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The Wisdom of Marriage

For discussion and debate about anything. (Not a roleplay related forum; out-of-character commentary only.)

On average, what is the wisdom of marriage?

Marriage is wise
41
77%
Marriage is unwise
12
23%
 
Total votes : 53

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Infected Mushroom
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The Wisdom of Marriage

Postby Infected Mushroom » Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:29 pm

This is a thread to discuss your views on the wisdom of marriage.

On average (there will be exceptions), when two people decide to get married… did they do something wise or unwise? What is the wisdom of marriage? Does it make sense economically, socially, politically, lifestyle-wise?

What factors do you prioritize for your answer?

My view is that while there are exceptions, on the whole it’s not a wise thing to do. When the original attraction fades and other issues crop up, you will either be trapped in an unhappy situation (God forbid if kids are involved too) or else go through divorce. It’s not a fate I would wish upon anyone.
Last edited by Infected Mushroom on Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Jolthig
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Postby Jolthig » Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:39 pm

Marriage is good if done right. I think at this point, marriage is mainly a religious (with some exceptions ofc). It symbolizes the union between man and woman. A pact to carry till death.

From the standpoint of Islam, marriage is an institution to increase ones faith and righteousness. For the procreation of the next generation and maintaining family structure.

I've been happily married with my wife for nearly two years and we've had our daughter last January. With all relationships, we've had our downsides but because we are both very devoted Muslims, I think much of those downfalls were easily reversed and our fears never got the best of us. My faith has greatly improved since becoming both a husband and father as I understand my priorities greatly.

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Postby Jabberwocky » Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:44 pm

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Postby The Free Joy State » Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:51 pm

Where's the "marriage is neutral" option?

Marriage can be great -- if two people love each other, know the other person absolutely and trust them implicitly, feel sure of their decision, as long as it is their decision, and want to get married. Known plenty of happy married couples who have remained so for decades.

Marriage can also not be great -- if two people rush into it, if they're too young to fully know what they want in life/the other person, if they come from a community where they have to marry so they can have sex (meaning they may marry before they fully know the other person), are marrying due to outside pressure, or don't want to get married. Also known plenty of happy couples that never married, and plenty of marriages that were short and unhappy.

From that, I'd say marriage is entirely neutral and dependent on many factors. Hence, won't be filling in this poll, which is needs a neutral option to represent the reality of life.
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Postby Bayshire » Tue Nov 28, 2023 9:54 pm

I think something worth noting is a lot of people view marriage as just “the next step” when I personally see it as a whole new life. As such, I think it does open up a whole lot of doors. However one needs to deliberate with themself and their potential spouse; ‘are we really ready to begin a whole new life?’ And really consider life with each other. I also happen to believe that marriage is an eternal thing. When I get married, there’s only two factors I would say divorce is the one and only recourse; violence and infidelity. If we have a conflict between ourselves outside of those, it’s got to be worked out. And this may be close-minded, but I find the reasoning ‘irreconcilable differences’ to be lazy.


So in my personal opinion, yes marriage is wise. However, you have to have some degree of personal wisdom before tying the knot.
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Postby Technoscience Leftwing » Tue Nov 28, 2023 10:38 pm

Marriage is an invitation into the life of a married couple of a third person representing the state: an invitation from an official, a judge, a policeman. He will not bother you with his constant presence in your apartment if your marital relationship is harmonious, but he will immediately appear at the slightest disagreement and begin to indicate where one of you should live, how to divide property. Well, this is for amateurs. Maybe some people love bureaucrats and policemen along with their spouses, and invite them to take part in the relationship, and for this they formalize the relationship bureaucratically? :lol: Joke. Probably the reason is different: the spouses, deep down, do not really trust each other, and therefore involve bureaucratic formalities with the potential intervention of judges and police.
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Postby USS Monitor » Tue Nov 28, 2023 11:23 pm

The Free Joy State wrote:Where's the "marriage is neutral" option?

