesn't get consumed.
      
   4. WA Nations are encouraged to start a program to teach citizens about food quality.
2. Medical Programs
   
   1. Hospitals in WA nations will be funded to help create medicines for people who catch an FBI.
      
   2. WA nations will do medical research to prevent deaths from food poisoning, and other deaths related to Food Borne Illness.
      
   3. The citizens of WA nations must have health insurance so they can make hospital visits if needed.
      
   4. WA nations set up insurance programs for citizens who are most likely to be hospitalized.
3. Support For Homeless People
   
   1. Help WA nations construct shelters for homeless people.
      
   2. In the homeless shelters mentioned in 3a, good quality food will be given to feed the people living in it.
      
   3. Help get health insurance for the homeless people. 2c also helps this clause.
      
   4. The WA can donate to help the nations who struggle with food quality.
4. New Health Standards
   
   1. Any food that breaks the lead limits of 0.3 Parts Per Million of lead is unacceptable, and must be removed from the market immediately.
      
   2. Food sellers caught selling contaminated food may be forced to pay a large fine, along with jail time.
      
   3. WA nations need to hire extra food inspectors to make sure food that fails to reach the minimum quality doesn't make it to the store.
      
   4. WA nations may also receive funding to help research technology to fight against food poisoning.
5. Modern Hospitals
   
   1. WA nations will try to create better healthcare for their people, as well as new hospitals with modern tech.
      
   2. The hospitals from 5a can help teach doctors and scientists to help fight against food illnesses, so the amount of losses to Food Borne Illness is reduced.
      
   3. WA nations are highly suggested to make research alliances with other WA nations in order to reach these goals.
6. Food Banks
   
   1. Items in the articles of the new law will contribute to making food access a worldwide right.
      
   2. WA nations are encouraged to set up
      national food banks.
      
   3. In the mentioned food banks of 6b, the rich of society can donate food to the food banks.
      
   4. The food donated to the food banks through 6b and 6c will be distributed to the poor of society.

[Floofybit]

If you use an acronym for Food Borne Illnesses, you can just keep using the acronym. You don't need specify what FBI means past the first time.

[Doge Flower]

Ok I will edit my document

[The Ice States]

Hello! The preamble should still be rewritten; addressing it as a letter to member nations is not permitted by proposal rules as proposals should be written as laws of the WA. While legal under the current rule, I also think it's best not to mention the specific real-world statistics here; just say "countless" in place of "over 400,000" and remove the sentence about 1 in 10 people being affected.

I would also recommend implementing list BBCode for this proposal; below I've copied the operative clauses to use proper BBCode (with no changes to the text otherwise). Note that I added space to add headings to each of the sections, to come up with yourself in place of the generic "Article 1" etc.

Code: Select all

[list=1][*][b]Add heading here[/b]
[list=a][*]Funding can be offered to poor nations who can't afford to feed every citizen of their nation.

[*]Food in stores must meet a minimum quality in order to be put on the shelves.

[*]Adding to 1b, if a product is below the minimum quality standards, it must be removed from sale so it doesn't get consumed.

[*]WA Nations are encouraged to start a program to teach citizens about food quality.[/list]

[*][b]Add heading here[/b]
[list=a][*]Hospitals in WA nations will be funded to help create medicines for people who catch an FBI (Food Borne Illness.)

[*]WA nations will do medical research to prevent deaths from food poisoning, and other deaths related to Food Borne Illness.

[*]The citizens of WA nations must have health insurance so they can make hospital visits if needed.

[*]WA nations set up insurance programs for citizens who are most likely to be hospitalized.[/list]

[*][b]Add heading here[/b]
[list=a][*]Help WA nations construct shelters for homeless people.

[*]In the homeless shelters mentioned in 3a, good quality food will be given to feed the people living in it.

[*]Help get health insurance for the homeless people. 2c also helps this clause.

[*]The WA can donate to help the nations who struggle with food quality.[/list]

[*][b]Add heading here[/b]
[list=a][*]Any food that breaks the lead limits of 0.3 Parts Per Million of lead is unacceptable, and must be removed from the market immediately.

