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[SUBMITTED] I Am The Worker's Insurrection

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RedBrickLand
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Conservative Democracy

[SUBMITTED] I Am The Worker's Insurrection

Postby RedBrickLand » Sun Jun 05, 2022 11:43 pm

NOTE: Last Call. I will submit this draft approximately within the next 48 hours if I don't receive anymore feedback.
Feel free to share your honest feedback! Thanks!

NOTE: The top updates in this spoiler are the most recent and the bottom updates are past changes, in chronological order.
7/26: Added 4.5th Draft(Thanks to Daarwyrth)
-Word tweaks in Option 2a/b
-Changed all effect lines
7/21: Changed Validity(Thanks to Verdant_Haven and The_Free_Joy_State)
7/17: Added 4th Draft(Thanks to Verdant_Haven)
-Major Changes to the Description, Option 1, and Option 3
-Minor Changes to Option 2a/b
-Changed Option 1's and Option 2's effect lines
7/3: Minor Changes to the description, option 1, and all effect lines (Thanks again to West_Barack_and_East_Obama)
7/3: Added 3rd Draft (Thanks a lot to West_Barack_and_East_Obama)
-Changed the title and all effect lines
-Major Changes to the description and option 3
-Minor Changes to option 1 and option 2
7/2: Changed foreign nation name from "Lan Xang" to "East Lebatuck, major changes in the description (Thanks to Trotterdam)
7/1: Changed foreign nation name from "East Lebatuck" to "Lan Xang", small word tweaks in the description
7/1: Removed linebreaks and fixed minor grammatical error in option 1(Thanks to West_Barack_and_East_Obama)

TITLE:
I Am The Worker's Insurrection

VALIDITY:
Invalid for nations that are non-capitalist, ban public protests, and contain McCarthyistic committies

DESCRIPTION:
@@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ spies have discovered that the socialist nation of East Lebatuck has been actively trying to incite a socialist revolt in @@NAME@@ by arming and spreading propaganda to @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@workers, many of whom already hold existing socialist sympathies. The propaganda has caused more and more workers to feel oppressed by the nation's capitalist system and that an armed insurrection is needed to end such oppression.

OPTION 1
"Why don't we try to appease our workers?" questions Melville Chamberlain, your cowardly Minister of Appeasement. "By doing so, they wouldn't have any reason to revolt. Let's give more rights to the workforce of our @@TYPE@@ by implementing laws that give workers a fair minimum wage, safe working conditions, and rights to self-organization and collective bargaining. They'll no longer feel oppressed, thus they won't revolt. Unless, of course, if they still feel oppressed but I mean, has appeasement ever failed us?" He smirks nervously.

OUTCOME:
workers often chant "Spineless cowards!" outside government buildings

OPTION 2a {The nation holds elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME@@ McCarthy, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as he makes an "I'm watching you" gesture towards Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crack down on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprisings, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban socialist parties from entering the ballot. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of rising up against us."

OPTION 2b {The nation does not hold elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME@@ McCarthy, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as he makes an "I'm watching you" gesture towards Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crackdown on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprisings, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban all possible socialists from entering government positions. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of rising up against us."

OUTCOME:
the words "workers" and "rights" never appear together in the same sentence in @@NAME@@

OPTION 3
"Don't listen to that lunatic's fearmongering." whispers @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Minister of Espionage, who is communicating through the radio on your desk. "McCarthy's just trying to get rid of his political opponents. Why not instead subvert the East Lebatuckese government from the inside out? Once they are weakened, so too will their influence on our workers weaken. Let's send spies into East Lebatuck to stage a pro-capitalist coup to overthrow their government and sabotage their plans to supply our workers with foreign aid. Without foreign support, their insurrection can't amount to much..." As @@HIS@@ voice begins to cut out.

