[SUBMITTED DRAFT]The Great Catsby

[New Anarchisticstan]

Seeing the word "submitted" and "draft" together says a lot about how disorganised I am... I made an issue and submitted it, without making a post here first, and I'm sure it will get rejected. I am posting its content here so I may improve it with suggestions, and maybe submit a more polished version later on. Sorry for the chaos.
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Following one of @@CAPITAL@@'s richest CEO's arrest, his pet food corporation's stock prices plummeted significantly, and someone bought @@HIS1@@ way into replacing the CEO. The problem? The new owner is a cat.

Validity: Invalid for socialist nations (they can't have stock markets), nations that already have extremely stringent laws on who/what can be registered on the stock exchange, nations that banned pets/cats.

Option 1:
"There is no way a mere cat could invest in the stock market!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME2@@, owner of rivalling company Woof Bites, guarded by two buff bodyguards. "The person behind all this must be given either two options: revealing themselves, or a vacation with the old CEO to jail!".

Outcome: Garfield is no longer a millionaire
Validity: Invalid for socialist nations (they can't have stock markets), nations that already have extremely stringent laws on who/what can be registered on the stock exchange, nations that banned pets/cats.

Option 2:
"If I may interject..." announces an unknown individual, with a munchkin cat on @@HIS1@@ shoulder. "My name is @@RANDOMNAME@@, and this here is the infamous cat you're all talking about, Max. I've been thinking... Why don't you make it perfectly legal to create stock market accounts under our pets? @@NAME@@'s economy shall flourish this wa-". @@HE1@@ is interrupted by @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME2@@ yelling, and the two are escorted outside.

Outcome:Animal shelters are now being emptied by tuxedo individuals.
Validity: Invalid for socialist nations (they can't have stock markets), nations that already have extremely stringent laws on who/what can be registered on the stock exchange, nations that banned pets/cats.

Option 3:
The door of your office creaks, and you notice Max the cat got in again, meowing intensely. Your secretary turns the cat translator on.
"Foolish humans, aren't they? The feline race is the greatest one in this world. I, Maximus Gatto XIV, suggest you transfer ownership of all stock market accounts to us cats, and then @@NAME@@ will enter its Golden Age.

Outcome: There are more stray humans than stray cats.
Validity: Invalid for socialist nations (they can't have stock markets), nations that already have extremely stringent laws on who/what can be registered on the stock exchange, nations that banned pets/cats.

Option 4:
"Pardon the intrusion..." says a fellow with a trenchcoat, shoving a contract on your desk.
Why don't you follow that fur-ball's idea? If you could, sign here, and we'll plant microchips in every cat's brain... And the means of production will be willingly ceded to the state, by the cats".

Outcome: Communist pussies are everywhere
Validity: Invalid for socialist nations (this choice is intended for capitalistic nations, I mean, there would be no need for cats to cede the means of production if you're already socialist), nations that already have extremely stringent laws on who/what can be registered on the stock exchange, nations that banned pets/cats.

[Verdant Haven]

I'm struggling with the basic premise of this one. I'm not aware of any industrialized nation where a (non-human) animal would be permitted to be listed as owner on a stock transaction, or pretty much any other property or transaction, nor to serve as signatory party to any contract. Animals can be the beneficiary of a trust, operated by one or more humans or corporate entities on the animal's behalf, but the animal would never be the actual "owner" nor would they serve to obfuscate the identity of the involved human(s). At best, this would be some kind of straw buying situation, liable to be prosecuted as fraud.

Additionally, NS operates in a generally near-future technology scenario, and we look for verisimilitude in our issues – issues that fit the game's existing internal reality. Talking cats, "cat translator" machines, establishment of feline overlords… good fodder for a comic, but this does not fit the game. While the rest of the issue may, possibly, with adjustments, be turned into something that could be submitted, these kinds of elements simply won't work.