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[SUBMITTED] Holy Moldy

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Prusmia
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[SUBMITTED] Holy Moldy

Postby Prusmia » Wed Oct 13, 2021 7:36 am

Title: Holy Moldy (going with mold because I'm American and it looks better to me)
Validity: Low Weather

The Issue: Following recent flooding & persistent rains in the lands surrounding @@CAPITAL@@, a recent inspection has found a thick slimy green mold growing in the recesses of homes.

Option 1:As you finish a particularly mushy cup of green custard. Your Minister of Housing approaches you in your office. "@@LEADER@@, I have some plans that could combat this moldy crisis. I believe we need to starve these disgusting things out. If they can't drink they can't live, it's simple! I believe we could erect a new sewer to get rid of the source of this disgusting slimy mold."

Effects: The streets of @@CAPITAL@@ grow damp as mold grows in @@NAME@@'s new sewers.

Option 2: As you begin to leave your office, you are confronted by the man who had sold you your custard. "Why hello my dear @@LEADER@@, did you enjoy the custard I sold you? Well, what if I told you that wasn't custard at all! It was mold, and plain delicious it is too. This isn't something we need to remove, we need it to flourish. We could make it a delicacy it would be wonderful!"

Effects: People don't seem to want desert anymore.

Option 3: As you settle down in your home and begin to rest, you turn on the tv and listen to a local broadcast. "Breaking news from a @@DEMONYM@@ home where this new disgusting mold has spread to a drastic level." The TV proceeds to cut to a scene showing several disgusting photos of mold growing in damp corners, on tablecloths, spreading across the floor of a shower and bedsheets. "G-gah that was horrifying, s-surely we can expect d-d-drastic action from @@LEADER@@ to get rid of this d-disgusting... I-'m going to puke." As the broadcast ends, you begin to think.
Validity: Not available for nations with "No Technology" policy.

Effects: The capital blazes, to rid @@NAME@@ from disgusting mold.

Option 3: (No Technology) As you step into your home and begin to rest, you notice around your home a particularly wet odor, walking into your kitchen, you notice blotches of mold growing in damp corners, on tablecloths, spreading across the floor of your shower and bedsheets. Disgusted and not a bit horrified you begin to think.

Effects: The capital blazes, to rid @@NAME@@ from disgusting mold.

Option 4: As your senses begin to drift, you begin to hear a faint voice echo across the walls, "HUNGER. FEED. JOIN." A shuffle echoes across the floorboards, "@@LEADER@@. JOIN. CONSUME. JOIN."
Effects: Mold grows free across @@NAME@@
Last edited by Prusmia on Tue Oct 19, 2021 11:35 am, edited 16 times in total.

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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Wed Oct 13, 2021 7:39 am

Why is there so much mould in @@CAPITAL@@?
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Wed Oct 13, 2021 7:45 am

I think there should be a cause for too much mould in houses, yes. Either you could tie it to one of the stats, but I have no idea which one would be appropriate. Yet if not a stat, then a reason why the mould is so prevalent in @@CAPITAL@@. Because if @@CAPITAL@@ is the only place in @@NAME@@ where there's so much mould and other places don't have it to that degree, then that stands out. Unless you make it a nationwide problem, but then you'd still have to figure out why the mould is problematic in @@NAME@@ and not in other nations.
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Wed Oct 13, 2021 10:14 am

Daarwyrth wrote:I think there should be a cause for too much mould in houses, yes. Either you could tie it to one of the stats, but I have no idea which one would be appropriate. Yet if not a stat, then a reason why the mould is so prevalent in @@CAPITAL@@. Because if @@CAPITAL@@ is the only place in @@NAME@@ where there's so much mould and other places don't have it to that degree, then that stands out. Unless you make it a nationwide problem, but then you'd still have to figure out why the mould is problematic in @@NAME@@ and not in other nations.

