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[DRAFT] Absolutely Bloody Disgusting

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

[DRAFT] Absolutely Bloody Disgusting

Postby Refiria » Mon Nov 14, 2022 9:40 pm

This is my first attempt at an issue, if it copies any in existence and/or needs a whole lot of fixing, please let me know.

The below is still being edited.
[title] Absolutely Bloody Disgusting
[desc] A rat infestation has been plaguing @@CAPITAL@@, and the old ways of rat traps are too inefficient to handle the rodent horde. In search of food and drink, the horde has spread to the crumb-filled @@CAPITAL@@, running around and leaving droppings all over the place. The locals, at large fear of disease and needing to cover their nose completely, have come to you begging for a quick end to this ratpocalypse.

[option] A representative from Extsolu greets you and shakes your hand. "Hello, I'm @@RANDOMNAME@@, and we heard about the vermin infestation. No need to worry friend, we have the perfect solution." @@HE@@ shows you a bag of "Extrat", a pill that can kill rats quickly. "Isn't it interesting, no? All we'll need is some government funding to mass produce and ship them to rodents around @@CAPITAL@@." When someone eavesdropping asks if its harmful to pets, @@HE@@ pretends to not hear them and begins prepping a professionally organized Extsolu-branded suitcase, which is disgustingly filled to the brim with dead rats.
[effect] that's definitely not pet treats in the mail

[option] You hear someone interject in the background, before they rush into your office. "No, no, no!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@,, "That's way too dangerous! What if a dog eats it, what then?
[effect] the worst crime in @@NAME@@ is to enjoy nature's beauty

[option] "I mean, what's laws to stop people? We should tackle this problem at its base." @@RANDOMNAME@@, a confident urban planner, introduces @@HIM@@self as "the savior of cities".
[effect] the current consensus is that "the entire f'ing capital is being rebuilt because of a few f'ing rodents"

[option] "I don't get what the Violet these blabberers are on about. Y'know, we could always pay the residents to do it for themselves." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who is carrying the world's most luxurious cheap beer. "Just give 'em each like.. I don't know.. one @@CURRENCY@@ maybe? Make sure we get proof, like its tail. From there, all smooth sailing, probably."
[effect] locals have to embarrassingly explain to tourists why all the rats are tailless






[title] Absolutely Bloody Disgusting
[desc] A rat infestation has been plaguing @@CAPITAL@@, and the old ways of rat traps are inefficient and too expensive to handle the rodent horde. In search of food and drink, the horde has spread to farms and crumb-filled cities, running around and leaving droppings all over the place. The locals, at large fear of disease and needing to cover their nose completely, have come to you begging for a quick end to this ratpocalypse.

[option] A representative from Extsolu, a brand selling products designed to exterminate pests, greets you and shakes your hand. "Hello, I'm @@RANDOMNAME@@, and we heard about the vermin infestation. Don't worry friend, we have the perfect solution." @@HE@@ shows you a bag of "Extrat", a pill that can kill rats quickly. "You seem interested I see? All we'll need is some funding to mass produce and ship them to rodents around @@CAPITAL@@." When someone walking by eavesdropping asks if its harmful to pets, @@HE@@ pretends to not hear them and begins prepping a professionally organized Extsolu-branded suitcase, which is disgustingly filled to the brim with dead rats.
[effect] that's definitely not pet treats in the mail

[option] You hear someone interject in the background, before they rush into your office. "No, no, no!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a very confident and inspired urban planner, "That's way too dangerous! What if a dog eats it, what then? I propose we try a complete redesign of our trash systems, where the rats look for most. The city's trash bins should take waste underground, where it can't be touched by vermin. Of course, some might not comply, especially businesses. As such, excessive waste or overfilling of trash cans should lead to fines." @@HE@@ pulls out a printed map of @@CAPITAL@@ downloaded from Legog. "See, here would be a good start to begin placing them, and next would be here..." The trash talk continues for a few hours.
[effect] the newest government project is nicknamed "Binning the Cash"

[option] "I mean, @@HE@@'s definitely on the right track, but we should tackle this problem at its base." @@RANDOMNAME@@, an even more confident urban planner, introduces @@HIM@@self as "the savior of cities". "Let's face it, @@CAPITAL@@ is in an absolutely HORRID condition. Empty buildings, and disgustingly unemptied bins and debris. Building codes and plans should be made much stricter to prevent useless buildings, make a heavy effort to clean the trash in the streets, and add in underground bins." @@HE@@ shows you a chart, showing the gains and losses of this entire project. "At first, this will have extreme short-term losses, but the long term will cause major boosts across the board. You with me? Let's talk about residents and cleanliness... wait, did I mention the effectiveness of cats yet? Hmmm, maybe baits are a better option..."
[effect] the current consensus is that "the entire f'ing capital is being rebuilt because of a few f'ing rodents"

