NATION

PASSWORD

[SUB'D] The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Gluttony

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

[SUB'D] The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Gluttony

Postby Millenhaal » Mon Nov 28, 2022 5:05 pm

Taking a crack at another issue. Here it is:

[Validity] Only valid for nations with medium to high obesity rates, no autarky, no vegetarianism, and permit sports.

[Description] The 28th International Chili Dog Eating Contest has chosen to host this year's competition in @@NAME@@, bringing eating fans from around the world to @@CAPITAL@@ to see the spectacle. Deeming the whole sport grotesque, your squeamish Minister of Health is convinced that the competition is a public health risk.


[Option 1] "Ugh, I can't even look at chili dogs anymore after watching one of those so-called sporting events!" whimpers your Minister of Health, dry-heaving at the thought. "This kind of behavior is known to be extremely unhealthy. The sport could convince people that mass eating is okay to do as a fun hobby! It's a shame that our nation has resorted to watching people hedonistically engorge themselves for entertainment. It sends a terrible message to our citizens. What if a child saw this? A poor, sweet, impressionable child? We should be promoting healthful eating wherever possible. Think of the children! The children!"

[Outcome 1] sugar cookies are dealt to children in back-alleys

[Option 2] "Now, I don't see the justification for banning something because one person hates it" drawls world champion eater Bowie Peanut, adjusting the biggest belt buckle you've ever seen. "Competitive eating is a noble activity, and while some highfalutin aristocrats may find it crass, it celebrates the joy of a good meal. I'd suggest nurturing this sport, and bring in boatloads of tourists not only to see us eat, but maybe experience some of the culinary delights @@NAME@@ has to offer! Think about all of that publicity you'll get from, I don't know, being permanent host for the championship? Sounds like a good deal to me!"

[Outcome 2] children that wear less than size XXL are sent to skinny camps

[Option 3] "Really!?" shouts professional Calvinball coach @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We're considering eating chili dogs a sport now? Back in my day, our young adults sought glory by somersaulting their way past the keeperbacks all the way to the endturf and scoring a goaldown, narrowly beating the other team! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot sports stars? They can hardly even do push-ups! @@LEADER@@, banish this eating nonsense from this good nation, and start funding real sports! GO @@ANIMAL@@S!"

[Outcome 3] there has been a recent surge of out-of-shape children in orphanages
[Validity] Only valid for nations with medium to high obesity rates, no autarky, no vegetarianism, and permit sports.

[Description] The 28th International Chili Dog Eating Contest has chosen to host this year's competition in @@NAME@@, bringing eating fans from around the world to @@CAPITAL@@ to see the spectacle. However, your squeamish Minister of Health is convinced that the competition is a public health risk.


[Option 1] "Ugh, I can't even look at chili dogs anymore after watching one of those so-called sporting events!" says your Minister of Health, dry-heaving at the thought of chili dogs. "This kind of behavior is known to be extremely unhealthy. The sport could convince people that mass eating is okay to do as a fun hobby! It's a shame that our nation has resorted to watching people hedonistically engorge themselves for entertainment. It sends a terrible message to our citizens. What if a child saw this? A poor, sweet, impressionable child? We should be promoting healthful eating wherever possible. Think of the children! The children!"

[Outcome 1] ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do to lose some weight

[Option 2] "Now, I don't see the justification for banning something because one person hates it" says world champion eater from the United Federation Bowie Peanut, adjusting the biggest belt buckle you've ever seen. "Competitive eating is a noble activity, and while some highfalutin aristocrats may find it crass, it celebrates the joy of a good meal. I'd suggest nurturing this sport, and bring in boatloads of tourists not only to see us eat, but maybe experience some of the culinary delights @@NAME@@ has to offer! Think about all of that publicity you'll get from, I don't know, being permanent host for the championship? Sounds like a good deal to me!"

[Outcome 2] children that weigh under 200 pounds are sent to skinny camps

[Option 3] "Really!?" shouts professional Calvinball coach @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We're considering eating chili dogs a sport now? Back in my day, our young adults sought glory by somersaulting their way past the keeperbacks all the way to the endturf and scoring a goaldown, narrowly beating the other team! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot sports stars? They can hardly even do push-ups! @@LEADER@@, banish this eating nonsense from this good nation, and start funding real sports! GO BULLDOGS!"

