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[Submitted] Poultry Problem

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Amishire
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[Submitted] Poultry Problem

Postby Amishire » Tue Oct 05, 2021 3:52 pm

This is my first issue. Am I doing this right?

Title: Poultry Problem
[validity] Chose option 2 on issue #454
[desc] Ever since your government agreed to preserve the “right to homesteading” the backyard chicken phenomenon has boomed. There are chickens in almost every yard, and outside of them too. The chickens are fowling everything, the water supply, the native bird population, even the Health and Safety Committee meetings which they attend frequently.

[option]“Are you the manager?” a woman demands, her inverted bob bouncing with every step. “Karen Clawman,” the woman says sharply. “Every morning I hear a rooster crowing at 4 AM! I don’t get enough sleep with that racket! And that smell! @@NAME@@‘s towns are inhospitable. Get rid of your horrible ‘homesteading rights’ law! Chickens should be banned from our cities and suburbs.”
[Effect] children everywhere are told that their pet chickens went to “Old Man Johnson’s Farm”

[option] A worried looking woman runs in at Karen’s tail, clutching two hens to her chest. “No!” she cries. “My chickens are my babies! My feathered children! Chickens aren’t just livestock, they’re beloved pets and therapy animals. Before I got them I was a mess, but look at me now! Chickens are no louder than dogs. You could just ban roosters and limit the number of hens to eight.”
[Effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ rejoice due to a mass exodus of Karens from @@NAME@@

[option]A scrappy white hen hops onto your desk, looks meaningfully into your eyes, and lays an egg, a scribbled note with free all animals written on it in her beak.
[effect] whatever organization can give Leader more eggs is the sole law in @@NAME@@
Adds policy No Zoos

[option] A short farmer in overalls and a straw hat walks in. “Ya aren’t putting an end to the poultry industry in these parts, now, are ye? I’ll have you know I had me farm in this ‘ere town before it was founded, so who’s the intruder? People should be allowed to do with their land whatever they likes! Remove all zoning ordinances!”
[effect] families everywhere are moving to the country where there are “less smelly farm animals”





Previous Drafts:
Title: Poultry Problem
[validity] Chose option 2 on issue #454
[desc] Ever since your government agreed to preserve the “right to homesteading” the backyard chicken phenomenon has boomed. There are chickens in almost every yard, and outside of them too. The chickens are fowling everything, the water supply, the native bird population, even the Health and Safety Committee meetings which they attend frequently.

[option]“Are you the manager?” A middle-aged woman with a severe, blond-dyed haircut and a jutting lower lip stomps into your office. Your frightened security guards are peeking out from behind the plants. It is up to you to deal with this menace. “Karen Clawman,” the woman says sharply. “Every morning I hear a rooster crowing at 4 AM! I don’t get enough sleep with that racket! And that smell! @@NAME@@‘s towns are inhospitable. Get rid of your horrible “homesteading rights” law! Chickens should be banned from our cities and suburbs.”
[Effect] children everywhere are told that their pets went to “Old Man Johnson’s Farm”

[option] A worried looking woman runs in at Karen’s tail, clutching two hens to her chest. She is wearing a “I was Normal Two Chickens Ago” shirt. “No!” she cries. “My chickens are my babies! My feathered children! Their names are Henny and Marshmallow. Chickens aren’t just livestock, they’re beloved pets and therapy animals. Before I got them I was a mess, but look at me now! Chickens are no louder than dogs and much quieter than the lawnmowers that I often hear interrupting my depression naps. You could just ban roosters and limit the number of hens to eight.”
[Effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ rejoice due to a mass exodus of Karens from @@NAME@@

[option]A scrappy white hen hops onto your desk, looks meaningfully into your eyes, and lays an egg, a scribbled note with free all animals written on it in her beak.
[effect] whatever organization can give Leader more eggs is the sole law in @@NAME@@
Adds policy No Zoos

[option] A short farmer in overalls and a straw hat walks in. “Ya aren’t putting an end to the poultry industry in these parts, now, are ye? I’ll have you know I had me farm in this ‘ere town before it was founded, so who’s the intruder? People should be allowed to do with their land what they likes!”
[effect] families everywhere are moving to the country where there are “less smelly farm animals”

