[SUB'D] Whitewashed

[Millenhaal]

[Description] You were sipping on a mug of hot cocoa at a cozy log cabin that one of your ministers rented for a meeting, when suddenly a wealthy businessperson and a rowdy native of Snowy Bluffs, the town you are staying in, fistfight themselves through the door in full skiing attire. This altercation was the result of the debate on ski town residents being unemployed due to ski resorts.

[Validity] Has capitalism, low weather.

[Option 1] "Please, help us @@LEADER@@, warm your icy heart, we don't want to lose our homes!" pleads @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, a concerned denizen of Snowy Bluffs, going to slap your hot cocoa out of your hands but instead deciding to drink it. "These resorts offered us jobs and an economic boost, and we fell for their sinister siren song. They brought some income to this humble village of ours at one point, but now we've been frozen out of our life here because they never hire us! We need to be put up to stay here with amenities like a guaranteed and well-paid job. Ski resorts would get a guaranteed labor pool, us Bluffians get to keep our homes,what’s not to like?"

[Effect Line 1] ski towns have reached a strictly enforced 0% unemployment rate

[Option 2] "Last time I checked, we were a capitalist country, no?” says resort executive @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, piling pretentious economics textbooks that @@HE@@ oddly brought with @@HIM@@ into the wilderness onto your desk.“They were willing to let us do whatever we wanted with the land as long as they made those sweet, sweet, @@CURRENCY_PLURAL@@. We offered them jobs, but they think they're too good to wait tables or pick up trash. Why don't you show your support by building free public transit to bring people here easier, and let's maybe keep the poor out?" @@HE@@ hands you a thermos filled with hot cocoa coupled with a business card.

[Effect Line 2] the lives of former ski town residents are going downhill

[Option 3] The head of the Bureau of Land Management walks in, tracking mud and snow onto the plush carpet. “I've been eavesdropping on you, and I think it's worth making outdoor recreation available too, but two problems exist: few can enjoy it, and we don't own it. Let's take all resort land and turn it all into preserved national parks. We’ll allow recreational opportunities for everyone! Since we own it, we can regulate the nature however we wish! Without the skiing industry, residents will also get their lives back! It's just a side effect that there's more things for me to manage!" They stare dreamily into the ornate ceiling.

[Effect Line 3] snowbanks used by toddlers for sledding are immediately declared government property

[Option 4] “You know, most of these towns used to be mining settlements…” says industry magnate @@RANDOMNAME_3@@ after dynamiting the walls of the cabin. “There’s bound to be a veritable treasure trove of untapped resources hidden in these here mountains! The natives can keep their homes and go to work for @@NAME@@! Everybody gets a stable income! There's no need to slave away finding a job when you can slave away for one that's always hiring and right next door! Even the children can gain valuable work experience! Sure, you may be taking away other people's purchased land and giving it away, but you'll be much happier when you have natural resources! Give us the go-ahead and we’ll blow ‘em up before you can say ‘labor rights’! Tally Ho!”

[Effect Line 4] the population of ski towns have gone much farther than six feet underground

[Description] Ski resorts have been steadily gaining popularity in @@NAME@@ for some time now, with thousands and thousands flocking to the slopes every winter. This influx of visitors have made ski resort towns too expensive for the residents who have been settled there for years. With the desire of preserving longtime homes competing with business interests, a gaggle of business executives and small-towners compete for your attention.

[Validity] Has capitalism, low weather.

[Option 1] "Please, help us @@LEADER@@, we don't want to lose our homes!" pleads @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, a concerned denizen of ski town Snowy Bluffs, attempting to break a pair of skis in half to emphasize their point, and instead hitting themself in the face. "These towns offered us jobs and money, and we fell for their sinister siren song. They brought some income to this humble village of ours at one point, but now they've bought most of the real estate and driven the prices for everything through the roof! I can hardly even afford to buy food for my children! Every resort company needs to take care of the people whose lives they trample on with things like free housing, a guaranteed and well-paid job at the resort, and maybe they can get me a limousine? I deserve one, I think."

