I know that #1596: The Blame Game also addresses youth crime in a humorous way, but I feel like this is different enough both in content and solutions that these issues can co-exist without issue.
Draft 2:
Youth Crime in the Spotlight
The Issue
Rumblings of snappy teens dancing their way around their parents’ rules have triggered a heightened concerns of “youth crime,” prompting a chorus of complaints. Letters from worried @@DEMONYM_NOUN_PLURAL@@ have been jetting into your office from the north, south, east, and west sides of @@CAPITAL@@, each with its own story. Tonight, a group of officials have barged into your office with Tony Montague, a teenager recently arrested for a fight that broke out in a school dance. They demand that you decide how to deal with juvenile delinquents.
The Debate
1. Officer Grubghee, holding the handcuffed teenager by his upturned collar, speaks up first: “He may be a minor, but he isn’t a kid anymore. Sure, deep down inside him there might be good, but he needs to face the music. Send him to the judge and let the justice system do its job—give him a trial, just like the adults!” Officer Grubghee shoves the boy over to the judge standing next to him.
2. The judge sighs and uncuffs Tony. “I’ve got a feeling there’s a miracle due— it’s clear Tony has been through a lot in his young life. Give him and other troubled kids adequate mental health services. The boy doesn’t need a judge, he needs psychiatrists’ care!” The judge passes Tony down the line to the Psychiatrist.
3. The psychiatrist regards Tony, nodding seriously. “Just play it cool, boy” she mutters to him. Addressing you, she continues, “Tony is a product of his environment, and juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease. What he needs isn’t therapy, it’s a good, honest job. Send him to a social worker!” She hands Tony off once again, to the social worker.
4. Scoffing, the social worker immediately pushes Tony back down the line to Officer Grubghee. “This boy doesn’t need a job, he needs a year in the pen—that’s the only way these delinquents learn. There's no need to waste money on judges, therapy, or training. Just throw them in jail the second we catch them acting up—every last buggin' gang on the whole buggin' street. We’ll stop ‘em once and for all—Tonight!
Effects
1. hardened criminals are seen telling nervous kids in court with them to “get cool, boy”
2. therapists make misbehaving children repeat “I feel pretty” in the mirror
3. former delinquents toil away down the block, on a beach, and under a tree
4. twelve in a room is a common sight in children’s prisons
Validity problems
No law enforcement
No judiciary
No prisons
Draft 1:
