The Depression Thread

[Cachard Calia]

IT IS TIME.
Now that I have confirmed depression threads are not banned at present, we need a thread discussing depression. I am creating this because of my experiences with depression. I have repeatedly been suicidal, but am currently doing much better. It still haunts me though, still drives me to try harder to be of worth. I was wondering how others have experienced it.

Things this thread is for: discussion of depression and related topics, such as mental healthcare. You may ask what other people think if you are unsure of whether or not you have depression, but any diagnoses are not professional, and you should if you need to ask a doctor, not NSG.

Things this thread is NOT for: people who think themselves generally knowledgeable in medicine acting as doctors.

One final note: if you are suicidal, google suicide help resources for your nation, and do not ask the mods for resources.

[Page]

I've been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and panic disorder, the last of which has been in remission for a long time. Also I have seasonal affective depression on top of my regular depression, but fortunately it's summer right now. The power the weather has over me is actually insane. If I get a straight week of sunny skies and temperatures over 25 Celsius (ideally over 30 I fucking love heat) I can actually sustain happiness for the duration. But when it's too cold for flip-flops, there's quite a bit of day drinking and wasting away in front of the TV.

I manage my depression with a combination of prescription drugs and legal but unapproved psychoactive plants, and by going in the sunlight whenever there's sunlight.

It's been many, many years since I've wanted to unalive myself. Let me go off on a quick tangent. Even though I'm a millennial I like the Gen Z slang of unalive because I like it being somewhat of a mockery of algorithms and bots that repressively censor the topic. I know with most sites including this one it's pretty much a liability thing, and who can blame anyone for covering their ass? But I just want to go on record: Repressing the topic does not constitute prevention, not in the least. By all means, cover your ass if you own a website, but don't delude yourselves into conflating that with social responsibility.

Anyway... I think depression is on track to become even worse of an epidemic. Innate chemical imbalances are compounded by the ennui of capitalism and the grind, so much is shallow and fake, plus our parents (as a cohort, generally speaking) messed us up big time.

[Alcala-Cordel]

I was overwhelmed by depression from birth until I was about 17 years old (I'm 19 now). Sometimes I would go months at a time with no motivation to do anything but sit and think, and my mood was noticeably erratic. Every milestone in my life seemed so anticlimactic and everything I saw seemed so bleak and disappointing. Fluoxetine really helped me gain a sense of self worth, but I also credit my friends, my hobbies, exercise, and music for all the positive changes I made these past few years. While I'm definitely not "cured" of my depression by any means, it's much more manageable now and I'm learning to enjoy more things. I'm proud of what I've done in the past few years of my life, which is a feeling I'm still getting used to.

Just because the world sucks doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy. There are ways to live with depression without letting it crush you, and learning to do so is a very personal experience that requires a lot of patience.

[The Blaatschapen]

One final note: if you are suicidal, google suicide help resources for your nation, or ask the mods for resources. Do NOT, however, expect them to respond instantaneously or provide care themselves.

I'd like to change the "ask the mods for resources" to "do not ask us. Duckduckgo and other search engines can provide you the same info as us, so cut the middle man (us). We're not (mental) healthcare providers, and our finding-information-on-the-internet skills are not much better than yours".

[Cachard Calia]

One final note: if you are suicidal, google suicide help resources for your nation, or ask the mods for resources. Do NOT, however, expect them to respond instantaneously or provide care themselves.

I'd like to change the "ask the mods for resources" to "do not ask us. Duckduckgo and other search engines can provide you the same info as us, so cut the middle man (us). We're not (mental) healthcare providers, and our finding-information-on-the-internet skills are not much better than yours".

Okay, will do!

[Heavenly Assault]

Perhaps I'll share my own story, but in the meantime, I just want to wish all of you well in your struggles. Things get better if you don't give up. It's all about fighting until you reach the light at the end of the tunnel and I assure that it is really there.

"When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you cry, you cry alone."

[USS Monitor]

I had some real struggles with depression when I was in high school and college, and it is weird to look back on it now and realize how much my thinking has changed. At the worst of it, I was on meds, and the meds helped -- but it happened in a weird way. It felt as if when I took the meds, I was pushing on a metaphorical switch in my brain, pushing it back in the right direction, but not enough to fully flip the switch. I started thinking if I could just flip the switch all the way, maybe it would stick.

