[TEMPORARILY SHELVED] Commend Agalaesia

[Lile Ulie Islands]

Hi! I haven't posted a draft here since November 2022 however I'm excited to get back into the swing of the Security Council! I'm quite positive about this one; the resolution is commending Agalaesia for their tireless hard work in regions like Lazarus, The East Pacific, The Rejected Realms, and the South Pacific. For those who don't know Agalaesia, they are a dedicated public servant with a myriad of experience in regional gameplay and the political world. They're NationStates resumé is quite impressive, in my perspective it's for sure deserving of a commendation.

I also wrote this with the much appreciated help of my fellow South Pacifican and friend, Concrete Slab. We're both open to taking suggestions, answering questions, and such regarding the resolution (as is standard).

Commend Agalaesia

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Introducing the nation of Agalaesia as a devoted public servant representing and contributing greatly to the regions of The East Pacific (TEP), The Rejected Realms (TRR), and the South Pacific (TSP). Agalaesia’s profound work ethic has produced many additions to important projects, initiatives, and publications in the regions they have served in,

Highlighting Agalaesia’s tenure as Minister of Regional Affairs in the South Pacific, where they:

• ran enjoyable festivals and events for residents to appreciate including an ejection contest using data straight from the offices of the World Census and helping lay groundwork for TSP Live, a radio broadcast program for the region which was home to a bevy of intriguing audio segments interviewing known governmental officials,
• and re-introduced the Southern Journal, a written publication that brought regional news coverage to TSP, where they focused on creating accessible weekly updates regarding politics in the region.

Showcasing Agalaesia’s incredible dedication to The Rejected Realms, where they have served in a plethora of regional capacities, demonstrating their commitment to the region. Among their many accomplishments are:

• published and edited The Rejected Times, the official newspaper of TRR. While serving in this capacity, Agalaesia created an outlander program which allowed non-staff writers to submit an article to be published in the periodical and they created writing contests where many could unleash their creativity in a competitive, but congenial competition to residents of TRR,
• orchestrated giveaway ceremonies of international artwork to the residents of TRR which was put into place to increase the amount of nations endorsing the Delegate, which is boosting regional stability,
• created a weekly awards program for the regional message board of TRR which honored nations with exciting badges, banners, and medals. The program galvanized regional activity

Cherishing Agalaesia’s impressive dedication to The East Pacific, where they boast an astounding regional resumé including winning the Order of the Golden Ocelot Award, due to their abundance of political contributions including:

• their tenure as Minister of Information, where they reorganized and restructured the ministry and brought charming new adaptations and a fresh blueprint, a new operational plan, to the Eastern Pacific News Service,
• Agalaesia’s service as an Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, an unaligned defense force, where they organized operations, created a new ranking system, and published guides for staff and army members, these accomplishments have incentivized activity in the force and revitalized it ever since,
• and their work to create the S.T.E.P. program (which stands for “Support The East Pacific”), a six-step routine assisting nations in getting involved in the region which stands today front and center on TEP’s world factbook entry, serving as a bridge for new nations to get involved in the governmental side of TEP,

Impressed with Agalasia’s skills in organizing the NationStates Great Exhibition (NSGE), an event which united nations and regions all across the metaverse. For NSGE, Agalaesia brought together nations of all views to give keynote speeches, talks, and serve on panels detailing their personal experience in the metaverse, which intrigued all readers and viewers,

Believing that a nation who has so immensely contributed to the well-being of a plethora of regions deserves to be recognized by this august body,

Hereby commends Agalaesia.



Co-author: Concrete Slab

Character count: 3696

[Fort Concord]

an unaligned regional defense force committed to upholding democracy across the universe

No hate to EPSA - but I don't think this is a good way to describe their military and its aims.

Just something I caught at a first glance though, I'll try to provide more feedback at a later time.

[Lile Ulie Islands]

an unaligned regional defense force committed to upholding democracy across the universe

No hate to EPSA - but I don't think this is a good way to describe their military and its aims.

Just something I caught at a first glance though, I'll try to provide more feedback at a later time.

You bring up a good point and Slab and I have already consulted regarding it. We've ultimately decided to get rid of the underlined text.

[Zukchiva]

Love Aga.

This seems like a good starting draft, but it has more work to be done. I know Aga's resume is quite extensive and that such commends result in less detail, but you should still try to elaborate more on the things they've done on positions. You rely a bit too much on positions and their reputability, which makes it easy for someone to look at the commend and think Aga has many titles but not much work. Explain to the reader both what Aga is doing and why it is above the norm.

