Submitted contest entry:
@@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ Still Footing the Bill
Validity: Socialism only, no Universal Healthcare
The Issue
Though @@NATION@@ stated ownership of the hammer and sickle by trading power to the people, it seems the proletariat have yet to seize all the means of production. Capitalizing on your office hours today, industrious workers, retirees and disabled monopolize your entire desk with a series of medical bills that forewarn a bankrupt economy, while each individual freely markets their confusion and stress until they are left red.
The Debate
1. Bumping into your bookshelf and apologizing to it, says Blane the Blind, “Even I can see that we need to make universal healthcare law despite already banning private enterprise! And we should fund it by shut-eyeing the unfocused bureaucracy that was too myopic to do something as obvious as that. If we saw more general practitioners and less civil servants, our national vision would be 20/20! Even if it darkens the streets a bit..."
outcome: optometrists will see citizens in seconds but health inspectors aren’t sighted for years.
2. Saluting you with a stump for an arm, says Veronica the Veteran, "Blane's only got the peripheral - I ain't got no quarrel with them pencil-pushers. But I lost a lot from combat. When a person is missing an arm, our people need to be missing an army. So let's gear up Operation Universal Healthcare, but with reserves from the military budget so that our taxes buy more medicine than missiles. Make love, not war! Regardless that some might get booted from their jobs..."
outcome: reflex hammers and sickle cell research are uniform comrades.
3. Twitching and stuttering your attention away from his surgery scar, says Brain the Brian-Damaged, "Th-they're right, heading u-universal healthcare is a no-brainer. But we sh-should do it by rethinking all the extra school s-subjects and unem-unemployment checks, because kids can't learn and a-adults can't work if they're unwell. Bodies first, then m-minds! Pay no a-attention to how much dumber we all might get th-though..."
outcome: the epileptic have seized the means, medians and modes of class production.
4. Hacking up phlegm while choking through words, says Ash the Asthmatic Architect, "Universal healthcare would be a relief, but hospitals and doctor's offices need (cough) room to breathe. The countryside has plenty of open space, trees and fields for construction crews, just inhale environmental funds and exhale red crosses (cough) instead. All that green might be turning patients blue! Who cares how much pollution this could (cough) belch?"
outcome: budding hospital branches stump eco-friendly arborists.
5. Not minding a massive emergency room balance, says Jim Brah the Gym Bro, "Homie, socialism strengthens our people, but universal healthcare won't. We need competition in the healthcare industry so we can eradicate diseases faster, dude! Instead, how about you boost our health in other ways, like bulking up gyms, public outdoor exercise areas and youth sports leagues? Brains and brawn, bro! So what if the disabled might struggle a bit more?”
outcome: the dying pray 'horsepower to the people' when running to the hospital.
6. Twirling his mustache and adjusting his top hat, says Rich Uncle @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, "Jim's only half-dollar, er half-right - I bet the only change we need is in our wallets! Universal healthcare - or any state industry - are liabilities for @@NATION@@. With as much business competition as possible, @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ will truly be able to make progress! Reinvest in private enterprise, and let freedom ring up! Who gives a buck about the poor and needy?"
outcome: state-ownership is terminal from a lump of gold in its breast pocket.
This is a draft of an issue designed to offer Socialist nations options to install the Universal Healthcare policy, maintain the status quo or abandon Socialism outright. Though there's at least one issue that could grant Socialist nations the Universal Healthcare policy, it seems as though having healthy citizens, mid-to-high public health spending, mixed or free-market economic freedoms and/or other statistical factors can sometimes render a Socialist nation unable to receive such issues at least for a very long time, so this issue would provide a solution to that admittedly esoteric, possibly non-existent problem!
I'd like to submit this for the contest, so all edits should be offered by 29 June, please and thank you!
Edits 1-5, 22:00 - 22:50 UTC -5 31 May: updated title tags, one minor word change to issue draft
Edits 6, 17:49 1 June: edited intro, added old draft
Edits 7 and 8, 23:47 5 June: edited OP and this note, lol
Edits 9-11, 21:47 9 June: removed effect lines and saved them in 'Draft 2,' corrected the grammar and timestamp in this log
Edits 12 and 13 21:16 15 June: replaced options 5 and 6 with a new option to maintain status quo (+ minor word edit after the fact), and updated OP to reflect that; also inserted a transition from 5 into the final option
Edit 14 11:49 28 June: placed this draft on last call
Edit 15 01:09 29 June: did line-by-line edit to ease up on the puns and giddy up on the clarity
Edit 16 00:53 30 June: did another line-by-line edit and made some trims in the second and fifth options
Edits 17 and 18 01:04-5 30 June: edited the last call timeframe and title to reflect it
Edit 19 12:38 30 June: edited the last call timeframe and title to reflect it
Edit 20 18:12 30 June: made one final word change, preparing to submit
Edit 21 18:22 30 June: submitted!
Edit 22 21:16 30 June: removed last call, updated to reflect final draft
Edit 23 11:49 19 July: reopened drafting stage
Edit 24 13:10 19 July: clarified reopening