[*]Food sellers caught selling contaminated food may be forced to pay a large fine, along with jail time.

[*]WA nations need to hire extra food inspectors to make sure food that fails to reach the minimum quality doesn't make it to the store.

[*]WA nations may also receive funding to help research technology to fight against food poisoning.[/list]

[*][b]Add heading here[/b]
[list=a][*]WA nations will try to create better healthcare for their people, as well as new hospitals with modern tech.

[*]The hospitals from 5a can help teach doctors and scientists to help fight against food illnesses, so the amount of losses tol FBI (Food Borne Illness) is reduced.

[*]WA nations are highly suggested to make research alliances with other WA nations in order to reach these goals.[/list]

[*][b]Add heading here[/b]
[list=a][*]Items in the articles of the new law will contribute to making food access a worldwide right.

[*]WA nations are encouraged to set up national food banks.

[*]In the mentioned food banks of 6b, the rich of society can donate food to the food banks.

[*]The food donated to the food banks through 6b and 6c will be distributed to the poor of society.[/list][/list]

[Doge Flower]

I edited the bill a bit to create a new version


The lack of good quality food has created many problems. For an example, some people are forced to go hungry. Some food can also give people and FBI (Food Borne Illness.) This law will help get healthy food to everyone.

1. Minimum Food Quality
   
   1. Funding can be offered to poor nations who can't afford to feed every citizen of their nation.
      
   2. Food in stores must meet a minimum quality in order to be put on the shelves.
      
   3. Adding to 1b, if a product is below the minimum quality standards, it must be removed from sale so it doesn't get consumed.
      
   4. WA Nations are encouraged to start a program to teach citizens about food quality.
2. Medical Programs
   
   1. Hospitals in WA nations will be funded to help create medicines for people who catch an FBI.
      
   2. WA nations will do medical research to prevent deaths from food poisoning, and other deaths related to Food Borne Illness.
      
   3. The citizens of WA nations must have health insurance so they can make hospital visits if needed.
      
   4. WA nations set up insurance programs for citizens who are most likely to be hospitalized.
3. Support For Homeless People
   
   1. Help WA nations construct shelters for homeless people.
      
   2. In the homeless shelters mentioned in 3a, good quality food will be given to feed the people living in it.
      
   3. Help get health insurance for the homeless people. 2c also helps this clause.
      
   4. The WA can donate to help the nations who struggle with food quality.
4. New Health Standards
   
   1. Any food that breaks the lead limits of 0.3 Parts Per Million of lead is unacceptable, and must be removed from the market immediately.
      
   2. Food sellers caught selling contaminated food may be forced to pay a large fine, along with jail time.
      
   3. WA nations need to hire extra food inspectors to make sure food that fails to reach the minimum quality doesn't make it to the store.
      
   4. WA nations may also receive funding to help research technology to fight against food poisoning.
5. Modern Hospitals
   
   1. WA nations will try to create better healthcare for their people, as well as new hospitals with modern tech.
      
   2. The hospitals from 5a can help teach doctors and scientists to help fight against food illnesses, so the amount of losses to Food Borne Illness is reduced.
      
   3. WA nations are highly suggested to make research alliances with other WA nations in order to reach these goals.
6. Food Banks
   
   1. Items in the articles of the new law will contribute to making food access a worldwide right.
      
   2. WA nations are encouraged to set up
      national food banks.
      
   3. In the mentioned food banks of 6b, the rich of society can donate food to the food banks.
      
   4. The food donated to the food banks through 6b and 6c will be distributed to the poor of society.

[The Ice States]

Snip

Could you edit this into the OP? Preferably keep the old draft in a spoiler.

[Doge Flower]

Ok

I put the new draft as the first post

[Untecna]

Opposed. This is just a poor quality proposal overall, even with formatting improved. The writing is off, there's no preamble, no definitions, and it's just too arbitrary.

[Doge Flower]

I spent some time writing the introduction to the law. This new writing will replace everything before the start of Article 1.



The World Assembly,

The quality of food consumed by citizens is very important. Maintaining high food quality is important to insure the citizens are kept in good health. In addition, contaminated food increases the risk of sickness from FBI (Food Borne Illness)

This new resolution will help to get quality meals to citizens, and limit the spread of Food Borne Illness.