Feedback:

Praising Agalaesia’s profound work ethic, producing notable additions to standing policies, projects, initiatives, and newspapers that have positively shaped the future of the many regions Agalaesia has worked in,

You don't really need another fluff clause here, so I'd suggest deleting it or perhaps working in something about Aga's amazing work ethic into the prior clause (as I do believe it is a strong characteristic of theirs)

• aided in supervising a fellowship program which brought new ideas and minds into the decision-making process of the region’s dilemmas,

What does "aiding" mean?

ran enjoyable festivals and events for residents to enjoy,

Any notable examples?

and re-introduced the Southern Journal, a written publication that brought unbiased and central news coverage to TSP.

How did they introduce it? What did they do that led to its success for however long it ran?

Showcasing Agalaesia’s incredible dedication to The Rejected Realms, where they have served in a plethora of regional capacities including Delegate, Officer of Outreach, and the Editor-in-Chief of the The Rejected Realms Media Corporation, which publishes the world-renowned periodical, The Rejected Times, a longstanding newspaper with a captivating history dating back to early 2013.

Position-listing doesn't really show how commendable Aga is because it doesn't tell us what they did in that position. Someone can hold the most impressive resume ever on paper, but if they did nothing in those positions then they aren't commendable. I'd merging this clause with the one below and use the extra characters for elaboration as necessary. I'd also avoid listing all of their notable positions.

Noting that during Agalaesia’s tenure of service in The Rejected Realms, they have:

[*]published and edited The Rejected Times, the official newspaper of TRR,

Why is Aga's work in this regard notable?

[*]helped organize RejectFest, the official music festival of TRR, to celebrate the diverse music tastes of the region’s residents,

may help to state if they've done this multiple times

Lauding Agalaesia’s devoted work to Lazarus, where they served as Speaker of the Assembly, dealing with regular legislative matters and orchestrating general Assembly functions,

This isn't notable by itself - I'd either remove this or specify why Aga's work as Speaker was notable.

and as the Vice Minister of Internal Affairs, where they were tasked with running and building cultural events and journalism through the Lazarene Gazette, the regional newspaper,

Also not really notable by itself - you should elaborate on the events Aga ran and what they did for the newspaper.

Cherishing Agalaesia’s impressive dedication to The East Pacific, where they currently serve as Chief Minister of Regional Affairs, and boast an astounding resumé with held positions ranging from serving as a Lieutenant in the East Pacific Sovereign Army to Minister of Broadcasting, a Magister (a member of the legislative body of the region, the Magisterium), and the former Minister of Hospitality.

I still suggest avoiding position listing for the reasons discussed above. Also, being a Magister is not notable by itself and (to my knowledge), while Aga has made some legislation they haven't done much to have it considered notable. Would remove the Magister part.

Remembering the day when Agalaesia received the Order of the Golden Ocelot Award, the highest honor in TEP,

the fact aga failed to have it removed per their wishes still remains one of the funniest things to me in ns xD

but also imo i wouldn't really mention it, as it sounds like you're using an award to justify another award. But I also understand it's more for narrative, so I could see why its there.

• their tenure as Minister of Information, where they reorganized and restructured the ministry and brought charming new adaptations and a fresh blueprint to the East Pacific News Service,
  

I feel like this clause needs to be more specific. What adapatations? What does blueprint mean?

Agaleasia’s service as an Overseeing Officer of the East Pacific Sovereign Army, an unaligned defense force, where they created a new ranking system which has revitalized the army ever since,

I feel like aga's work in organizing operations and creating new guides for staff is probably more notable or equally notable as the ranking system.

and their work to create the S.T.E.P. program (which stands for “Support The East Pacific”), a six-step routine assisting nations in getting involved in the region, and their aid in helping administer the R.E.W.A.R.D. program, the region’s official World Assembly development program.

[/list]

Out of curiosity, what did Aga do for REWARD?

[The Orwell Society]

Another well-thought out proposal from you… support

[Lile Ulie Islands]

Love Aga.

This seems like a good starting draft, but it has more work to be done. I know Aga's resume is quite extensive and that such commends result in less detail, but you should still try to elaborate more on the things they've done on positions. You rely a bit too much on positions and their reputability, which makes it easy for someone to look at the commend and think Aga has many titles but not much work. Explain to the reader both what Aga is doing and why it is above the norm.

