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[DRAFT] Commend Tim-Opolis

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Quebecshire
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[DRAFT] Commend Tim-Opolis

Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 11:39 am

Hello everyone! Minskiev and I have been working on this on and off for a little over two months. It's probably good timing that way with Tim's stepping down as First Warden. Anyway, we both firmly believe that Tim has been a great contributor to the GP community over the last decade and that he deserves a shiny badge to prove it. Love him or hate him, he's got quite the resume. As such, we present the first forum version draft of Commend Tim-Opolis:

The Security Council,

Believing that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its numerous proxy states have contributed to the multiverse in a myriad of positive ways, namely in the development of communities and the protection of others from invasion,

Aware that Tim-Opolis controls The Spirit, the founding nation of Spiritus, and has served Spiritus in a plethora of ways since its founding in 2012. In their early commitment to Spiritus, Tim-Opolis’ industrious recruitment aided in increasing the regional population to over 700 nations in 2013, a universally enviable milestone,

Inspired by Tim-Opolis’ work in Spiritus that created a durable community where the region has continued to thrive in both activity and community since their withdrawal from the region’s day to day governing affairs, a rarity among founded regions,

Astonished by Tim-Opolis’ expertise as a military tactician in The Potato Alliance, a multilateral faction of regions which it led through three nuclear apocalypses. In 2020, its leadership proved instrumental in returning the alliance from near-annihilation to global successes, second only to the Augustin Alliance,

Valuing that as Pharaoh of Osiris under the alias Tim Stark, it saved the region from certain disarray and instability alongside Saq and Cormactopia Prime by ousting a would be couper from the region. This action of bold leadership led to the creation of a new Osiris Fraternal Order which exists to this day,

Awed by the significance of Tim-Opolis’ refounding of Greece, an operation during which a proxy of Tim-Opolis successfully secured and restored the region, later returning it to native possession. This operation saved Greece from the control of Yauna, a nation condemned by this very Council that had subjugated the region prior,

Recognizing Tim-Opolis’ extensive defender history since choosing to join the cause, where it was an esteemed leader in the United Defenders League. While in the UDL, it served as a Lieutenant and was skilled at timing military movements, notably in the liberations of Roman Empire and The Middle East in 2012,

Admiring the continued service of Tim-Opolis to defenderdom through The Order of the Grey Wardens (TGW), where, through its proxy state Tim, it continued to work towards its full potential as a defender leader. As a leader in the organization’s earlier months, Tim worked to develop the organization’s early foreign policy aligning with fellow defender groups and regions, most notably in producing the Andruil Protocols with the region of Spiritus. After this, Tim continued to serve as a Warden-Commander for several years, during which they aided in the organization’s growth and led Wardens in over 297 missions prior to becoming First Warden,

Honoring Tim-Opolis’ tenure as First Warden from July 2020 until November 2021, wherein Tim tirelessly pursued and integrated new talent, leading to a net gain of 22 Wardens and thus reforming TGW into one of the most active militaries of the time. Under Tim’s leadership, TGW continually broke its own operation records, ultimately culminating with 42 Wardens participating in the November 2021 liberation of Trovons. Throughout its tenure, Tim tirelessly called fellow Wardens of all eras to battle, optimizing the organization’s turnout,

Impressed by Tim-Opolis’ national dedication to defending through TGW, where from its induction to TGW through the end of its tenure as First Warden, it attended an incredible 510 deployments and 6191 total operations, including a remarkable 4462 defenses, 95 liberations, and 30 sieges,

Appreciating that many crucial Security Council resolutions that have been authored and co-authored by Tim-Opolis or its proxies, such as:
  • [resolution=SC#74]SC#74 “Condemn Lone Wolves United”[/resolution], a resolution that censures a prolific raiding organization and provides a clear definition for the practice of “griefing”;
  • [resolution=SC#191]SC#191 "Repeal: 'Condemn DEN'"[/resolution], which repealed the condemnation of a now-defunct raider organization, citing several historical inaccuracies such as the misinformation regarding the 2012 occupation of Christmas;
  • [resolution=SC#203]SC#203 “Liberate Eternal Scholars”[/resolution], a liberation which freed the region from fascist occupiers that had sought to take the region as a trophy.

Indebted to Tim-Opolis for its maintenance of the library for all Security Council resolutions for three years, an effort taken up by a select few nations dedicated to preserving the results of crucial international debates,

Believing with little doubt that the nation of Tim-Opolis has been heavily skilled in the international crafts of both region development and military service,

Hereby commends Tim-Opolis.

Co-authors: Minskiev and Zukchiva.