There was one night that I had a psychological crisis. I was about to call the suicide hotline, but I was worried that it would interfere with my studies and whatnot if I had to get hospitalized, so I decided to try going for a walk and see if I could burn off some of the nervous energy. Over the next day or so, I took about 4 times the dose of my meds as I was supposed to, because I thought maybe that would flip the switch. It screwed with my sense of balance so it felt as if the floor was moving, like being on a boat. But it also felt as if I was having a profound spiritual revelation. When I told people I was having a revelation, they asked what the revelation was, and I tried to explain it, but I realized I could not put it into words.

From that day onwards, I was much more stable. The meds no longer did anything except make me nauseous -- didn't help my mood at all -- but that was all right because I didn't need them anymore anyway.

Disclaimer: You are not guaranteed to get the same results if you OD on your meds. Please talk to a doctor and educate yourself about your medication before you try anything.

The power the weather has over me is actually insane.

Tell me about it. Since I live way north, there is a huge difference in daylight between winter and summer. In the winter it is a massive struggle to drag myself out of bed in the morning. In the summer it is nearly impossible to get enough sleep because my brain is like, "IT'S DAYLIGHT!!! THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD BE AWAKE!!!"

If I get a straight week of sunny skies and temperatures over 25 Celsius (ideally over 30 I fucking love heat) I can actually sustain happiness for the duration. But when it's too cold for flip-flops, there's quite a bit of day drinking and wasting away in front of the TV.

And this is where we differ cos I feel like I am going to melt if it gets over 30C.

[Emotional Support Crocodile]

My doctor got me to do some online CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, not the other one...). It worked really well for me, at changing some of my thought processes, though I found it rather difficult in that it made me think constantly about painful memories. I had got fixated on the idea of killing myself, in that I thought about it constantly. It got me away from that place.

[Risottia]

"When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you cry, you cry alone."

Pfft, amateur.
It's "when you laugh, the world laughs at you. When you cry, you cry alone."
Eh. I mean, a bit of professionalism never hurts. I mean, compared to life.

[Bruhssians]

I use memes to fight depression.... It kind of works

[Maineiacs]

I have battled clinical depression as well as PTSD and a severe anxiety disorder from a very traumatic childhood for my entire life. The meds I take, well, they keep me from climbing out on the ledge, but not much more. So, I've just had to live with it. Ironically, What I'm going though now isn't making my psych condition worse. I'm sorry to say that my time on Nationstates is soon coming to an end. I've been diagnosed with an infection that started in a bone and is slowly spreading to the rest of my body. I'm going into hospice care soon. I don't have a "timetable", because it depends how long they can stave off sepsis. I've been told that all that can be done for me is to be kept comfortable and continue to fight off sepsis. But for whatever reason, something that one would think would cause me to have the mother of all freak outs isn't bothering me all that much. For one of a very few times in my messed-up life, I'm actually feeling ok.

[Dimetrodon Empire]

Sorry to hear that, that sounds messed up.

[TheKeyToJoy]

I've been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and panic disorder, the last of which has been in remission for a long time. Also I have seasonal affective depression on top of my regular depression, but fortunately it's summer right now. The power the weather has over me is actually insane. If I get a straight week of sunny skies and temperatures over 25 Celsius (ideally over 30 I fucking love heat) I can actually sustain happiness for the duration. But when it's too cold for flip-flops, there's quite a bit of day drinking and wasting away in front of the TV.

I manage my depression with a combination of prescription drugs and legal but unapproved psychoactive plants, and by going in the sunlight whenever there's sunlight.

It's been many, many years since I've wanted to unalive myself. Let me go off on a quick tangent. Even though I'm a millennial I like the Gen Z slang of unalive because I like it being somewhat of a mockery of algorithms and bots that repressively censor the topic. I know with most sites including this one it's pretty much a liability thing, and who can blame anyone for covering their ass? But I just want to go on record: Repressing the topic does not constitute prevention, not in the least. By all means, cover your ass if you own a website, but don't delude yourselves into conflating that with social responsibility.

Anyway... I think depression is on track to become even worse of an epidemic. Innate chemical imbalances are compounded by the ennui of capitalism and the grind, so much is shallow and fake, plus our parents (as a cohort, generally speaking) messed us up big time.

I think your pretty good with your depression, and my theory of weather is correct!

