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[PASSED] Commend Bran Astor

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Varanius
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Founded: Sep 18, 2019
Democratic Socialists

[PASSED] Commend Bran Astor

Postby Varanius » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:24 pm

Hey there all! So, the proposal is now within the character limit. Still, any suggestions are appreciated!

Draft 5:

The Security Council,

Recognizing the nation of Bran Astor as a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP) and their own region of The Sasquatch Republic (TSR), largely constructing the current culture and foreign affairs infrastructure of both regions;

Applauding Bran Astor’s undeniably impressive work for TWP’s Regional Message Board (RMB), which included both the revival of the Regional Guides, a program which was brought about to increase activity and spearhead interactions with newer nations, and Today in the West, an RMB project updating TWP’s RMB daily with holidays, regional ongoings, and celebrations, later also adding Thank You Thursday and Haikuesday, which allowed nations to express their gratitude and creativity;

Noting Bran Astor’s creation of TWP’s nation simulation program, a program they continue to maintain to this day by managing the program’s application process, continuously updating the initiative’s map, and encouraging participant engagement, which has allowed the nation simulation community to grow and evolve into something genuinely entertaining for all involved;

Astonished by the grand enrichment of TWP culture Bran Astor has cultivated, championing such programs as:
  • TWPride Month, a yearly event in which the region celebrates the history of their LGBTQ+ community, and offers its support to the many LGBTQ+ citizens of the West,
  • The Casserole of Humanity, where nations are provided the opportunity to “support” teams by changing national pretitles and flags and participating in RMB events, ultimately culminating in one team declaring victory over the others, creating an enjoyable and friendly competition nations can participate in,
  • OcTWPerfest, a month long activity where participants can request pumpkin-themed art and participate in card contests, along with other exciting activities, and
  • Midwinter Shenanigans, a regional celebration involving events such as a Secret Santa, Reindeer Death Match, Ugly Sweater Week, and more;
Lauding their revival of The Western Post through the recruitment of additional writers, allowing The Western Post to flourish into one of the highest quality monthly papers in the multiverse, regularly publishing updates on regional events, satirical articles, and comics;

Impressed by the cultural expertise demonstrated by Bran Astor in their dedication to strengthening bonds between regions through festivals and celebrations of community developed largely or entirely by their hand, in particular the organizing and designing of Burning Marsupial, a festival of art and camaraderie which includes extremely high-quality graphics, and the Festival of the Perfections, a colossal celebration of art, poetry, and literature which serves as a unique homage to creativity rarely seen in the universe;

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific, along with their development of the apprenticeship system which has guided the University’s applicants to becoming successful members of TWP, their administration of the cultural segments of said university, and later their chancellorship of the institution, all of which improved the quality of education provided;

Admiring Bran Astor's dedication to TWP's foreign affairs, solidifying bonds with allies old and new through treaties with:
  • The Pacific, which carried on the legacy of the The Holy Principality of Saint Mark by greatly enhancing a long-time friendship and cooperation between the two regions through the drafting of a treaty,
  • Karma, which championed an informal style of drafting treaties and began an emphasis on accessibility and true friendship in the foreign affairs sector of TWP, allowing new nations to get involved and new foreign relations to grow increasingly friendly.
Praising Bran Astor's contributions to TSR through their satellite state Illahee, founding what has come to be a vibrant community of friendship and camaraderie; a feat that was only possible through Bran's organization of such activities as:
  • Country Fair, a festival including recipe suggestions, photography and art competitions, and a rodeo sporting event,
  • Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams, design flags, and compete in regional sporting competition
  • Regional Tartan, where participating nations create their own patterned tartans for submission with a winner decided by an impartial judge from another universe, and
  • Regional Quilt, an activity in which participating nations select from a variety of available patterns, with all selections ultimately combined to form a large quilt - signifying the unity and diversity of TSR;
Truly inspired by Bran Astor's unique and innovative impact on regional culture and foreign affairs, a footprint that can be seen all throughout the lands of TWP and TSR;
Hereby Commends Bran Astor.

Coauthored by Dilber, Xoriet, and Hulldom

The Security Council,

Recognizing the nation of Bran Astor as a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP) and their own region of The Sasquatch Republic (TSR), largely constructing the current culture and foreign affairs infrastructure of both regions;

Applauding Bran Astor’s undeniably impressive work for TWP’s Regional Message Board (RMB), which included both the revival of the Regional Guides, a program which was brought about to increase activity and spearhead interactions with newer nations, and Today in the West, an RMB project updating TWP’s RMB daily with holidays, regional ongoings, and celebrations, later also adding Thank You Thursday and Haikuesday, which allowed nations to express their gratitude and creativity;

Noting Bran Astor’s creation of TWP’s nation simulation program, a program they continue to maintain to this day by managing the program’s application process, continuously updating the initiative’s map, and encouraging participant engagement, which has allowed the nation simulation community to grow and evolve into something genuinely entertaining for all involved;

Astonished by the grand enrichment of TWP culture Bran Astor has cultivated, championing such programs as:
  • TWPride Month, a yearly event in which the region celebrates the history of their LGBTQ+ community, and offers its support to the many LGBTQ+ citizens of the West,
  • The Casserole of Humanity, where nations are provided the opportunity to “support” teams by changing national pretitles and flags and participating in RMB events, ultimately culminating in one team declaring victory over the others, creating an enjoyable and friendly competition nations can participate in,
  • OcTWPerfest, a month long activity where participants can request pumpkin-themed art and participate in card contests, along with other exciting activities, and
  • Midwinter Shenanigans, a regional celebration involving events such as a Secret Santa, Reindeer Death Match, Ugly Sweater Week, and more;
Lauding their revival of The Western Post through the recruitment of additional writers, allowing The Western Post to flourish into one of the highest quality monthly papers in the multiverse, regularly publishing updates on regional events, satirical articles, and comics;