Our character count is presently 5006 so we're just over the limit. All feedback welcome.
Last edited by Quebecshire on Wed Dec 08, 2021 11:10 am, edited 29 times in total.
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Minskiev
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Postby Minskiev » Fri Nov 26, 2021 11:45 am

This was a pleasure to work on with Quebec, and I'd like to thank Andy, Altmoras, and anyone else who contributed a lot of feedback that I might have forgotten for their input before sending this to the forums.
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Postby Hulldom » Fri Nov 26, 2021 11:48 am

Very minor stylistic quibble, but I’d list the Security Council resolutions using [list=*] instead of [list=a]
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Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 11:49 am

Hulldom wrote:Very minor stylistic quibble, but I’d list the Security Council resolutions using [list=*] instead of [list=a]

I am not particularly attached to either, so I'll take this into consideration and if its echoed, definitely change that quick. Easy fix there.
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Postby Apatosaurus » Fri Nov 26, 2021 11:57 am

Entirely opposed on principle, but some notes and feedback.
Quebecshire wrote:
The Security Council,

Believing that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its numerous proxy states have contributed to the world in a myriad of positive ways,

Aware that Tim-Opolis controls The Spirit, the founding nation of Spiritus, and has served Spiritus in a multitude of ways since its founding in 2012. There doesn't need to be a full stop here. Either use a semicolon and rewrite it accordingly, split this clause or use a list. First, its early commitment to Spiritus, where its recruitment efforts aided the regional population in exceeding 700 nations by 2013, a universally enviable milestone. Again, I think using a list is worth it here. It then served as the first President and Minister of Foreign Affairs of Spiritus, laying the groundwork for Spiritus’ defender alignment and growth as a respected and established community, as well as working to support less experienced administrations as a Minister without Portfolio afterward. Later, the nation spent time as Minister of Defense of Spiritus, where it established critical and longstanding ties with other defender organizations such as TITO, the RRA, and the UDL,

Praising Tim-Opolis for ensuring the long-term health and sustainability of Spiritus with its withdrawal from Spiritus governmental affairs, allowing the region to sustain itself and grow its community without direct Founder involvement, a rarity among founded regions, Being a hands-off founder on its own is not commendable.

Appreciating that many crucial Security Council resolutions that have been authored and co-authored by Tim-Opolis or its proxy states, such as:
  1. [resolution=SC#74]SC#74 “Condemn Lone Wolves United”[/resolution], a resolution which censured a prolific raiding organization and provided a clear definition for the practice of “griefing”; Uhhhhhh, having a definition of "griefing" in some resolution is definitely nothing special. Griefing was defined in SC resolutions before SC#74.
  2. [resolution=SC#191]SC#191 “Repeal: “Condemn DEN”[/resolution], which repealed the condemnation of a now-defunct raider organization, citing several historical inaccuracies such as misinformation regarding the 2012 occupation of [region]Christmas[region];
  3. [resolution=SC#203]SC#203 “Liberate Eternal Scholars”[/resolution], a liberation that freed the region from fascist occupiers that had sought to take the region as a trophy.[color=blue]Why does there need to be a full stop here?
Indebted to Tim-Opolis for its maintenance of a global library of all Security Council resolutions from December 2016 to December 2019, an effort taken up by a select few nations dedicated to preserving and maintaining the results of crucial international debates,

Cognizant of its two reigns as the Pharaoh of Osiris under the alias Tim Stark, during which time it saved the Osiris Fraternal Order from disarray by collaborating with Saq and Cormactopia Prime to oust a would-be couper, The Almighty Jesus Whale, Remove this, or replace the coup section with other achievements as Pharaoh.

Awed by the significance of Tim-Opolis’ refounding of Greece, an operation during which a proxy of Tim-Opolis successfully secured and restored the region to later return it to native possession, saving the region from the control of Yauna, a nation condemned by this very Council,

Recognizing Tim-Opolis’ extensive defender history since choosing to join the cause, serving as a Lieutenant in the United Defenders League and Arch-Chancellor in the Founderless Regions Alliance, where it spent time in its earlier defender career as a reliable soldier and participant in key liberations, working to preserve activity and stability in organizations that it served,

Admiring the continued service of Tim-Opolis to defenderdom through The Order of the Grey Wardens (TGW), where the nation, through its proxy state Tim, continued to work towards its full potential as a defender leader. Why is there another full stop here? Use a semicolon. As a leader in the organization’s earlier months, Tim worked to develop the organization’s early foreign policy, such as being key in producing the Andruil Protocols with the region of Spiritus. Ditto :P After this, Tim continued to serve as a Warden-Commander responsible for leading Wardens during their deployments,

