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[DRAFT] Glassbank

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Brezzia
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Posts: 130
Founded: Aug 26, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

[DRAFT] Glassbank

Postby Brezzia » Tue Jan 25, 2022 9:48 am

Other issues by Brezzia: https://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1593554
Title: Glassbank

Description: The Bank of @@CAPITAL@@ induced some of its account holders to purchase diamonds as a safe long-term investment. When the investors tried to resell them, they discovered they had bought the diamonds at double the market price. During a live feed from a city square on the popular talk show "Ears on @@CAPITAL@@, they are asking the government to compensate them before the trial against the bank is over.

Validity: Invalidy for Nations that have "Socialism" policy or "No Judiciary" policy.

Choices:

1 Text: "We have lost all our savings!" Cries the representative of the defrauded account holders. "We cannot support our families while we await the judge's decision. The government is also responsible! It should ensure that the trials end quickly and should have been watching over the bank we trusted anyway. The least it can do now is to anticipate the repayment due to us!"
Fallout: The government is the only one interested in the outcome of trials.
Validity: All Nations.

2 Text: "As much as one empathizes with these people, their request cannot be granted." replies your Minister of Justice in the TV studio. "The government must not anticipate the sentences. Only a trial can establish whether a fact is a crime and its gravity. However, it is true that the long timescales of judicial procedures are a serious problem in our legal system. We may try to put more judges on the same process to speed them up."
Fallout: Disagreeing judges usually sue each other.
Validity: All Nations.

3 Text: "If people still believe in fairies, why shouldn't the smart ones take advantage of them?" says a sunglassed yuppie in a recordered interview to passers-by. "The court shouldn't accept their demands either. Nobody gives anything for free and if you don't understand a thing about diamonds, you simply mustn't buy them."
Fallout: Big @@ANIMAL@@ eat little @@ANIMAL@@.
Validity: All Nations.

4 Text: "This is capitalism!" angrily posts the general secretary of the Communist Party of @@NAME@@ on one of the most used social network in @@REGION@@. "So-called investors and entrepreneurs exploit miners and gullible to make a profit. Let's eliminate the problem at its root and unify all the banks in the country into a single state bank, placed under the jurisdiction of the Ministry of Finance."
Fallout: The National Bank is built around government.
Validity: All Nations.


Title: Glassbank

Description: The Bank of @@CAPITAL@@ induced some of its account holders to purchase diamonds as a safe long-term investment, but replaced the actual stock prices with the prices proposed by the seller. When they tried to resell them, the investors discovered that they had bought the diamonds at double the market price and have asked the government to compensate them before the trial against the bank is over.

Validity: Invalidy for Nations that have "Socialism" policy or "No Judiciary" policy.

Choices:

1 Text: "We have lost all our savings!" Cries the representative of the defrauded account holders in a live feed from a city square on the popular talk show "Ears on @@CAPITAL@@. "We cannot support our families while we await the judge's decision. The government is also responsible! It should ensure that the trials end quickly and should have been watching over the bank we trusted anyway. The least it can do now is to anticipate the repayment due to us!"
Fallout: The government is the only one interested in the outcome of trials.
Validity: All Nations.

2 Text: "As much as one empathizes with these people, their request cannot be granted." replies your Minister of Justice, also in a live feed from the Ministry. "The government must not anticipate the sentences. Only a trial can establish whether a fact is a crime and its gravity. However, it is true that the long timescales of judicial procedures are a serious problem in our legal system. We may try to put more judges on the same process to speed them up."
Fallout: Disagreeing judges usually sue each other.
Validity: All Nations.

3 Text: "If people still believe in fairies, why shouldn't the smart ones take advantage of them?" says a sunglassed yuppie in a interview to passers-by. "The court shouldn't accept their demands either. Nobody gives anything for free and if you don't understand a thing about diamonds, you simply mustn't buy them."
Fallout: Big @@ANIMAL@@ eat little @@ANIMAL@@.
Validity: All Nations.

4 Text: "This is capitalism!" angrily affirms the general secretary of the Communist Party of @@NAME@@, guest in the TV studio. "So-called investors and entrepreneurs exploit miners and gullible to make a profit. Let's eliminate the problem at its root and unify all the banks in the country into a single state bank, placed under the jurisdiction of the Ministry of Finance."
Fallout: The National Bank is built around government.
Validity: All Nations.