Impressed by the cultural expertise demonstrated by Bran Astor in their dedication to strengthening bonds between regions through festivals and celebrations of community developed largely or entirely by their hand, in particular the organizing and designing of Burning Marsupial, a festival of art and camaraderie which includes extremely high-quality graphics, and the Festival of the Perfections, a colossal celebration of art, poetry, and literature which serves as a unique homage to creativity rarely seen in the universe;

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific, along with his development of the apprenticeship system which has guided the University’s applicants to becoming successful members of TWP, Bran’s administration of the cultural segments of said university and later chancellorship of the institution they founded, both of which improved the quality of education provided;

Admiring Bran Astor's dedication to TWP's foreign affairs, solidifying bonds with allies old and new through treaties with:
  • The Pacific, which carried on the legacy of the The Holy Principality of Saint Mark by drafting a treaty that greatly enhanced a long-time friendship and cooperation between the two regions,
  • Karma, which championed an informal style of drafting treaties and began an emphasis on accessibility and true friendship in the foreign affairs sector of TWP, allowing new nations to get involved and new foreign relations to grow increasingly friendly.
Praising Bran Astor's contributions to TSR through their satellite state Illahee, founding what has come to be a vibrant community of friendship and camaraderie; a feat that was only possible through Bran's organization of such activities as:
  • Country Fair, a festival where recipe suggestions, photography and art competitions, and a rodeo sporting event,
  • Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams, design flags, and compete in regional sporting competition
  • Regional Tartan, where participating nations create their own patterned tartans for submission with a winner decided by an impartial judge from another universe, and
  • Regional Quilt, an activity in which participating nations select from a variety of available patterns, with all selections ultimately combined to form a large quilt - signifying the unity and diversity of TSR;
Truly inspired by Bran Astor's unique and innovative impact on regional culture and foreign affairs, a footprint that can be seen all throughout the lands of TWP and TSR;
Hereby Commends Bran Astor.

Coauthored by Dilber, Xoriet, and Hulldom

The Security Council,

Recognizing that the nation of Bran Astor has been a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP) as well as their own region of The Sasquatch Republic (TSR) and has largely constructed the current cultural and foreign affairs infrastructure of both regions,

Applauding Bran Astor’s revival of the Regional Guides Program, and creation of “Today in the West”, the latter of which included increased Regional Message Board (RMB) activity by providing TWP’s RMB with daily updates on regional activities, holidays, and celebrations, including Haikuesday and Thank You Thursday, both of which ultimately played an undeniable role in shaping TWP’s unique RMB culture;

Noting Bran Astor’s creation of TWP’s nation simulation program in 2017, and revival in 2019, a program which they continues to maintain to this day by managing the program’s application process, continuously updating the initiative’s map, and encouraging participant engagement;

Astonished by Bran Astor’s other cultural contributions to TWP, and how the consistency in which they were done, along with the dedication they display, allowing these contributions to become integral to TWP’s culture, and includes:
  • TWPride Month, a month long event in which the region celebrates the history of the region’s LGBTQ+ community, thereby offering support to LGBTQ+ citizens of the West,
  • The Casserole of Humanity, where nations have the option to support various teams and earn points for their team by actively engaging with the region and dressing up their nation,
  • OcTWPerfest, a month long activity where participants can request pumpkin-themed art and participate in card contests, along with other captivating activities,
  • Midwinter Shenanigans, a regional celebration involving events such as a Secret Santa, Reindeer Death Match, Ugly Sweater Week, and more, and
  • The revival of The Western Post through the active recruitment of additional writers, which allowed The Western Post to flourish and prosper into one of the highest quality monthly publications in the multiverse, with consistent updates on regional events, comics, and satirical articles;
Impressed by the cultural expertise demonstrated by Bran Astor in their dedication to strengthening bonds between regions through festivals and celebrations of community developed largely or entirely by their hand, the encompassing creative direction and often single-handed visual design of events are typified by the prominent annual events of Burning Marsupial, a bohemian celebration of art and camaraderie featuring unique high-concept graphical visions, and Festival of the Perfections, the long-standing exposition event where states display their cultures through art, poetry, and literature;

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific, along with his development of the apprenticeship system, their administration of the cultural segments of said university, and their later chancellorship of the institution they founded;

Admiring Bran Astor’s improvement of TWP’s foreign affairs, both solidifying historic bonds and setting new trends which became the norm in TWP foreign affairs through the development of treaties with;
  • The Pacific, continuing the legacy of the Holy Principality of Saint Mark by leading the draft of a treaty that ultimately lead to an increase in cultural and World Assembly cooperation, solidifying the bond between these historically friendly regions, and
  • Karma, with the treaty’s informal style starting a legacy of “casual” TWP treaties, a trend which promoted an emphasis on accessibility, and made foreign affairs more accessible to new nations and allowing these relationships to prosper into true friendships rather than merely strategic decisions;
Praising Bran Astor’s work through their satellite state Illahee in founding TSR, a vibrant community full of friendship and camaraderie and organizing regional activities such as:
  • TSR’s Country Fair, a festival where nations can enter activities such as a rodeo featuring themed poetic and artistic competitions,
  • TSR Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams, design flags, and compete in regional sporting competition,
  • TSR’s Friendship Tartan, where participating nations create their own patterned tartans for submission with a winner decided by an impartial judge from another universe, and
  • TSR’s Regional Quilt, an activity in which participating nations select from a variety of available patterns, with all selections ultimately combined to form a large quilt - signifying the unity and diversity of TSR;
Inspired by Bran Astor’s cultural expertise and innovative approach to foreign affairs alongside the degree of effort they have dedicated both in The West Pacific the region they themselves founded;
Hereby Commends Bran Astor.