OUTCOME:
foreign governments inciting revolt in @@NAME@@ have uprisings of their own shortly after

TITLE:
I Am The Worker's Insurrection

VALIDITY:
Invalid for nations that are non-capitalist, ban public protests, and contain McCarthyistic committies

DESCRIPTION:
@@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ spies have discovered that the socialist nation of East Lebatuck has been actively trying to incite a socialist revolt in @@NAME@@ by arming and spreading propaganda to @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@workers, many of whom already hold existing socialist sympathies. The propaganda has caused more and more workers to feel oppressed by the nation's capitalist system and that an armed insurrection is needed to end such oppression.

OPTION 1
"Why don't we try to appease our workers?" questions Melville Chamberlain, your cowardly Minister of Appeasement. "By doing so, they wouldn't have any reason to revolt. Let's give more rights to the workforce of our @@TYPE@@ by implementing laws that give workers a fair minimum wage, safe working conditions, and rights to self-organization and collective bargaining. They'll no longer feel oppressed, thus they won't revolt. Unless, of course, if they still feel oppressed but I mean, has appeasement ever failed us?" He smirks nervously.

OUTCOME:
workers regularly threaten revolt to have the government meet their demands

OPTION 2a {The nation holds elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME@@ McCarthy, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as he points a V sign finger at his eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crack down on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprisings, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban socialist parties from entering the ballot. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of rising up against us."

OPTION 2b {The nation does not hold elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME@@ McCarthy, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as he points a V sign finger at his eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crackdown on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprisings, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban all possible socialists from entering government positions. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of rising up against us."

OUTCOME:
anyone who advocates for workers' rights is suspiciously never seen again

OPTION 3
"Don't listen to that lunatic's fearmongering." whispers @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Minister of Espionage, who is communicating through the radio on your desk. "McCarthy's just trying to get rid of his political opponents. Why not instead subvert the East Lebatuckese government from the inside out? Once they are weakened, so too will their influence on our workers weaken. Let's send spies into East Lebatuck to stage a pro-capitalist coup to overthrow their government and sabotage their plans to supply our workers with foreign aid. Without foreign support, their insurrection can't amount to much..." As @@HIS@@ voice begins to cut out.

OUTCOME:
the nation's new foreign policy is colloquially referred to as "retribution"

TITLE:
I Am The Worker's Insurrection

VALIDITY:
Invalid for nations that are non-capitalist and ban public protests

DESCRIPTION:
It has been revealed that the socialist nation East Lebatuck had been planning to incite a socialist revolt in @@NAME@@ by influencing its workers, most of whom already hold existing socialist sympathies. Fearing an imminent revolution, your ministers have convened to try and stop this.

OPTION 1
"Why don't we try to appease our workers?" questions Melville Chamberlain, your cowardly Minister of Appeasement, while doing a quick skim of a book titled Aristotle's Theory of Revolution. "By doing so, they won't have any reason to revolt. Let's give more power and rights to the workforce of our @@TYPE@@ and exile wealthy capitalists who try to subjugate our workers. Afterwards, they'll no longer feel oppressed, thus they won't revolt. Unless, of course, if they still feel oppressed but I mean, has appeasement ever failed us?" He smirks nervously.

OUTCOME:
revolutionary ideas get you very far in life

OPTION 2a {The nation holds elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME@@ McCarthy, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as he points a V sign finger at his eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crack down on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprisings, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban socialist parties from entering the ballot. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of rising up against us."

OPTION 2b {The nation does not hold elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_FIRST_NAME@@ McCarthy, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as he points a V sign finger at his eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crackdown on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprisings, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban all possible socialists from entering government positions. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of rising up against us."

OUTCOME:
the latest buzzword to traduce your political opposition is "commie"

OPTION 3
"Don't listen to that lunatic's fearmongering." whispers @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Minister of Espionage, who is communicating through a hidden camera on your desk. "McCarthy's just trying to get rid of his political opponents. Why not instead subvert the East Lebatuckese government from the inside out? Once they are weakened, so too will their influence on our workers. Let's send covert spies to spy on East Lebatuck. Once we gather enough info, we can usetrickery and deception to stage a pro-capitalist coup to overthrow the government. We'll be like a deadly virus destroying them from within!..." As @@HIS@@ voice begins to cut out.