Honoring Tim-Opolis’ tenure as First Warden which began in July 2020, serving in the position until November 2021. You guessed it... an unnecessary full stop Tim greatly capitalized off of a newfound momentum for TGW by tirelessly pursuing new talent and integration, leading to a net gain of 22 Wardens during its nearly 17 month tenure as First Warden. Ok I'm going to stop pointing this out nowUnder Tim’s leadership, TGW set its operation records in close succession, with 26 Wardens participating in the liberation of Liberal Democratic Union in August 2021 and 42 participating in the liberation of Trovons in November 2021. Throughout these operations, Tim tirelessly called fellow Wardens of all eras to battle, optimizing the organization’s turnout,

Impressed by Tim-Opolis’ personal dedication to defending through TGW in addition to being a dedicated leader in the organization. From its induction to TGW through the end of its tenure as First Warden, it attended an incredible 510 deployments, which constituted 6191 total operations, including a remarkable 4462 defenses, 95 liberations, and 30 sieges,

Believing with little doubt that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its proxies have contributed greatly to international order and development,

Hereby commends Tim-Opolis.

Co-author: Minskiev.


Our character count is presently 5160, so we're a little over the limit and can hopefully cut down a bit during this forum drafting process.
Last edited by Apatosaurus on Fri Nov 26, 2021 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Quebecshire
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Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:18 pm

We tried to avoid using lists too much to avoid the typical listy SC proposal issue that I see a lot encountering, but I'm not opposed in principle to condensing some things into list if that's a repeated concern. We'll reword the hands off Founder clause as well. As for the Osiris thing, I'm open to expanding it within the character limit, but I will not be removing the mention of the AJW coup unless credible opposition is raised. Countless people have told me they see it as a positive, and it was certainly impactful. I think it's worth the mention unless there is a clear issue with it brought up.
Last edited by Quebecshire on Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Rick Perry
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Postby Rick Perry » Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:21 pm

SUPPORT
This was well written :clap:

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Sedgistan
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Postby Sedgistan » Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:34 pm

I've only skimmed, but the word "personal" in "Impressed by Tim-Opolis’ personal dedication" would be a Rule 2b violation.

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Quebecshire
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Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:35 pm

Sedgistan wrote:I've only skimmed, but the word "personal" in "Impressed by Tim-Opolis’ personal dedication" would be a Rule 2b violation.

Shit, thanks for that. Fixing it right now. Tentatively replacing it with "national" dedication.
Last edited by Quebecshire on Fri Nov 26, 2021 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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"Quebecshire has proven time and time again that he is perfectly capable of standing in front of a room, full of people who hate him and continuing to defend his views." - Redacted
"[Quebec is] one of the pettiest individuals it has ever been the human race's misfortunate to spawn." - RCN
"I hope you retire ASAP so LDF doesn't become just another anal-retentive defender org." - RiderSyl
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Postby Zukchiva » Fri Nov 26, 2021 1:28 pm

Support for the nominee.

I think one thing your draft is suffering from is dealing with the nominee's wide breadth of accomplishments. You're trying to go over almost every notable thing the nominee has done, but there's too much to include. The lack of elaboration on many things is causing the resolution to suffer as a result.

IMO, I would heavily recommend completely cutting out some of the content to be able to elaborate on what you decide to keep - explaining the actions taken and impact had for mostly everything in the draft (besides the SC stuff, that's fine). This will greatly improve the resolution's quality.
Either way, this is a good start for a first draft. Feedback:

Believing that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its numerous proxy states have contributed to the world in a myriad of positive ways,
Considering this is regionbuilder commend, maybe a good idea to focus more on that aspect of Tim. Or how he's consistently helped the defender cause. As is, this clause is a bit too generic when it can easily be made more impactful/summarize the resolution better.

Aware that Tim-Opolis controls The Spirit, the founding nation of Spiritus, and has served Spiritus in a multitude of ways since its founding in 2012. First, its early commitment to Spiritus, where its recruitment efforts aided the regional population in exceeding 700 nations by 2013, a universally enviable milestone. It then served as the first President and Minister of Foreign Affairs of Spiritus, laying the groundwork for Spiritus’ defender alignment and growth as a respected and established community, as well as working to support less experienced administrations as a Minister without Portfolio afterward. Later, the nation spent time as Minister of Defense of Spiritus, where it established critical and longstanding ties with other defender organizations such as TITO, the RRA, and the UDL,
I would recommend breaking this down as it being in paragraph form is a gigantic chunk to read through. It may be a good idea to go with a list in this case, or at least create separate clauses.

