Meat Tree Corporation: "TREAT"

[GOLTZBORG]

MEAT TREE CORPORATION
MANUFACTURER OF
"TREAT"



The Meat Tree Corporation has developed a new "Hybrid Tree", that
grows a soft bark, that can be eaten and digested by most people !

The soft bark grows extremely fast ( approximately 1 inch per day ),
then the "Meat Tree" sheds the soft bark; wherein, harvesters gather
up the fallen soft bark and delivers it to the processing barn, where
the soft bark undergoes a slow cooking period in a large copper vat.

Special "TOP SECRET" ingrediants and additives are mixed with the
soft bark during the 5 day processing period; after which, the soft
bark is removed from the vat and left to dry in a humidor plant for
an additional 5 days .... before being packaged and delivered to
meat wholesales all around the globe.

When completed ..... the soft bark resembles beef jerky, not only
in texture, but also in appearance; as well as, it tastes and chews
exactly like any beef jerky bought in any grocery store anywhere.

Two of the most important facts about "TREAT" ... are the facts that the
cost of manufacturing 1 pound of it is 75% cheaper than the processing of
actual beef jerky from cattle; as well as, the fact that NO animals have to
be destroyed in the manufacturing of "TREAT" !

FEATURED BELOW, ARE SEVERAL TREE FACTS
REGARDING "TREAT" AND SIMILAR PRODUCTS

NOTE: #1
Maple Syrup comes from a Maple Tree, and is edible.

NOTE: #2
The Rubber Tree's sap is used to manufacture tires
and thousands of other consumer products.

NOTE: #3
Termites eat trees and makes their home in trees.

NOTE: #4
The Venus Fly Trap consumes and digests insects.

NOTE
The Meat Tree Corporation is privately owned and operated,
with 51% of its stock owned by the Imperial Government of
GOLTZBORG.

[Ximea]

The office was luxurious, with plush carpeting deep as quicksand and a massive black onyx desk polished to a mirror surface. It housed many leather-bound books, and thanks to its abundant wood paneling, smelled of rich mahogany.

And cheap Scotch.

Dear god, it reeked of cheap Scotch.

Doktor Wunderbar, the omnipotent alcoholic plague doctor who ruled Ximea and directed its research, was enjoying a hearty brunch while perusing summaries of the Bio-Science Division's latest findings in various areas of inquiry. From time to time, he sipped from his flask full of inspiration.

The Doktor's assistant, Becchino, entered with a tablet computer displaying an advertisement from a foreign nation. "Sorry to interrupt your brunch..."

"Are you?" the Doktor asked.

"No. But I thought you might be interested in this. Is it...even possible?"

The Doktor took the tablet and read from it a bit. He capped his flask, poured himself a glass of slightly more expensive Scotch, finished that in a gulp, and uncapped his flask again. "Sure. You engineer trees to express, under the right conditions, collagen and myosin and skeletal actin, maybe myoglobin too, instead of lignin. Repurpose existing biochemical pathways that produce lipids and cholesterols for cell membrane integrity, and have cells make fat globules of 'em. Inhibit cellulose production, or better yet, engineer cells to express enzymes to break it down at elevated temperatures. Restrict all of that activity to the bark area. Now you got meat trees. You can harvest tree meat - and the portmanteau of that, 'treat,' sounds delicious."

The Doktor, in his element (said element being mad science), forgot all remaining decorum and took a swig directly from one of the seven bottles of Scotch on the table. "Of course, you haven't actually recreated muscle. Lot of biochemical regulation goes into producing a functional muscle cell, let alone organized muscle fibers. So this wouldn't make a very tasty steak. The mouthfeel would be all messed up. You might be able to market it as a cheap ground beef substitute or something. Or you could dehydrate the hell out of it to the point that even real meat would lose all histological resemblance to muscle anyway. In other words..."

"Jerky," Becchino said, catching on.

"Jerky," the Doktor confirmed.

"So," Becchino asked, "it sounds like we could replicate this easily enough. It certainly sounds easier than raising the dead, and we already do that just for cheap labor. But I know you like to support these kinds of affronts to the laws of man, God, and nature. Are we going to buy some of their product, or invest, or what?" He looked more closely at the advertisement. "Actually...it doesn't say they're selling product or shares internationally."

"Just let them know we think it's neat," the Doktor said. "And try to get more information."