OUTCOME:
the nation's new foreign policy is colloquially referred to as "retribution"

TITLE:
Three Steps Ahead Of Socialist Revolt

VALIDITY:
Invalid for nations that are non-capitalist and ban public protests.

DESCRIPTION:
Yesterday, the media leaked information to the public about the plans of the foreign nation of East Lebatuck to incite a socialist revolt in @@NAME@@ by spreading socialist propaganda to @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ workers, of which most already had existing socialist sympathies. Workers are now planning to soon revolt against what they perceive as capitalist oppression. A debate between your ministers has sparked up over how to stop the socialist revolution from occurring.

OPTION 1
"Why don't we try appeasing to the demands of our workers?" questions Melville Chamberlain, your cowardly Minister of Appeasement, as he does a quick skim of a book titled Aristotle's Theory of Revolution. "If we do so, they won't have any reason to revolt. Let's empower the working force of our @@TYPE@@ and banish those who use their wealth to subjugate our workers. Afterwards, they'll think that they're no longer being oppressed, and they won't revolt. Unless, of course, if they think they're still being oppressed but I mean, when has appeasement ever failed us?" As he nervously smiles.

OUTCOME:
workers regularly threaten revolt in order to have the government meet their demands.

OPTION 2a {The nation holds elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as @@HE_1@@ points a V sign finger at @@HIS_1@@ eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crack down on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprising, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban socialist parties from entering the ballot. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of revolting."

OPTION 2b {The nation does not hold elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as @@HE_1@@ points a V sign finger at @@HIS_1@@ eyes, then at @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@."We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crackdown on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprising, arrest and interrogate all workers planning to revolt, ban all possible socialists from entering government positions. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of revolting."

OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ workers whose favorite color is red are viewed with extreme suspicion.

OPTION 3
"Don't listen to that lunatic's fearmongering." whispers @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Minister of Espionage, who is communicating through a hidden camera on your desk. "@@HE_1's just trying to get rid of @@HIS_1@@ political opponents. Why not instead prevent the revolution from the inside out? We can send covert spies to spy on not only @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ socialists and workers but also the East Lebatuckese government. We'll be able to quickly stop any attempted revolt by our workers, spy on socialists, and cause civil unrest within East Lebatuck. We'll be like a deadly virus destroying them from within!" As you begin to hear chewing noises through the hidden camera.

OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@ say that it's impossible to keep a secret when you're a socialist.

TITLE:
Enemy Strirring Up Protests?

VALIDITY:
CAPITALISM, not No Dissent

DESCRIPTION:
Recently, socialists staged several protests in the country calling for a socialist revolution. After the protests have ended,
new information was discovered that suggests Smalltopia, a neighboring country that had recently gone through its own socialist
revolution, may have stirred up or even orchestrated the protests.

OPTION 1
"I knew we couldn't trust them!" yells @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Secretary of Defense. "I knew that they would try to stage a socialist
revolution. Well boohoo because they failed, and now they're going to get a taste of their own medicine. Why don't we orchestrate
protests in Smalltopia to destablize the socialist government, and once they realize we orchestrated those protests, they'll soon
stop orchestrating protests here in our glorius @@TYPE@@."

OUTCOME
nations sharing similar beliefs with protesters in @@NATION@@ deal with constant protests.

OPTION 2
"That's sooo stupid!" interjects @@RANDOM_NAME@@, the Commanding General of the Army. "If you wan't the protests to stop, then why
don't you go obliterate the source of the protests? We have to get make sure those darn socialists get out of power in Smalltopia, or we'll have to constantly deal with protests. Now, if you'd allow me to do so, I could send the army to Smalltopia to stage a coup and setup a puppet government that's loyal to me... I mean... to you, @@LEADER@@."

OUTCOME
protests in @@NATION@@ act as a catalyst for coups in neighboring nations.