The Security Council,

Realizing that the nation of Bran Astor has been a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP) as well as their own region of The Sasquatch Republic (TSR) and has largely constructed the current cultural and foreign affairs infrastructure of TWP;

Applauding Bran Astor’s development of Today in the West in 2018, an ongoing program to encourage Regional Message Board (RMB) activity by providing TWP’s RMB with daily updates on regional activities, holidays, and celebrations, including Haikuesday and Thank You Thursday, partially through the revival of the Regional Guides Program, this has ultimately played an undeniable role in shaping TWP’s RMB culture to become one of the most unique in the multiverse;

Noting Bran Astor’s creation of TWP’s nation simulation program, a program which he continues to maintain and oversee to this day, including by deciding who is and is not eligible, continuously updating the map for said simulation, and encouraging participants to be more engaged;

Astonished at Bran Astor’s other cultural contributions to TWP, among which are:
  • TWPride Month, a month long event in which the region honors and celebrates the history of the region’s LGBTQ+ community, offering support to LGBTQ+ citizens of the West,
  • The Casserole of Humanity, where nations have the option to support various teams and earn points for their team by actively engaging with the region and dressing up their nation,
  • OcTWPerfest, a month long activity where participants can request pumpkin-themed art and participate in card contests, along with other captivating activities,
  • Midwinter Shenanigans, a regional celebration involving events such as a Secret Santa, Reindeer Death Match, Ugly Sweater Week, and more, and
  • The revival of The Western Post through the active recruitment of additional writers, which allowed The Western Post to flourish and prosper into one of the highest quality monthly publications in the multiverse, with consistent updates on regional events, comics, and satirical articles;

Impressed by the cultural expertise demonstrated by Bran Astor in their dedication to strengthening bonds between regions through festivals and celebrations of community developed largely or entirely by their hand, the encompassing creative direction and often single-handed visual design of events are typified by the prominent annual events of: Burning Marsupial, a bohemian celebration of art and camaraderie featuring unique high-concept graphical visions, and Festival of the Perfections, the long-standing exposition event where states display their cultures through art, poetry, and literature;

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific, where new students are taught about the World Assembly, foreign affairs, and international warfare, thereby cultivating generations of informed and educated Westerners;

Admiring Bran Astor’s improvement of TWP’s foreign affairs through the development of treaties with:
  • The Pacific, continuing the legacy of the Holy Principality of Saint Mark and ultimately leading to an increase in cultural and World Assembly cooperation, solidifying the bond between these historically friendly regions, and
  • Karma, with the treaty’s informal style starting a legacy of “casual” TWP treaties, a trend which promoted an emphasis on cultural ties and accessibility , making foreign affairs more accessible to new nations and allowing these relationships to prosper into true friendships rather than merely strategic decisions;

Praising Bran Astor’s work through their satellite state Illahee in founding TSR, a vibrant community where they celebrate with friends and companions, and organize activities such as:
  • TSR’s Country Fair, a festival where nations can enter activities such as a rodeo featuring themed poetic and artistic competitions,
  • TSR Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams, design flags, and compete in regional sporting competition,
  • TSR’s Friendship Tartan, where participating nations create their own patterned tartans for submission with a winner decided by an impartial judge from another universe, and
  • TSR’s Regional Quilt, an activity in which participating nations select from a variety of available patterns which are all combined in the end to form a large quilt, signifying both the diversity and unity of the community;

Inspired by Bran Astor’s cultural expertise and innovative approach to foreign affairs alongside the degree of effort they have dedicated both in The West Pacific the region they themselves founded;

Hereby Commends Bran Astor.


The Security Council,

Realizing that the nation of Bran Astor has been a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP) as well as the world at large and has largely constructed the current cultural and foreign affairs infrastructure of TWP,

Applauding Bran Astor’s development of Today in the West in 2018, a program to encourage Regional Message Board (RMB) activity by providing TWP’s RMB with daily updates on regional activities, holidays, and celebrations, including Haikuesday and Thank You Thursday, partially through the revival of the Regional Guides Program,

Noting Bran Astor’s creation of TWP’s nation simulation program and its map, thereby encouraging nations to engage creatively in areas such as sports and politics, as well as developing maps for the nation simulation programs of Lazarus, Gay, and The Land of Kings and Emperors, as well as guiding Balder through creating their own map,

Astonished at Bran Astor’s other cultural contributions to TWP, among which are:
  • TWPride Month, a month long event in which the region honors and celebrates the history of the LGBTQ+ community of TWP, offering support to LGBTQ+ citizens of the West,
  • The Casserole of Humanity, where nations have the option to support various teams, and earn points for their team by actively engaging with the region and dressing up their nation,
  • OcTWPerfest, a month long activity where participants can request pumpkin themed art and participate in card contests, along with other captivating activities,
  • Midwinter Shenanigans, a regional celebration involving events such as a Secret Santa, Reindeer Death Match, Ugly Sweater Week, and more,
  • The revival of The Western Post through the active recruitment of additional writers, which allowed The Western Post to flourish and prosper into one of the best monthly publications in the multiverse,