The President and MoFA sentence doesn't explain the actions Tim took to establish Spiritus's defender alignment nor its growth. Which isn't ideal 'cause it's similar to having an argument without evidence - we don't know how Tim did this, only that he did. Would be best to fix that.

I would suggest listing out the names. I mean you could leave them abbreviated, but it's stylistically and comprehensively better to list them out. Also, it's important to explain why these relations were important, rather than just saying they happened.

Praising Tim-Opolis for ensuring the long-term health and sustainability of Spiritus with its withdrawal from Spiritus governmental affairs, allowing the region to sustain itself and grow its community without direct Founder involvement, a rarity among founded regions,
This is implying Tim disappeared slowly. If this is true, then I wouldn't add this clause in the draft, or at least I'd reword it. The commendable part in this situation is that Tim built such a region that could withstand his withdrawal from Foundership, so I would try to reframe it in that light.

Appreciating that many crucial Security Council resolutions that have been authored and co-authored by Tim-Opolis or its proxy states, such as:
[resolution=SC#74]SC#74 “Condemn Lone Wolves United”[/resolution], a resolution which censured a prolific raiding organization and provided a clear definition for the practice of “griefing”;
[resolution=SC#191]SC#191 "Repeal: 'Condemn DEN'"[/resolution], which repealed the condemnation of a now-defunct raider organization, citing several historical inaccuracies such as misinformation regarding the 2012 occupation of Christmas;
[resolution=SC#203]SC#203 “Liberate Eternal Scholars”[/resolution], a liberation that freed the region from fascist occupiers that had sought to take the region as a trophy.

Indebted to Tim-Opolis for its maintenance of a global library of all Security Council resolutions from December 2016 to December 2019, an effort taken up by a select few nations dedicated to preserving and maintaining the results of crucial international debates,
I would shove these to the bottom as it kind of breaks between Spiritus and TGW, thus splitting a large chunk of regionbuilding stuff by SC stuff. Otherwise this reads fine to me.

Cognizant of its two reigns as the Pharaoh of Osiris under the alias Tim Stark, during which time it saved the Osiris Fraternal Order from disarray by collaborating with Saq and Cormactopia Prime to oust a would-be couper, The Almighty Jesus Whale,
Being a 2x WAD Delegate of a GCR in itself isn't inherently commendable . I would suggest removing those references to said terms and instead focus just a little bit more on the Osiris coup in terms of how the region benefitted (besides kicking out AJW). Either that, or split this clause into two: one explaining what TIm did for Osiris as Pharaoh, and one onthe coup & it's effects. Or just do a clause on Pharaohship and ignore the coup.

Awed by the significance of Tim-Opolis’ refounding of Greece, an operation during which a proxy of Tim-Opolis successfully secured and restored the region to later return it to native possession, saving the region from the control of Yauna, a nation condemned by this very Council,
This has too many commas and therefore too many pauses; would recommend rewording this to avoid that.

Recognizing Tim-Opolis’ extensive defender history since choosing to join the cause, serving as a Lieutenant in the United Defenders League and Arch-Chancellor in the Founderless Regions Alliance, where it spent time in its earlier defender career as a reliable soldier and participant in key liberations, working to preserve activity and stability in organizations that it served,
Being a participant in something is not commendable, unless it was an extensive number of operations. In which case, a statistic should be put here to show that extensive dedication. Without that statistic, for all we know Tim could've just done one update per year.

Otherwise, I would instead focus on specifying what Tim did as Arch-Chancellor of the FRA to maintain FRA's activity and stability, as that seems to be the most important bit to me, and I would delete the rest. But that's just me.

Admiring the continued service of Tim-Opolis to defenderdom through The Order of the Grey Wardens (TGW), where the nation, through its proxy state Tim, continued to work towards its full potential as a defender leader. As a leader in the organization’s earlier months, Tim worked to develop the organization’s early foreign policy, such as being key in producing the Andruil Protocols with the region of Spiritus. After this, Tim continued to serve as a Warden-Commander responsible for leading Wardens during their deployments,
I think this also has some fluff that can be removed. I would also suggest stating what Tim formed TGW's foreign policy to be, as it seems Tim didn't affect TGW's foreign policy (or how it achieves its FA goals) but rather just established new relations. If it's the latter, would go over what bonds were formed between Spiritus/TGW (cultural, military, etc.?) as a result of the Protocols (i.e. the impact they had on TGW/Spiritus)

Saying Tim served as Warden-Commander doesn't really sound too commendable in on itself either. Would expand on that.