OPTION 3
"Hello? Can you hear me?" says @@RANDOM_NAME@@, a protester who managed to get past security and is wearing a red shirt with the
hammer and sickle. "We protested because we want those greedy capitalist pigs to go away and make everything more equal. Sure, I
may have gotten some instructions and money from men in Smalltopian uniforms, but that's beside the point. The point is that
socialism rocks and you could make this socialist utopia possible, so just do it."

OUTCOME
the nation credits Smalltopia for its socialist ideals.

OPTION 4
"If protests weren't a thing, Smalltopia wouldn't have protests to orchestrate." says @@RANDOM_MALE_NAME@@, a police officer who
had multiple eggs thrown at him during the protests. "Protests are a pain to deal with, especially for us officers. All protesters
do is cause chaos and make my job harder... and yours. Plus, they're just another way for our neighbors to meddle with our internal
affairs. I think they're no good and we're better off without them."

OUTCOME
egg-throwing protestors have switched to molotov cocktails in response to new protest laws.
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Wed Aug 10, 2022 5:53 am, edited 22 times in total.
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Sun Jun 05, 2022 11:45 pm

Anybody have suggestions? Feel free to give as much honest feedback!
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Glevenschester
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Postby Glevenschester » Sun Jun 05, 2022 11:47 pm

Would the kind of protestors who egg police officers stop just because it's illegal?

Maybe change it to "egg-throwing protestors have switched to molotov cocktails in response to new protest laws."
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Jun 06, 2022 12:22 am

Glevenschester wrote:Would the kind of protestors who egg police officers stop just because it's illegal?

Maybe change it to "egg-throwing protestors have switched to molotov cocktails in response to new protest laws."


Edited. Thanks for the suggestion and the feedback.
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Mon Jun 06, 2022 11:17 pm

It has been a day since the last suggestion/feedback, so I'm going to once again ask for more of your feedback.
Also, do you think it would be a good idea to change the title to "Staged Protests Are Worse Than Open Socialists"?
This is from the idiom "False friends are worse than open enemies".
What do you think?
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Wed Jun 08, 2022 12:00 am

Another day, another request for more feedback.
Please send me more feedback to help improve my draft. This is only my second draft, so I'm still new to writing issues, so as much feedback as possible would be helpful. This may seem impatient but it's to encourage those who have seen this draft to share their honest feedback.
Also, still asking if you would like "Staged Protests Are Worse Than Open Socialists" as the new title more than the current one.
I would like it to be the new title but I'm just going to first receive feedback to ensure that I'm making the right decision.
Thanks.
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Postby Electrum » Wed Jun 08, 2022 6:27 am

Firstly, this forum moves slowly. If your draft is on the first page, there is no need to bump the draft up.

Second, there's a lot to be said on foreign interference in domestic politics. It's really unclear what this draft is about. Your options are either to retaliate, overthrow, turn socialist or ban protests. None of these options even attempts to fix the issue that is presented and three are very drastic solutions to what is happening.

Thirdly there's a lot of presentation issues. Smalltopia is canonically capitalist. There's no attempt at humour in either the characterisation or three out of the four effect lines.

This criticism is not to discourage you from writing! Please read this guide from Sirocco/CWA as to what we're looking for when we look at issues.
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Wed Jun 08, 2022 5:39 pm

Do you still think I can "revive" this draft or is it time to abandon this? Thanks for the feedback. Tough feedback to swallow but honest and fair. Thanks.
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Postby Outer Sparta » Wed Jun 08, 2022 7:56 pm

RedBrickLand wrote:Do you still think I can "revive" this draft or is it time to abandon this? Thanks for the feedback. Tough feedback to swallow but honest and fair. Thanks.