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific (UTWP), where new students are taught about the World Assembly, foreign affairs, and military gameplay, thereby cultivating generations of informed and educated TWPers,

Respecting the insight Bran Astor displayed in the mentorship and elevation of Giovanniland to the role of Guardian due to their contributions to the International Artwork and region guides programmes, with Giovanniland later going on to serve as Delegate of The West Pacific,

Admiring Bran Astor’s improvement of TWP’s foreign affairs, through the development of treaties with:
  • The Pacific, continuing the legacy of the Holy Principality of Saint Mark, by conducting diplomatic outreach and negotiations, ultimately bringing the two regions closer together, leading to an increase in cultural and World Assembly cooperation, solidifying the bond between these historically friendly regions,
  • Karma, a treaty which focused on the cultural aspect of the relationship, with the treaty’s informal style starting a legacy of “casual” TWP treaties; thereby promoting an emphasis on cultural ties and easy to understand writing styles, making foreign affairs more accessible to new nations and allowing these relationships to prosper into true friendships rather than merely strategic decisions.

Impressed by the dedication Bran Astor has shown in using their cultural expertise to strengthen the bonds between The West Pacific and other regions, single-handedly designing the majority of the art and graphics for various cultural activities they organize, such as:
  • The Festival of the Perfections, arguably the most notable and significant festival hosted by TWP, dedicated to art, poetry, and literature, while also allowing participating states to display their cultures,
  • Burning Marsupial, a festival of friendship and camaraderie which also included venues to share and explore art, writing, and music,
  • West-Osi High School Prom, a prom themed festival with the aim of celebrating the West Pacific’s historically close relationship with Osiris, and
  • OWL-20, a space themed festival with Lazarus and Osiris, a celebration of knowledge sharing and art,

Acknowledging that Bran Astor also significantly advanced the cultural prowess of The East Pacific while Minister of Culture under Xoriet, by facilitating organized activities such as game nights and regional events which was quite popular,

Praising Bran Astor’s work through their satellite state Illahee in founding The Sasquatch Republic (TSR), a vibrant community where they celebrate with friends and companions, and organize activities such as:
  • TSR’s Country Fair, a festival where nations can enter activities such as a rodeo, featuring themed poetic and artistic competitions, and
  • TSR Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams to design flags and other competitive events,
  • TSR’s Friendship Tartan, where participating nations select their own patterns that are all combined at the end to form a colorful tartan,
[/list][/list]

Inspired by Bran Astor’s cultural expertise and innovative approach to foreign affairs; alongside the degree of effort they have dedicated both in The West Pacific and abroad.

Hereby Commends Bran Astor

Coauthored by Dilber, Xoriet, and Hulldom
Last edited by Goobergunchia on Sat Jun 04, 2022 9:41 am, edited 20 times in total.
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The King Isle
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Postby The King Isle » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:26 pm

Full support!
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:35 pm

Looks pretty good Vara - always knew you had a decent draft in you. :)
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Wymondham
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Postby Wymondham » Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:39 pm

Full support on this, a commendable nominee, and I must say that I am pleasantly surprised with the writing, SPAG, and flow of the draft.
Last edited by Wymondham on Mon Apr 25, 2022 1:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Twertis
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Postby Twertis » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:00 pm

Is it just me or do recent proposals have more and more co-authors?

Anyways, it seems pretty ok, and I really like that people are starting to incorporate things like introductions and conclusions in drafts. However, it also strikes me as giving a run-down of a bunch of smaller things with nothing really standing out. In other words, the structure is off.

Your draft has a clause about cultural events early on (the "Astonished" clause), and gives some examples to support that. It then has a slightly-different clause about culture later on ("Impressed"), and two more different ones ("Acknowledging", "Praising"). These clauses are ultimately the same, though. Breaking them up in this manner feels scattered and dull, and does not guide the reader through your points in a fluid manner. If you were writing an essay, you wouldn't split up paragraphs like this, would you?

This is especially important because your second and third clauses do not list very impressive accomplishments. That doesn't set the correct tone.

My advice would be to select major aspects that define Bran Astor (according to your commendation): his cultural contributions, FA prowess, and founding of TSR. Then section your draft according to those patterns (not necessarily one clause each ofc!).

I just glanced at some of the recent proposals, and I think that "Commend Ambrella" might have a structure that works for this. It starts by giving an overview of the points to be made (clause 1), introduces Ambrella as having been instrumental to the success of Europeia with some concrete example (clauses 2-3), transitions to cultural work with another concrete example (clause 4), emphasizes the key point — his media efforts — with some really strong examples that make up the majority of the draft (clause 5-7), then tacks on some extra points (Caprecia, legislation) and wraps up. I really like this (certainly better than what I write!), and think it templates pretty cleanly with yours: General work in TWP / FA skill ==> bulk of the draft about culture ==> wrap up.




My second suggestion is to emphasize (i.e. put more words into) the accomplishments that are more likely to hook, surprise, or impress readers. For example, reviving the Western Post is very impressive. Speaking from experience, getting people interested in media is hard, and TWP's newspaper is pretty active. Additionally, starting a region is really hard, and everyone knows that. Anything substantial with FA is probably going to score you some points at vote too.