Feedback:

Praising Agalaesia’s profound work ethic, producing notable additions to standing policies, projects, initiatives, and newspapers that have positively shaped the future of the many regions Agalaesia has worked in,

You don't really need another fluff clause here, so I'd suggest deleting it or perhaps working in something about Aga's amazing work ethic into the prior clause (as I do believe it is a strong characteristic of theirs)

• aided in supervising a fellowship program which brought new ideas and minds into the decision-making process of the region’s dilemmas,

What does "aiding" mean?

ran enjoyable festivals and events for residents to enjoy,

Any notable examples?

and re-introduced the Southern Journal, a written publication that brought unbiased and central news coverage to TSP.

How did they introduce it? What did they do that led to its success for however long it ran?

Showcasing Agalaesia’s incredible dedication to The Rejected Realms, where they have served in a plethora of regional capacities including Delegate, Officer of Outreach, and the Editor-in-Chief of the The Rejected Realms Media Corporation, which publishes the world-renowned periodical, The Rejected Times, a longstanding newspaper with a captivating history dating back to early 2013.

Position-listing doesn't really show how commendable Aga is because it doesn't tell us what they did in that position. Someone can hold the most impressive resume ever on paper, but if they did nothing in those positions then they aren't commendable. I'd merging this clause with the one below and use the extra characters for elaboration as necessary. I'd also avoid listing all of their notable positions.

Noting that during Agalaesia’s tenure of service in The Rejected Realms, they have:

[*]published and edited The Rejected Times, the official newspaper of TRR,

Why is Aga's work in this regard notable?

[*]helped organize RejectFest, the official music festival of TRR, to celebrate the diverse music tastes of the region’s residents,

may help to state if they've done this multiple times

Lauding Agalaesia’s devoted work to Lazarus, where they served as Speaker of the Assembly, dealing with regular legislative matters and orchestrating general Assembly functions,

This isn't notable by itself - I'd either remove this or specify why Aga's work as Speaker was notable.

and as the Vice Minister of Internal Affairs, where they were tasked with running and building cultural events and journalism through the Lazarene Gazette, the regional newspaper,

Also not really notable by itself - you should elaborate on the events Aga ran and what they did for the newspaper.

Cherishing Agalaesia’s impressive dedication to The East Pacific, where they currently serve as Chief Minister of Regional Affairs, and boast an astounding resumé with held positions ranging from serving as a Lieutenant in the East Pacific Sovereign Army to Minister of Broadcasting, a Magister (a member of the legislative body of the region, the Magisterium), and the former Minister of Hospitality.

I still suggest avoiding position listing for the reasons discussed above. Also, being a Magister is not notable by itself and (to my knowledge), while Aga has made some legislation they haven't done much to have it considered notable. Would remove the Magister part.

Remembering the day when Agalaesia received the Order of the Golden Ocelot Award, the highest honor in TEP,

the fact aga failed to have it removed per their wishes still remains one of the funniest things to me in ns xD

but also imo i wouldn't really mention it, as it sounds like you're using an award to justify another award. But I also understand it's more for narrative, so I could see why its there.

• their tenure as Minister of Information, where they reorganized and restructured the ministry and brought charming new adaptations and a fresh blueprint to the East Pacific News Service,
  

I feel like this clause needs to be more specific. What adapatations? What does blueprint mean?

Agaleasia’s service as an Overseeing Officer of the East Pacific Sovereign Army, an unaligned defense force, where they created a new ranking system which has revitalized the army ever since,

I feel like aga's work in organizing operations and creating new guides for staff is probably more notable or equally notable as the ranking system.

and their work to create the S.T.E.P. program (which stands for “Support The East Pacific”), a six-step routine assisting nations in getting involved in the region, and their aid in helping administer the R.E.W.A.R.D. program, the region’s official World Assembly development program.

[/list]

Out of curiosity, what did Aga do for REWARD?

Hi! Thank you for your critique here -- it's very much appreciated. I'm about to update the OP (and probably as you see this now, it has already been updated) to reflect some of the questions, suggestions, and feedback you posted above. I've done pretty much a generalized edit, maybe a few other things still left to do (and will be added to the OP asap).

A few things:

]I feel like this clause needs to be more specific. What adapatations? What does blueprint mean?