Title: Glassbank

Description: The Bank of @@CAPITAL@@ induced some of its account holders to invest their savings in the purchase of diamonds as a safe long-term investment, passing off the prices proposed by the seller as quotations on the stock exchange. Attempting to resell the diamonds, investors found that they paid for them at a significantly higher price than the market price and asked the government to compensate them before the trial against the bank is over.

Validity: Invalidy for Nations that have "Socialism" policy or "No Judiciary" policy.

Choices:

1 Text: "We have lost everything we had!" Says the representative of the defrauded account holders. "We cannot support our families while we await the judge's decision. The government is also responsible! It should ensure that the trials end quickly and should have been watching over the bank we trusted anyway! The least it can do now is to anticipate the repayment due to us."
Fallout:
Validity: All Nations.

2 Text: "As much as one empathizes with these people, their request cannot be granted." says your Minister of Justice. "The government must not anticipate the sentences. Only a trial can establish whether a fact has been committed, whether it constitutes a crime, and its gravity.However, it is true that the long timescales of the procedures are a serious problem in our legal system. The welfare subsidies will be enough to help those of them who are in financial difficulty, while we should hire more judges to speed up the trials."
Fallout:
Validity: All Nations.

3 Text: "Honestly, the court shouldn't accept their demands either." says an ultra-capitalist yuppie on a radio interview. "If people still believe in fairies, why shouldn't the smart ones take advantage of them? Nobody gives anything for free and if you don't understand a thing about diamonds, you mustn't buy them."
Fallout: Big @@ANIMAL@@ eat little @@ANIMAL@@.
Validity: All Nations.

4 Text: "This is capitalism..." sadly notes the general secretary of the Communist Party of @@NAME@@. "So-called investors and entrepreneurs exploit miners and gullible to make a profit. Let's eliminate the problem at its root and unify all the banks in the country into a single state bank."
Fallout: The National Bank is built around @@DENOMYNPLURAL@@.
Validity: All Nations.

Title: Glassbank

Description: Some Bank of @@CAPITAL@@ account holders were induced to invest their savings in the purchase of diamonds at a price significantly higher than the market price. The bank lied about the guarantees presented to investors who found themselves bankrupt.

Validity: Invalidy for Nations that don't have "Capitalism" policy. Invalidy for Nations that have "No Judiciary" policy.

Choices:

1 Text: "We ask the government to compensate us before the trial is over." Says the representative of the defrauded account holders. "We have lost everything we had and we cannot support our families while we await the judge's decision. The government should have been watching over the bank we trusted anyway!"
Fallout:
Validity: All Nations.

2 Text: "As much as one empathizes with these people, their request cannot be granted." says your Minister of Justice. "The government must not anticipate the sentences. We don't even know how the trial will end! The welfare subsidies will be enough to help those of them who are in financial difficulty, while we should hire more judges to speed up the trials."
Fallout:
Validity: All Nations.

3 Text: "Honestly, the court shouldn't accept their demands either." says an ultra-capitalist yuppie on a radio interview. "If people still believe in fairies, why shouldn't the smart ones take advantage of them? Nobody gives anything for free and if you don't understand a thing about diamonds, you mustn't buy them."
Fallout: Big @@ANIMAL@@ eat little @@ANIMAL@@.
Validity: All Nations.

4 Text: "This is capitalism..." sadly notes the general secretary of the Communist Party of @@NAME@@. "So-called investors and entrepreneurs exploit miners and gullible to make a profit. Let's eliminate the problem at its root and unify all the banks in the country into a single state bank."
Fallout: The National Bank is built around @@LEADER@@.
Validity: All Nations.
Last edited by Brezzia on Thu Jul 07, 2022 5:41 am, edited 13 times in total.

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Candensia
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Posts: 888
Founded: Apr 20, 2017
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Candensia » Sat Jan 29, 2022 5:44 pm

The writing isn't bad, but I'm a bit puzzled by the premise.

As I understand it, the investors *pulled* money from their accounts, made a risky investment, and lost everything. I'm not sure why the *bank* would have motive to support mass withdrawals among their account holders.

Furthermore, while the options indicate some sort of legal battle is ongoing, this is never established in the introduction, making it difficult to piece together exactly what's going on.