[USS Monitor]

I have battled clinical depression as well as PTSD and a severe anxiety disorder from a very traumatic childhood for my entire life. The meds I take, well, they keep me from climbing out on the ledge, but not much more. So, I've just had to live it. Ironically, What I'm going though now isn't making my psych condition worse. I'm sorry to say that my time on Nationstates is soon coming to an end. I've been diagnosed with an infection that started in a bone and is slowly spreading to the rest of my body. I'm going into hospice care soon. I don't have a "timetable", because it depends how long they can stave off sepsis. I've been told that all that can be done for me is to be kept comfortable and continue to fight off sepsis. But for whatever reason, something that one would think would cause me to have the mother of all freak outs isn't bothering me all that much. For one of a very few times in my messed-up life, I'm actually feeling ok.

Aw... That is really too bad. You were one of the first people on NS that I liked when I first joined the forum.

I guess it doesn't do any good to freak out, since that just stops you from enjoying the time you have left.

[Maineiacs]

I have battled clinical depression as well as PTSD and a severe anxiety disorder from a very traumatic childhood for my entire life. The meds I take, well, they keep me from climbing out on the ledge, but not much more. So, I've just had to live with it. Ironically, What I'm going though now isn't making my psych condition worse. I'm sorry to say that my time on Nationstates is soon coming to an end. I've been diagnosed with an infection that started in a bone and is slowly spreading to the rest of my body. I'm going into hospice care soon. I don't have a "timetable", because it depends how long they can stave off sepsis. I've been told that all that can be done for me is to be kept comfortable and continue to fight off sepsis. But for whatever reason, something that one would think would cause me to have the mother of all freak outs isn't bothering me all that much. For one of a very few times in my messed-up life, I'm actually feeling ok.

Aw... That is really too bad. You were one of the first people on NS that I liked when I first joined the forum.

I guess it doesn't do any good to freak out, since that just stops you from enjoying the time you have left.

Thank you for that.

[Torisakia]

I've battled depression on and off for the last 6 years or so. But I just like to think of it as the "hard times create strong men" phase of my life. Thankfully it never manifested into anything past moderate depression. I also deal with social anxiety that I've had since I was a kid due to having no friends. Since I became a (legal) adult, my social anxiety has gotten better due to my exposure to the public via retail jobs. I've been taking Sertraline for both conditions since 2015 and it works pretty well, though I'm debating whether or not I want to be taken off the meds. I feel like I've improved enough in the past 8 years to no longer need to rely on meds (also don't want to be taking a pill all my life), but I'm afraid that without them I'll slip back into another wave of depression. The hardest choices require the strongest wills.

[TheKeyToJoy]

I have battled clinical depression as well as PTSD and a severe anxiety disorder from a very traumatic childhood for my entire life. The meds I take, well, they keep me from climbing out on the ledge, but not much more. So, I've just had to live with it. Ironically, What I'm going though now isn't making my psych condition worse. I'm sorry to say that my time on Nationstates is soon coming to an end. I've been diagnosed with an infection that started in a bone and is slowly spreading to the rest of my body. I'm going into hospice care soon. I don't have a "timetable", because it depends how long they can stave off sepsis. I've been told that all that can be done for me is to be kept comfortable and continue to fight off sepsis. But for whatever reason, something that one would think would cause me to have the mother of all freak outs isn't bothering me all that much. For one of a very few times in my messed-up life, I'm actually feeling ok.

I’m very sorry to hear that as well.

[Major-Tom]

I've battled clinical depression since my diagnosis at the ripe old age of nine years old. Within a few years, I was also diagnosed with ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, and OCD. It's not easy, but it hasn't stopped me - I've gotten as far as I have in life despite my daily battles with mental health.

There is no silver bullet as far as I'm concerned. I'm mostly unmedicated, which I don't necessarily advocate (everyone is different and medication can be extremely useful for some), but try to stay ahead of my issues with self-awareness, exercise, and hard-work. In other words, if I'm feeling extremely beat down or overwhelmed, I just remind myself that it's my stupid brain and something I can try to control. Then, I'll find a healthy outlet, like heading to the gym or pool or maybe taking a short break from my workload. All in all, I just look for small milestones to make me feel better. Setting goals for your well-being and then reaching them can really make you feel better, albeit, never perfect.

I say all this to kind of remind people that you can bounce back. I spent years feeling so depressed and anxious that I could hardly leave the house on some days. Now, I am pretty fulfilled and have really taken the reins in controlling my mental health. I still have my bad days, but they're never as dark as they were in the past. With the help of others, and most importantly, the help of yourself, you can get better. It's not easy, and you'll probably never feel "not depressed," but it is possible.