I do see where you are coming from regarding this subject. The clause could definitely use some revisionary work and I am actively brainstorming on how such action should be implemented. I'm going to take a closer look into the news service when I have a little more time (asap) and their contributions on that front.

Out of curiosity, what did Aga do for REWARD?

To be honest, I don't know exactly. I was told be a source close to subject that they help run REWARD, however I'm not extremely familiar with the program itself so I don't know the exact role they play in that field.

Once again, thank you! A critique like this is very much appreciated.

[Libertanny]

Hi hi two things- Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army & Eastern Pacific News Service. Tricky but for some reason someone years ago called it Eastern (instead of East) and that's how we use it until today

[Lile Ulie Islands]

Hi hi two things- Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army & Eastern Pacific News Service. Tricky but for some reason someone years ago called it Eastern (instead of East) and that's how we use it until today

Fixing -- thanks!

[HumanSanity]

The draft is not persuasive that the nominee is close to commendable.

[Varanius]

This is a remarkably uninspiring draft. I don’t think Aga is commendable, plainly. And this draft certainly isn’t changing my mind.

Highlighting Agalaesia’s tenure as Minister of Regional Affairs in the South Pacific, where they:

• worked to help supervise a fellowship program which brought new ideas and minds into the decision-making process of the region’s dilemmas,

Bolding is mine. This sentence is meaningless. This is just a bunch of nice sounding words put together. Provide something it’s actually produced or this serves as nothing but filler.

ran enjoyable festivals and events for residents to enjoy including an ejection contest

The usage of “enjoy” is a bit repetitive given you already used “enjoyable”. Also, an ejection contest where…what? What happened? Is that the only thing he’s ever done? Is it the most significant? Why exactly was this event (which we don’t know as anything other than “ejection contest” chosen as an example of significant cultural contributions?

and helping lay groundwork for TSP Live, a radio broadcast program for the region which was home to a bevy of intriguing audio segments interviewing known governmental officials,

And what happened to that? Why isn’t it around anymore? And when was the last time anyone has seen it? What’s an example of a genuine success it had? Why does this matter?

and re-introduced the Southern Journal, a written publication that brought unbiased and central news coverage to TSP, where they focused on creating accessible weekly updates regarding politics in the region.

No news in NS is “unbiased”. It’s a political simulator! Unbiased isn’t a thing!

Showcasing Agalaesia’s incredible dedication to The Rejected Realms, where they have served in a plethora of regional capacities including Delegate, Officer of Outreach, and the Editor-in-Chief of the The Rejected Realms Media Corporation, which publishes the world-renowned periodical, The Rejected Times, a longstanding newspaper with a captivating history dating back to early 2013. During Agalaesia’s tenure of service in these positions in The Rejected Realms, they have:

A list of titles isn’t commendable. What did Aga do in these positions?

• published and edited The Rejected Times, the official newspaper of TRR. While serving in this capacity, Agalaesia created an outlander program which allowed non-staff writers to submit an article to be published in the periodical and they created writing contests where many could unleash their creativity in a competitive, but congenial competition to residents of TRR,

This I will give you. A genuine Aga contribution.

helped organize RejectFest, the official music festival of TRR, to celebrate the diverse music tastes of the region’s residents,

This just isn’t commendable. It’s a single festival, lol. The bar for cultural contributions regarding festivals is way higher than that. For reference, see: https://www.nationstates.net/page=WA_pa ... /council=2

orchestrated giveaway ceremonies of international artwork to the residents of TRR which was put into place to boost regional stability by increasing the number of nations who endorse the current Delegate,

He gave away cards to get people to endorse the delegate? This is not revolutionary, or commendable. And do you have any evidence it got more people to endorse the delegate?

created an awards program for the regional message board of TRR which honored nations with exciting medals and banners which incentivized activity,

Not all activity is good activity. Promoting RMB activity is not inherently good. Quality over quantity.

Lauding Agalaesia’s devoted work to Lazarus, where they served as Speaker of the Assembly, dealing with regular legislative matters and orchestrating general Assembly functions, and as the Vice Minister of Internal Affairs, where they were tasked with running and building cultural events and journalism through the Lazarene Gazette, the regional newspaper,

If they genuinely contributed to Lazarus in a serious manner, surely it deserves more than this nothingburger clause?

