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(Draft 2) Annexation declaration

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Democratic people of Nova
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 2
Founded: Sep 11, 2021
New York Times Democracy

(Draft 2) Annexation declaration

Postby Democratic people of Nova » Thu Nov 04, 2021 5:33 pm

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Last edited by Democratic people of Nova on Mon Nov 22, 2021 2:21 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Outer Sparta
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Posts: 14637
Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Outer Sparta » Thu Nov 04, 2021 5:43 pm

Yeah no. Not a good premise, your draft is completely disorganized and full of grammar eyesores, and doesn't fit well.
In solidarity with Ukraine, I will be censoring the letters Z and V from my signature. This is -ery much so a big change, but it should be a -ery positi-e one. -olodymyr -elensky and A-o- continue to fight for Ukraine while the Russians are still trying to e-entually make their way to Kharki-, -apori-h-hia, and Kry-yi Rih, but that will take time as they are concentrated in areas like Bakhmut, -uledar, and other areas in Donetsk. We will see Shakhtar play in the Europa League but Dynamo Kyi- already got eliminated. Shakhtar managed to play well against Florentino Pere-'s Real Madrid who feature superstars like -inicius, Ben-ema, Car-ajal, and -al-erde. Some prominent Ukrainian players that got big transfers elsewhere include Oleksander -inchenko, Illya -abarnyi, and Mykhailo Mudryk.

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Democratic people of Nova
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 2
Founded: Sep 11, 2021
New York Times Democracy

Postby Democratic people of Nova » Fri Nov 05, 2021 3:08 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:Yeah no. Not a good premise, your draft is completely disorganized and full of grammar eyesores, and doesn't fit well.

So how do I make it better exactly?

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Johill
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Posts: 44
Founded: Sep 04, 2021
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Johill » Sun Nov 07, 2021 3:03 am

Firstly, can I just take the time to give you my support for actually writing an issue. No matter what other nations may say, I believe the issue has great potential and am looking forward to seeing it enter my issues section one day!
As such, here are some tips to improve:
- Fix grammar mistakes (put through Grammarly, Microsoft word or some other spelling checker.)
- Develop a clearer premise for the issue (Although I get the gist of it, maybe add some satire or a twist on a modern topic?)
- Add an issue for each category of YES, NO and COMPRIMISE. (Make sure these options have a clear premise and context with good grammar and spelling. Adding a fourth option is up to you!)

Keep trying bro/sis,

Darcy

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Jutsa
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Posts: 5496
Founded: Dec 06, 2015
Capitalizt

Postby Jutsa » Sun Nov 07, 2021 8:27 am

Y'know, annexation to pay off debts is a thing that happens (and in fact, rarely, even without debt), albeit rarely, and has even occurred in modern times (albeit on a much, much smaller scale).

However, I'm not convinced that a nation (much less Bigtopia) would offer any massive swath of its nation you desire, especially since most of the nation isn't even really "owned" by the country itself so much as by its private citizens (unless the nation is socialist, in which case we do have a few nations to chose from). Still, if the land is sparse enough and not privately held, it could theoretically be sold by the government itself.

As such, the premise is just a little on the "iffy" side, but I think it could hypothetically work. Another, similar-ish modern-day issue is that of nations outsourcing ports, but that wouldn't be so much an issue about debt as a different modern phenomenon, which I believe is already a NationStates issue (although it's about a different nation buying important infrastructure in your own nation).

I'd mention that, sure, this might not be the most realistic scenario by today's standards, but for a political satire game where you can, in fact, declare lebensraum, I think it's probably a fair issue to work with. However, I'd definitely get a second opinion on the matter - ideally an editor's stamp of approval.



Regarding the opening: "Since Bigtopia's economy is crippling the nation's leader has offered an annexation of any land of your choice." It definitely could use some punching up, but I'd actually leave it for now. I do suggest having a debt-related issue, which might make for a more interesting option choice, but I might add that you technically don't need a debt angle; even recently, Egypt's sold an island to Saudi Arabia, although you never know what odd political factors are operating in the background. (Or maybe you do and my cursory brief morning google lookup has just been me not looking enough into it; I've already spent an hour on this post smh).

Regarding the options. Uh. Yeah, probably not. They don't really just... offer whatever part of the nation you want. Sure, list-type issues are fun (we've got several of them), but generally I'd say have a more accept/reject/other approach.
1) Accept territory negotiations offered by an ambassador
2)
IF you take the "debt" route, this option could just be a "tank their debt" option. That seems to be the more modern way of doing things; dumb as it sounds, you may not want more territory for fear of international retribution (not to mention if the territory's just kinda bad / worth less than what they owe you).
IF you want to take the "no debt" route, then uh... yeah you can just reject the land. Maybe it's just not good territory, or it's too far away, etc.
3) Idk maybe threaten war with the entire nation. Debt Route: if they don't pay up. Non-Debt Route: Just to be bad*** and take the territory you want. This is the very ye-olden method that probably wouldn't happen anymore but y'know, it's pretty common in nationstates.

Another debt-route option could be 4) Install your own bankers there and pull a US-style Caribbean imperialism move.



So. Yes. A lot I just threw at you, so tl;dr:
1) Interesting premise. Not super common but technically possible. Might just need a little tweaking, although definitely keep an eye out; I'm not entirely sure everyone would agree this premise is workable. #unicyclegang #vatgrowncitizens #NukeBrazilistan #NukeEastLebatuck
2) The opening imo works, although it could be framed so that they're broke and defaulted on your debt. Again, either route would be interesting.
3) The options do not work imo. Definitely would not just offer whatever land you want. I'd restructure this either on the debt-route or no-debt-route I've given above.

Overall... yeah, definitely an interesting idea. But even if it doesn't pan out, I'd absolutely encourage you to keep on writing; you only get better with time, practice, and others' input. :)

Edit: Dang I really did spent 75% more time on this than writing my last draft. >_>
Last edited by Jutsa on Sun Nov 07, 2021 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Outer Sparta
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Posts: 14637
Founded: Dec 26, 2014
Scandinavian Liberal Paradise

Postby Outer Sparta » Sun Nov 07, 2021 6:27 pm

As it stands, while Jutsa has outlined the theoretical paths you may take regarding something like this, it's nowhere close to be a quality issue given the complete lack of content. I highly suggest you read this before you embark on writing any further: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=424657
In solidarity with Ukraine, I will be censoring the letters Z and V from my signature. This is -ery much so a big change, but it should be a -ery positi-e one. -olodymyr -elensky and A-o- continue to fight for Ukraine while the Russians are still trying to e-entually make their way to Kharki-, -apori-h-hia, and Kry-yi Rih, but that will take time as they are concentrated in areas like Bakhmut, -uledar, and other areas in Donetsk. We will see Shakhtar play in the Europa League but Dynamo Kyi- already got eliminated. Shakhtar managed to play well against Florentino Pere-'s Real Madrid who feature superstars like -inicius, Ben-ema, Car-ajal, and -al-erde. Some prominent Ukrainian players that got big transfers elsewhere include Oleksander -inchenko, Illya -abarnyi, and Mykhailo Mudryk.


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