Honoring Tim-Opolis’ tenure as First Wardenwhich began infrom July 2020 to November 2021, whereinserving in the position until November 2021.Tim greatly capitalized off of a newfound momentum for TGW bytirelessly pursuingpursued and integrated new talentand integration, leading to a net gain of 22 Wardens and thus reforming TGW into one of the most active militaries of the time. during its nearly 17 month tenure as First Warden. Under Tim’s leadership, TGW continually broke its own operation records set its operation records in close succession, ultimately culminating in a staggering participation of with 26 Wardens participating in the liberation of Liberal Democratic Union in August 2021 and 42 Wardensparticipating in the November 2021 liberation of Trovonsin November 2021. Throughout these operations, Tim tirelessly called fellow Wardens of all eras to battle, optimizing the organization’s turnout,
This has a lot of fluff you can remove to shorten characters.

While I definitely understand what the last sentence is saying (Tim is very much a person awesome at hype), I wonder if there's a way to make that statement more impactful. It doesn't really convey Tim's abilities in a passionate manner, which makes it difficult for anyone who hasn't seen Tim's hype stuff to really care too much about it.

Impressed by Tim-Opolis’ national dedication to defending through TGW in addition to being a dedicated leader in the organization. From its induction to TGW through the end of its tenure as First Warden, it attended an incredible 510 deployments, which constituted 6191 total operations, including a remarkable 4462 defenses, 95 liberations, and 30 sieges,


Believing with little doubt that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its proxies have contributed greatly to international order and development,
While this isn't generic, I would also reword this somehow. I can get what it's trying to say, but it doesn't sound that strong.

I can't think of anything so maybe keep it as it's okay anyways, but if I do think of a suggestion I'll bring it up.
Last edited by Zukchiva on Fri Nov 26, 2021 2:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Thousand Branches
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Postby Thousand Branches » Fri Nov 26, 2021 2:08 pm

The usual edits. Before I start, let me just give one piece of advice that would cut this draft down a lot. Add in the first clause a bit that's like "henceforth known as Tim" or "(Tim)" and then use that so you don't have to say the full nation name every time and so you can cut out naming every single proxy state. It would just make a lot of things shorter and more concise. Anyway, here follows:

Quebecshire wrote:Believing that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its numerous proxy states have contributed to the world in a myriad of positive ways,

Just an opinion thing, but I dislike "the world" as a synonym for NationStates because NationStates is theoretically home to many worlds. I personally would change it to "NationStates", "multiverse", "this community", etc etc

Quebecshire wrote:Aware that Tim-Opolis controls The Spirit, the founding nation of Spiritus, and has served Spiritus in a multitude of ways since its founding in 2012. First, its early commitment to Spiritus, where its recruitment efforts aided the regional population in exceeding 700 nations by 2013, a universally enviable milestone. It then served as the first President and Minister of Foreign Affairs of Spiritus, laying the groundwork for Spiritus’ defender alignment and growth as a respected and established community, as well as working to support less experienced administrations as a Minister without Portfolio afterward. Later, the nation spent time as Minister of Defense of Spiritus, where it established critical and longstanding ties with other defender organizations such as TITO, the RRA, and the UDL,

This clause needs to be split into a list or seriously shortened. In it's current form it is so long and convoluted that it becomes very difficult to read despite the fact that the language is pretty good.

Quebecshire wrote:Praising Tim-Opolis for ensuring the long-term health and sustainability of Spiritus with its withdrawal from Spiritus governmental affairs, allowing the region to sustain itself and grow its community without direct Founder involvement, a rarity among founded regions,

"with its withdrawal" should be "by withdrawing".

"affairs, allowing" can be "affairs and allowing" if you take the last edit.

You use "sustainability" and "sustain" in this clause, might change one to something like "bolster" or "improve" just to not have repeated words.

Quebecshire wrote:Appreciating that many crucial Security Council resolutions that have been authored and co-authored by Tim-Opolis or its proxy states, such as:

First "that" should be "the" OR second "that" should be removed. Either way works to solve that grammatical no-no.

Quebecshire wrote:[resolution=SC#74]SC#74 “Condemn Lone Wolves United”[/resolution], a resolution which censured a prolific raiding organization and provided a clear definition for the practice of “griefing”;

'which", while technically correct, works better as "that", especially because "censured" should be "censures" as the resolution still exists without repeal. Similarly, "provided" should be "provides".

