[DRAFT] [Issues Contest Draft] Greatr

[The Galactic Empire of Zimbabwae2]

Hello Nationstates community! Having never submitted an entry before (but thought about it countless times), I present to you: Greatr
Please be kind, any constructive feedback welcome

DRAFT #2

TITLE:
Greatr

DESCRIPTION:
A recently released mobile app, 'Greatr', has teachers, college students, athletes, your IT department, and health care insurance legislators up all night on their phones. The app has thrust the issues of device-dependent, machine-dependent, and image dependent users into the spotlight.

OPTION 1
“I don’t know how much more I can take of this new app 'Greatr',” complains a visibly stressed out teacher while desperately trying to console her favorite student. “Between grading all these papers, misbehaving students, and dealing with parents, I don’t know how I’m managing to hold it together. Then, to top it all off students are using this app 'Greatr' to rank their female classmates in terms of physical attractiveness. My favorite student @@RANDOMFEMALENAME@@ is now in tears because of her low ranking on this app! @@LEADER@@! Keep the ‘>,<. =’ in the books! If you banned dating apps on school wireless networks, it would really help.

OUTCOME:
learning is deemed ‘Greatr’ than the ranks of students themselves

OPTION 2
“You know, technology really improves the lives of students,” remarks collegiate student @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The problem is the older generation thinks getting rid of technology will solve their problems, and this couldn’t be further from the truth,” he says as he finishes setting up your new router. “I propose mandatory information technology classes in schools. Learning the language of technology is practically as important as learning the language of the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ people itself. Free the technological education and free the school’s WIFI!”

OUTCOME:
learning about technology is as free as the local WIFI

OPTION 3
“You want to know what’s even Greatr than ranking the local football teams, ranking models!” says your white-collar system administrator @@RANDOMNAME@@., unaware that you had just walked in the room. “What I mean to say is that @@NAME@@ needs is more of these amazing apps! How else am I supposed to know who is Greatr – @@LEADER@@ or the leader of Maxtopia?“, “Please allow us to have the apps we want even if the devices are owned by a Company or Governmental organization we work for! Think of the individualism!”

OUTCOME:
corporate devices are surprisingly individualistic

OPTION 4
“It’s not the technology that’s the problem, it’s our health insurance coverage that’s the problem!” exclaims your Minister of Uncompromising Situations, as she stands up from below your desk, with sunlight streaming in through the grate on the side wall. “Who has recently been named @@NAME@@’s most eligible bachelorette by Buongiorno Magazine? That’s right, currently ranked 80 on Greatr’s ‘hot 100 @@NATION@@ list’, model Kate Kardashun, while I’m relegated to the ranks of Miss Peggy and Hermit the Frog! Why should I have to pay so much to alter my appearance just because I’m a woman? @@LEADER@@ please force body modification procedures to be covered under our health insurance policies.

OUTCOME:
body modifications have reportedly ranked at historic heights

OPTION 5
“They have it all wrong!” invokes local skater Tony Penguin, who is infamous for his ignorant rants, the frontside 540-rodeo flip, ollie-to-Indy, the gymnast plant, and the Saran wrap. “The problem is unsophisticated technology. What if we passed legislation allowing the ability for modification or alteration of technological products. Outlaw companies from forcing users to only be able to have their device serviced by the parent company.”

OUTCOME:
jailbreaks are more common in the technological than criminal underworld

TITLE:
Gr8R

DESCRIPTION:
A recently released mobile app, Gr8R, has the e-clerical, electable, and ensigned community up in arms , as the part d8ing, part n8working app has the military, big business, and local college TA paper gr8ers up all night on their phones. The app has thrust the issues of d8ing, the obj8ctification of women, and the deb8ting of possibly morally ab8ting apps back into the public spotlight.

OPTION 1
“I don’t know how much more I can take of this new app Gr8R,” complains a visibly stressed out mother while desperately trying to console her screaming child. “Between working two jobs and raising a child, I don’t know how I’m managing to hold it together, and then to top it all off teenagers are using this app ‘Gr8r’ to rank their female classmates in terms of physical attractiveness. @@LEADER@@! Keep the physics of 4^2 gr8ness in the books! If you banned dating apps on school wireless networks and invested in some classroom robotics, it would really help. Oh, won’t somebody please think of the children?”

OUTCOME:
learning is deemed gr8r than the ranks of students themselves

OPTION 2
“You know what’s gr8? @@LEADER@@’s Tits!“ laughs remarkably immature for his age collegiate student @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The problem is that these fathers and mothers obviously have no idea how to do their job,”. “Parents need to understand a gr8 new app when they see one!”, he says while drinking another can of soda pop. “I propose mandatory information technology classes for secondary and tertiary schools alike. What we need is more technology in the hands of children, not less. Sure, that would mean investing more in the education budget, but won’t you please think of the children and loosen your restrictions on what websites are available on the school’s WIFI?”