[Effect Line 1] ski towns have reached a strictly enforced 0% unemployment rate

[Option 2] "Last time I checked, we were a capitalist country, no?” says resort executive @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, piling pretentious economics textbooks onto your desk to prove a point. “We are providing a valuable service to vacationers across @@NAME@@, and even the world! We bought the land, and they sold it to us, so we can do with it what we please. You can't go back on a deal just because you don't like it anymore! They were willing to let us do whatever we wanted as long as they made those sweet, sweet, @@CURRENCY_PLURAL@@. We have even made thousands of jobs available to the residents of our towns to give them a place to work, and if they complain that shows how ungrateful they are for the opportunity! Maybe you could even throw us some generous subsidies to keep tourism going?”

[Effect Line 2] the lives of former ski town residents are going downhill

[Option 3] Your outdoorsman of a brother walks in, tracking mud and snow into your office. “It's worth making outdoor recreation available to the public, however only the rich and wealthy will get to experience it under the resort model! We should take the land that’s used up by ski lodges and turn it all into preserved national parks, where there's only wilderness as far as the eye can see and nobody can hear what happens inside. Finally, nature can shine through the oppressive vail of private interests! We’ll allow recreational opportunities the likes of which @@NAME@@ has never seen before, and we'll do it for anyone and everyone as long as they don't ask too many questions! Nature hikes, mountain climbing, snowshoeing, the lot, and all for the public! Hey, if there's no more resort skiing, the residents of ski towns will have their cost of living drop as well!" He stares dreamily into the ceiling, wringing his hands.

[Effect Line 3] snowbanks used by toddlers for sledding are immediately declared government property

[Option 4] “You know, most of these towns used to be mining settlements…” says industry magnate @@RANDOMNAME_3@@. “There’s bound to be a veritable treasure trove of untapped resources hidden in those mountains! The natives can keep their homes and go to work for @@NAME@@ providing the country with valuable commodities! There's no need to slave away finding a job when you can slave away for one that's always hiring and right next door! A stable paycheck for everybody, and prices will, mostly due to the oppressive amounts of dust, go down so they can afford to live there! Even the children can gain valuable work experience! It’s a win-win! Give us the go-ahead and we’ll blow ‘em up before you can say ‘labor rights’! Tally Ho!”

[Effect Line 4] the population of ski towns have gone much farther than six feet underground

[Description] Ski resorts have been steadily gaining popularity in @@NAME@@ for some time now, with thousands and thousands flocking to the slopes every winter. This influx of visitors have made ski resort towns too expensive for the residents who have been settled there for years. With the desire of preserving longtime homes competing with business interests, a gaggle of business executives and small-towners compete for your attention.


[Validity] Has capitalism, low weather.

[Option 1] "Please, force these people to leave us be, we don't want to lose our homes!" asserts @@RANDOMNAME_1@@, mayor of ski town Snowy Bluffs, attempting to break a pair of skis in half to emphasize their point, and instead hitting themself in the face. "We initially invited these resorts into our towns, hoping that they'd boost our economy and bring some money to our humble village. They did for a time, but now they've bought most of the real estate and drove the prices through the roof! I can hardly even afford to buy food for my children! You need to force all ski resorts to provide the residents of ski towns with suitable accommodations, like free housing, a guaranteed and well-paid job at the resort, and maybe they can get me a limousine? I deserve one, I think."

[Effect Line 1] luxury ski resorts can’t compare to even the basements of the surrounding homes

[Option 2] "Last time I checked, we were a capitalist country, no?” says resort executive @@RANDOMNAME_2@@, after smacking the mayor upside the head with the invisible hand of the free market. “We are providing a valuable service to vacationers across @@NAME@@, and even the world! We bought the land, and they sold it to us, so we can do with it what we please. Leaving their town isn’t so bad, after all, it’s not like they have any deep-rooted attachment to the land! Maybe you could even throw us some generous subsidies to keep tourism going?”