On the other hand, I don't think many people are going to remember the "Burning Marsupial" or "TSR Curling" events in a few years. You can still have these in your draft, but seeing as your above the letter cap, I don't think they're necessary. And I always felt that — traditionally — mentorship clauses like the one with Giovanniland were space fillers. Maybe you could consolidate that one with the "Enthralled" clause into an overarching mentorship clause that might highlight Bran's generosity or experience or whatever.




Lastly, you need a period. Resolutions are sentences: "The Security Council hereby commends Bran Astor.", "The Security Council, knowing [smack], hereby commends Bran Astor.", etc.

I don't really know Bran or anything about him — all I remember about him is he called me a hack on discord once and some of my friends circulated that around. Regardless, I think I might vote for this proposal, at least if you take my suggestions and structure your draft to build towards proving a thesis.
Last edited by Twertis on Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Postby Tinhampton » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:06 pm

Varanius wrote:Hey there all! So, the proposal is a little above the letter cap, but yes...

An attempt - as far as I'm concerned, this draft cuts your proposal from about 5,400 to about 4,600 without losing any of the events your original draft refers to:
The Security Council,

Realizing that the nation of Bran Astor has been a longtime contributor to The West Pacific (TWP), whose cultural and diplomatic infrastructure they have largely constructed, as well as the world at large,

Applauding Bran Astor’s development of Today in the West in 2018, through which they have informed TWP’s residents about regional activities, holidays and celebrations (such as Haikuesday and Thank You Thursday) every day via its Regional Message Board,

Noting that cartographers from Bran Astor have carefully drawn out the regional maps not only of TWP - which has allowed its member nations to creatively cooperate on matters as diverse as sports and politics - but also of Lazarus, Gay, and The Land of Kings and Emperors, as well as supporting adventurers from Balder in mapping their home region,

Astonished at Bran Astor’s other cultural contributions to TWP, including:
  • TWPride Month, a month long event where TWP honors, celebrates, and offers support to its LGBTQ+ community,
  • The Casserole of Humanity, where nations have the option to support various teams, and earn points for their team by actively engaging with the region and dressing up their nation,
  • OcTWPerfest, a month long activity where participants can request pumpkin themed art, enter card raffles, and partake in other captivating activities,
  • Midwinter Shenanigans, a regional celebration involving events such as a Secret Santa, Reindeer Death Match, Ugly Sweater Week, and more, and
  • Their active recruitment of journalists to The Western Post, efforts which have led it to become one of the best and most prosperous monthly publications in the multiverse,

Enthralled by Bran Astor’s establishment of the University of The West Pacific, where generations of fresh students have been turned into informed and educated TWPers by thorough education about the World Assembly, foreign affairs, and international warfare,

Respecting the insight Bran Astor displayed in the mentorship and elevation of current TWP Delegate Giovanniland to the role of Guardian due to their work in collecting international artwork and educating new TWPers about their region,

Admiring Bran Astor’s successful negotiation of treaties on TWP’s behalf with The Pacific (continuing the legacy of the Holy Principality of Saint Mark in improving relations with its government) and Karma, both of which emphasised cultural partnerships and WA co-operation between TWP and each region, and TWP’s treaty with Karma in particular pioneering TWP’s now-iconic style of accessible, "casual" treaties,

Impressed by Bran Astor's dedication to strengthening TWP's bonds with other regions in practice, organizing (and often single-handedly designing most of the graphics used for) such festivals as:
  • The Festival of the Perfections, arguably the most famous of TWP’s festivals, dedicated to art, poetry, and literature with a hint of national culture,
  • Burning Marsupial, a festival of friendship and camaraderie which also provides space for national delegates to unleash their creative side,
  • West Osi High School Prom, a prom-themed festival with the aim of celebrating TWP’s historically close relationship with Osiris, and
  • OWL-20, a space themed festival of knowledge-sharing and art organized with Lazarus and Osiris,

Celebrating Bran Astor’s achievements as The East Pacific’s Minister of Culture under Xoriet, including their facilitation of popular organized activities such as game nights and regional events,

Praising the work of Bran Astor’s satellite state Illahee in founding The Sasquatch Republic (TSR), a vibrant community where they celebrate with friends and companions, and organize activities such as:
  • TSR’s Country Fair, a festival where nations can enter activities such as a rodeo, as well as thematic poetry and art competitions,
  • TSR Curling, a sports competition where nations submit teams to design flags and other competitive events, and
  • TSR’s Friendship Tartan, where participating nations design novel tartans which are ultimately mixed to create the eponymous Friendship Tartan, and

Inspired by Bran Astor’s cultural expertise, innovative approach to foreign affairs, and immense contributions both within and beyond TWP,

Hereby Commends Bran Astor.

Co-authors: Dilber, Xoriet, Hulldom

Other thoughts:
  • At the very least, cut out the "UTWP" (it's an acronym you never use again) and find a synonym for "military gameplay" (rules violation).
  • I, in particular, find the description of roleplay as a "nation simulation program" to be... icky. We're implying that the nations people create on page=create_nation aren't nations? And you call Bran Astor a nation!
  • The clauses on TEP and (especially) TSR deserve to be fleshed out. Likewise, some of these things barely approach commendability (I've never heard of OWL-20 before and suspect it was a one-off festival; your descriptions of many of Bran Astor's festivals are exceptionally vague). A good resolution is a Chicago-style deep dish, not a wafer-thin base :P
  • You've probably worked this out by now but I vehemently disagree with Wym's analysis. Put "simply," the current draft has all the dryness of a Geoff Boycott innings with all the madcap variability of a Kevin Pietersen innings. These are not good qualities and a great deal of consolidation is needed before this can be ready to be submitted. I support a Commendation for Bran Astor in principle, but what you have (and, for that matter, what I have) just doesn't show that.
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Twertis
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Postby Twertis » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:08 pm

I wholeheartedly agree with Tin.