[option] "I don't get what the Violet these blabberers are on about. Y'know, we could always pay the residents to do it for themselves." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who your assistants definitely think drank something. "Just give 'em each like.. I don't know.. one @@CURRENCY@@ maybe? Make sure we get proof, like its tail. Nice and easy, nice and easy, @@LEADER@@."
[effect] locals have to embarrassingly explain to tourists why all the rats are tailless

[title] Absolutely Bloody Disgusting
[desc] A rat infestation has been plaguing @@CAPITAL@@, and the old ways of rat traps are inefficient and too expensive to handle the rodent horde. In search of food and drink, the horde has spread to farms and crumb-filled cities, running around and leaving droppings all over the place. The locals, at large fear of disease and needing to cover their nose completely, have come to you begging for a quick end to this ratpocalypse.

[option] A representative from Extsolu, a brand selling products designed to exterminate pests, greets you and shakes your hand. "Hello, I'm @@RANDOMNAME@@, and we heard about the vermin infestation. Don't worry friend, we have the perfect solution." @@HE@@ shows you a bag of "Extrat", a pill that can kill rats quickly. "You seem interested I see? All we'll need is some funding to mass produce and ship them to rodents around @@CAPITAL@@." When someone walking by eavesdropping asks if its harmful to pets, @@HE@@ pretends to not hear them and begins prepping a professionally organized Extsolu-branded suitcase, which is disgustingly filled to the brim with dead rats.
[effect] that's definitely not pet treats in the mail

[option] You hear someone interject in the background, before they rush into your office. "No, no, no!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a very confident and inspired urban planner, "That's way too dangerous! What if a dog eats it, what then? I propose we try a complete redesign of our trash systems, where the rats look for most. The city's trash bins should take waste underground, where it can't be touched by vermin." @@HE@@ pulls out a printed map of @@CAPITAL@@ downloaded from Legog. "See, here would be a good start to begin placing them, and next would be here..." The trash talk continues for a few hours.
[effect] the country's dedication of funds has made the search for "how to commit tax fraud" skyrocket

[option] "I mean, @@HE@@'s definitely on the right track, but we should tackle this problem at its base." @@RANDOMNAME@@, an even more confident urban planner, introduces @@HIM@@self as "the savior of cities". "Let's face it, @@CAPITAL@@ is in an absolutely HORRID condition. Empty buildings, and disgustingly unemptied bins and debris. Building codes and plans should be made much stricter to prevent useless buildings, make a heavy effort to clean the trash in the streets, and also put in the underground bins." @@HE@@ shows you a chart, showing the gains and losses of this entire project. "At first, this will have extreme short-term losses, but the long term will cause major boosts across the board. You with me? Let's talk about residents and cleanliness... wait, did I mention the effectiveness of cats yet? No, no, no, maybe baits are a better option..." You yet again endure another several-hour long discussion about the capital.
[effect] the current consensus is that "the entire f'ing capital is being remade because of a few f'ing rodents"

[option] "I don't get what the Violet this blabberer is on about. Y'know, we could always pay the residents to do it for themselves." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who your assistants definitely think drank something. "Just give 'em each like.. I don't know.. one @@CURRENCY@@ maybe? Make sure we get proof, like its tail. Nice and easy, nice and easy, @@LEADER@@."
[effect] locals have to embarrassingly explain to visitors why tailless rats are always around

[title] Rats, Rats, We are the Rats
[desc] A rat infestation has been plaguing @@CAPITAL@@, and the old ways of rat traps are inefficient and too expensive to handle the rodent horde. In search of food and drink, the horde has spread to farms and crumb-filled cities, running around and leaving droppings all over the place. The locals, at large fear of disease and needing to cover their nose completely, have come to you begging for a quick end to this ratpocalypse.