[Effect Line 2] the lives of former ski town residents are going downhill

[Option 3] Your nature loving brother walks in, tracking mud and snow into your office. “I appreciate the effort to make the beauty of the mountains accessible, however decadent resort skiing is not the way to do it. We should take the land that’s used up by ski lodges and turn it all into preserved national parks, and get rid of all those fancy resorts. Finally, nature can shine through the oppressive veil of private interests! We’ll allow recreational opportunities the likes of which @@NAME@@ has never seen before! Nature hikes, mountain climbing, snowshoeing, the lot! The only problem is what to do with all of that skiing infrastructure, but we’ll deal with that after you sign the edict.”

[Effect Line 3] snowbanks used by toddlers for sledding are immediately declared government property

[Option 4] “You know, most of these towns used to be mining settlements…” says industry magnate @@RANDOMNAME_3@@, having dynamited the cabin's exterior. “There’s bound to be a veritable treasure trove of untapped resources hidden in those mountains! The natives can keep their homes and go to work for @@NAME@@ providing the country with valuable commodities! Even the children can gain valuable work experience! It’s a win-win! Give us the go-ahead and we’ll blow ‘em up before you can say ‘labor rights’! Tally Ho!”

[Effect Line 4] the population of ski towns have gone much farther than six feet underground

[Ko-oren]

Good idea!

(I never really questioned what the weather stat does, is good or bad weather good for skiing?)

The description and option 1 partially overlap in text ("skiers once provided a steady and lucrative income to residents of small mountain towns ... nowadays ski resorts have made the cost of living in these towns so high that almost all natives have been met with the choice to flee or become impoverished" vs "We initially invited these resorts into our towns, hoping that they'd boost our economy. They did for a time, but now they've bought most of the real estate and drove the prices through the roof") and they're both fairly neutral descriptions of what happened. You could trim option 1 or make it biased towards the mayor (or leave it be, of course).

Option 3: why is skiing not the way to do it? (I expected - but that was me assuming things - something about the year-round nature of hiking, or maybe using the same resorts in summer for hiking and in winter for skiing). I don't see how 3 (as is) is a solution to the problem of the description. The same, to a lesser extent, goes for option 4.

[Kaschovia]

[Description] Ski resorts have been steadily gaining popularity in @@NAME@@ for some time now, with thousands and thousands flocking to the slopes every winter. These avid skiers once provided a steady and lucrative income to residents of small mountain towns which have been recognized as perfect for the hobby, with resorts popping up left and right. Although towns and resorts were once balanced, nowadays ski resorts have made the cost of living in these towns so high that almost all natives have been met with the choice to flee or become impoverished. With the desire of preserving longtime homes competing with business interests, a gaggle of business executives and small-towners compete for your attention.

I've rewritten this, feel free to use the changes as you wish: "Lifelong residents of multiple mountain ski towns are in uproar claiming ski resort executives are extortionately increasing local prices to line pockets and balance books, with fears growing that the majority are falling into poverty as a result."

I like the premise, overall!

[Millenhaal]

[Description] Ski resorts have been steadily gaining popularity in @@NAME@@ for some time now, with thousands and thousands flocking to the slopes every winter. These avid skiers once provided a steady and lucrative income to residents of small mountain towns which have been recognized as perfect for the hobby, with resorts popping up left and right. Although towns and resorts were once balanced, nowadays ski resorts have made the cost of living in these towns so high that almost all natives have been met with the choice to flee or become impoverished. With the desire of preserving longtime homes competing with business interests, a gaggle of business executives and small-towners compete for your attention.

I've rewritten this, feel free to use the changes as you wish: "Lifelong residents of multiple mountain ski towns are in uproar claiming ski resort executives are extortionately increasing local prices to line pockets and balance books, with fears growing that the majority are falling into poverty as a result."