[The Overmind]

Opposed. This is just a poor quality proposal overall, even with formatting improved. The writing is off, there's no preamble, no definitions, and it's just too arbitrary.

Let me say this more gently and constructively: I suggest that you take some time to read some passed resolutions, particularly new ones and ones related to your proposal, which you can use keywords to search here. You'll want to try and match the formatting, and style of these resolutions as well as note their strengths. I also suggest just taking a look at the proposal comprendium even if this proposal is currently legal to ensure it is and stays that way. Finally, I strongly advise looking at other drafting threads in the forum to get a feel for how this entire process usually works.

[Doge Flower]

Opposed. This is just a poor quality proposal overall, even with formatting improved. The writing is off, there's no preamble, no definitions, and it's just too arbitrary.

Let me say this more gently and constructively: I suggest that you take some time to read some passed resolutions, particularly new ones and ones related to your proposal, which you can use keywords to search here. You'll want to try and match the formatting, and style of these resolutions as well as note their strengths. I also suggest just taking a look at the proposal comprendium even if this proposal is currently legal to ensure it is and stays that way. Finally, I strongly advise looking at other drafting threads in the forum to get a feel for how this entire process usually works.

Hi! Sorry I'm responding 2 days later

Do you think I could bring back food safety in the repealed Resolution: GA#64

GA#64 was repealed by GA#716

[Tinhampton]

Do you think I could bring back food safety in the repealed Resolution: GA#64

GA#64 was repealed by GA#716

You cannot unrepeal a resolution. You have to write your own replacement - as you're doing here.

[Doge Flower]

Do you think I could bring back food safety in the repealed Resolution: GA#64

GA#64 was repealed by GA#716

You cannot unrepeal a resolution. You have to write your own replacement - as you're doing here.

How should I write it to follow proposal rules

[Tinhampton]

You cannot unrepeal a resolution. You have to write your own replacement - as you're doing here.

How should I write it to follow proposal rules

Your proposal already follows the rules. This does not mean, however, that it is a good proposal. I would strongly recommend that you wait for more feedback, rather than just submitting immediately.

[Doge Flower]

How should I write it to follow proposal rules

Your proposal already follows the rules. This does not mean, however, that it is a good proposal. I would strongly recommend that you wait for more feedback, rather than just submitting immediately.

Ok thank you

[Doge Flower]

The final edited version of the proposal has officially been submitted!

If you are a WA delegate, please consider voting to send my final draft to quorum.

[The Overmind]

The final edited version of the proposal has officially been submitted!

If you are a WA delegate, please consider voting to send my final draft to quorum.

Sorry, but this is not ready for submission. Although it has been a month since you first drafted this in the forum, you didn't keep it active, and once it dropped off the front page it stopped receiving feedback.

This does not follow the conventions of General Assembly resolutions. I strongly suggest withdrawing it and getting it into the style and format that you see in other passed resolutions, particularly more recent ones.

I may have time to give content feedback in the next couple of days, but I can tell you that this is unlikely to fare well as written.

[Doge Flower]

I was testing how many votes I could get. I will post draft 2 probably tomorrow in a new forum post.

[The Overmind]

I was testing how many votes I could get. I will post draft 2 probably tomorrow in a new forum post.

It wasn't at vote; it was in the approval process. And the number of approvals is very poorly correlated with the actual voting outcome. I do not suggest pushing unfinished legislation into the queue to see how many approvals it will garner.

[Doge Flower]

Commenting to put this page higher on the list

[The Overmind]

Commenting to put this page higher on the list

Bumping is considered spam unless your thread has fallen off the front page.

[Pathonia]

[Attempted to be as constructive as I could with my comments on your draft. May contain opinionated segments.]

1. Minimum Food Quality
   
   1. Funding can be offered to poor nations who can't afford to feed every citizen of their nation.
      
   2. Food in stores must meet a minimum quality in order to be put on the shelves.
      
   3. Adding to 1b, if a product is below the minimum quality standards, it must be removed from sale so it doesn't get consumed.
      
