HEY, ALCOHOLICS! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A DRINK THAT SATIATES YOUR NEVERENDING ALCOHOLIC HUNGER WHILE STILL BEING ALL BUNGED UP?
DO YOU JUST WANT SOME SORT OF SHIT TO DRINK?
DO YOU LIKE OVERLY DANGEROUS OR EXTRAVAGANT DRINKS?
DO YOU NOT HAVE TIME TO HEAD OVER TO THE Crispy Critter Bar and Grill?
IF ANY OF THESE WERE TRUE FOR YOU, THEN GET YOUR ASS OVER TO THE YayJuice FACTORY BEFORE WE RUN OUT!
SKITTLES, YOU MIGHT SAY, WHO THE HELL WOULD DRINK IMPORTED NAPALMSHAKES AND OTHER DEADLY SHIT?
SKITTLES, YOU MIGHT SAY, WHO THE HELL WOULD DRINK A NON-ALCOHOLIC COCKTAIL FULL OF URANIUM AND BULLETS?
SKITTLES, YOU MIGHT SAY, YOU"RE NOT WILLIE-PETE! YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT TO ACT LIKE WILLIE-PETE!
WELL, SHUT THE [EXPLETIVE] UP, BECAUSE AS THE FOUNDER OF YayJuice INCORPORATED, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!
NOW, YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, SOME GODLY BEINGS ARE GOING TO SUE YOU BECAUSE YOU STOLE A COPYRIGHTED IDEA! I mean, I'm legally required to say that with a very broad term or the authorities will catch me
I AM COPYRIGHT! NO ONE CAN SUE ME!
BESIDES, I'M NOT ACTING LIKE WILLIE-PETE!
*ahem*
Pardon me for yelling. I was just so excited to get some customers. Now, we have all sorts of fantastic drinks for you. And they even are flammable like alcohol, too! Ok, don't tell the bartenders, but the toilet in the crispy critter is a portal to here, so I use it to steal Willie-Pete's weapons.
Now, you probably want to sample our drinks, but I assure you-
*ad for the Crispy Critter*
*ad ends*
Seriously? Now, can I interest you in a Chocolate NapalmShake? Or maybe a- *pop up*
YayJuice side effects include nausea, heartburn, spontaneous combustion- *voice speeds up to the point where you can't even understand it*
Call 1-676-781-9189 today and order some YayJuice! We promise (10% chance) you won't regret it!