I like the premise, overall!

I like this! I’ll implement it later when I have time.

Good idea!

(I never really questioned what the weather stat does, is good or bad weather good for skiing?)

The description and option 1 partially overlap in text ("skiers once provided a steady and lucrative income to residents of small mountain towns ... nowadays ski resorts have made the cost of living in these towns so high that almost all natives have been met with the choice to flee or become impoverished" vs "We initially invited these resorts into our towns, hoping that they'd boost our economy. They did for a time, but now they've bought most of the real estate and drove the prices through the roof") and they're both fairly neutral descriptions of what happened. You could trim option 1 or make it biased towards the mayor (or leave it be, of course).

Option 3: why is skiing not the way to do it? (I expected - but that was me assuming things - something about the year-round nature of hiking, or maybe using the same resorts in summer for hiking and in winter for skiing). I don't see how 3 (as is) is a solution to the problem of the description. The same, to a lesser extent, goes for option 4.

Since the description is being changed I will ignore that bit since it doesn’t really apply anymore. I’ll try to make the mayor a little more passion next draft.


The Option 3 speaker believes that private companies can’t be trusted to preserve nature and offer good recreational services, and that the government can do this far better. I will specify resort skiing in the next draft. This is a more naturalist solution to the problem. It, instead of protecting business or townsfolk, protects nature. Option 4 wants to continue profit in the area but believes that more money can be made mining. It also keeps the townsfolk in the town.

[Verdant Haven]

At a quick glance, that description is huge! The idea is a good one, but it can be said much more succinctly. Make sure to focus on the dilemma - the rest is largely fluff.

As an example (this is far from perfect - just a quick swing), here's the same dilemma, but presented with 70 fewer words:

As thousands of new skiers flock to the slopes each winter, the sport’s increasing popularity has driven the cost of living in mountain towns perilously high. As a result, long-time residents of these towns find themselves facing the loss of their family homes.

All that background information about providing jobs, formerly being in balance, and who the people talking to you are - all of that is found in the options. It doesn't need to be repeated here.

[Millenhaal]

At a quick glance, that description is huge! The idea is a good one, but it can be said much more succinctly. Make sure to focus on the dilemma - the rest is largely fluff.

As an example (this is far from perfect - just a quick swing), here's the same dilemma, but presented with 70 fewer words:

As thousands of new skiers flock to the slopes each winter, the sport’s increasing popularity has driven the cost of living in mountain towns perilously high. As a result, long-time residents of these towns find themselves facing the loss of their family homes.

All that background information about providing jobs, formerly being in balance, and who the people talking to you are - all of that is found in the options. It doesn't need to be repeated here.

The description is going to be drastically shortened.

[Electrum]

We should remember this is about renters being priced out of holiday towns -- I don't really expect mayors to not own their home in their town. He should talk about long-term residents being priced out. Not sure what is meant by effect line one. It's not really landing.

Option two I would add the argument that the resorts are making jobs available for the community - they could be a little bit more mean in saying it's their own fault for not being able to save up for rent. Try and give these characters some personality! The phrase 'after smacking the mayor upside the head with the invisible hand of the free market' is a little bit hard to imagine and doesn't really work.

Aside from that you've got some good writing and the options make sense. It just needs the humour and satire.

[Millenhaal]

We should remember this is about renters being priced out of holiday towns -- I don't really expect mayors to not own their home in their town. He should talk about long-term residents being priced out. Not sure what is meant by effect line one. It's not really landing.

Option two I would add the argument that the resorts are making jobs available for the community - they could be a little bit more mean in saying it's their own fault for not being able to save up for rent. Try and give these characters some personality! The phrase 'after smacking the mayor upside the head with the invisible hand of the free market' is a little bit hard to imagine and doesn't really work.

Aside from that you've got some good writing and the options make sense. It just needs the humour and satire.

I've tried to implement your suggestions to my best ability, thanks for dropping by!