I think you may be over-choreographing this. I'd suggest returning to the basics.

Take the core idea of your debate: customer protections in the banking system. Come up with a simple premise. Maybe an old lady or a war vet goes to their local bank to withdraw some cash, but finds the bank out of business and their savings gone. Craft an option that advocates for more protection in the banking system, explaining why it's a good idea. Next, have an option oppose it, explaining why it's a bad idea. Then…get creative! (within reason)
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Brezzia
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Posts: 130
Founded: Aug 26, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Brezzia » Sun Jan 30, 2022 1:02 pm

Candensia wrote:The writing isn't bad, but I'm a bit puzzled by the premise.

As I understand it, the investors *pulled* money from their accounts, made a risky investment, and lost everything. I'm not sure why the *bank* would have motive to support mass withdrawals among their account holders.

Furthermore, while the options indicate some sort of legal battle is ongoing, this is never established in the introduction, making it difficult to piece together exactly what's going on.

I think you may be over-choreographing this. I'd suggest returning to the basics.

Take the core idea of your debate: customer protections in the banking system. Come up with a simple premise. Maybe an old lady or a war vet goes to their local bank to withdraw some cash, but finds the bank out of business and their savings gone. Craft an option that advocates for more protection in the banking system, explaining why it's a good idea. Next, have an option oppose it, explaining why it's a bad idea. Then…get creative! (within reason)

Hi! It is a fact that really happened. Italian banks sold diamonds to their customers at double the market price as a safe long-term investment, passing off the seller's prices as market prices. Even the scammers claiming a compensation to the government before the end of the trial is a real thing (for another bank scam). I have choreographed very little! The theme of the issue is scams by the bank itself.
The account holders invests their money with the same bank. I'll try to rewrite the premise to increase the informations.
Last edited by Brezzia on Sun Jan 30, 2022 1:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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USS Monitor
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Posts: 30328
Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Sun Jan 30, 2022 1:18 pm

Brezzia wrote:
Candensia wrote:The writing isn't bad, but I'm a bit puzzled by the premise.

As I understand it, the investors *pulled* money from their accounts, made a risky investment, and lost everything. I'm not sure why the *bank* would have motive to support mass withdrawals among their account holders.

Furthermore, while the options indicate some sort of legal battle is ongoing, this is never established in the introduction, making it difficult to piece together exactly what's going on.

I think you may be over-choreographing this. I'd suggest returning to the basics.

Take the core idea of your debate: customer protections in the banking system. Come up with a simple premise. Maybe an old lady or a war vet goes to their local bank to withdraw some cash, but finds the bank out of business and their savings gone. Craft an option that advocates for more protection in the banking system, explaining why it's a good idea. Next, have an option oppose it, explaining why it's a bad idea. Then…get creative! (within reason)

Hi! It is a fact that really happened. Italian banks sold diamonds to their customers at double the market price as a safe long-term investment, passing off the seller's prices as market prices. Even the scammers claiming a compensation to the government before the end of the trial is a real thing (for another bank scam). I have choreographed very little! The theme of the issue is scams by the bank itself.
I'll try to rewrite the premise to increase the informations.


If you are combining two different RL stories, you might do better to just choose one and focus on that one. That way the issue does not become confusing from going in too many different directions.

If you really love both stories, you might be able to write two drafts.
Last edited by USS Monitor on Sun Jan 30, 2022 1:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
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Trotterdam
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Posts: 9837
Founded: Jan 12, 2012
Left-Leaning College State

Postby Trotterdam » Sun Jan 30, 2022 4:28 pm

Scammers deceiving their customers by misrepresenting the value of their wares is pretty much the same issue whether it's a bank doing it or someone else. Even if it happens to be a bank this time, that shouldn't be the main emphasis.

(Also, diamonds as an investment? That sounds like a pretty stupid idea even if you're buying them at actual market prices. First due to lack of fungibility and liquidity, compared to traditional metallic investments like gold, and second because the entire diamond industry is pretty much built on a scam to begin with.)

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USS Monitor
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Posts: 30328
Founded: Jul 01, 2015
19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Sun Jan 30, 2022 5:59 pm

Trotterdam wrote:Scammers deceiving their customers by misrepresenting the value of their wares is pretty much the same issue whether it's a bank doing it or someone else. Even if it happens to be a bank this time, that shouldn't be the main emphasis.