Cherishing Agalaesia’s impressive dedication to The East Pacific, where they currently serve as Chief Minister of Regional Affairs, and boast an astounding resumé with held positions ranging from serving as an Overseeing Officer (the highest rank) in the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army to Minister of Broadcasting, and to the former Minister of Hospitality. Agalaesia’s hard work and dedication to TEP demonstrates the foremost reason why they received the Order of the Golden Ocelot award, the highest honor in the region, an award which acknowledged their many accomplishments in the regional political sphere including, but not limited to:

You can’t just throw a list of titles out and expect people to be impressed. If that’s how it worked Onder would be commended 5 times over.

• their tenure as Minister of Information, where they reorganized and restructured the ministry and brought charming new adaptations and a fresh blueprint to the Eastern Pacific News Service,

Like. What.

Agaleasia’s service as an Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, an unaligned defense force, where they organized operations, created a new ranking system which has revitalized the army ever since, and published guides for staff and army members,

Like. What. Provide me with some sort of hard information, some sort of examples, some sort of anything. How successful were these efforts? What did it accomplish?

and their work to create the S.T.E.P. program (which stands for “Support The East Pacific”), a six-step routine assisting nations in getting involved in the region,

Must I repeat myself?

This proposal is almost close to the character count and spans almost half a dozen regions, to compile an awfully lackluster resume. Opposed.

[Bhang Bhang Duc]

The writing of this first draft is much better than your first ever draft of “Commend Kringalia”; it’s well organised and tidily laid out.

Shame the content is so unconvincing. I see a lot of filler and a lot of stuff that is just not commendable. Vara has done a pretty good scalpel job on the draft, so I won’t bother. Just let me say I’m fully in agreement with their critique.

[A Bloodred Moon]

If Agalaeasia is commendable this draft does not show it.

[Lile Ulie Islands]

This is a remarkably uninspiring draft. I don’t think Aga is commendable, plainly. And this draft certainly isn’t changing my mind.

Highlighting Agalaesia’s tenure as Minister of Regional Affairs in the South Pacific, where they:

• worked to help supervise a fellowship program which brought new ideas and minds into the decision-making process of the region’s dilemmas,

Bolding is mine. This sentence is meaningless. This is just a bunch of nice sounding words put together. Provide something it’s actually produced or this serves as nothing but filler.

ran enjoyable festivals and events for residents to enjoy including an ejection contest

The usage of “enjoy” is a bit repetitive given you already used “enjoyable”. Also, an ejection contest where…what? What happened? Is that the only thing he’s ever done? Is it the most significant? Why exactly was this event (which we don’t know as anything other than “ejection contest” chosen as an example of significant cultural contributions?

and helping lay groundwork for TSP Live, a radio broadcast program for the region which was home to a bevy of intriguing audio segments interviewing known governmental officials,

And what happened to that? Why isn’t it around anymore? And when was the last time anyone has seen it? What’s an example of a genuine success it had? Why does this matter?

and re-introduced the Southern Journal, a written publication that brought unbiased and central news coverage to TSP, where they focused on creating accessible weekly updates regarding politics in the region.

No news in NS is “unbiased”. It’s a political simulator! Unbiased isn’t a thing!

Showcasing Agalaesia’s incredible dedication to The Rejected Realms, where they have served in a plethora of regional capacities including Delegate, Officer of Outreach, and the Editor-in-Chief of the The Rejected Realms Media Corporation, which publishes the world-renowned periodical, The Rejected Times, a longstanding newspaper with a captivating history dating back to early 2013. During Agalaesia’s tenure of service in these positions in The Rejected Realms, they have:

A list of titles isn’t commendable. What did Aga do in these positions?

• published and edited The Rejected Times, the official newspaper of TRR. While serving in this capacity, Agalaesia created an outlander program which allowed non-staff writers to submit an article to be published in the periodical and they created writing contests where many could unleash their creativity in a competitive, but congenial competition to residents of TRR,

This I will give you. A genuine Aga contribution.

helped organize RejectFest, the official music festival of TRR, to celebrate the diverse music tastes of the region’s residents,

This just isn’t commendable. It’s a single festival, lol. The bar for cultural contributions regarding festivals is way higher than that. For reference, see: https://www.nationstates.net/page=WA_pa ... /council=2

orchestrated giveaway ceremonies of international artwork to the residents of TRR which was put into place to boost regional stability by increasing the number of nations who endorse the current Delegate,

He gave away cards to get people to endorse the delegate? This is not revolutionary, or commendable. And do you have any evidence it got more people to endorse the delegate?

created an awards program for the regional message board of TRR which honored nations with exciting medals and banners which incentivized activity,

Not all activity is good activity. Promoting RMB activity is not inherently good. Quality over quantity.

