At what point does the abused become the abuser?

[Xenti]

On one hand I’m happy that I finally get to start a topic in the general forum but I’m depressed on what it’s about and what I’ve been through. I’m saddened that I have to make a fake account because she is only somewhat familiar with the site and for my own safety. I’ll keep it as short as possible as to not trauma dump:

I recently got out of an abusive relationship. There was mental and physical abuse, though that’s not how it started. It started with her cheating and compulsively lying, then she would threaten to hit me a lot. Particularly when I was having mental health issues. After one really bad episode she started to hit me.

We’ve since broken up and she’s trespassed/broken in multiple times. One time I told her to leave and she wasn’t leaving she kept bringing up excuses and blamed me for her being homeless. I started fighting her. She didn’t start it, I did. I beat her up. I feel sick to my stomach about it and wracked with guilt.
But that begs the question: am I turning into something bad, or did I get carried away defending myself and my property?

[Juansonia]

Someone can be abused in one dynamic and an abuser in another, or relationships can be mutually abusive. Neither seems to apply to your relationship.

In the last paragraph, it seems like your actions were purely in self-defense. If you did not use excessive force, you are fully in the right. However, if you did use excessive force, you were in the wrong.

Hire a locksmith, change your house keys, rienforce whatever is broken, consider an alarm system.

I'd recommend that, if she comes back, you get evidence of it. However, her seeing cameras or witnesses might change her behavior to mantain plausible deniability.

[Xenti]

Someone can be abused in one dynamic and an abuser in another, or relationships can be mutually abusive. Neither seems to apply to your relationship.

In the last paragraph, it seems like your actions were purely in self-defense. If you did not use excessive force, you are fully in the right. However, if you did use excessive force, you were in the wrong.

This has happened before (defending myself) but unsuccessful in making her leave. Meaning I’ve gotten physical multiple times. Those times pretty much played out the same way I started it not her. Does the logic still apply that I was defending myself?

[Ifreann]

You would be far better served by talking to a therapist rather than randos on a political debate and discussion forum.

[Dreria]

nobody believes this shit

[United Calanworie]

...iLock.