Perhaps "military gameplay" => "military strategy", "military competition" or just "war".

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:19 pm

Ignore Tinhampton’s cricket analogies - it’s obvious from what they’ve written that they know nothing about the game.
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Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

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Twertis
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Postby Twertis » Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:35 pm

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Ignore Tinhampton’s cricket analogies - it’s obvious from what they’ve written that they know nothing about the game.

What does cricket mean, BBD?

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Praeceps
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Postby Praeceps » Mon Apr 25, 2022 3:13 pm

Twertis wrote:
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:Ignore Tinhampton’s cricket analogies - it’s obvious from what they’ve written that they know nothing about the game.

What does cricket mean, BBD?

It's a sport: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cricket
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Wymondham
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Postby Wymondham » Mon Apr 25, 2022 3:25 pm

To briefly draw a veil over Tin's contrived cacophony of a cricket analogy and the vague yet sweeping aspersions of questionable probative value that were cast therein. I do concur that there is potentially a question to be asked regarding the mention of a "nation simulation program", however I wish to confine my commentary as to whether the aforementioned phrase has the potential to inadvertently fall afoul of rule 2a?

Should that prove to be the case, I do want to apologise to Vara for perniciously causing him such pericombobulation on this matter by not catching it when I looked over an earlier draft.
Last edited by Wymondham on Mon Apr 25, 2022 3:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Twertis
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Postby Twertis » Mon Apr 25, 2022 5:04 pm

Praeceps wrote:
Twertis wrote:What does cricket mean, BBD?

It's a sport: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cricket

:blink: I thought she was talking about baseball. I've heard of the sport, but thought that BBD was using one of his classic British colloquialisms.

Wymondham wrote:To briefly draw a veil over Tin's contrived cacophony of a cricket analogy and the vague yet sweeping aspersions of questionable probative value that were cast therein. I do concur that there is potentially a question to be asked regarding the mention of a "nation simulation program", however I wish to confine my commentary as to whether the aforementioned phrase has the potential to inadvertently fall afoul of rule 2a?

Should that prove to be the case, I do want to apologise to Vara for perniciously causing him such pericombobulation on this matter by not catching it when I looked over an earlier draft.


You're not usually so sarcastic.

I really don't see how it would be a rule 2a violation. Polsims exist in the real world (and more advanced simulations; e.g. military programs like DART or those that model the spread of a virus). He's referencing a polsim within NationStates.

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Anne of Cleves in TNP
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Postby Anne of Cleves in TNP » Tue Apr 26, 2022 3:57 am

“Ambassador, this is great, but I would suggest removing the parts about the Casserole of Humanity, OWL-20, Burning Marsupial, and TSR. TSR is not a major region so it is insignificant, and the 3 cultural event examples that I suggest to remove do not celebrate major holidays, interregional friendships, or an undermined community (all of which refer to the other examples in this proposal), and are thus irrelevant. Other than that, the Clevesian people will support this proposal!”
-Ms. Charlotte Schafer, WA Ambassador for the Clevesian Empire
Last edited by Anne of Cleves in TNP on Tue Apr 26, 2022 5:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Team Leo
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Postby Team Leo » Tue Apr 26, 2022 6:19 am

Oh hell naw. Bruh you wanna draft a proposal, draft like me Vara and you will succeed.

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TheMothman
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Postby TheMothman » Tue Apr 26, 2022 6:58 am

Don't forget Bran's Design work on the NS Wintertime/Christmas Charity Fundraiser! ^_^

Super excited to support this!

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Xoriet
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Postby Xoriet » Tue Apr 26, 2022 8:32 am

TheMothman wrote:Don't forget Bran's Design work on the NS Wintertime/Christmas Charity Fundraiser! ^_^

Super excited to support this!

The NSCCF isn't able to be mentioned in proposals as it deals almost exclusively with IRL things and was intended to raise money for charities. It's why it couldn't be mentioned in Aynia's and if Wym was ever up for a badge, it couldn't be mentioned for him, either. While it theoretically could be referred to in a very obscure manner, the founders and organizers consider it an event that doesn't fall into IC areas. Also, there's always the issue of how much the mods would like that given the nature of it. All in all, it's a great event but I'm not sure its mention would go in the spirit of the event.
Last edited by Xoriet on Tue Apr 26, 2022 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Dilber
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Postby Dilber » Tue Apr 26, 2022 8:50 am

I would argue that Casserole of Humanity, Burning Marsupial, and TSR are all extremely important, while Owl-20 is more supporting with the theme of highlighting art.

Burning Marsupial has run with a rotating group of regions, and will have it's 4th year. It's one of TWP's signature events, and one that many people look forward to. At times, its been open for anyone to join, so it's not even super limited.

Casserole of Humanity is a very important piece of TWP Gameside engagement, and also has been running for 3+ years. It's a yearly event that people in the region generally love, and has been developed over time.

TSR has it's own culture separate from other things, and has been involved in NSGP albeit at a smaller scale. TSR militia has been on numerous ops and delegate transitions, while not having that as it's primary focus. TSR is a region with it's own fantastic community and focus on arts / RP / culture. It holds numerous regional events that are open to friends to join.

If you look at the draft in total, one of the things that Bran is known for is effective community building, and all these points go towards that.