Marriage can be great -- if two people love each other, know the other person absolutely and trust them implicitly, feel sure of their decision, as long as it is their decision, and want to get married. Known plenty of happy married couples who have remained so for decades.

Marriage can also not be great -- if two people rush into it, if they're too young to fully know what they want in life/the other person, if they come from a community where they have to marry so they can have sex (meaning they may marry before they fully know the other person), are marrying due to outside pressure, or don't want to get married. Also known plenty of happy couples that never married, and plenty of marriages that were short and unhappy.

From that, I'd say marriage is entirely neutral and dependent on many factors. Hence, won't be filling in this poll, which is needs a neutral option to represent the reality of life.


^This.

Marriage can be a really good thing if you're doing it for the right reasons, but it's a really bad thing if you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

And if you are engaged and you have to write to a relationship advice column to ask about a problem in your relationship -- call off the wedding. Doesn't matter what your question was. Doesn't matter if you still want to stay together and try to work on it. If it's bad enough to write in to an advice column, then it's bad enough to cancel the wedding and put it off until the issue is resolved.
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Postby Page » Wed Nov 29, 2023 2:46 am

My wife and I got married because when you're from two different countries, getting married is the only way to live together without a monumental effort. I like being married though, I like saying wife, I like the feeling of responsibility and duty that goes with it. It makes me feel like I matter after a lifetime of having such low-esteem that I couldn't even wrap my head around somebody liking me platonically, couldn't really accept that someone would be my friend not out of loyalty or compassion but just cause they actually like hanging out with me.

I don't really go for such nebulous concepts as "soulmates" but my marriage is a rare thing to be sure, it's hard to overstate just how bizarre it must have looked to people with conventional values. A beautiful woman, financially successful, 100% independent. She knew I had a shitty job, she knew about my mental illness, my drug use. I'm decent-looking at best. Good at sex? Hell yeah I am, but there's only so much you can milk out of that.

And actually I guess she pretty much is my soulmate because I know if she died, I would never find anybody who could half-way live up to her. After being in a marriage like mine, I could never go back to anything less.
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Postby Ethel mermania » Wed Nov 29, 2023 4:40 am

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Postby Cessarea » Wed Nov 29, 2023 4:40 am

I dislike the possessive nature of relationships and how it is common to feel entitled to your partners exclusive sexual and romantic activity. Regardless, marriage - without analysing it through its faults as a monogamous institution - is neutral. You can lead a perfectly happy life without ever getting married. It does nothing on its own - it just acts as a marker that two people felt they were ready for a lifetime commitment, but marriage isn't required to take that commitment anyways. My parents have been together for two decades, and not marrying has never been an issue. It's expensive and honestly just not something that interests them. It never impeded them from forming a family and raising me into adulthood.
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Ethel mermania
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Postby Ethel mermania » Wed Nov 29, 2023 4:44 am

The Free Joy State wrote:Where's the "marriage is neutral" option?

Marriage can be great -- if two people love each other, know the other person absolutely and trust them implicitly, feel sure of their decision, as long as it is their decision, and want to get married. Known plenty of happy married couples who have remained so for decades.

Marriage can also not be great -- if two people rush into it, if they're too young to fully know what they want in life/the other person, if they come from a community where they have to marry so they can have sex (meaning they may marry before they fully know the other person), are marrying due to outside pressure, or don't want to get married. Also known plenty of happy couples that never married, and plenty of marriages that were short and unhappy.

From that, I'd say marriage is entirely neutral and dependent on many factors. Hence, won't be filling in this poll, which is needs a neutral option to represent the reality of life.

Biggest issue is the poll is missing a Hasselhoff option
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Postby Bradfordville » Wed Nov 29, 2023 4:44 am

I was married for a time. Long story short, my decision to start smoking cigarettes was a better one than getting married.