[Outcome 3] there has been a recent surge of out-of-shape children in orphanages

[Validity] Only valid for nations with medium to high obesity rates.

[Option 1] "God, I can't even look at chili dogs anymore!" says your Minister of Health after 30 straight minutes of vomiting. "This kind of behavior is known to be extremely unhealthy. The sport could convince people that mass eating is okay to do as a fun hobby! It's a shame that our nation has resorted to watching people hedonistically engorge themselves for entertainment. It sends a terrible message to our citizens. What if a child saw this? A poor, sweet, impressionable child? We should be promoting healthful eating wherever possible. Think of the children! The children!" They immediately begin throwing up again, and much to your dismay, the trash bin is full.

[Outcome 1] People with binge eating disorders are regularly arrested.

[Option 2] "Now, I don't see the justification for banning something because one person hates it" says world champion eater from the United Federation Bowie Peanut, adjusting the biggest belt buckle you've ever seen. "Competitive eating is a noble activity, and while some highfalutin aristocrats may find it crass, it celebrates the joy of a good meal. I'd suggest nurturing this sport, and bring in boatloads of tourists not only to see us eat, but maybe experience some of the culinary delights @@NAME@@ has to offer!" He quickly dashes off to the cafeteria to train.

[Outcome 2] Overweight children go to eating camps every summer.

[Option 3] "Really!?" shouts professional Calvinball coach @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "We're considering eating chili dogs a sport now? Back in my day, our young men sought glory by somersaulting their way past the keeperbacks all the way to the endturf and scoring a goaldown, narrowly beating the other team! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot sports stars? They can hardly even do push-ups! @@LEADER@@, put this eating nonsense away and start funding real sports! GO BULLDOGS!" he tells you to run 20 laps around the capital building.

[Outcome 3] A human life is worth its Championship Pennants.

[Validity] Valid only for nations that permit sports.

[Validity] Only valid for nations with medium to high obesity rates.

[Description] The 28th International Chili Dog Eating Contest has chosen to host this year's competition in @@NAME@@, bringing foodies from around the world to @@CAPITAL@@ to see the spectacle. However, your squeamish Minister of Health is convinced that the competition is a public health risk.


[Option 1] "God, I can't even look at chili dogs anymore!" says your Minister of Health after 30 straight minutes of vomiting. "This kind of behavior is known to be extremely unhealthy. The sport could convince people that mass eating is okay to do as a fun hobby! It's a shame that our nation has resorted to watching people hedonistically engorge themselves for entertainment. It sends a terrible message to our citizens. What if a child saw this? A poor, sweet, impressionable child? We should be promoting healthful eating wherever possible. Think of the children! The children!" They immediately begin throwing up again, and much to your dismay, the trash bin is full.

[Outcome 1] People with binge eating disorders are regularly arrested.

[Option 2] "Now, I don't see the justification for banning something because one person hates it" says world champion eater from the United Federation Bowie Peanut, adjusting the biggest belt buckle you've ever seen. "Competitive eating is a noble activity, and while some highfalutin aristocrats may find it crass, it celebrates the joy of a good meal. I'd suggest nurturing this sport, and bring in boatloads of tourists not only to see us eat, but maybe experience some of the culinary delights @@NAME@@ has to offer!" He quickly dashes off to the cafeteria to train.

[Outcome 2] Overweight children go to eating camps every summer.

[Option 3] "Really!?" shouts professional Calvinball coach @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "We're considering eating chili dogs a sport now? Back in my day, our young men sought glory by somersaulting their way past the keeperbacks all the way to the endturf and scoring a goaldown, narrowly beating the other team! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot sports stars? They can hardly even do push-ups! @@LEADER@@, put this eating nonsense away and start funding real sports! GO BULLDOGS!" he tells you to run 20 laps around the capital building.

[Outcome 3] A human life is worth its Championship Pennants.

[Validity] Only valid for nations with medium to high obesity rates.

[Description] The 28th International Chili Dog Eating Contest has chosen to host this year's competition in @@NAME@@, bringing foodies from around the world to @@CAPITAL@@ to see the spectacle. However, your squeamish Minister of Health is convinced that the competition is a public health risk.