[The Southwest Islands]

This has some potential, I like it!

[Millenhaal]

This has some potential, I like it!

Thanks!

[Australian rePublic]

Why is it ski towns specifically having this issue? What about other industries?

[Millenhaal]

Why is it ski towns specifically having this issue? What about other industries?

This is because in real life it’s mostly vacation industries forcing natives to leave. Extremely desirable land in those areas cause real estate prices to skyrocket, and the cost of living to rise with it. Additionally, native townspeople are hired less over seasonal workers that want to spend time in those areas.

[Millenhaal]

/bump

[The Ambis]

Looks good Milly! Just one thing-
It says “your nature loving brother” when I believe that normally your brother is the “manly man” of your family. Idk, just a small thing

[Verdant Haven]

- The second speaker's defense of the resorts is a bit all over the place, and undermines itself somewhat. Emphasizing the fact that locals were happy to sell when it made them a quick buck and talking up the jobs that are offered are good points that deserve airtime. Presenting the locals complaints for them and downplaying their history there feels significantly weaker.

- Option 3: Given Leader's brother's long history of hare-brained schemes and self-interested suggestions, I think it would be fun to include some hints of reasons or motivations for this uncharacteristic act of seeming altruism. The interests of the non-elite have never been brother's strong suit. Also, tie the solution to the dilemma. "It won't be too expensive to live there if we get rid of the reason people want to live there..."

- Option 4 is definitely coming out of left field, so I think it also needs to get tied-in to the main dilemma a bit more. This magnate should perhaps explain more about how this "helps" the townsfolk, and what it has to do with the idea that the towns are too expensive for locals.

- This might just be me, but the solutions feel weighted a bit oddly, with the resorts getting stomped in 3 of the 4 possible answers.

[Millenhaal]

Thanks VH! Everything you say is reasonable, however I'm not sure how I would better balance it. The way I structured the issue had options to favor each competing interest in the resort skiing industry. The town, business, and nature, with a crazy option thrown in to blow it all up. The rest I will implement with no further comment.

[Millenhaal]

/bump

[Varanius]

Interesting premise! Really big fan of Option 4’s effect line too.

[Sedgistan]

The core premise of the issue (tourism pricing locals out of housing) isn't tied to ski resorts; it's something that happens in lots of tourist destinations, e.g. big cities, historic cultural sites, and coastal towns. Whichever one the issue is set in, it feels it should take advantage of the setting for some humour and maybe some left-field options unique to that setting. I don't feel your issue really achieves that - it's not the funniest of drafts, and even if it's just a few puns on snow/weather/skiing/mountains, it would help to liven it up.

Your options also seem to get increasingly less relevant to the core problem:

1) is fine; it asks the resorts to subsidise housing and jobs for the locals, though it doesn't give a strong reason why (just a "justice" kind of argument) rather than that doing so will help the resort in any way, such as by ensuring it has a steady pool of labour available.

2) is nothing more than a "no, but gives us some money for unrelated reasons" option. It's quite generic having the "business" option just asking for some money / no regulation. What else might they want? Good public transport (funded by the government) would allow workers to be bussed in from other, cheaper areas, keeping a labour force available, plus the picturesque resort free of the hoi polloi going about their drab lives.

3) I really don't feel this is an issue for your brother to be turning up in. There are so many other angles that you could go for in options, even semi-plausible "NS-ish" wacky ones such as having a transient tourism workforce who move to the coast in the summer.

4) this is better as an alternative solution.

The issue definitely has potential, but needs quite a lot more work to get there.

[Millenhaal]

I’ll try and use the setting to my advantage when I make the next draft. Expect this one to change quite a bit about it.




1) Got it, I’ll add some more diverse arguments about how this could benefit the resort and such.

2) I will make the action something different, probably what you’ve said here.

3) I’ll change the character and give them a more believable motive for wanting the solution

4) If it wasn’t clear, option 4 is in fact meant to be the crazy alternative option. I tried to convey that as best I could.