[option] A representative from Extsolu greets you and shakes your hand. "Don't worry friend, we have the perfect solution." He shows you a bag of "Extrat", a pill that can kill rats quickly. "You seem interested I see? All we'll need is some funding to mass produce and ship them to rodents around @@CAPITAL@@."
[effect] that's definitely not pet treats in the mail

[option] You hear someone interject in the background, before they rush into your office. "No, no, no!" says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a very confident and inspired urban planner, "That's way too dangerous! What if a dog eats it, what then? I propose we try a complete redesign of our trash systems, where the rats look for most. The city's trash bins should take waste underground, where it can't be touched by vermin."
[effect] the country's dedication of funds has made the search for "how to commit tax fraud" skyrocket

[option] "That's way too damn expensive, why should it be the government's job to solve this mess?", comments @RANDOMNAME@@, one of the most popular members of the self-labelled "only smart group in @@NAME@@" Understandable and Reasonable Money Management Movement, a group that advocates for proper and low use of taxpayer money. "We should make sure that good rodent extermination methods like rodenticide are widely available, and let the population do the work for themselves. It might finally convince some of them to get off their heinies and take care of their property for once." @@HE@@ walks off and gets on his phone, which is on shopping for business suits.
[effect] the newest tourist attraction in @@CAPITAL@@ is called 50/50

[option] "Aw... cute!!" squeals @@RANDOMNAME@@, an 8 year old who showed up to your office with a McRonald's Joyful Meal. "Have everyone keep the rats that show up! They're adorable!", @@HE@@ says while spilling galliennais fries all over the floor, making a janitor in the next room start groaning.
[effect] law is law and blood-curling screams are its protests

[title] Rats, Rats, We are the Rats
[desc] A rat infestation has been plaguing @@CAPITAL@@ and several areas, including agricultural hotspots, and the old ways of rat traps are inefficient and too expensive to handle the rodent horde. In search of food and drink, the horde has spread to farms and crumb-filled cities, running around and leaving droppings all over the place. The locals, at large fear of disease and needing to cover their nose completely, have come to you begging for a quick end to this ratpocalypse.

[option] A representative from Extsolu greets you and shakes your hand. "Don't worry friend, we have the perfect solution." He shows you a bag of "Extrat", a pill that can kill rats quickly. "You seem interested I see? All we'll need is some government funding to mass produce and ship them to rodents around @@CAPITAL@@ and the surronding farms."
[effect] pets around the nation are wondering why they can't get the treats that the government brought to the house

[option] "We need to rid of these pests once from our great @@TYPE@@ once and for all," enters @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your finest military commanders, although maybe not the smartest in other departments, smoking a 75 @@CURRENCY@@ cigar. "Send some of our troops around @@CAPITAL@@ and reap the rat-free rewards. I mean think about it: there is no way they can come back if each one is matched with a bullet to the face, right?" @@HE@@ starts to walk off blabbering wondering how no one has thought of this yet.
[validity] nation must have military
[effect] the gunfire keeping @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ awake in @@CAPITAL@@ is not war but anti-rodent firing squads

[option] Someone walks in and says, "Don't make choices for us." That someone is @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has actively lived @@HIS@@ life protesting against government intervention in anything. "That is the individual's job. If they want to exterminate them, let them do so. If they want to let them stay there, let them do so. There needs to be a middle ground that doesn't involve extreme methods on both sides."
[effect] people are rushing to move out of that putrid neighborhood that hosts rat raves 24/7

[option] "Aw... cute!!" squeals @@RANDOMNAME@@, an 8 year old who showed up to your office with a McRonald's Joyful Meal. "Have everyone keep the rats that show up! They're adorable!", @@HE@@ says while spilling galliennais fries all over the floor, making a janitor in the next room start groaning.
[effect] foreigners visiting friends are always running out the front door screaming bloody murder
Last edited by Refiria on Tue Dec 27, 2022 9:00 pm, edited 14 times in total.
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Australian rePublic
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Tue Nov 15, 2022 2:38 am

What caused this infestation and why aren't traps working? Maybe look into the rat infestations of NSW which happened last year if you want inspiration
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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Tue Nov 15, 2022 9:27 pm

Australian rePublic wrote:What caused this infestation and why aren't traps working? Maybe look into the rat infestations of NSW which happened last year if you want inspiration

Thank you! Will look into.

Update: I've added some more text to the description.
Last edited by Refiria on Tue Nov 15, 2022 11:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Fri Nov 18, 2022 3:06 pm

/bump :lol:
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Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Wed Nov 23, 2022 3:54 pm

/bump
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Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Wed Nov 30, 2022 8:25 pm

I've completely rewrote the second and third options, and all of the effects.
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Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Candlewhisper Archive
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Founded: Aug 28, 2015
Anarchy

Postby Candlewhisper Archive » Thu Dec 01, 2022 7:57 am

Thanks for revisiting this as requested.