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Twertis
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Postby Twertis » Tue Apr 26, 2022 10:09 am

Dilber wrote:I would argue that Casserole of Humanity, Burning Marsupial, and TSR are all extremely important, while Owl-20 is more supporting with the theme of highlighting art.

Burning Marsupial has run with a rotating group of regions, and will have it's 4th year. It's one of TWP's signature events, and one that many people look forward to. At times, its been open for anyone to join, so it's not even super limited.

Casserole of Humanity is a very important piece of TWP Gameside engagement, and also has been running for 3+ years. It's a yearly event that people in the region generally love, and has been developed over time.

TSR has it's own culture separate from other things, and has been involved in NSGP albeit at a smaller scale. TSR militia has been on numerous ops and delegate transitions, while not having that as it's primary focus. TSR is a region with it's own fantastic community and focus on arts / RP / culture. It holds numerous regional events that are open to friends to join.

If you look at the draft in total, one of the things that Bran is known for is effective community building, and all these points go towards that.


What's ironic is all these convincing points you're making only appear in a very limited capacity in the draft itself.

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Varanius
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Postby Varanius » Wed Apr 27, 2022 8:29 am

Twertis wrote:Is it just me or do recent proposals have more and more co-authors?
Heh, caught me there.

Your draft has a clause about cultural events early on (the "Astonished" clause), and gives some examples to support that. It then has a slightly-different clause about culture later on ("Impressed"), and two more different ones ("Acknowledging", "Praising"). These clauses are ultimately the same, though. Breaking them up in this manner feels scattered and dull, and does not guide the reader through your points in a fluid manner. If you were writing an essay, you wouldn't split up paragraphs like this, would you?
Would you be fine keeping them separate clauses but ultimately in the same area? I would be a little worried about lists of that size so close together, but I’m not really sure there’s a way to have so much information in a non-list format. But if this isn’t a problem for you (or the viewers at home) then I’ll go ahead with it.

This is especially important because your second and third clauses do not list very impressive accomplishments. That doesn't set the correct tone.
I don’t really agree with this assessment. Perhaps it’s my fault as the author for not signaling the importance of this work, but I will do it here. TITW (Today in The West) has been a continuously running program for several years now. (Almost) every day, for the past 4 years, someone from TWP has posted an update on the RMB, informing RMBers of regional ongoings, upcoming events, and honestly just having fun. In particular, his addition of Haikuesday, along with the traditions of Punday Monday and Karaoke Friday, mean that TWP’s RMB has developed its own unique culture which was encouraged and improved by these daily posts. And for the third clause, he has *created* TWP’s RP. As in, literally created it. He made the maps, he’s the administrator, but better than that, he encourages other players to run their own events. I could rant forever about how important the very founding of the roleplay was to TWP, but I can’t imagine that’d be very exciting for either of us :P. If you still think these clauses should be moved anyway, any my little mini-rant hasn’t convinced you, I’ll be fine moving them to later in the resolution (or even subclausing them if need be).

My advice would be to select major aspects that define Bran Astor (according to your commendation): his cultural contributions, FA prowess, and founding of TSR. Then section your draft according to those patterns (not necessarily one clause each ofc!).
Alrighty! That sort of restructuring makes sense. [/quote]

I just glanced at some of the recent proposals, and I think that "Commend Ambrella" might have a structure that works for this. It starts by giving an overview of the points to be made (clause 1), introduces Ambrella as having been instrumental to the success of Europeia with some concrete example (clauses 2-3), transitions to cultural work with another concrete example (clause 4), emphasizes the key point — his media efforts — with some really strong examples that make up the majority of the draft (clause 5-7), then tacks on some extra points (Caprecia, legislation) and wraps up. I really like this (certainly better than what I write!), and think it templates pretty cleanly with yours: General work in TWP / FA skill ==> bulk of the draft about culture ==> wrap up.
I’d be fine with this too. Bit of internal hairsplitting about whether something is general or culture and it should be good shortly :p.




My second suggestion is to emphasize (i.e. put more words into) the accomplishments that are more likely to hook, surprise, or impress readers. For example, reviving the Western Post is very impressive. Speaking from experience, getting people interested in media is hard, and TWP's newspaper is pretty active. Additionally, starting a region is really hard, and everyone knows that. Anything substantial with FA is probably going to score you some points at vote too.
This also makes sense. I can make probably also remove the OWL-20 and West-Osi Prom events to make room to expand these clauses.

Tinhampton wrote:At the very least, cut out the "UTWP" (it's an acronym you never use again) and find a synonym for "military gameplay" (rules violation).
Both if these makes sense.
I, in particular, find the description of roleplay as a "nation simulation program" to be... icky. We're implying that the nations people create on page=create_nation aren't nations? And you call Bran Astor a nation!
Personally, there are various “nation simulation” programs in real life that actual nations do (someone already gave a few examples).
The clauses on TEP and (especially) TSR deserve to be fleshed out. Likewise, some of these things barely approach commendability (I've never heard of OWL-20 before and suspect it was a one-off festival; your descriptions of many of Bran Astor's festivals are exceptionally vague). A good resolution is a Chicago-style deep dish, not a wafer-thin base :P
I’m fine with removing the OWL-20, and I’m happy to expand a bit on TSR, but given I’m already over the character limit, I’d rather remove TEP than expand on it.
Last edited by Varanius on Wed Apr 27, 2022 8:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Team Leo
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Postby Team Leo » Wed Apr 27, 2022 10:15 am

Bran Astor did nothing commendable.

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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Apr 27, 2022 11:34 am

Team Leo wrote:Bran Astor did nothing commendable.