Lauding Agalaesia’s devoted work to Lazarus, where they served as Speaker of the Assembly, dealing with regular legislative matters and orchestrating general Assembly functions, and as the Vice Minister of Internal Affairs, where they were tasked with running and building cultural events and journalism through the Lazarene Gazette, the regional newspaper,

If they genuinely contributed to Lazarus in a serious manner, surely it deserves more than this nothingburger clause?

Cherishing Agalaesia’s impressive dedication to The East Pacific, where they currently serve as Chief Minister of Regional Affairs, and boast an astounding resumé with held positions ranging from serving as an Overseeing Officer (the highest rank) in the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army to Minister of Broadcasting, and to the former Minister of Hospitality. Agalaesia’s hard work and dedication to TEP demonstrates the foremost reason why they received the Order of the Golden Ocelot award, the highest honor in the region, an award which acknowledged their many accomplishments in the regional political sphere including, but not limited to:

You can’t just throw a list of titles out and expect people to be impressed. If that’s how it worked Onder would be commended 5 times over.

• their tenure as Minister of Information, where they reorganized and restructured the ministry and brought charming new adaptations and a fresh blueprint to the Eastern Pacific News Service,

Like. What.

Agaleasia’s service as an Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, an unaligned defense force, where they organized operations, created a new ranking system which has revitalized the army ever since, and published guides for staff and army members,

Like. What. Provide me with some sort of hard information, some sort of examples, some sort of anything. How successful were these efforts? What did it accomplish?

and their work to create the S.T.E.P. program (which stands for “Support The East Pacific”), a six-step routine assisting nations in getting involved in the region,

Must I repeat myself?

This proposal is almost close to the character count and spans almost half a dozen regions, to compile an awfully lackluster resume. Opposed.

I'm sorry for such a delayed response. I'm currently in the midst of editing the draft researching a bit more. I'll respond to you asap.

[Lile Ulie Islands]

New and modified draft to come out asap.

[Quebecshire]

At large, I agree with others' assessments that this draft is not persuasive as to Aga's commendability. However, in reading this thread, one thing stood out to me.

To be honest, I don't know exactly. I was told be a source close to subject that they help run REWARD, however I'm not extremely familiar with the program itself so I don't know the exact role they play in that field.

If you are unaware of their contributions to a larger program, you should not include it until you are. REWARD appears to have been defunct (or at least damaged) for 37+ days gameside... Maybe Aga contributed to it before, but considering the program is ineffectual now, and you don't seem to be sure, why would we support a draft that includes it without substantiation?

[Lile Ulie Islands]

At large, I agree with others' assessments that this draft is not persuasive as to Aga's commendability. However, in reading this thread, one thing stood out to me.

To be honest, I don't know exactly. I was told be a source close to subject that they help run REWARD, however I'm not extremely familiar with the program itself so I don't know the exact role they play in that field.

If you are unaware of their contributions to a larger program, you should not include it until you are. REWARD appears to have been defunct (or at least damaged) for 37+ days gameside... Maybe Aga contributed to it before, but considering the program is ineffectual now, and you don't seem to be sure, why would we support a draft that includes it without substantiation?

Hi. So it turns out that Aga actually did not have much of a role in REWARD, as opposed to STEP (which is the starter program for new residents). All mentions of REWARD will be taken out when the new draft is published very soon.

[Fort Concord]

Hi. So it turns out that Aga actually did not have much of a role in REWARD, as opposed to STEP (which is the starter program for new residents). All mentions of REWARD will be taken out when the new draft is published very soon.

That is probably a good idea. As you develop your next draft though (which I look forward to seeing), it's worth noting that my point there was not REWARD-exclusive so much as using REWARD as one of the more obvious examples for a flaw throughout this proposal.

• How did Aga's work in the "fellowship program" for a now-abolished ministry help TSP's internal/regional atmosphere? It certainly could have, but you need to explain how it did despite the ministry's failure.
• Can you cite examples of TSP live? It has not been a relevant part of TSP's (often struggling) media appartus in the time since I first arrived there nearly 2 years ago.
• How is "regular legislative matters and orchestrating general Assembly functions" important? The language this draft itself uses implies mediocrity, not going above and beyond as one would typically expect in a commendation.
• Beyond the guides (which I'll take your word for as I don't have access to them), what organized did they organize? Were any of them substantial.