[title] Poultry Problem

[desc] You’ve heard about noise complaints all over your capital city. People have been raising chickens in town for centuries, and you begin to wonder whether @@NATION@@‘s lack of chicken ordinances should change
[option]“Are you the manager?” A middle-aged woman with a severe, blond-dyed haircut and a jutting lower lip stomps into your office. Your frightened security guards are peeking out from behind the plants. It is up to you to deal with this menace. “Karen Clawman,” the woman says sharply. “Every morning I hear a rooster crowing at 4 AM! I don’t get enough sleep with that racket! And that smell! @@NATION@@‘s towns are inhospitable. Chickens should be banned from our cities and suburbs.”
[Effect] Children everywhere are told that their pets went to “Old Man Johnson’s Farm,” but suspicions arise with cheap heritage poultry on the market.

[option] A worried looking woman runs in at Karen’s tail, clutching two hens to her chest. She is wearing a “I was Normal Two Chickens Ago” shirt. “No!” she cries. “My chickens are my babies! My feathered children! Their names are Henny and Marshmallow. Chickens aren’t just livestock, they’re beloved pets and therapy animals. Before I got them I was a mess, but look at me now! Chickens are no louder than dogs and much quieter than the lawnmowers that I often hear interrupting my depression naps. You could just ban roosters and limit the number of hens to eight.” [Effect] @@DENONYM@@s rejoice due to a mass exodus of Karens from @@NATION@@

[option] A young man with a goatee and a P.E.T.E. (People for Ethical Treatment of Everything) t-shirt climbs in through your window. “The keeping of domestic animals is cruel!” he shouts, pointing accusingly at the woman clutching her birds (who have now pooped on the floor.) “Animals have the right to be free, not bound by human ownership. Ban all poultry ownership and set those birds now in captivity free! Those are turkeys, right?” He glances at the chickens again.
[effect] Worries emerge that the burgeoning chicken population might overrun the cities, but an animal rights’ release of farm-raised mink ends those worries.

[option] A short farmer in overalls and a straw hat walks in. “Ya aren’t putting an end to the poultry industry in these parts, now, are ye? I’ll have you know I had me farm in this ‘ere town before it was founded, so who’s the intruder? People should be allowed to do with their land what they likes!”
[effect] Families everywhere are escaping cities to the countryside, where there are less “smelly chicken farms” as the urban poultry industry reaches new heights.

Validity: Countries in the top 45 percentile for Agriculture Industry and Primitiveness.

[title] Poultry Problem

[desc] You’ve heard about noise complaints all over your capital city. People have been raising chickens in town for centuries, and you begin to wonder whether @@NAME@@‘s lack of chicken ordinances should change. Chickens often run loose, and the mess is probably a health and safety violation.

[option]“Are you the manager?” A middle-aged woman with a severe, blond-dyed haircut and a jutting lower lip stomps into your office. Your frightened security guards are peeking out from behind the plants. It is up to you to deal with this menace. “Karen Clawman,” the woman says sharply. “Every morning I hear a rooster crowing at 4 AM! I don’t get enough sleep with that racket! And that smell! @@NAME@@‘s towns are inhospitable. Chickens should be banned from our cities and suburbs.”
[Effect] children everywhere are told that their pets went to “Old Man Johnson’s Farm”

[option] A worried looking woman runs in at Karen’s tail, clutching two hens to her chest. She is wearing a “I was Normal Two Chickens Ago” shirt. “No!” she cries. “My chickens are my babies! My feathered children! Their names are Henny and Marshmallow. Chickens aren’t just livestock, they’re beloved pets and therapy animals. Before I got them I was a mess, but look at me now! Chickens are no louder than dogs and much quieter than the lawnmowers that I often hear interrupting my depression naps. You could just ban roosters and limit the number of hens to eight.”
[Effect] @@DENONYMPLURAL@@ rejoice due to a mass exodus of Karens from @@NAME@@