Unless you can make drastic changes, I can only see it as being abandoned. There are just too many problems and your topic is too broad and doesn't distinguish itself from existing issues.
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Postby RedBrickLand » Wed Jun 08, 2022 8:01 pm

Ok, thanks for the feedback. I think I'll just abandon this draft. Thanks.
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Postby Electrum » Thu Jun 09, 2022 6:55 am

RedBrickLand wrote:Ok, thanks for the feedback. I think I'll just abandon this draft. Thanks.


A massive rewrite would have worked. I think you need to be a little bit more focused on working out a problem, then some solutions and then framing the issue around that framework. Once you have a good structure then you can really flesh it out by adding humour/characterisation/argumentation. There's been plenty written in the past about foreign interference in elections but understandable if you want to work on a topic anew.
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 2:45 am

Electrum wrote:A massive rewrite would have worked.


You were right, so I decided to do just that.
I think I gave up on this draft way too soon.
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Fri Jul 01, 2022 2:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Australian rePublic » Fri Jul 01, 2022 3:43 am

If your country is "Imperial Lebatuk" why would you name it "East Lebatuk"? In order to be an East Lebatuk there has to be a West Lebatuk. Also, East Lebatuk is too well establish to change its name at this stage
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Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:07 am

Thanks for the feedback, but I named it "East Lebatuck" not "East Lebatuk". (Was this a typo?)
Your country is not "Imperial Lebatuck", Imperial Lebatuck a foreign nation but I should have made that fact more clear.
If you want more info on East Lebatuck then check here, and by the way,
according to that thread, Imperial Lebatuck is what East Lebatuck used to be before the "revolution", presumably a socialist uprising.
Thanks for the feedback still though, I'll be sure to make the fact that Imperial Lebatuck is a foreign nation more clear. Thanks!
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby West Barack and East Obama » Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:09 am

RedBrickLand wrote:Thanks for the feedback, but I named it "East Lebatuck" not "East Lebatuk".
Your country is not "Imperial Lebatuck", Imperial Lebatuck a foreign nation but I should have made that fact more clear.
If you want more info on East Lebatuck then check here, and by the way,
according to that thread, Imperial Lebatuck is what East Lebatuck used to be before the "revolution", presumably a socialist uprising.

It seems weird for East Lebatuck to be referred to as East Lebatuck in previous issues then suddenly one pops up saying East Lebatuck has just been formed. I'd suggest using a new nation.
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RedBrickLand
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Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:12 am

West Barack and East Obama wrote:It seems weird for East Lebatuck to be referred to as East Lebatuck in previous issues then suddenly one pops up saying East Lebatuck has just been formed. I'd suggest using a new nation.


Thanks for the feedback and good point. The timeline of issues wouldn't make sense, so I'll change it to a different nation once I find/come up with one. Thanks!
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- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

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2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
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West Barack and East Obama
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Postby West Barack and East Obama » Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:20 am

For some reason, there are a lot of linebreaks in your draft that make this hard to read. You should copy and paste this version into your OP. (I've also corrected a minor grammatical error in option one)

TITLE:
Three Steps Ahead Of Socialist Revolt

VALIDITY:
Invalid for nations that are non-capitalist and ban public protests.

DESCRIPTION:
Recently, a socialist revolution in Imperial Lebatuck resulted in an overthrow of the imperialist monarchy and the renaming of the nation to East Lebatuck. Yesterday, your administration received info from an anonymous source about the East Lebatuckese government's plans to orchestrate a socialist revolution in @@NAME@@ by convincing @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ workers to revolt against capitalist oppression. A debate between your ministers has sparked up over how to stop the socialist revolution from occurring.

OPTION 1
"Why don't we try appeasing to the demands of our workers?" questions Melville Chamberlain, your cowardly Minister of Appeasement, as he does a quick skim of a book titled Aristotle's Theory of Revolution. "If we do so, they won't have any reason to revolt. Let's empower the working force of our @@TYPE@@ and banish those who use their wealth to subjugate our workers. Afterwards, they'll think that they're no longer being oppressed, and they won't revolt. Unless, of course, if they think they're still being oppressed but I mean, when has appeasement ever failed us?" As he nervously smiles.