   4. WA Nations are encouraged to start a program to teach citizens about food quality.

> The source of said funding, to my knowledge, hasn't been specified within your proposal.
> If the minimum standards in question referred to Section 4 [New Health Standards], it might be prudent to mention that in 1b.
>> If those weren't the standards, some more specification could be used as to what those standards are [or who determines them].

Medical Programs

1. Hospitals in WA nations will be funded to help create medicines for people who catch an FBI.
   
2. WA nations will do medical research to prevent deaths from food poisoning, and other deaths related to Food Borne Illness.
   
3. The citizens of WA nations must have health insurance so they can make hospital visits if needed.
   
4. WA nations set up insurance programs for citizens who are most likely to be hospitalized.

> Again, the source of said funding isn't quite clear.
> Compelling member-nations to fund medical research into food poisoning (such was my potentially flawed interpretation of it), and mandating them to set up national health insurance programmes, is [in my opinion, anyway] a tall order for a proposal that seems to be concerned with improving food quality over the general welfare of the citizens in member-nations.

Support For Homeless People

1. Help WA nations construct shelters for homeless people.
   
2. In the homeless shelters mentioned in 3a, good quality food will be given to feed the people living in it.
   
3. Help get health insurance for the homeless people. 2c also helps this clause.
   
4. The WA can donate to help the nations who struggle with food quality.

> The inclusion of provisions for homeless shelters and health insurance [again, personal opinion] seems to widen the scope of this resolution beyond merely improving food quality. Either some decent amount of revision to refocus it on food quality, or the creation of a more fitting title/name, would both- I think -help your proposal out.

New Health Standards

1. Any food that breaks the lead limits of 0.3 Parts Per Million of lead is unacceptable, and must be removed from the market immediately.
   
2. Food sellers caught selling contaminated food may be forced to pay a large fine, along with jail time.
   
3. WA nations need to hire extra food inspectors to make sure food that fails to reach the minimum quality doesn't make it to the store.
   
4. WA nations may also receive funding to help research technology to fight against food poisoning.

> My first impression was that this would be the bulk of your proposal, with provisions for the limits of how raw fish/meat can be without being a health risk, the detection of parasites or diseases in harvested animal products, and all that other jazz.
> Expanding upon your solid points here would be my primary suggestion for the overall piece.
> It may also be prudent to have the WA hire inspectors to check for this minimum food quality, though again, the definition of that minimum food quality isn't exactly clear.
> The WA funding for food poisoning research might be better fit under 2b, where member-nations researching food poisoning medicine is already mentioned.

Modern Hospitals

1. WA nations will try to create better healthcare for their people, as well as new hospitals with modern tech.
   
2. The hospitals from 5a can help teach doctors and scientists to help fight against food illnesses, so the amount of losses to Food Borne Illness is reduced.
   
3. WA nations are highly suggested to make research alliances with other WA nations in order to reach these goals.

> 'Modern' is a bit of a relative term, considering how nations may be in drastically different technological eras. 'Up-to-date' may be a solid replacement for the word, as it'd imply that older equipment should be phased out / the newest equipment sought out instead.
> To my knowledge, anyways, hospitals aren't typically involved heavily in the education of doctors and scientists [though I may certainly be wrong], with such activities being present in medical schools instead. A broader idea could be that nations are encouraged to spread awareness on food-borne illnesses, and fund medical programmes to enhance their healthcare communities' knowledge about them.
> Suggesting international cooperation over the creation of formal research alliances might be a softer or more palatable approach to this goal, as formal alliances [presumably solely for the goal of researching FBIs ('these goals')] are a bit more difficult to handle than merely working with other nations informally.

Food Banks

1. Items in the articles of the new law will contribute to making food access a worldwide right.
   
2. WA nations are encouraged to set up
   national food banks.
   
3. In the mentioned food banks of 6b, the rich of society can donate food to the food banks.
   
4. The food donated to the food banks through 6b and 6c will be distributed to the poor of society.

> The final line [6d] sounds like it could be reworded to make it more accessible to the poor, such as by stating that food banks must reserve some/all of their stockpile(s) of food for those that meet a certain income threshold [which will probably be variable due to the huge diversity of nations].