[Millenhaal]

Overhaul complete! I'm very happy with how it turned out!

[Kaschovia]

[Description] Ski resorts have been steadily gaining popularity in @@NAME@@ for some time now, with thousands and thousands flocking to the slopes every winter. This influx of visitors have made ski resort towns too expensive for the residents who have been settled there for years. You were about to settle down for a nice mug of hot cocoa in the cozy log cabin you rented in Snowy Bluffs Ski Resort when a slick-suited businessperson and a rowdy Snowy Bluffs native fistfight themselves through the door in full skiing attire. They immediately begin competing for your attention.

This description is still slightly too lengthy, in my opinion. I'd try and cut it down to about half the size. In fact, the draft itself is quite wordy, so just take a read over it again and see if you can spot anything you absolutely do not need to include.

[Millenhaal]

[Description] Ski resorts have been steadily gaining popularity in @@NAME@@ for some time now, with thousands and thousands flocking to the slopes every winter. This influx of visitors have made ski resort towns too expensive for the residents who have been settled there for years. You were about to settle down for a nice mug of hot cocoa in the cozy log cabin you rented in Snowy Bluffs Ski Resort when a slick-suited businessperson and a rowdy Snowy Bluffs native fistfight themselves through the door in full skiing attire. They immediately begin competing for your attention.

This description is still slightly too lengthy, in my opinion. I'd try and cut it down to about half the size. In fact, the draft itself is quite wordy, so just take a read over it again and see if you can spot anything you absolutely do not need to include.

Did some quick trimming. I wanted to keep a lot of the detail in to keep it humorous and give some weight to the options. I think it should be a little better now.

[Kaschovia]

This description is still slightly too lengthy, in my opinion. I'd try and cut it down to about half the size. In fact, the draft itself is quite wordy, so just take a read over it again and see if you can spot anything you absolutely do not need to include.

Did some quick trimming. I wanted to keep a lot of the detail in to keep it humorous and give some weight to the options. I think it should be a little better now.

The trims are an improvement, but the description needs to be concise and explain exactly what the issue at hand is. I think you can be a little more flexible in length with the options, but the description should be as easy to understand as possible. Apologies for not providing exact recommendations, these are just my thoughts on the draft as it is.

[Verdant Haven]

- The new Description is much more engaging (huzzah!) but runs afoul of player autonomy (booo!). If I might be so bold, compare:

You were about to settle down for a nice mug of hot cocoa in the cozy log cabin you rented in Snowy Bluffs Ski Resort...

Just as you find a mug of hot cocoa thrust into your hands at the cozy log cabin your staff dragged you to in Snowy Bluffs Ski Resort...

The new one isn't super clean (it's a bit too wordy), but do you see the difference? We can't tell the player what they want, feel, or do, but we can, within reason, do small things to them that get to the same place.

- Description: The slick-suited businessperson is in full skiing attire? What kind of business suit is that?

- Option 1: I don't understand why the locals are losing their houses. If they lived here before it became big, and the... town(?) offered them jobs and money, how did we get to them losing their homes? If they already have been offered jobs and money, why is their first demand those same jobs and money?

- Option 2: Quizzically is not the word you want. Are you deliberately refraining from using the pronoun macros for this speaker? What idea was proposed?

- Option 3: Making outdoor recreation available to... whom? Or should "to" be "too?" Vail is a real-world place, so I feel like that pun stumbles here. The speaker addresses the proposed problem that few can enjoy things as they are, but they don't seem to fully return to the "we don't own it" problem and explain how or why changing that fact will be beneficial.

- Option 4: Where did this speaker come from? We had two people in the description, and one walked in the door. With re: this option, what is being done with the resorts? Since this is a capitalist nation, it seems like there needs to be a massive reference to the concept of the government seizing private commercial property and giving it to somebody else for a different private commercial endeavor.