OUTCOME:
workers regularly threaten revolt in order to have the government meet their demands.

OPTION 2a {The nation holds elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as @@HE_1@@ points a V sign finger at @@HIS_1@@ eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crack down on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprising, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban socialist parties from entering the ballot. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of revolting."

OPTION 2b {The nation does not hold elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as @@HE_1@@ points a V sign finger at @@HIS_1@@ eyes, then at @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@."We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crackdown on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprising, arrest and interrogate all workers planning to revolt, ban all possible socialists from entering government positions. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of revolting."

OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ workers whose favorite color is red are viewed with extreme suspicion.

OPTION 3
"Don't listen to that lunatic's fearmongering." whispers @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Minister of Espionage, who is communicating through a hidden camera on your desk. "@@HE_1's just trying to get rid of @@HIS_1@@ political opponents.Why not instead prevent the revolution from the inside out? We can send covert spies to spy on not only @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ socialists and workers but also the East Lebatuckese government. We'll be able to quickly stop any attempted revolt by our workers, spy on socialists, and cause civil unrest within East Lebatuck. We'll be like a deadly virus destroying them from within!" As you begin to hear chewing noises through the hidden camera.

OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@ say that it's impossible to keep a secret when you're a socialist.
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RedBrickLand
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Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 5:28 am

Thanks a lot! Also, the line breaks are because I write my drafts in notepad(not an actual notepad) and I don't use it in full screen so I make these linebreaks to make it easier for me to read, but I'll stop using them now, I guess. Also, thanks for going out of your way to fix the grammatical error. Thank you so much!
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RedBrickLand
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Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 6:38 am

West Barack and East Obama wrote:I'd suggest using a new nation.


I changed the nation from East Lebatuck to "Lan Xang".
Lan Xang is based off the nation of Laos in Southeast Asia.
I also changed the description to fit some of the history of Laos.
As to how I got the name, I got it from here

Lastly, to my knowledge, there is no NS version of Laos but if there is one, please do tell me.
Is this new nation of "Lan Xang" good?
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
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Verdant Haven
Issues Editor
 
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Founded: Feb 26, 2013
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Verdant Haven » Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:20 am

RedBrickLand wrote:Lastly, to my knowledge, there is no NS version of Laos but if there is one, please do tell me.
Is this new nation of "Lan Xang" good?


I don't believe we've got a Laos stand-in. Its neighbor Vietnam has a rough analogue in game as Núi Và Sông, but one always has to be careful with representations of places that have established lore, since there's no guarantee an issue with the existing version of their government won't happen immediately after an issue claiming there has been a change in their government. I would suggest avoiding using the exact name of the historical entity, but if you want to go for Laos, that seems like a decent inspiration point at least.

Jutsa has been keeping up a list of NPC nations and their descriptions, appearances, etc. It is located here: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=423697

You can use that to broadly identify appearances of NPC nations in issues and ensure there aren't any egregious conflicts with what you're creating, if you want to use one of them.
- Verdant Haven

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Trotterdam
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Postby Trotterdam » Fri Jul 01, 2022 12:57 pm

Why is the foreign nation having turned socialist recently relevant? You'd think a nation that had recently revolved its government (that's what it's called when you have a revolution, right?) would be more concerned with regaining internal stability than with meddling with foreigners.

Furthermore, how is the foreign nation trying to incite a revolt? A revolt is something done by your own nation's citizens, after all. If they're merely publicizing propaganda trying to convince your people, then that (A) is quite difficult to do unless many of your citizens already have existing socialist sympathies, and (B) is even more difficult to do subtly, given the need for your message to reach as many people as possible, so it likely wouldn't be something you only received a tip-off about through your spy network, or from one anonymous source.

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RedBrickLand
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Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 6:39 pm

Trotterdam wrote:Why is the foreign nation having turned socialist recently relevant? You'd think a nation that had recently revolved its government (that's what it's called when you have a revolution, right?) would be more concerned with regaining internal stability than with meddling with foreigners.