Quebecshire wrote:[resolution=SC#191]SC#191 "Repeal: 'Condemn DEN'"[/resolution], which repealed the condemnation of a now-defunct raider organization, citing several historical inaccuracies such as misinformation regarding the 2012 occupation of Christmas;

"such as misinformation" should be "such as the misinformation".

Quebecshire wrote:[resolution=SC#203]SC#203 “Liberate Eternal Scholars”[/resolution], a liberation that freed the region from fascist occupiers that had sought to take the region as a trophy.

First "that" could be "which" because either works in that instance so you may as well not have the repetition.

Quebecshire wrote:Indebted to Tim-Opolis for its maintenance of a global library of all Security Council resolutions from December 2016 to December 2019, an effort taken up by a select few nations dedicated to preserving and maintaining the results of crucial international debates,

"of a" --> "of the"

"of all" --> "for all"

"results" could maybe be "subjects and results" and I think that would be more factually accurate.

Quebecshire wrote:Cognizant of its two reigns as the Pharaoh of Osiris under the alias Tim Stark, during which time it saved the Osiris Fraternal Order from disarray by collaborating with Saq and Cormactopia Prime to oust a would-be couper, The Almighty Jesus Whale,

Love this clause, very well written.

Quebecshire wrote:Awed by the significance of Tim-Opolis’ refounding of Greece, an operation during which a proxy of Tim-Opolis successfully secured and restored the region to later return it to native possession, saving the region from the control of Yauna, a nation condemned by this very Council,

"to later return" --> ", later returning"

Quebecshire wrote:Admiring the continued service of Tim-Opolis to defenderdom through The Order of the Grey Wardens (TGW), where the nation, through its proxy state Tim, continued to work towards its full potential as a defender leader. As a leader in the organization’s earlier months, Tim worked to develop the organization’s early foreign policy, such as being key in producing the Andruil Protocols with the region of Spiritus. After this, Tim continued to serve as a Warden-Commander responsible for leading Wardens during their deployments,

Delete "the nation". Note this means that "continued" needs to be "it continued".

Delete "early", you already established that with "earlier".

"such as being key in" --> "most notably".

Quebecshire wrote:Honoring Tim-Opolis’ tenure as First Warden which began in July 2020, serving in the position until November 2021. Tim greatly capitalized off of a newfound momentum for TGW by tirelessly pursuing new talent and integration, leading to a net gain of 22 Wardens during its nearly 17 month tenure as First Warden. Under Tim’s leadership, TGW set its operation records in close succession, with 26 Wardens participating in the liberation of Liberal Democratic Union in August 2021 and 42 participating in the liberation of Trovons in November 2021. Throughout these operations, Tim tirelessly called fellow Wardens of all eras to battle, optimizing the organization’s turnout,

I think this has been mentioned before but this clause is full of fluff, dates, numbers, and general details that are probably unnecessary. Pretty much all of this clause can be condensed into "Tim recruited a lot of wardens and made sure they were active in key liberations." While that is a great thing, it can also be a lot shorter.

Quebecshire wrote:Impressed by Tim-Opolis’ national dedication to defending through TGW in addition to being a dedicated leader in the organization. From its induction to TGW through the end of its tenure as First Warden, it attended an incredible 510 deployments, which constituted 6191 total operations, including a remarkable 4462 defenses, 95 liberations, and 30 sieges,

Delete "in addition to being a dedicated leader in the organization. From" and replace it with "where, from"

", which constituted" can be "and".

Quebecshire wrote:Believing with little doubt that the nation of Tim-Opolis and its proxies have contributed greatly to international order and development,

"the nation of Tim-Opolis and its proxies" --> "Tim-opolis".

These are basic edits, I didn't wanna do major rewrites of some of the more chunky clauses so I'll leave it up to you how to fix those. Hope these are helpful, have a great day!

-A
You are frikkin beautiful!! Have the best day ever my friend!!
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Quebecshire
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 3:59 pm

Thank you very much to Zukchiva and Aramantha. I have implemented all of your feedback the best I could (do let me know if I am missing something) and have updated the OP accordingly.