This is just some more examples from a quick look. If you're bringing a new draft, I expect you'll need to overhaul a lot of this proposal, as the echoed words of any commentators are right in that this does not display commendability.

Now, this problem not be your fault in terms of wtiting. It is possible Aga spent most of their career as a wandering cosmopolitan and therefore wasn't particularly revolutionary in any of their regions. But, if that isn't true, this draft isn't doing a good job of rejecting that notion.

[Repreteop]

Good work! Although some edits may be needed, this is good!!!

[Lile Ulie Islands]

Good work! Although some edits may be needed, this is good!!!

Hi, Rep! In fact I just published the second draft. I encourage all to take a look. Feedback and commentary is greatly welcomed, as is standard.

[Quebecshire]

I don't believe the new draft has resolved the issues raised with the first one, especially with respect to the clause for TSP. It also appears (feel free to correct me, the old one isn't up anymore to compare it to) to be considerably shorter.

[Lile Ulie Islands]

I don't believe the new draft has resolved the issues raised with the first one, especially with respect to the clause for TSP. It also appears (feel free to correct me, the old one isn't up anymore to compare it to) to be considerably shorter.

I'm still working with the clause regarding TSP, fyi. And you are correct -- I did happen to shorten the draft by about 500 characters (including BBCode). I took out all parts mentioning Lazarus and other smaller things believing that they just simply weren't commendable. I added the NSGE clause.

[Quebecshire]

I don't believe the new draft has resolved the issues raised with the first one, especially with respect to the clause for TSP. It also appears (feel free to correct me, the old one isn't up anymore to compare it to) to be considerably shorter.

I'm still working with the clause regarding TSP, fyi. And you are correct -- I did happen to shorten the draft by about 500 characters (including BBCode). I took out all parts mentioning Lazarus and other smaller things believing that they just simply weren't commendable. I added the NSGE clause.

I think my concern would, at this point be, if removing non-commendable filler (and not even all of it) makes the draft this short, it's possible that Agalaesia is not commendable.

[Witchcraft and Sorcery]

This is a tricky one. I do think Aga is probably commendable, but this resolution simply doesn’t make a great case for it. Right now it reads like a lack of research into specific actions undertaken outside of broad-stroke things. Example being “enjoyable festivals” …like what? There is substance missing that could help to actually warrant some of the claims made about Aga’s achievements.

If it so happens that the substance doesn’t exist or was overly fluffed up for the purpose of a resolution, then I’d start to side with the “maybe not commendable.”

[Varanius]

It seems as though a lot of my feedback has not been properly addressed in the updated draft. An unfortunate sight, but ultimately unsurprising given the nominee. It’s not that I doubt your writing skills, LUI. Frankly, I don’t recall much of what Aga even did while he held these positions, and what I do remember him doing was ultimately of very little consequence or meaning. It seems I’m not the only one with my doubts. But into the actual proposal I go:

Highlighting Agalaesia’s tenure as Minister of Regional Affairs in the South Pacific, where they:

• ran enjoyable festivals and events for residents to appreciate including an ejection contest using data straight from the offices of the World Census and helping lay groundwork for TSP Live, a radio broadcast program for the region which was home to a bevy of intriguing audio segments interviewing known governmental officials,

I suggested an expansion of these clauses. Something which would actually inform me, a reader, of what Aga did that was worth commending. Instead, you have shortened these clauses, combined them into one, and still not provided anything substantial or concrete. Are you seriously telling me that out of all the things Aga allegedly did in his term as MoRA, the ejection contest is the most notable and meaningful of them? If not, why is it here? And if so, why on Earth is he being even mentioned in a commend, much less the centerpiece of one? And again with TSP Live, you haven’t actually told me why it mattered. You don’t need to even tell me in the proposal. If you can respond to this post with a genuine reason this long dead radio mattered, I’ll leave that point alone. Who did he interview, and why did those interviews matter? Anyone can conduct an interview. I’m sure several hundreds of them have gone on over the years in NS. Why do these ones matter so much we think the entire SC needs to have it written in the history books that these ones matter?

and re-introduced the Southern Journal, a written publication that brought regional news coverage to TSP, where they focused on creating accessible weekly updates regarding politics in the region.