OUTCOME:
schools are wondering if technology has gotten out of hand, as many students use devices single-handedly

OPTION 3
“You want to know what’s even gr8R than ranking the local football teams, ranking women!” bellows your immature First Sergeant @@RANDOMNAME@@. “What @@NAME@@ needs is more of these amazing apps! How else am I supposed to know I bagged a hottie unless everyone I know r8s her on Gr8R?”, he says while slamming down another cold one. “Look, @@LEADER@@, I’m no pious man. I need validation for my manliness. I need to know I’m Gr8R than those nerds over there!”, “Please allow us to have the apps we want even if the devices are owned by a Company or Governmental organization we work for! Think of the common man!”

OUTCOME:
the common man can game on the job

OPTION 4
“No, no, and no!” exclaims your Minister of Uncompromising Situations, as she stands up from below your desk, with sunlight streaming in through the gr8 on the side wall. “Who has recently been named @@NAME@@’s most eligible bachelorette by Buongiorno Magazine? That’s right, currently r8ed 80 on Gr8R’s ‘hot 100 @@NATION@@ list’, model Kate Kard8shun!”. “I need to be ranked higher than eight hundred and eighty-eight! @@LEADER@@ please force body modification procedures to be covered under our health insurance policies. Why should I have to pay so much to alter my appearance just because I’m a woman? I’m already paying over and above for all this makeup and clothing to appeal to en8blists who can fund my est8 and life style qualific8tions!”

OUTCOME:
body modifications have reportedly ranked at historic heights

OPTION 5
“They have it all wrong!” invokes local sk8R Tony Penguin, who is infamous for his misogynistic rants and backwards 180 boardslide, hardflip sk8-outs. “The problem isn’t just that these girls neglect their appearance, but that they neglect their work as well. If an employer feels his female staff aren’t looking as Gr8 as the competition, they should be allowed to dismiss them from their jobs. It’s for their benefit as well as ours, we just take the decision out of their hands, so they don’t have to worry their pretty heads over it.”

OUTCOME:
the punch-line to “see you l8r allig8tor” is still unbeknownst to penguins

[Southland]

While I don't doubt you had a lot of fun writing it down, you need to tone down the 8 puns. The issue editors strongly recommended against using them because it won't make sense past the contest, and it was legitimately hard for me to read your issue. At most, just limit it to one of your options.

[Electrum]

I agree. It's jarring to read and the contest is not themed. Get rid of it because the issue is nigh on unreadable.

This issue would benefit from some simplification. So the issue is about dating apps. Perfectly fine. Then the option choices are:
- ban dating apps in schools
- mandatory IT training in schools, loosen wifi restrictions
- allow dating apps on company devices
- government pay for body modifications
- allow people to discriminate based on beauty

Yet none of these options really addresses 'the objectification of women' and really three of the five characters come off as a bit sexist.

Outcomes should not have punctuation so the comma needs to be removed from outcome 2.

[The Galactic Empire of Zimbabwae2]

[The Galactic Empire of Zimbabwae2]

I agree. It's jarring to read and the contest is not themed. Get rid of it because the issue is nigh on unreadable.

This issue would benefit from some simplification. So the issue is about dating apps. Perfectly fine. Then the option choices are:
- ban dating apps in schools
- mandatory IT training in schools, loosen wifi restrictions
- allow dating apps on company devices
- government pay for body modifications
- allow people to discriminate based on beauty

Yet none of these options really addresses 'the objectification of women' and really three of the five characters come off as a bit sexist.

Outcomes should not have punctuation so the comma needs to be removed from outcome 2.

While I don't doubt you had a lot of fun writing it down, you need to tone down the 8 puns. The issue editors strongly recommended against using them because it won't make sense past the contest, and it was legitimately hard for me to read your issue. At most, just limit it to one of your options.

Southland, Electrum

I took your advice into consideration and reworked the draft to focus on the issue outcomes we had deliberated upon. I took out the thematic verbage (as I had originally thought that was part of the contest). Thank you both for your help!

On to draft 2!

Let me know what we think of the issue now!

[Verdant Haven]

This is much easier to read. Unfortunately, I can now see that I have no idea what I'm reading about.

We continue to have many of the problems that Electrum pointed out: The options feel unrelated to each other, and at no point do we learn what this app actually is. Option 1 describes a functionality akin to "hot or not" but then calls it a dating app. Option 2 ignores the app and focuses on educational policy. Option 3 involves the app ranking opinions about miscellaneous topics but then angles off into trying to regulate corporate IT policy. Option 4 switches from students ranking each others' looks to some sort of authoritative national listing, and ends up bizarrely in the realm of healthcare. Option 5 seems to think the discussion is related to right-to-repair laws.

What we need is a clear dilemma demanding government attention, and options that specifically respond to it.

[Australian rePublic]

What does the app do?