Oh and for all you folks who desire to marry your partner as soon as you can in some vain attempt to preserve your relationship, don't. You will end up in a shitty situation that is difficult to escape. And all of the things you own will now technically belong to a person you've come to loath a great deal. Seeing as they won't kill you in America for premarital/extramarital sexual activity, and seeing as no one really cares anymore if you're married, I'd suggest you do what Queen Latifah did, and consider living single.
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Postby Bradfordville » Wed Nov 29, 2023 4:47 am

Cessarea wrote:I dislike the possessive nature of relationships and how it is common to feel entitled to your partners exclusive sexual and romantic activity. Regardless, marriage - without analysing it through its faults as a monogamous institution - is neutral. You can lead a perfectly happy life without ever getting married. It does nothing on its own - it just acts as a marker that two people felt they were ready for a lifetime commitment, but marriage isn't required to take that commitment anyways. My parents have been together for two decades, and not marrying has never been an issue. It's expensive and honestly just not something that interests them. It never impeded them from forming a family and raising me into adulthood.


Your parents are absolute Gs for never getting married but starting a family. They just did their thing without having to go through some hellish ceremony where everyone crowds in around them to celebrate that they're "more than just boyfriend and girlfriend now." No fanfare, no theatrics, just a man and a woman and the desire to live a life together.

I meanwhile went through the hellish theatrics and then got to spend 5 years in an equally hellish marriage. I am now 31. I wasted my 20s with something I didn't need. :(
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Postby Stellar Colonies » Wed Nov 29, 2023 7:38 am

I've never been interested in marriage, so it would be less than wise for me to get hitched.
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Postby Pale Dawn » Wed Nov 29, 2023 7:43 am

Infected Mushroom wrote:This is a thread to discuss your views on the wisdom of marriage.

On average (there will be exceptions), when two people decide to get married… did they do something wise or unwise? What is the wisdom of marriage? Does it make sense economically, socially, politically, lifestyle-wise?

What factors do you prioritize for your answer?

My view is that while there are exceptions, on the whole it’s not a wise thing to do. When the original attraction fades and other issues crop up, you will either be trapped in an unhappy situation (God forbid if kids are involved too) or else go through divorce. It’s not a fate I would wish upon anyone.



Marriage can be wise and it can be beautiful. If they picked the right person it was wise. If they picked wrong it was unwise.

Everything depends on compatibility and a willingness to work together even when you disagree. Economically it can make sense but it can be a bit difficult with two sets of student loans because of the way it is calculated. Just review how the marriage will effect your required IDR. Everything else really can be great if you go into it with open eyes and a willingness to work. Lifestyle preferences, politics, social priorities might be easier when you agree but disagreements can be enormously entertaining if you are both coming from a place of trust.
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Postby Unogonduria » Wed Nov 29, 2023 8:14 am

Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman who love each other - by marriage, they're also allowed (by God) to copulate, creating offspring.

Though I dislike arranged (by the parents) marriages. I think it's pretty dumb to be forced to marry someone you probably don't even love!
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Postby Jolthig » Wed Nov 29, 2023 8:19 am

Unogonduria wrote:Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman who love each other - by marriage, they're also allowed (by God) to copulate, creating offspring.

Though I dislike arranged (by the parents) marriages. I think it's pretty dumb to be forced to marry someone you probably don't even love!

Not all arranged marriages are bad.

My wife and I were married through an arranged marriage and it wasn't through force. We met through our community and then, I met with her and her parents. We got good vibes from one another and then we prayed for a week before agreeing to marry.

Arranged marriage if done correctly, is not a bad thing.
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Postby Kannap » Wed Nov 29, 2023 9:29 am

Infected Mushroom wrote:My view is that while there are exceptions, on the whole it’s not a wise thing to do. When the original attraction fades and other issues crop up, you will either be trapped in an unhappy situation (God forbid if kids are involved too) or else go through divorce. It’s not a fate I would wish upon anyone.


On the whole, I think eating isn't a wise thing to do. It's great at the start, when the food tastes good and you are enjoying the motion of chewing it. But when the bowel spasms and nausea hit, then you're stuck with the pain of vomiting or other such ills. I simply wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Thus I recommend never eating.