I agree with the premise that the issue of mold should be framed as "a serious problem in households in @@NAME@@" since that makes it much more of a nationwide issue than just in the capital.
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Prusmia
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Postby Prusmia » Wed Oct 13, 2021 11:19 am

Daarwyrth wrote:I think there should be a cause for too much mould in houses, yes. Either you could tie it to one of the stats, but I have no idea which one would be appropriate. Yet if not a stat, then a reason why the mould is so prevalent in @@CAPITAL@@. Because if @@CAPITAL@@ is the only place in @@NAME@@ where there's so much mould and other places don't have it to that degree, then that stands out. Unless you make it a nationwide problem, but then you'd still have to figure out why the mould is problematic in @@NAME@@ and not in other nations.
Tinhampton wrote:Why is there so much mould in @@CAPITAL@@?

Edited to have a reason still working on re-writing.
Last edited by Prusmia on Wed Oct 13, 2021 11:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Terrabod
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Postby Terrabod » Wed Oct 13, 2021 11:59 am

Interested to see where this goes! I'd maybe change "heavy rain" to "persistent flooding" - and it might be worth restricting the mould problem to a particular town... a whole nation or city being mouldy stretches the limits of belief, but a flooded county, say, with the same issue could still pose a Leader-level problem. Particularly because in some cases mould can be prohibitively expensive to treat, and a real danger to health.
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Wed Oct 13, 2021 12:19 pm

Terrabod wrote:Interested to see where this goes! I'd maybe change "heavy rain" to "persistent flooding" - and it might be worth restricting the mould problem to a particular town... a whole nation or city being mouldy stretches the limits of belief, but a flooded county, say, with the same issue could still pose a Leader-level problem. Particularly because in some cases mould can be prohibitively expensive to treat, and a real danger to health.

Sticking with a particular region or city, I would suggest the OP to specify that the area where the mold invasion is has a climate that helps mold to populate after heavy flooding and has frequent rains.
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Prusmia
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Postby Prusmia » Thu Oct 14, 2021 4:13 am

Terrabod wrote:Interested to see where this goes! I'd maybe change "heavy rain" to "persistent flooding" - and it might be worth restricting the mould problem to a particular town... a whole nation or city being mouldy stretches the limits of belief, but a flooded county, say, with the same issue could still pose a Leader-level problem. Particularly because in some cases mould can be prohibitively expensive to treat, and a real danger to health.

Edited, any suggestions on rewording?

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Terrabod
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Postby Terrabod » Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:28 pm

Prusmia wrote:Edited, any suggestions on rewording?

"Following serious flooding in West @@NAME@@, resilient mould has infested homes in a number of idyllic rural towns."

Took our advice about regional weather events into account (it would be crazy for many nations to experience flooding everywhere) and used some more diverse adjectives and verbs to spice things up. I haven't done all the work for you, though; I think you need much more humour in your description (which follows through into the options) than you do at present. One-liners are ok if they are whip-smart, but I don't think that would work here. Luckily, you've got such a neat description right now that you've given yourself license to add a bit of nonsense and really pile on the fun factor.

The way I'd approach humour in this particular issue would be to just make things as grotty as they can be. Stress how the mould clings to the moist corners of people's homes, or how the stuff seems to be producing a black sludge that creeps down the walls (or is that the psychotropic effects talking?). In fact, it might be fun to have Leader visit one such home, and for the options to get weirder and weirder as Leader breathes in more of the toxic spores (i.e. by the third option it's a lamp doing the talking). That could be interesting to at least try, though I couldn't say the end product will be comprehensible haha.
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Prusmia
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Postby Prusmia » Thu Oct 14, 2021 4:34 pm

Terrabod wrote:
Prusmia wrote:Edited, any suggestions on rewording?

"Following serious flooding in West @@NAME@@, resilient mould has infested homes in a number of idyllic rural towns."

Took our advice about regional weather events into account (it would be crazy for many nations to experience flooding everywhere) and used some more diverse adjectives and verbs to spice things up. I haven't done all the work for you, though; I think you need much more humour in your description (which follows through into the options) than you do at present. One-liners are ok if they are whip-smart, but I don't think that would work here. Luckily, you've got such a neat description right now that you've given yourself license to add a bit of nonsense and really pile on the fun factor.