[Option 1] "God, I can't even look at chili dogs anymore!" says your Minister of Health after 30 straight minutes of vomiting. "This kind of behavior is known to be extremely unhealthy. The sport could convince people that mass eating is okay to do as a fun hobby! It's a shame that our nation has resorted to watching people hedonistically engorge themselves for entertainment. It sends a terrible message to our citizens. What if a child saw this? A poor, sweet, impressionable child? We should be promoting healthful eating wherever possible. Think of the children! The children!" They immediately begin throwing up again, and much to your dismay, the trash bin is full.

[Outcome 1] People with binge eating disorders are regularly arrested.

[Option 2] "Now, I don't see the justification for banning something because one person hates it" says world champion eater from the United Federation Bowie Peanut, adjusting the biggest belt buckle you've ever seen. "Sports are fun for the whole family, and bring in loads of moola to your government. I'd suggest nurturing this sport, and bring in boatloads of tourists not only to see us eat, but maybe experience some of the culinary delights @@NAME@@ has to offer?' He quickly dashes off to the cafeteria to train.

[Outcome 2] Overweight children go to eating camps every summer.

[Option 3] "Really!?" shouts professional Calvinball coach @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "We're considering eating chili dogs a sport now? Back in my day, the best way for a young man to seek glory was to somersault their way past the keeperbacks, all the way to the endturf and score a goaldown, narrowly beating the other team! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot sports stars? @@LEADER@@, put this eating nonsense away and start funding real sports! GO BULLDOGS!" he tells you to run 20 laps around the capital building.

[Outcome 3] Sports has become a mandatory subject in all schools.

[Description] The 28th International Chili Dog Eating Contest has chosen to host this year's competition in @@NAME@@, bringing foodies from around the world to @@CAPITAL@@ to see the spectacle. However, your squeamish Minister of Health is convinced that it's existence is a public health risk.


[Option 1] "God, I can't even look at chili dogs anymore!" says your Minister of Health after 30 straight minutes of vomiting. "This kind of behavior is known to be extremely unhealthy. Ignoring the fact that they train their bodies to be able to do this, they could gain hundreds of pounds after just a few competitions! What if a child saw this? A poor, sweet, impressionable child? Think of the children! The children!" They immediately begin throwing up again, and much to your dismay, the trash bin is full.

[Outcome 1] People with binge eating disorders are regularly arrested on public decency charges.

[Option 2] "Now, I don't see the justification for banning something because one person hates it" says world champion eater from the United Federation Bowie Peanut, adjusting the biggest belt buckle you've ever seen. "Sports are fun for the whole family, and bring in loads of moola to your government. I'd suggest nurturing this sport, and bring in boatloads of tourists not only to see us eat, but maybe experience some of the culinary delights @@NAME@@ has to offer?' He quickly storms off to the cafeteria to train.

[Outcome 2] Overweight children go to eating camps every summer.

[Option 3] "Really!?" shouts professional Calvinball coach @@RANDOMMALENAME@@. "We're considering eating chili dogs a sport now? Back in my day, the best way for a young man to seek glory was to somersault their way past the keeperbacks, all the way to the backturf and score a goaldown, narrowly beating the other team! Now the kids who failed Phys Ed can be hotshot sports stars? @@LEADER@@, put this eating nonsense away and start funding real sports! GO BULLDOGS!" he tells you to run 20 laps around the capital building.

[Outcome 3] Sports has become a mandatory subject in all schools.
Last edited by Millenhaal on Tue Dec 27, 2022 7:59 pm, edited 12 times in total.
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Outer Sparta
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 14606
Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Outer Sparta » Mon Nov 28, 2022 10:23 pm

convinced that it's existence is a public health risk.

Is it the advertising to ordinary people which then makes them become gluttons themselves? Is it the meat industry pushing their products like how gambling companies sponsor football kits? Additionally, I think it's better tailored for countries that have high obesity rates to receive this issue, given that it's going to have a much bigger adverse impact in that way.
I don't stand with Ukraine. I don't stand with Russia. I don't stand with the US, NATO, or EU. I stand with the innocent civilians being caught in the crossfire while the politicians, the media, and weapons manufacturers continue to stoke division and conflict in their geopolitical chess games and treat the people of Ukraine as mere pawns. Zelensky is a corrupt, opportunist oligarchic politician who is not fit to lead Ukraine through anything and wants to inflate his own ego and offshore accounts.

