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[DRAFT] Embarrassing Police Chase

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Socialist Ancomistan
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Founded: Oct 30, 2021
Liberal Democratic Socialists

[DRAFT] Embarrassing Police Chase

Postby Socialist Ancomistan » Wed May 25, 2022 12:45 pm

This is my first issue draft! Just looking for opinions on how this would work as a potential issue, or how it could be changed

Issue: Notorious criminal @Random Name@ successfully burgled the home of an old lady, stealing 15,000 @Currency@ worth of jewelry and a flat screen T.V. What should have been an easy win for law and order turned into an embarrassing police chase as criminal @Random Name@ outran @Nation Name's@ police force.

Valid only for nations with high Obesity rate and low gov't money spent towards Law Enforcement

Choice 1: "It's pretty clear that our police force need to lose a few extra pounds," claims chief of police @Random Name@. Otherwise, the news of our criminal justice system's incompetence will be known by every criminal across the nation. We need a mandated health test for all new police recruits, stat!

Fallout: Volunteers give out carrot sticks and apples to the police station instead of donuts

Choice 2: "Not going far enough!" yells the old lady who's home was burgled. We need to make our police force the most fit crime fighters throughout @Region Name@. Exercise requirements, disease tests, calorie counts, anabolic steroids, I don't care. I just want my jewelry back!

Fallout: @Nation Name's@ police academies resemble military academies

Choice 3: "So what if I have a few extra love handles?" claims police officer @Random Name@. I've been chasing criminals for nearly 10 years, and I am now getting clowned on because of one extra speedy burglar? Our nation should develop stun guns so the police can stop any criminal dead within it's tracks, no matter how young, old, thin, or fat we happen to be. All it takes is a lot of extra tax dollars. Uh, I mean just a few extra tax dollars.

Fallout: Criminals run in zigzag patterns to avoid getting hit by @Nation Name's@ stun guns
Last edited by Socialist Ancomistan on Wed May 25, 2022 1:15 pm, edited 11 times in total.
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Kiddian States
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Kiddian States » Wed May 25, 2022 1:10 pm

Hi, great first draft!
It should be noted that macros use @@__@@ and not [_] (the instructions on the when you go to write an issue aren’t updated)
Also, maybe include low law enforcement in the validity section, since good law enforcement programs would probably have a fitness standard
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Ko-oren
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Ko-oren » Tue May 31, 2022 3:03 pm

Seeing as the last edit is after the feedback above: here's a list of macros for better formatting.

Not sure if a stereotypical fat cop is the one to break out the 'getting clowned on' line.

I like the humour in the fallout lines, maybe those can be hinted at in the options themselves (but that's a personal preference).
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Socialist Ancomistan
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Liberal Democratic Socialists

Postby Socialist Ancomistan » Sun Jun 19, 2022 10:45 pm

I guess the fallout could be hinted at. Since stun guns are pretty normal for a police force, I might edit option 3 to advocate for more "high tech" stun guns
I'd say this nation is about 85-90% representative to my beliefs

About the only difference between my nation and beliefs is that free markets are effective in a select few situations, and the compulsory organ harvesting is kind of screwed up

I'm probably in the minority, but I actually pay more attention to in game stats than to roleplay

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Candensia
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Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Mon Jun 20, 2022 9:50 am

Good effort for a first draft.

Title suggestion: Five-O Too Slow

Let's take a look at the introduction.

Issue: Notorious criminal @Random Name@ successfully burgled the home of an old lady, stealing 15,000 @Currency@ worth of jewelry and a flat screen T.V. What should have been an easy win for law and order turned into an embarrassing police chase as criminal @Random Name@ outran @Nation Name's@ police force.


It's best not to specify an amount of currency when explaining the "worth" of things in issues. 15,000 @@CURRENCY@@ could be a large amount or practically nothing at all depending on the views of the player. If I were editing the issue, I'd probably put the second sentence first, as it explains the situation adequately without unnecessary exposition.

Something like:

What should have been an easy arrest for @@CAPITAL@@ police turned into an embarrassing foot pursuit as career burglar @@RANDOMNAME@@ - encumbered by @@HIS@@ own weight in stolen valuables - still managed to outrun the law for hours before being restrained by an elderly bystander.


I think option 2 is weak and insufficiently distinct from option 1. Surely you can come up with a way to resolve the issue that is distinct from both option 1 and option 3? Maybe street cops don't need to be healthier, but they should be given bikes or segways in order to go faster? Maybe beef up surveillance, so police can track thugs post-getaway?

The options are a bit thin as well. I'd add at least one line in options 1 and 2. While preferences differ according to the writer, I tend to aim for around 3 lines per option in three option issues.
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Australian rePublic
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Moralistic Democracy

Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jun 26, 2022 12:43 am

Not enough difference between options 1 and 2
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