Also I have seasonal affective depression on top of my regular depression, but fortunately it's summer right now. The power the weather has over me is actually insane. If I get a straight week of sunny skies and temperatures over 25 Celsius (ideally over 30 I fucking love heat) I can actually sustain happiness for the duration. But when it's too cold for flip-flops, there's quite a bit of day drinking and wasting away in front of the TV.

Seasonal Affective is a bitch. I live in the desert, so mine never rears its ugly head too badly, but this last winter was historically gloomy and rainy by Southwestern standards. It was eye-opening to say the least. I can't imagine living in Europe or the Northern US where a dark, gloomy winter and spring is the norm.

[Bradfordville]

I struggled with depression as a teen due to alot of circumstances going on in my life back then. Interestingly my depression didn't really start turning a corner until a friend of mine died in a car crash in 12th grade. I think it was around then that I started to realize I couldn't waste my life feeling this awful, because some people wouldn't get the opportunity to live that I had. I still struggled with on and off episodes of depression for the next few years but each episode was shorter and less severe than the last. Overall I would say I'm in a pretty good place nowadays, thanks in part to being out of high-school and friends with decent people. And also because my family really did their best to help me out. But it's hard to watch others struggle with depression. If you're a young person and going through a rough patch, please understand that things do get better as you grow up. High-school is a temporary and difficult part of life. It will pass.

[The Union of Galaxies]

Recently, I was diagnosed with a Moderate Depressive Episode(F32.1) and Social Anxiety Disorder (F40.1). Ever since I moved from Peru to Paraguay in February 2021, I feel I have been falling into a downward spiral: I tried studying Journalism but I droped out after the second year, I tried getting a job but quit after two months, and I'm barely trying with Graphic Desing at college. The only good moment I had was when I went to the US to get vaccined from COVID. I genuinely don't know what to do.
As weird as it sounds, and while I retook psychological sessions again, I've been using ChatGPT as a psychologist of sorts. Mater of fact, most of the text above is what I told ChatGPT. I also told it a couple of my dreams. In general, it has helped me; going to a trained specialist has helped me even more.
I take pills for both disorders, I'm trying to leave my house by walking my dad's dog, and I'm planning to have another session in a week. I know it will get better, but I'll try to do my part (:

[Nanatsu no Tsuki]

I’ve been under treatment for social anxiety for close to 20 years. Was diagnosed with GAD and depression back in 2019. I take CBT and am medicated so things are mostly under control. I’ve my episodes but it’s nothing I worry much because I know when it’s coming and I take necessary steps to mitigate. Moving to be close to the ocean in late 2020 was pivotal in helping with my anxiety. Spending time out with family and close friends has also helped a lot with my therapy.

[Alexzonya]

Last year was the worst period of my life, mainly due to my grandma's death. I fell into a deep depression, feeling lost and disconnected from everything I once enjoyed.

What really turned things around for me was deciding to go to individual therapy in NYC. My therapist was incredible; she used techniques like cognitive restructuring and breathing exercises, which helped me cope with the grief and anxiety.

This personal connection and tailored approach helped me come out from that dark place. If you're struggling, don't be afraid to seek help; it made a world of difference for me.

[Page]

The sun finally came out today after 5 weeks of gray, wet cold misery in motherfucking July while most of the Earth was scorching, everywhere but where I live. This winter in July sucked the life out of me and now I feel slightly better but I need a heat wave to truly recover.

[Edush]

The sun finally came out today after 5 weeks of gray, wet cold misery in motherfucking July while most of the Earth was scorching, everywhere but where I live. This winter in July sucked the life out of me and now I feel slightly better but I need a heat wave to truly recover.

Glad to hear the weather is turning for the better in your area. Hope you'll enjoy the sunny days to the fullest when they come!

This summer has been colder and rainier than usual where I live too, I don't know why.

The past couple of years (pretty much since Covid) have been less filled with life than before for me. I don't know if that's part of growing up and maturing or really signs of depression, but at least this summer was and still is very busy for me, which contributes positively a lot to my mental state. I took off running, helped my friends clean a hall and set up a place for live concerts there, and just today I went to my local transfusion center and donated some blood. I feel quite happy and I know my mood will change when school starts, but by building healthy habits I try to stay as active as I can.

[Unogonduria]

I'm very sorry for you, my full condolences