Options 1 and 3 are both poison as a solution, you only really need one option that offers this as an answer, even with funding differences.

Option 4 is nicely crazy, but doesn't really have narrative coherency.

I'd suggest a little more research on how real life cities deal with rat problems, and what factors cause rat infestations. Rats tend to turn up where there's overflowing bins, tree debris, and vacant buildings.

Solutions an issue might suggest ought to include:
1) funding more extermination (poison and traps) in rat hotspots.
2) reducing street waste through increased refuse collection, underground bins, strict fines on overfilled waste containers, and taxing businesses that produce too much waste.
3) creating an urban environment that is less conducive to rats -- more predatory wildlife (like wild cats), reduced population densities through lower rise buildings, and urban planning restrictions to avoid empty buildings.
4) crazy option -- crowdsource your ratcatching, for example putting up a rat tail bounty.

Here's why option 4 is insane, by the way: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Hanoi_Rat_Massacre
editors like linguistic ambiguity more than most people

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Thu Dec 01, 2022 7:22 pm

Candlewhisper Archive wrote:Thanks for revisiting this as requested.

Options 1 and 3 are both poison as a solution, you only really need one option that offers this as an answer, even with funding differences.

Option 4 is nicely crazy, but doesn't really have narrative coherency.

I'd suggest a little more research on how real life cities deal with rat problems, and what factors cause rat infestations. Rats tend to turn up where there's overflowing bins, tree debris, and vacant buildings.

Solutions an issue might suggest ought to include:
1) funding more extermination (poison and traps) in rat hotspots.
2) reducing street waste through increased refuse collection, underground bins, strict fines on overfilled waste containers, and taxing businesses that produce too much waste.
3) creating an urban environment that is less conducive to rats -- more predatory wildlife (like wild cats), reduced population densities through lower rise buildings, and urban planning restrictions to avoid empty buildings.
4) crazy option -- crowdsource your ratcatching, for example putting up a rat tail bounty.

Here's why option 4 is insane, by the way: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Hanoi_Rat_Massacre

Thanks mate, taken into account. Although I feel 2 and 3 might be way too similar in the way I put it..
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Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Fri Dec 09, 2022 3:12 pm

/bump
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Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Sat Dec 17, 2022 4:12 pm

/bump
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Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Leutria
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Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Leutria » Sat Dec 17, 2022 4:24 pm

My city has been dealing with a rat problem by forbidding bird feeders and feeding wildlife. Could always make an option with stiff penalties for anyone found feeding wildlife?

Edit: also option two. A funnier effect might be "tax dollars are going into trash" or something like that.

Also, option 4 is funny, but could go in a more real world direction with something like "people have started breeding rats for their tails" (although that is less funny then what you have).
Last edited by Leutria on Sat Dec 17, 2022 4:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Sun Dec 18, 2022 8:01 pm

Leutria wrote:My city has been dealing with a rat problem by forbidding bird feeders and feeding wildlife. Could always make an option with stiff penalties for anyone found feeding wildlife?

Edit: also option two. A funnier effect might be "tax dollars are going into trash" or something like that.

Also, option 4 is funny, but could go in a more real world direction with something like "people have started breeding rats for their tails" (although that is less funny then what you have).

Thanks mate, taken into account.

1. This kind of fits with what Candlewhisper was pointing towards in their idea for an issue structure? In option 2, I added a line saying excessive waste should lead to fines.
2. Edited the effect, if I'm getting across with what you meant, "Binning the Cash" should be pretty similar to it.
3. NS issues seem like a nice source of chaos, and as such, I haven't modified that effect other than minor grammar changes. Also, I read in the guide to making an issue that the effect usually should include a good amount of exaggeration and straight up lies, so :p
qekitor
Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Posts: 125
Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Tue Dec 20, 2022 5:28 pm

/bump
qekitor
Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Posts: 125
Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Thu Dec 22, 2022 7:49 pm

/bump
qekitor
Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Posts: 125
Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Sat Dec 24, 2022 4:34 pm

/bump
qekitor
Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Refiria
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Posts: 125
Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Mon Dec 26, 2022 11:51 am

/bump
qekitor
Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.