Furthermore, how is the foreign nation trying to incite a revolt? A revolt is something done by your own nation's citizens, after all. If they're merely publicizing propaganda trying to convince your people, then that (A) is quite difficult to do unless many of your citizens already have existing socialist sympathies, and (B) is even more difficult to do subtly, given the need for your message to reach as many people as possible, so it likely wouldn't be something you only received a tip-off about through your spy network, or from one anonymous source.


Thanks for the feedback. Good point about the new government being more concered about internal stability. Good point on it being difficult to do unless there are already existing socialist sympathies and being incredibly difficult to do in secrecy. Also, about the spy network/ anonymous source thing, I think you are trying to say that the info would've been public since the media would likely find out, please correct me if I'm wrong.

I'll change it so that (A) the foreign socialist government has been in power for a long time and is in a stable situation since as you mentioned having turned socialist recently isn't really relevant, and (B) I'll make the way they try to incite revolution more clear and make the information about their plans public since it's likely that media would also find out since it's difficult to incite a revolt in secrecy, and (C) I'll make it so that
your workers are already sympathetic to socialism or something outrageous happened that would convince the workers to revolt against what they would see as capitalist oppression. Well, I'll change it as soon as I can.
Thanks!
Last edited by RedBrickLand on Fri Jul 01, 2022 6:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

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2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
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RedBrickLand
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Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Fri Jul 01, 2022 11:04 pm

Trotterdam wrote:Why is the foreign nation having turned socialist recently relevant? You'd think a nation that had recently revolved its government (that's what it's called when you have a revolution, right?) would be more concerned with regaining internal stability than with meddling with foreigners.

Furthermore, how is the foreign nation trying to incite a revolt? A revolt is something done by your own nation's citizens, after all. If they're merely publicizing propaganda trying to convince your people, then that (A) is quite difficult to do unless many of your citizens already have existing socialist sympathies, and (B) is even more difficult to do subtly, given the need for your message to reach as many people as possible, so it likely wouldn't be something you only received a tip-off about through your spy network, or from one anonymous source.


I implemented some changes based on what you said above. Please tell me what you think!
Also, I changed the foreign nation back to East Lebatuck since it's the kind of nation that will try to spread socialism.
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

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West Barack and East Obama
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Posts: 314
Founded: Apr 20, 2022
Psychotic Dictatorship

Postby West Barack and East Obama » Sat Jul 02, 2022 2:23 am

RedBrickLand wrote:Three Steps Ahead Of Socialist Revolt


What's this a reference to? I'd suggest the following titles: "Revolutionary Ideas" or "I Am the Insurrection".

Yesterday, the media leaked information to the public about the plans of the foreign nation of East Lebatuck to incite a socialist revolt in @@NAME@@ by spreading socialist propaganda to @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ workers, of which most already had existing socialist sympathies. Workers are now planning to soon revolt against what they perceive as capitalist oppression. A debate between your ministers has sparked up over how to stop the socialist revolution from occurring.


This description is a bit too long. How about: "It has been revealed that the communist nation East Lebatuck had been planning to incite a socialist revolt in @@NAME@@ by influencing its workers, many of whom already held existing socialist sympathies. Fearing an imminent revolution, your ministers have convened to try and stop this."

"Why don't we try appeasing to the demands of our workers?" questions Melville Chamberlain, your cowardly Minister of Appeasement, as he does a quick skim of a book titled Aristotle's Theory of Revolution. "If we do so, they won't have any reason to revolt. Let's empower the working force of our @@TYPE@@ and banish those who use their wealth to subjugate our workers. Afterwards, they'll think that they're no longer being oppressed, and they won't revolt. Unless, of course, if they think they're still being oppressed but I mean, when has appeasement ever failed us?" As he nervously smiles.

OUTCOME:
workers regularly threaten revolt in order to have the government meet their demands.


I think this option works better as the second option, with your current second option bumped up. Up to you though. I think this option can be a bit more concise, so try to rework this one.