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Tue Nov 29, 2022 2:32 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:
convinced that it's existence is a public health risk.

Is it the advertising to ordinary people which then makes them become gluttons themselves? Is it the meat industry pushing their products like how gambling companies sponsor football kits? Additionally, I think it's better tailored for countries that have high obesity rates to receive this issue, given that it's going to have a much bigger adverse impact in that way.


I was trying to convey that the whole reason that the minister hates it is because they think that it is gross. I will try to make that clearer if I stick with that reasoning. There is an angle I could take that shows the sport as glorifying binge eating causing that disorder to be viewed as normal, and encouraging normal people to eat large amounts of food. What would you think if that?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Outer Sparta
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 14606
Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Outer Sparta » Tue Nov 29, 2022 4:29 pm

Millenhaal wrote:
Outer Sparta wrote:Is it the advertising to ordinary people which then makes them become gluttons themselves? Is it the meat industry pushing their products like how gambling companies sponsor football kits? Additionally, I think it's better tailored for countries that have high obesity rates to receive this issue, given that it's going to have a much bigger adverse impact in that way.


I was trying to convey that the whole reason that the minister hates it is because they think that it is gross. I will try to make that clearer if I stick with that reasoning. There is an angle I could take that shows the sport as glorifying binge eating causing that disorder to be viewed as normal, and encouraging normal people to eat large amounts of food. What would you think if that?

I would focus on the gluttony aspect and how it would send a wrong message. The minister hating it because it's gross doesn't convey enough.
I don't stand with Ukraine. I don't stand with Russia. I don't stand with the US, NATO, or EU. I stand with the innocent civilians being caught in the crossfire while the politicians, the media, and weapons manufacturers continue to stoke division and conflict in their geopolitical chess games and treat the people of Ukraine as mere pawns. Zelensky is a corrupt, opportunist oligarchic politician who is not fit to lead Ukraine through anything and wants to inflate his own ego and offshore accounts.

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Tue Nov 29, 2022 7:32 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:
Millenhaal wrote:
I was trying to convey that the whole reason that the minister hates it is because they think that it is gross. I will try to make that clearer if I stick with that reasoning. There is an angle I could take that shows the sport as glorifying binge eating causing that disorder to be viewed as normal, and encouraging normal people to eat large amounts of food. What would you think if that?

I would focus on the gluttony aspect and how it would send a wrong message. The minister hating it because it's gross doesn't convey enough.


Edited it a little bit. I focused more on the gluttony and how it promotes bad eating. What are your opinions on the other 2 options?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Wed Nov 30, 2022 6:23 pm

New draft up! I put some love into the bottom two options. Still looking for an appropriate zinger for the option 3 fallout.
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 24880
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Dec 02, 2022 3:12 am

Desc- foodies and competitive eaters are two very different things. Option 3- only valid for countries that allow sports
Last edited by Australian rePublic on Fri Dec 02, 2022 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sign the Petition: https://www.change.org/p/the-australian ... anny-state
From Greek Ancestry Orthodox Christian
18 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
In-Character posts made by this fictious account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Sat Dec 03, 2022 10:45 am

New draft! Wondering if it's in a submittable state right now?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 24880
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Sat Dec 03, 2022 10:09 pm

Millenhaal wrote:New draft! Wondering if it's in a submittable state right now?

It's been up for less than a week. Give it a bit
Sign the Petition: https://www.change.org/p/the-australian ... anny-state
From Greek Ancestry Orthodox Christian
18 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
In-Character posts made by this fictious account do not reflect the actions of any real world government

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Sun Dec 04, 2022 1:28 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:
Millenhaal wrote:New draft! Wondering if it's in a submittable state right now?