Right now I'm mostly looking for advice on cutting it down, as it's a bit over the limit. There's a lot of content and it's hard to choose. I'm presently thinking that I could cut the Spiritus government service (the clause with the list) and keep the founder stuff for Spiritus. Any strong opinions on that?
Consul and LDF Command of The League
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Player Résumé
"Quebecshire has proven time and time again that he is perfectly capable of standing in front of a room, full of people who hate him and continuing to defend his views." - Redacted
"[Quebec is] one of the pettiest individuals it has ever been the human race's misfortunate to spawn." - RCN
"I hope you retire ASAP so LDF doesn't become just another anal-retentive defender org." - RiderSyl
"I find it disappointing that Quebec has posted without saying cope." - Fauxia
"Quebec himself is unconventional." - Xoriet

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Wascoitan
Attaché
 
Posts: 88
Founded: Jul 18, 2019
Corrupt Dictatorship

Postby Wascoitan » Fri Nov 26, 2021 4:10 pm

opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone
Well fuck, guess I should write something here uhhh
she/her
Stuff I did and Places I've been
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note: opinions are my own, they represent no one else unless explicitly stated in the post

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Quebecshire
Diplomat
 
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 4:17 pm

Wascoitan wrote:opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone

I would argue the opposite in my experience, as Tim has been an incredibly supportive and welcoming leader both now and before I was a Warden. However, I doubt either of us will convince the other. I cannot say I am particularly surprised by your opinion, and it is of course your's to have. It is a shame TCB will likely be voting against this but that is their prerogative.
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Warden-Lieutenant in The Order of the Grey Wardens
Public Relations Director of NationStates Today
Player Résumé
"Quebecshire has proven time and time again that he is perfectly capable of standing in front of a room, full of people who hate him and continuing to defend his views." - Redacted
"[Quebec is] one of the pettiest individuals it has ever been the human race's misfortunate to spawn." - RCN
"I hope you retire ASAP so LDF doesn't become just another anal-retentive defender org." - RiderSyl
"I find it disappointing that Quebec has posted without saying cope." - Fauxia
"Quebec himself is unconventional." - Xoriet

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Unibot III
Negotiator
 
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Founded: Mar 11, 2011
Democratic Socialists

Postby Unibot III » Fri Nov 26, 2021 4:34 pm

I vaguely recall Tim having a big role in Grand Central prior to his time as a defender. It might be worth mentioning to contextualize his long and diverse time in NS.

I cannot comment on his time in TGW, but as a Lt. in UDL, Tim conducted himself with distinction and loyalty to his friends, helping to pioneer the application of triggering. Infamously, he left TNP shortly after becoming its Vice Delegate to assist in the Dharma liberation effort.

I will be voting for when it comes to vote.
[violet] wrote:I mean this in the best possible way,
but Unibot is not a typical NS player.
Milograd wrote:You're a caring, resolute lunatic
with the best of intentions.
Org. Join Date: 25/05/2008 | Former Delegate of TRR | Gameplay Alignment: -18 / -13
Unibotian Factbook // Collected works // The Gameplay Alignment Test //
Proudly Authored 9 GA Res., 14 SC Res. // Commended by SC#78

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✯ Duty is Eternal, Justice is Imminent: UDL

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Quebecshire
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Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:14 pm

Based on things several people I talked to for research had told me and the information available, I have removed the FRA bit of the UDL/FRA clause and expanded on UDL service, having now been able to access some old UDL things.

Clarity: I did not consult Unibot for these things. I was able to find sufficient UDL information from others and it has been incorporated based on that. Unibot has provided no assistance, research or otherwise, to this document, and will not.
Last edited by Quebecshire on Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Consul and LDF Command of The League
Warden-Lieutenant in The Order of the Grey Wardens
Public Relations Director of NationStates Today
Player Résumé
"Quebecshire has proven time and time again that he is perfectly capable of standing in front of a room, full of people who hate him and continuing to defend his views." - Redacted
"[Quebec is] one of the pettiest individuals it has ever been the human race's misfortunate to spawn." - RCN
"I hope you retire ASAP so LDF doesn't become just another anal-retentive defender org." - RiderSyl
"I find it disappointing that Quebec has posted without saying cope." - Fauxia
"Quebec himself is unconventional." - Xoriet

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Apatosaurus
Diplomat
 
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Founded: Jul 17, 2020
Civil Rights Lovefest

Postby Apatosaurus » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:23 pm

Wascoitan wrote:opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone

If the forums allowed you to like a post I'd be liking this.
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Unibot III
Negotiator
 
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Democratic Socialists

Postby Unibot III » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:27 pm

Quebecshire wrote:Clarity: I did not consult Unibot for these things. I was able to find sufficient UDL information from others and it has been incorporated based on that. Unibot has provided no assistance, research or otherwise, to this document, and will not.


