Maybe you just need a vacation!
Two of the Disorder’s deep space carriers have been converted into luxury cruise liners! For the first time ever, the luxuries and accommodations available to Disorder citizens are being made available to those trapped in the cosmological wilds! For the unprecedentedly low price of just $5000 NSD, you can vacation aboard one of our cruise ships for 16 cosmological days, touring countless worlds & diverse civilizations! (Tourists will receive a complimentary neurological firmware upgrade, to reduce psychological dependence on order.)
FAST SPACEFRAMES
There is no substitute for a highly performant spacecraft, and our luxury cruise liners still retain 100% of their baseline drive capabilities. Because our ships are able to perform multiple long-range jumps in extremely rapid succession, you are never further away from port than a few seconds – and once you arrive in port, the cruise ship is never more than a few seconds away from picking you up. You will have trouble finding this level of convenience and performance elsewhere. If our passenger clientele happens to require it, our ships’ powergrids can satisfy these rapid jump demands indefinitely!
CURATED EXPERIENCES
Do you not feel like going into port? Does it seem like a hassle to have to sort through the contents of the entire universe, just to find the best food, the finest drink, the greatest high, or the prettiest sunset? Our luxury cruise liners can take care of all of that for you, offering some of the finest curated experiences found anywhere in the cosmos!
TOTAL AUTONOMY
Don’t want to be stuck aboard a huge spaceship? Take off! Every guest gets their own Izrathivor-class deweaponized dropship, complete with automatic flight guidance, high-performance hyperdrives, and military-spec cloaking systems! This isn’t just a vacation aboard a cruise liner, it’s a vacation to literally anywhere in the universe! Every pleasure, every delicacy, and every indulgence in the cosmos is yours!
IMMEASURABLE WEALTH
All services aboard our luxury liners are complimentary, of course - but the surrounding cosmos sometimes desires compensation in exchange for services. Not to worry - with Disorder deep-space mining technology at your disposal, you can spend a few minutes ripping asteroids apart for valuable materials. Then you can launch yourself to any world of your choice, sell those materials, and revel in unprecedented wealth! (Be aware, you can’t take it with you after your vacation is over.)
TECHNOLOGICAL LIBERATION
The cosmos has no shortage of conceited, safety-worshipping, self-righteous idiots. If you offend their delicate sensibilites, they may even try to stop you. This is why all our guests are given access to several Disorder technologies for the duration of their vacation. Disappear with our cloaking devices to evade harm, armor up with personal shields for nigh-invulnerability, or unleash unimaginable destruction with our advanced weaponry! Anyone arrogant enough to stand in your way deserves to be thoroughly humbled and humiliated!
RISK OBLITERATION
In the unlikely event of your death or injury while on vacation, Disorder science & technology will either flash-regenerate your body, or clone you a brand new body. This service comes complimentary, freeing you from risk and self-preservation. If you have ever wanted to do something absurdly dangerous, you can just do it – and to hell with the consequences! Additionally, pre-existing conditions such as disease or aging will be cured upon arrival. Our guests deserve nothing less than immortality for the duration of their vacation.
ULTIMATE DECADENCE
Do you want a cure for pain? A cure for discomfort? A cure for boredom? A cure for all aversion? The Disorder invented all of these a long time ago! Unhappiness is optional, and can always be destroyed. Or perhaps you just want to further enhance an already great time? Become the god of your own psyche and the master of your own experience! Disorder medical science can do more than merely repair physical ailments, it’s good for entertainment too.
PERSONALIZED SERVICE
A personalized cybernetic servitor can be linked with your own brain, allowing you to remotely control its actions with your own thoughts, effortlessly. These servants can attend to your every need in real-time.
COMPLETE DISCRETION
Do you live in some authoritarian hellhole, which has laws to restrict where & when its citizens can travel? Isn’t that just the worst? We agree! That’s why we offer complimentary uninterruptible transport through even the most restricted of airspace, using our stealthed starships! We also offer complimentary replacement cloning services, so that no one notices you are gone. No passport, no authentication, and no paperwork are required! Hell, we do not even need your real name! What happens on vacation was always meant to stay on vacation.
Interested? Contact your friendly local anarchic activism group or pro-chaos cultists today! The Disorder maintains points of contact throughout the cosmos.
Demand for this service will almost certainly exceed supply, so prospective applicants will be selected for eligibility on a pseudo-randomized basis. (Diplomats & heads of state from anarchic nations will be given preferential selection, along with VIP’s of pro-chaos political movements.)