It's been up for less than a week. Give it a bit


I suppose it won't hurt to allot my draft more time. Any more useful thoughts about it?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
0cala
Bureaucrat
 
Posts: 43
Founded: May 26, 2020
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby 0cala » Sun Dec 04, 2022 2:35 pm

I like this
She/her/they

Transfemale ~<3
██████████████

I barely visit the forums, so if you need me, you're unlucky


User avatar
USS Monitor
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 30350
Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Sun Dec 04, 2022 5:02 pm

I think I'd want to send my Minister of Health home sick for the day if he threw up that much. XD

It's not a bad draft.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
NationStates issues editors may be harmful or fatal if swallowed. In case of accidental ingestion, please seek immediate medical assistance.
༄༅། །འགྲོ་བ་མི་རིགས་ག་ར་དབང་ཆ་འདྲ་མཉམ་འབད་སྒྱེཝ་ལས་ག་ར་གིས་གཅིག་གིས་གཅིག་ལུ་སྤུན་ཆའི་དམ་ཚིག་བསྟན་དགོས།

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Mon Dec 05, 2022 3:01 pm

USS Monitor wrote:I think I'd want to send my Minister of Health home sick for the day if he threw up that much. XD

It's not a bad draft.


Thanks! I suppose the Minister of Health needs a Minister of Health. Do you want to get into specifics about what you would change?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Verdant Haven
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 1529
Founded: Feb 26, 2013
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Verdant Haven » Wed Dec 07, 2022 7:44 pm

Hello there! This is an amusing and light-hearted topic, with a reasonable issue surrounding it. Cleverly chosen. Here are my thoughts as you continue to shape it.

- This probably would have a "no autarky" validity and a "no vegetarianism" validity. Neither are strictly necessary for it, but it will take a lot fewer mental gymnastics to accept with those in place.

- In Option 1, I'd reduce the "after 30 straight minutes of vomiting" to something a bit less absurd, like "dry-heaving at the thought." I'm also curious why the minister can't look at chili dogs anymore? The use of "anymore" implies some specific past incident or issue. Additionally, it's unlikely that government officials in state atheist nations (some of which execute people for religious sentiment) would use "God" as an interjection in casual speech. That first sentence could be something like "Ugh, I can't even look at chili dogs!" says your Minister of Health, dry-heaving at the thought.

- For all three of your options, they don't need the extra dialogue tag/sentence on the end. While end tags like that can add to a text in some situations, nine times out of ten they are padding that don't contribute to the decision or argument. Let the options end when the speakers stop talking.

- The first outcome/effect line doesn't reflect an extension of what the option proposal is. The proposal is to promote healthy eating, not to punish bad eating through arrest or criminalization. The effect, while obviously we love humor and ad absurdum results, should derive from the decision being made.

- For all three of your effect lines, be aware that those should not be written as sentences. They will appear as part of a list, so shouldn't generally start with a capital or end with a period

- The second option is pretty reasonable. The one thing I would suggest adding is a bit more *reason* for Leader to choose it. Why nurture the sport? What benefit will it bring?

- I get where you're going with the second effect line, but for a person seeing this line without knowing the issue, it could be misinterpreted as the exact reverse of what is intended (an "eating camp" for overweight kids could very easily be interpreted as a "healthy eating" camp). There may be room to turn the stereotype on its head here, if you're up for it. Something about sending low-BMI kids to "skinny camp" to put on some weight?

- Option 3 doesn't really need to be gendered. The coach could be either gender, and they could just be talking about "young people" instead of "young men" (not every nation has real world 1950s gender norms, and some are matriarchies specifically!). Additionally, it doesn't seem like the eating contest is government sponsored – it's just a visiting tour that happens to be in your nation. As such, I'm not sure exactly what Leader is being told to "put away" by this coach.

- Effect 3 is improved from the first draft, but still needs a bit more. One can get a championship pennant in chess, eating, or anything else, so this result isn't strictly limited to the decision in question. It's also seems largely about children's lives more than just human life in general. Perhaps something like "a child's success is measured in pull-ups" or similar?

- Because the entire thing is about something being treated as a "sport" (every speaker calls it that), the validity for permitting sports should probably go on the entire issue, rather than just the final option.
Last edited by Verdant Haven on Wed Dec 07, 2022 7:46 pm, edited 3 times in total.
- Verdant Haven

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Thu Dec 08, 2022 6:11 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:-snip-



I have edited my issue accordingly. Thank you for the constructed feedback!
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Verdant Haven
Issues Editor
 
Posts: 1529
Founded: Feb 26, 2013
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Verdant Haven » Fri Dec 09, 2022 7:23 am

Good update there – nice work incorporating feedback but putting it into your own words. I think I only see a few more minor things that could use some attention.