Ah, well, I suppose we can make anything sound bad if we try, can't we?

The Free Joy State wrote:Where's the "marriage is neutral" option?

Marriage can be great -- if two people love each other, know the other person absolutely and trust them implicitly, feel sure of their decision, as long as it is their decision, and want to get married. Known plenty of happy married couples who have remained so for decades.

Marriage can also not be great -- if two people rush into it, if they're too young to fully know what they want in life/the other person, if they come from a community where they have to marry so they can have sex (meaning they may marry before they fully know the other person), are marrying due to outside pressure, or don't want to get married. Also known plenty of happy couples that never married, and plenty of marriages that were short and unhappy.

From that, I'd say marriage is entirely neutral and dependent on many factors. Hence, won't be filling in this poll, which is needs a neutral option to represent the reality of life.


Anyway, this ^
Last edited by Kannap on Wed Nov 29, 2023 9:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Saarenmaa » Thu Nov 30, 2023 11:15 am

Why is there a need for marriage if there are various legal obligations such as property division and alimony, which mostly affect men, and many marriages end up breaking up? I believe that marriage should be like a contract, but even if there is a prenup, in my country you can still claim alimony. So I think that marriage is quite pointless and opsensive for a man's welfare, in addition if I have a loved one, what business does the state have with my personal life? Marriage in the 21st century is not a wise decision.
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Cessarea
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Postby Cessarea » Thu Nov 30, 2023 11:23 am

Saarenmaa wrote:Why is there a need for marriage if there are various legal obligations such as property division and alimony, which mostly affect men, and many marriages end up breaking up? I believe that marriage should be like a contract, but even if there is a prenup, in my country you can still claim alimony. So I think that marriage is quite pointless and opsensive for a man's welfare, in addition if I have a loved one, what business does the state have with my personal life? Marriage in the 21st century is not a wise decision.

Difference in alimony and property division is to be expected: there's a difference in income and property ownership between men and women, after all.

If you want to keep your property intact, select the type of marital property regime carefully. You can keep the property of both partners completely separated, or separate only those that were acquired before marriage, or join all of them together into one. Obviously, in the two latter cases the more well-off partner will be at a disadvantage if separation occurs, because they'll probably have spent more with property than their counterpart, but it will be shared 50/50 because that was the regime they were operating under. Complaining about that is rather silly, as it's an easily preventable thing. Just keep property separate.
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Astridr
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Postby Astridr » Thu Nov 30, 2023 11:29 am

Infected Mushroom wrote:This is a thread to discuss your views on the wisdom of marriage.

On average (there will be exceptions), when two people decide to get married… did they do something wise or unwise? What is the wisdom of marriage? Does it make sense economically, socially, politically, lifestyle-wise?

What factors do you prioritize for your answer?

My view is that while there are exceptions, on the whole it’s not a wise thing to do. When the original attraction fades and other issues crop up, you will either be trapped in an unhappy situation (God forbid if kids are involved too) or else go through divorce. It’s not a fate I would wish upon anyone.


That's a little pessimistic. If the view is that relationships, particularly marriages, should be fairytales completely devoid of all conflict and difficulties then one is bound to poison any relationship they are in with unreasonable expectations. Insofar as whether it is wise to get married, it'd be wrong to generalize, as there are a multitude of factors that would make each situation unique.


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Cessarea
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Postby Cessarea » Thu Nov 30, 2023 11:42 am

The Archregimancy wrote:
Ethel mermania wrote:I have enjoyed it, 9/10 would recommend


Have also enjoyed it; my rating goes up to 11.

And I assume you'll give the same score as Ethel mermania did, only with a scale going from 1 to 11?
Completely undecided on everything I guess

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Bilancorn
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Postby Bilancorn » Thu Nov 30, 2023 11:43 am

Generally speaking marriage (i dont care if religious or secular) is good. After all, a non-engaged relationship is generally more weak and prone to fell apart when the couple have disagreement.

That said, i am perfectly fine with long-time non-married couple, after all its a private choice.
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