(Also, diamonds as an investment? That sounds like a pretty stupid idea even if you're buying them at actual market prices. First due to lack of fungibility and liquidity, compared to traditional metallic investments like gold, and second because the entire diamond industry is pretty much built on a scam to begin with.)


Asking to provide financial assistance while the trial is in process would still be a new angle that I don't think is covered by existing issues.
Last edited by USS Monitor on Sun Jan 30, 2022 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
NationStates issues editors may be harmful or fatal if swallowed. In case of accidental ingestion, please seek immediate medical assistance.
༄༅། །འགྲོ་བ་མི་རིགས་ག་ར་དབང་ཆ་འདྲ་མཉམ་འབད་སྒྱེཝ་ལས་ག་ར་གིས་གཅིག་གིས་གཅིག་ལུ་སྤུན་ཆའི་དམ་ཚིག་བསྟན་དགོས།

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Brezzia
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Founded: Aug 26, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Brezzia » Mon Jan 31, 2022 6:28 am

Made a second draft with the following changes:
  • introduction changed to include the trial;
  • choise 1 changed to avoid repetition;
  • added phrases in choices 1 and 2;
  • consequence 4 changed.
Consequences 1 and 2 are still missing.
USS Monitor wrote:If you are combining two different RL stories, you might do better to just choose one and focus on that one. That way the issue does not become confusing from going in too many different directions.

If you really love both stories, you might be able to write two drafts.

The two fact are almost identical. I decided to use diamonds because I thought they were easier to remember and then I came up with a simple title.

Trotterdam wrote:(Also, diamonds as an investment? That sounds like a pretty stupid idea even if you're buying them at actual market prices. First due to lack of fungibility and liquidity, compared to traditional metallic investments like gold, and second because the entire diamond industry is pretty much built on a scam to begin with.)

I added choice 3 if anyone thought the same way.
Last edited by Brezzia on Mon Jan 31, 2022 6:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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USS Monitor
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19th Century Iron Steamship

Postby USS Monitor » Mon Jan 31, 2022 11:05 am

It needs a little proofreading and I'm not convinced that nationalizing the financial system is far-left enough to come from the Communist Party, but it is heading the right direction. The new draft is an improvement.

It also needs a couple more effect lines.
Last edited by USS Monitor on Mon Jan 31, 2022 11:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
Don't take life so serious... it isn't permanent... RIP Dyakovo and Ashmoria
NationStates issues editors may be harmful or fatal if swallowed. In case of accidental ingestion, please seek immediate medical assistance.
༄༅། །འགྲོ་བ་མི་རིགས་ག་ར་དབང་ཆ་འདྲ་མཉམ་འབད་སྒྱེཝ་ལས་ག་ར་གིས་གཅིག་གིས་གཅིག་ལུ་སྤུན་ཆའི་དམ་ཚིག་བསྟན་དགོས།

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Brezzia
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Founded: Aug 26, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Brezzia » Wed Feb 02, 2022 9:17 am

USS Monitor wrote:It needs a little proofreading and I'm not convinced that nationalizing the financial system is far-left enough to come from the Communist Party, but it is heading the right direction. The new draft is an improvement.

It also needs a couple more effect lines.

Thanks! I updated a third draft that try to improve the text and add a talk show setting and the missing fallouts. I added that the nationalized single bank is under political control.

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Brezzia
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Founded: Aug 26, 2016
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Brezzia » Wed Feb 09, 2022 10:23 am

Asking for misspelling and other errors. I would like to submit it at the end of this month.

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Brezzia
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Founded: Aug 26, 2016
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Postby Brezzia » Tue Jul 05, 2022 12:18 pm

Draft 4

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Wed Jul 06, 2022 11:01 pm

Option 1- The government is also responsible? HOW?
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Brezzia
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Postby Brezzia » Thu Jul 07, 2022 5:38 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Option 1- The government is also responsible? HOW?

I found it stupid too, but it something that really happened in my country some years ago. Maybe I should add some pauses, like even the speaker doesn't really know why:

"Well... it should ensure that the trials end quickly... and... ehm... it should have been watching over the bank we trusted."
Last edited by Brezzia on Thu Jul 07, 2022 8:31 am, edited 1 time in total.


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