You obviously haven’t read the draft. Or did it just go over your head?
Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Former Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart

Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

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Platoon of Peace
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Postby Platoon of Peace » Wed Apr 27, 2022 11:35 am

Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:
Team Leo wrote:Bran Astor did nothing commendable.

You obviously haven’t read the draft. Or did it just go over your head?

don't mind him. He's just doing Leo stuff.
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Bhang Bhang Duc
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Postby Bhang Bhang Duc » Wed Apr 27, 2022 11:40 am

Platoon of Peace wrote:
Bhang Bhang Duc wrote:You obviously haven’t read the draft. Or did it just go over your head?

don't mind him. He's just doing Leo stuff.

Oh I know - I’ve eviscerated Leo’s writing skills (ha!) many times before now.
Former Delegate of The West Pacific. Former Guardian (under many Delegates) of The West Pacific. TWP's Former Minister for World Assembly Affairs and former Security Council Advisor.

The West Pacific's Official Welshman, Astronomer and Old Fart

Pierconium wrote:I see Funk as an opportunistic manipulator that utilises the means available to him to reach his goals. In other words, a nation after my own heart.

RiderSyl wrote:If an enchantress made it so one raid could bring about world peace, Unibot would ask raiders to just sign a petition instead.

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Hulldom
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Postby Hulldom » Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:02 pm

Co-author here, but going to separate out my feelings about the proposal from the stance of someone participating in the drafting (where grammar+wording rather than content were my primary contributions).

I can't envision a world in which Bran isn't commendable for what he's done as described in the Resolution. I understand that Team Leo and others may feel differently, and provided they have warrants other than "TWP bad", that's all well and good.

But why I agreed to sign on, and why I support this, is because too often we overlook cultural contributions, community-building, as an essential part of this game and as something that, if continually and effectively carried out, is absolutely worthy of the SC's recognition. Part of the reason I supported "Advancement of WA Diversity" was precisely because of something I noted in the IFV: "we concur with the author that more communities need greater representation in the proceedings of the Security Council.".

What I meant by that, and what I've taken it to mean as we've seen Ara and Tinhampton (and even myself :p) take up the worthy cause of commending nation RPers and sports RPers, is that we hurt the Security Council, and by extension the game, if we only say that recognition by the SC fits into one box. I'm all for expanding the horizons of what is worthy of consideration by the Security Council and the massive cultural efforts that Bran has put into the game (in every region that has/has had the pleasure of having him) is a place we should not hesitate to go.
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Twertis
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Postby Twertis » Wed Apr 27, 2022 5:38 pm

Hulldom wrote:But why I agreed to sign on, and why I support this, is because too often we overlook cultural contributions, community-building, as an essential part of this game and as something that, if continually and effectively carried out, is absolutely worthy of the SC's recognition. Part of the reason I supported "Advancement of WA Diversity" was precisely because of something I noted in the IFV: "we concur with the author that more communities need greater representation in the proceedings of the Security Council.".

Well that's some BS.

Regardless:

Varanius wrote:
Twertis wrote: Would you be fine keeping them separate clauses but ultimately in the same area? I would be a little worried about lists of that size so close together, but I’m not really sure there’s a way to have so much information in a non-list format. But if this isn’t a problem for you (or the viewers at home) then I’ll go ahead with it.


See how it looks? You may find you can merge some clauses, if not, I can't do anything about it. This is still your draft.

Varanius wrote: I don’t really agree with this assessment. Perhaps it’s my fault as the author for not signaling the importance of this work, but I will do it here. TITW (Today in The West) has been a continuously running program for several years now. (Almost) every day, for the past 4 years, someone from TWP has posted an update on the RMB, informing RMBers of regional ongoings, upcoming events, and honestly just having fun. In particular, his addition of Haikuesday, along with the traditions of Punday Monday and Karaoke Friday, mean that TWP’s RMB has developed its own unique culture which was encouraged and improved by these daily posts. And for the third clause, he has *created* TWP’s RP. As in, literally created it. He made the maps, he’s the administrator, but better than that, he encourages other players to run their own events. I could rant forever about how important the very founding of the roleplay was to TWP, but I can’t imagine that’d be very exciting for either of us :P. If you still think these clauses should be moved anyway, any my little mini-rant hasn’t convinced you, I’ll be fine moving them to later in the resolution (or even subclausing them if need be).


Your "mini-rant" absolutely has convinced me. The problem is that that doesn't appear in the draft. We may have (quickly) reached the heart of the problem: you're not explaining the significance of the accomplishments as well in your draft as you are in this thread. Fix that, and I think this draft will be very excellent.

As a note, if you want to say that he created TWP's roleplay, it might be hard to reconcile that with Rule 4 (or rule 2-something now according to the random whim of moderation), however you could say, "created a vibrant community where nations could discuss international trade, war, diplomacy, blah blah blah and remains a keystone of that community to this day".




I still like TSR / want to keep it. I'd rather you get rid of TEP, as it's only reinforcing what we already have (whereas starting a region presumably requires a different kind of work).

On the other hand, I think that one of the strengths of this draft is how well it appeases so many groups. You have the uncontroversial topics, the co-authors (a TNP MoWA, a TWP ex-delegate with strong FA skills, and NPO senator— Xoriet of all of people), and you reference his work for lots of different regions. Getting rid of TEP detracts from this theme, so you may want to keep it and look for some other way to chop it down.

The alternative is you campaign the mods to lengthen the character limit again :P.
Last edited by Twertis on Wed Apr 27, 2022 5:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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