- I like your first effect line, but simply due to the fact of how they're presented (in list formatted, separated by commas), it likely wouldn't work. It's best to avoid needing punctuation (the comma in the line will make it look like two separate effect lines, instead of one), and to phrase it as a descriptive statement about the country. Short and snappy is the goal.

- Good improvement on the second option. That's the kind of argument it needed.

- The second effect line is much improved, but will work best without taking sides on pounds vs kilograms (metricism is a policy nations can have, and "pounds" wouldn't be used in them)

- Give it a good final pass for things like grammar, word agreement, and sentence length. It's mostly solid, but there are one or two spots where it might be able to be polished.
- Verdant Haven

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Fri Dec 09, 2022 5:07 pm

Verdant Haven wrote:-snip-

All done! Much appreciated.
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Sat Dec 10, 2022 11:28 am

I think I'm gonna do a lil /bump. yknow. Just a lil /bump.
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Fri Dec 16, 2022 4:57 pm

I'm considering submitting now. Thoughts? I won't put it on last call quite yet.
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Saperetia
Envoy
 
Posts: 214
Founded: Apr 14, 2020
Democratic Socialists

Postby Saperetia » Fri Dec 16, 2022 5:06 pm

Millenhaal wrote:[Outcome 2] children that wear less than size XXL are sent to skinny camps

Only thing i'd change. For rest it looks fine to me! (Then again, I'm not so experienced)

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Sat Dec 17, 2022 3:51 pm

/bump


I don't like how much I'm bumping this. Is Got Issues usually like this?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Saperetia
Envoy
 
Posts: 214
Founded: Apr 14, 2020
Democratic Socialists

Postby Saperetia » Sat Dec 17, 2022 4:15 pm

Millenhaal wrote:/bump


I don't like how much I'm bumping this. Is Got Issues usually like this?

(DISCLAIMER: I have only posted 1 draft on this forum and it's still WIP)
I'd put it in [LAST CALL], wait for 3,5 days, bump, wait for 3,5 days and if no-one responds by then, I'd submit it.

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Wed Dec 21, 2022 3:52 pm

Hello! This draft has been stagnant for a while, and so I am hereby putting it in last call. I could be convinced to reverse this if it isn't ready though.
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

User avatar
Outer Sparta
Postmaster-General
 
Posts: 14606
Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Outer Sparta » Wed Dec 21, 2022 6:25 pm

Millenhaal wrote:Hello! This draft has been stagnant for a while, and so I am hereby putting it in last call. I could be convinced to reverse this if it isn't ready though.

I'd still polish a few things such as grammar and maybe add a bit more character to your speakers.
I don't stand with Ukraine. I don't stand with Russia. I don't stand with the US, NATO, or EU. I stand with the innocent civilians being caught in the crossfire while the politicians, the media, and weapons manufacturers continue to stoke division and conflict in their geopolitical chess games and treat the people of Ukraine as mere pawns. Zelensky is a corrupt, opportunist oligarchic politician who is not fit to lead Ukraine through anything and wants to inflate his own ego and offshore accounts.

User avatar
Millenhaal
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 199
Founded: Nov 20, 2021
Democratic Socialists

Postby Millenhaal » Thu Dec 22, 2022 5:11 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:
Millenhaal wrote:Hello! This draft has been stagnant for a while, and so I am hereby putting it in last call. I could be convinced to reverse this if it isn't ready though.

I'd still polish a few things such as grammar and maybe add a bit more character to your speakers.


Can I ask how you would do this, if you don't mind?
Democratic socialism, choice, LGBTQIA rights, Trans rights, any rights I can't think of, the Minnesota Vikings.
Unbridled capitalism, transphobia, homophobia, xenophobia, any bigotry whatsoever, the f*cking Packers.
My favorite color is purple. What's yours?

Next

Advertisement

Remove ads

Return to Got Issues?

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

Advertisement

Remove ads