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Verdant Haven
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Posts: 1549
Founded: Feb 26, 2013
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Verdant Haven » Tue Dec 27, 2022 7:31 am

- I'm a little curious why traditional rat traps are considered too expensive, when we've got multiple options talking about things like completely overhauling the urban planning regulations of the nation's capital and building extensive underground infrastructure. Inefficient absolutely, when dealing with such large numbers, but I don't think the expense makes sense as a problem.

- I feel like options 2 and 3 are not sufficiently distinct from each other. Option 2 calls for building an underground trash infrastructure supported by additional civil enforcement, with the background action involving printed charts... and option 3 calls for additional civil enforcement supported by building an underground trash infrastructure, with the background action involving printed charts. Completely rebuilding your civic infrastructure to avoid this issue is a massive step beyond things like cleaning and enforcement. Make sure that the distinction is clear – focus more on the civil enforcement part of option 2, so that doesn't read like it's largely about redesigning cities.

- The description presents this is being something affecting both urban and rural areas, cities and farms. All the options seem to specifically be addressing the capital city.

- To the extent you can, it is usually better to restrict yourself to only one dialogue tag. Simply describing background action, such as presenting generic charts, does not add anything useful to the option. The speaker should be using their limited space to give Leader (the player) information about why a given option might help. The dialogue tags that are used should be descriptive and fairly concise (longer tags should up the humor to make them worth their word count). It is possible to use multiple tags successfully, and that has been done a number of times by authors with a mastery of language and issue style, but it's not the starting point I'd recommend.

- If you've got some friends or region-mates who really have a good grasp of English language, grammar, and syntax, ask them to give it a read and offer suggestions on those subjects. There are a number of places where you have good ideas and concepts, but they're difficult to discern because the language is not fluid. This is something we can help address in editing if the issue is selected for publication, but it will definitely give you a leg up if it is already in a relatively good place when submitted.
- Verdant Haven

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Refiria
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Founded: Apr 18, 2022
Anarchy

Postby Refiria » Tue Dec 27, 2022 8:14 pm

Thanks mate, I'll be taking this into account.


Verdant Haven wrote:- I'm a little curious why traditional rat traps are considered too expensive, when we've got multiple options talking about things like completely overhauling the urban planning regulations of the nation's capital and building extensive underground infrastructure. Inefficient absolutely, when dealing with such large numbers, but I don't think the expense makes sense as a problem.

I.... haven't a clue why I originally put that there. Will remove.
Verdant Haven wrote:- I feel like options 2 and 3 are not sufficiently distinct from each other. Option 2 calls for building an underground trash infrastructure supported by additional civil enforcement, with the background action involving printed charts... and option 3 calls for additional civil enforcement supported by building an underground trash infrastructure, with the background action involving printed charts. Completely rebuilding your civic infrastructure to avoid this issue is a massive step beyond things like cleaning and enforcement. Make sure that the distinction is clear – focus more on the civil enforcement part of option 2, so that doesn't read like it's largely about redesigning cities.

I'll look into rewriting option 2, I was already pretty sure of this, but thanks for confirmation.
Verdant Haven wrote:- The description presents this is being something affecting both urban and rural areas, cities and farms. All the options seem to specifically be addressing the capital city.

I'll be making the description more focused on the capital next draft.
Verdant Haven wrote:- To the extent you can, it is usually better to restrict yourself to only one dialogue tag. Simply describing background action, such as presenting generic charts, does not add anything useful to the option. The speaker should be using their limited space to give Leader (the player) information about why a given option might help. The dialogue tags that are used should be descriptive and fairly concise (longer tags should up the humor to make them worth their word count). It is possible to use multiple tags successfully, and that has been done a number of times by authors with a mastery of language and issue style, but it's not the starting point I'd recommend.

I see, will be tweaking the options next draft.
Verdant Haven wrote:- If you've got some friends or region-mates who really have a good grasp of English language, grammar, and syntax, ask them to give it a read and offer suggestions on those subjects. There are a number of places where you have good ideas and concepts, but they're difficult to discern because the language is not fluid. This is something we can help address in editing if the issue is selected for publication, but it will definitely give you a leg up if it is already in a relatively good place when submitted.

Hm, will look into.
qekitor
Only person to become WA Delegate of over 300 regions in one update, and second person to become WA Delegate of over 200 regions in one update
Big Six Tagger in Lily, Lieutenant in The Black Hawks
Basic disclaimer: Nothing said here represents the opinions of other people or organizations. Refiria is qekitor and qekitor is me.


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