Effect line suggestion: "revolutionary ideas get you very far in life", if you didn't use Revolutionary Ideas as the title.

OPTION 2a {The nation holds elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as @@HE_1@@ points a V sign finger at @@HIS_1@@ eyes, then at Melville Chamberlain. "We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crack down on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprising, arrest and interrogate any workers planning to revolt, ban socialist parties from entering the ballot. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of revolting."

OPTION 2b {The nation does not hold elections}
"That's exactly what a socialist would say!" shouts @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@, your paranoid Minister of Suppression, as @@HE_1@@ points a V sign finger at @@HIS_1@@ eyes, then at @@RANDOM_NAME_1@@."We need to stop this revolution from occurring, no matter the cost! Crackdown on all pro-socialist media, suppress all worker's uprising, arrest and interrogate all workers planning to revolt, ban all possible socialists from entering government positions. I don't care what you do, just do whatever you can to subdue... I mean pressure all of our workers! That way they won't even dare to think of revolting."

OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ workers whose favorite color is red are viewed with extreme suspicion.


This looks pretty good to me. I think you can change it from @@RANDOMNAME_1@@ to @@RANDOMFIRSTNAME@@ McCarthy, as a reference to Joseph McCarthy and McCarthyism. Also try and swap out the word 'revolt' and 'revolting' with synonyms so it isn't too repetitive.

Effect line suggestion: the government discourages anti-socialist sentiment by declaring that "commies are revolting"

OPTION 3
"Don't listen to that lunatic's fearmongering." whispers @@RANDOM_NAME@@, your Minister of Espionage, who is communicating through a hidden camera on your desk. "@@HE_1's just trying to get rid of @@HIS_1@@ political opponents. Why not instead prevent the revolution from the inside out? We can send covert spies to spy on not only @@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ socialists and workers but also the East Lebatuckese government. We'll be able to quickly stop any attempted revolt by our workers, spy on socialists, and cause civil unrest within East Lebatuck. We'll be like a deadly virus destroying them from within!" As you begin to hear chewing noises through the hidden camera.

OUTCOME:
@@DEMONYM_PLURAL@@ say that it's impossible to keep a secret when you're a socialist.


I like the characterisation here (not too sure what the chewing noises are, maybe clarify what he's chewing?), though I'm not sure about the content. I think you should cut out all the spying on workers and focus it on spying and subverting East Lebatuck instead, to make it less similar to Option 2. You should make it such that he says that the best solution is to try and cause a pro-capitalist coup in East Lebatuck instead through subterfuge.

Effect line suggestion: the secret service desperately looks out for red flags
Last edited by West Barack and East Obama on Sat Jul 02, 2022 2:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Official Account for the West Barack and East Obama Foreign Affairs Taskforce. Usually controlled by Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs Dr Justin Obama, with additional contributions where stated.

Ruled by His Royal Highness, Most Venerable, His Most Serene Presence (among others) President Barack Horatio Obama of the Obama Dynasty.

First team to play in the ODI World Trophy with a legally blind player #progressive

Only team to not be defeated by HUElavia in IAC 16

For some reason has a whole department dedicated to commenting on WA proposals despite not being part of it.

Allies: Lozho
Enemies: Anyone who dissents against us


she/her

Proud Esportivan and Forestian

im problematic :/

Not actually an Obama fan in real life

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RedBrickLand
Spokesperson
 
Posts: 125
Founded: Oct 14, 2021
Conservative Democracy

Postby RedBrickLand » Sat Jul 02, 2022 3:30 am

Thanks a lot for the feedback! I'll implement some changes based on your feedback. Well, as soon as I can. Thanks!
“One day the great European War will come out of some damned foolish thing in the Balkans.”
- Otto Von Redbrick, Our glorious leader

1. Winner of Issues Contest: Lucky Seven with "Killing In The Name Of Beer"
2. Lost Half of My Bank in 36 hours
3. Defeated Mikeswill in a bidding war

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