TO: The Meat Tree Corporation, The Grand Imperial ★ Commonwealth of Goltzborg
FROM: Doktor Wunderbar, on behalf of the Bio-Sciences Division of the Hubristic Scientocracy of Ximea
SUBJ: Meat

MSG BEGINS:

We saw your communique about trees with meat instead of bark and we think that's a neat idea. We are interested in importing your...material...or possibly opening growing and processing facilities in Ximea. However, we are deeply curious about the unspecified ingredients and additives used in its manufacture. You needn't worry about us giving away your secret. We understand discretion. If the world knew half of what goes on in this country's laboratories, it would be mobs of villagers with torches and pitchforks again. You can trust me. I'm a doctor.

MSG ENDS

[GOLTZBORG]

The office was luxurious, with plush carpeting deep as quicksand and a massive black onyx desk polished to a mirror surface. It housed many leather-bound books, and thanks to its abundant wood paneling, smelled of rich mahogany.

And cheap Scotch.

Dear god, it reeked of cheap Scotch.

Doktor Wunderbar, the omnipotent alcoholic plague doctor who ruled Ximea and directed its research, was enjoying a hearty brunch while perusing summaries of the Bio-Science Division's latest findings in various areas of inquiry. From time to time, he sipped from his flask full of inspiration.

The Doktor's assistant, Becchino, entered with a tablet computer displaying an advertisement from a foreign nation. "Sorry to interrupt your brunch..."

"Are you?" the Doktor asked.

"No. But I thought you might be interested in this. Is it...even possible?"

The Doktor took the tablet and read from it a bit. He capped his flask, poured himself a glass of slightly more expensive Scotch, finished that in a gulp, and uncapped his flask again. "Sure. You engineer trees to express, under the right conditions, collagen and myosin and skeletal actin, maybe myoglobin too, instead of lignin. Repurpose existing biochemical pathways that produce lipids and cholesterols for cell membrane integrity, and have cells make fat globules of 'em. Inhibit cellulose production, or better yet, engineer cells to express enzymes to break it down at elevated temperatures. Restrict all of that activity to the bark area. Now you got meat trees. You can harvest tree meat - and the portmanteau of that, 'treat,' sounds delicious."

The Doktor, in his element (said element being mad science), forgot all remaining decorum and took a swig directly from one of the seven bottles of Scotch on the table. "Of course, you haven't actually recreated muscle. Lot of biochemical regulation goes into producing a functional muscle cell, let alone organized muscle fibers. So this wouldn't make a very tasty steak. The mouthfeel would be all messed up. You might be able to market it as a cheap ground beef substitute or something. Or you could dehydrate the hell out of it to the point that even real meat would lose all histological resemblance to muscle anyway. In other words..."

"Jerky," Becchino said, catching on.

"Jerky," the Doktor confirmed.

"So," Becchino asked, "it sounds like we could replicate this easily enough. It certainly sounds easier than raising the dead, and we already do that just for cheap labor. But I know you like to support these kinds of affronts to the laws of man, God, and nature. Are we going to buy some of their product, or invest, or what?" He looked more closely at the advertisement. "Actually...it doesn't say they're selling product or shares internationally."

"Just let them know we think it's neat," the Doktor said. "And try to get more information."

TO: The Meat Tree Corporation, The Grand Imperial ★ Commonwealth of Goltzborg
FROM: Doktor Wunderbar, on behalf of the Bio-Sciences Division of the Hubristic Scientocracy of Ximea
SUBJ: Meat

MSG BEGINS:

We saw your communique about trees with meat instead of bark and we think that's a neat idea. We are interested in importing your...material...or possibly opening growing and processing facilities in Ximea. However, we are deeply curious about the unspecified ingredients and additives used in its manufacture. You needn't worry about us giving away your secret. We understand discretion. If the world knew half of what goes on in this country's laboratories, it would be mobs of villagers with torches and pitchforks again. You can trust me. I'm a doctor.

MSG ENDS

_____________________________________

Greetings Doktor Wunderbar,

I am in receipt of Your recent Official Commnique',
and was delighted to read Your proposal for the
importing of our products.

We are not at liberty to devulge any of our many
Trade Secrets, nor are we permitted to open any
facilities outside of our nation; however, we can
export our products.

If You are interested in importing our products
please contact me at Your earliest possible convenience.

Highest of Regards to You & Yours !!

J. J. Johnsen III
Vice President of Sales