Jokes on you, I’d have been utterly useless! It was a decade ago! :p
[violet] wrote:I mean this in the best possible way,
but Unibot is not a typical NS player.
Milograd wrote:You're a caring, resolute lunatic
with the best of intentions.
Org. Join Date: 25/05/2008 | Former Delegate of TRR | Gameplay Alignment: -18 / -13
Unibotian Factbook // Collected works // The Gameplay Alignment Test //
Proudly Authored 9 GA Res., 14 SC Res. // Commended by SC#78

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✯ Duty is Eternal, Justice is Imminent: UDL

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Refuge Isle
Diplomat
 
Posts: 924
Founded: Dec 14, 2018
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Refuge Isle » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:27 pm

Wascoitan wrote:opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone

I would be surprised if any NSLeft region voted for a commendation in any circumstance.

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Quebecshire
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Posts: 551
Founded: Mar 17, 2017
Democratic Socialists

Postby Quebecshire » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:41 pm

Made another wording change or two, also, Zukchiva has been added as a co-author for their continuing help both here and off-site.
Consul and LDF Command of The League
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Public Relations Director of NationStates Today
Player Résumé
"Quebecshire has proven time and time again that he is perfectly capable of standing in front of a room, full of people who hate him and continuing to defend his views." - Redacted
"[Quebec is] one of the pettiest individuals it has ever been the human race's misfortunate to spawn." - RCN
"I hope you retire ASAP so LDF doesn't become just another anal-retentive defender org." - RiderSyl
"I find it disappointing that Quebec has posted without saying cope." - Fauxia
"Quebec himself is unconventional." - Xoriet

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Great Algerstonia
Minister
 
Posts: 2618
Founded: Mar 21, 2019
Ex-Nation

Postby Great Algerstonia » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:48 pm

Wascoitan wrote:opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone

Why should OOC play any role in IC contributions?

Support.
Anti: Russia
Pro: Prussia
Resilient Acceleration wrote:After a period of letting this discussion run its course without my involvement due to sheer laziness and a new related NS project, I have returned with an answer and that answer is Israel.

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Frenchy II
Envoy
 
Posts: 210
Founded: May 31, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Frenchy II » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:56 pm

In terms of folks who deserve a Commendation and do or not do not have one, I cannot think of figures more commendable than Tim. Full support of this resolution and will vote for it as such when it comes up to vote in TRR. I look forward to the final draft and wish you all the best of luck!
Warden of The Order of the Grey Wardens
Former Supreme Commander of Lily
Co-Author of SC Resolution #353

"The credit goes to the 17 year old kid that took down the 16 year old streak.
That kid (Frenchy II) organized a flawless invasion." -Mikeswill
"Frenchy is the pinnacle of etiquette." -Agalaesia 10/29/2020
"Frenchy is a nice modern person." -Xoriet 10/29/2020
"If Frenchy owned a GCR they would turn it into a warzone." -Jinkies 10/17/2020
"I love sweeze... and Frenchy." -Tim 6/24/2020

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Wayneactia
Minister
 
Posts: 2593
Founded: Aug 01, 2014
New York Times Democracy

Postby Wayneactia » Fri Nov 26, 2021 6:58 pm

Wascoitan wrote:opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone

I second this. Far too much toxicity and salt.
Sarcasm dispensed liberally.
Nothing
Everything

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Frenchy II
Envoy
 
Posts: 210
Founded: May 31, 2017
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Frenchy II » Fri Nov 26, 2021 7:01 pm

Wayneactia wrote:
Wascoitan wrote:opposed on principle and will be pushing for such a vote in TCB, tim has by far been the most unrepentantly toxic and shitty people I have interacted with in NSGP. no matter how much he might have done to deserve a badge I will always be opposed to this because of his behavior alone

I second this. Far too much toxicity and salt.

you are literally wayneactia
Warden of The Order of the Grey Wardens
Former Supreme Commander of Lily
Co-Author of SC Resolution #353

"The credit goes to the 17 year old kid that took down the 16 year old streak.
That kid (Frenchy II) organized a flawless invasion." -Mikeswill
"Frenchy is the pinnacle of etiquette." -Agalaesia 10/29/2020
"Frenchy is a nice modern person." -Xoriet 10/29/2020
"If Frenchy owned a GCR they would turn it into a warzone." -Jinkies 10/17/2020
"I love sweeze... and Frenchy." -Tim 6/24/2020

User avatar
Wayneactia
Minister
 
Posts: 2593
Founded: Aug 01, 2014
New York Times Democracy

Postby Wayneactia » Fri Nov 26, 2021 7:03 pm

Frenchy II wrote:
Wayneactia wrote:I second this. Far too much toxicity and salt.

you are literally wayneactia

My windows are already smashed, so I have nothing to lose by hucking stones.
Sarcasm dispensed liberally.
Nothing
Everything

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