Okay, but TSP has, for as long as I’ve been on the game, had a struggling media environment to say the least. What did Aga provide to this newspaper that left a lasting impact? Because it clearly wasn’t longevity.

[*]orchestrated giveaway ceremonies of international artwork to the residents of TRR which was put into place to increase the amount of nations endorsing the Delegate, which is boosting regional stability,

Lol, this again? Like I said, giving away cards is not a brand new idea. It’s not now, and it wasn’t when Aga was delegate. And even if it was a new and revolutionary idea, do you have any proof that it worked? Were Aga’s endorsements relatively high for a TRR delegate during that era, and is there anything showing that giving away cards had something to do with that?

[*]created a weekly awards program for the regional message board of TRR which honored nations with exciting badges, banners, and medals. The program galvanized regional activity [/list]

Not all activity is good activity, as I’ve said before. If Aga oversaw the most active RMB in TRR history, and it was all a spammy mess, why would that be commendable? That’s not saying that the RMB was a spammy mess, but I have no way of knowing, and you don’t say. Activity is not inherently commendable.

Cherishing Agalaesia’s impressive dedication to The East Pacific, where they boast an astounding regional resumé including winning the Order of the Golden Ocelot Award, due to their abundance of political contributions including:

If what you’ve listed here is the standards for an Ocelot Award, then that award is virtually meaningless.

• their tenure as Minister of Information, where they reorganized and restructured the ministry and brought charming new adaptations and a fresh blueprint, a new operational plan, to the Eastern Pacific News Service,

Okay, such as? What were these changes? What did Aga do differently did his predecessor? Did it work? I wouldn’t call EPNS right now a riveting success, is that the EPNS we’re supposedly commending Aga for? Or was it better under him, in which case, why isn’t it like of that quality anymore?

Agalaesia’s service as an Overseeing Officer of the Eastern Pacific Sovereign Army, an unaligned defense force, where they organized operations, created a new ranking system, and published guides for staff and army members, these accomplishments have incentivized activity in the force and revitalized it ever since,

“Unaligned” and “defense” don’t exactly mix well as terms. From my understanding, EPSA is not defender. Therefore it is not a defense force. It engages in offensive action as far as I know. Also, EPSA? The guys who let their JP CTE and get refounded by the Invaders? Commends for military work should revolve around people who created impressive and fearsome militaries. That’s not exactly how I’d describe EPSA.

and their work to create the S.T.E.P. program (which stands for “Support The East Pacific”), a six-step routine assisting nations in getting involved in the region which stands today front and center on TEP’s world factbook entry, serving as a bridge for new nations to get involved in the governmental side of TEP,

TEP’s delegate has a 60% endorsement rate. Osiris has better. Lotta good that program is doing.

Believing that a nation who has so immensely contributed to the well-being of a plethora of regions deserves to be recognized by this august body,

Surely there’s something more, right? The only things here I see that look remotely notable is maybe TRT, and NSGE. And that’s not convincing me of a commend in the slightest. Show me something more, because looking at this draft, the only thing Aga has immensely contributed to is his resume.

A C/C is one of the greatest honors a player could receive, it’s the only one that’ll show up on your actual nation. It is the site-embedded award for excellence, not the nice career-closer for any old cosmo.

[Zukchiva]

“Unaligned” and “defense” don’t exactly mix well as terms. From my understanding, EPSA is not defender. Therefore it is not a defense force. It engages in offensive action as far as I know. Also, EPSA? The guys who let their JP CTE and get refounded by the Invaders? Commends for military work should revolve around people who created impressive and fearsome militaries. That’s not exactly how I’d describe EPSA.

Frozen Circle was a borrowed jumppoint from an individual who hadn't been associated with EPSA for years. At worst, it was a poor administrative decision to keep using said region instead of obtaining its own permanent JP, but to equate that to military incompetence doesn't make sense - especially considering EPSA has remained active since Aga's OO-ship, running a variety of tag runs and providing (albeit, a small level) support to both liberations and other piling ops.

EPSA is not the most impressive military, but it has managed consistent function since Aga's OO-ship. Personally, if someone's actions led a regional military from being in a dormant state to consistent levels of activity again, that's probably commendable (depending on the actions specified, ofc).

TEP’s delegate has a 60% endorsement rate. Osiris has better. Lotta good that program is doing.

Blaming low endorsement counts on a guide that isn't even about endorsing the Delegate is confusing.