The way I'd approach humour in this particular issue would be to just make things as grotty as they can be. Stress how the mould clings to the moist corners of people's homes, or how the stuff seems to be producing a black sludge that creeps down the walls (or is that the psychotropic effects talking?). In fact, it might be fun to have Leader visit one such home, and for the options to get weirder and weirder as Leader breathes in more of the toxic spores (i.e. by the third option it's a lamp doing the talking). That could be interesting to at least try, though I couldn't say the end product will be comprehensible haha.

Thanks for your suggestions, I'm still working on a re-write. I should have it out in a bit. You've been a real help!

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Random Country 453632
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Postby Random Country 453632 » Thu Oct 14, 2021 8:23 pm

If the cause is heavy rain, maybe only nations with a bad Weather level would receive this issue.
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Prusmia
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Postby Prusmia » Mon Oct 18, 2021 8:19 pm

Issue re-written. I'm thinking about more ideas, but I want to see if the new base idea works.

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Mon Oct 18, 2021 11:25 pm

By saying "Capital and eastern @@NAME@@", you're implying that the capital is in the east of the nation. Naughty, naughty
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Prusmia
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Postby Prusmia » Tue Oct 19, 2021 7:25 am

Australian rePublic wrote:By saying "Capital and eastern @@NAME@@", you're implying that the capital is in the east of the nation. Naughty, naughty

Fixed, also added 2 more options.

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Prusmia
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Postby Prusmia » Tue Oct 19, 2021 10:06 am

I'm not seeing many new suggestions being added, so I'm going to leave this open for a little while long for anyone who wants to give me some suggestions, (please do) but if this thread stays stagnant I'm going to take that as this issue has pretty much the best chance it's got and submit it.

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Terrabod
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Postby Terrabod » Tue Oct 19, 2021 1:29 pm

Submitted? Already? You only started drafting six days ago and posted a rewrite today... and also added two new options a few hours ago.

In future, you have to give commenters time to see your draft and to consider the feedback they'll give you; otherwise, your draft has very little chance of being added to the game. Remember that commenters give up their free time to contribute to your draft - none of us are always able to respond to your changes straight away, so you have to allow lots of time to receive plenty of feedback from a number of different perspectives. Issue-writing is most definitely a long game.
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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Tue Oct 19, 2021 7:59 pm

Terrabod wrote:Submitted? Already? You only started drafting six days ago and posted a rewrite today... and also added two new options a few hours ago.

In future, you have to give commenters time to see your draft and to consider the feedback they'll give you; otherwise, your draft has very little chance of being added to the game. Remember that commenters give up their free time to contribute to your draft - none of us are always able to respond to your changes straight away, so you have to allow lots of time to receive plenty of feedback from a number of different perspectives. Issue-writing is most definitely a long game.

Agreed, and to add onto that, the issues editors won't contact you if your submission actually made it or not, so the safe thing to do is to wait longer for more feedback, especially since six days isn't a long time drafting.
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:57 am

Like the two commenters above me said, this was submitted way too fast. You need to give people time, at least two weeks if not more, to give feedback and commentary. While people try to give feedback as often as they can, all of this is on a voluntary basis, so no comments doesn't mean that the draft is ready to go. Most of the time, no comments means that people haven't had the time yet to comment. My advice would be to wait until posters start saying "yeah, this looks like a solid draft for submission" before you move to last call or actual submission.
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Current year: 2021 CE | Monarch: Queen Demi Maria I | Prime Minister: Dame Maria vyn Nysen | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary parliamentary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
List of Authored Writings | Factbook on Daarwyrth | Factbook on Queen Demi Maria I | Royal House of Zylkoven | Political Parties | Daarwyrth's WA Mission | Diplomatic Programme | Major Businesses
Played nations
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