[option] A young man with a goatee and a P.E.T.E. (People for Ethical Treatment of Everything) t-shirt climbs in through your window. “The keeping of domestic animals is cruel!” he shouts, pointing accusingly at the woman clutching her birds (who have now pooped on the floor.) “Animals have the right to be free, not bound by human ownership. Ban all poultry ownership and set those birds now in captivity free! Those are turkeys, right?” He glances at the chickens again.
[effect] worries emerge that the burgeoning chicken population might overrun the cities

[option] A short farmer in overalls and a straw hat walks in. “Ya aren’t putting an end to the poultry industry in these parts, now, are ye? I’ll have you know I had me farm in this ‘ere town before it was founded, so who’s the intruder? People should be allowed to do with their land what they likes!”
[effect] families everywhere are moving to the country where there are “less smelly farm animals”
Last edited by Amishire on Sun Nov 14, 2021 7:06 am, edited 13 times in total.

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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Tue Oct 05, 2021 3:58 pm

Is this based off of a prior issue or is it for nations with high amounts of agriculture? Make sure to specify which nations would be valid to receive it.

Maybe you should specify other potential problems this would cause (sanitary issues of having chickens run around, safety issues to pedestrians and motorists, etc.) to better make your case that this is a national issue.

Your effect lines are too long. Additionally, you are missing an effect line for option 2.
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Amishire
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Postby Amishire » Tue Oct 05, 2021 3:59 pm

Outer Sparta wrote:Is this based off of a prior issue or is it for nations with high amounts of agriculture? Make sure to specify which nations would be valid to receive it.

Maybe you should specify other potential problems this would cause (sanitary issues of having chickens run around, safety issues to pedestrians and motorists, etc.) to better make your case that this is a national issue.

Your effect lines are too long. Additionally, you are missing an effect line for option 2.

Thank you, I willl fix those issues!

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Outer Sparta
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Postby Outer Sparta » Tue Oct 05, 2021 4:11 pm

Amishire wrote:
Outer Sparta wrote:Is this based off of a prior issue or is it for nations with high amounts of agriculture? Make sure to specify which nations would be valid to receive it.

Maybe you should specify other potential problems this would cause (sanitary issues of having chickens run around, safety issues to pedestrians and motorists, etc.) to better make your case that this is a national issue.

Your effect lines are too long. Additionally, you are missing an effect line for option 2.

Thank you, I willl fix those issues!

I would also wait till you have an editor give you feedback, especially since they are very knowledgeable on issues and will gladly help you with any concerns and problems.
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Random Country 453632
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Postby Random Country 453632 » Tue Oct 05, 2021 7:50 pm

Too many karens! I have to bleach my eyes!

Jk, jk. You can use @@RANDOMNAME@@ macro to generate a random name of both genders. @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ for only male names, and same for females. I don't really see any randomnames.
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Amishire
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Postby Amishire » Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:40 am

Random Country 453632 wrote:Too many karens! I have to bleach my eyes!

Jk, jk. You can use @@RANDOMNAME@@ macro to generate a random name of both genders. @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ for only male names, and same for females. I don't really see any randomnames.

Is that ok if I leave it or should I add some random names?

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Random Country 453632
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Postby Random Country 453632 » Wed Oct 06, 2021 5:43 am

Amishire wrote:
Random Country 453632 wrote:Too many karens! I have to bleach my eyes!

Jk, jk. You can use @@RANDOMNAME@@ macro to generate a random name of both genders. @@RANDOMMALENAME@@ for only male names, and same for females. I don't really see any randomnames.

Is that ok if I leave it or should I add some random names?


Either or, fine by me
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Amishire
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Postby Amishire » Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:57 pm

Should I change the name to “Fowl Play” or is that already taken? Sorry that it’s not the most creative. XD

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 09, 2021 2:49 am

[desc] You’ve heard about noise complaints all over your capital city. People have been raising chickens in town for centuries, and you begin to wonder whether @@NAME@@‘s lack of chicken ordinances should change. Chickens often run loose, and the mess is probably a health and safety violation.

The premise you have described here feels very familiair to issue #454 "Don't Stead On Me!". The premise of that issue reads as follows:

A significant number of residents in @@CAPITAL@@ and other cities across @@NAME@@ have been growing vegetables and keeping animals on their property. The increasing presence of farm animals and intricate homemade irrigation systems have begun wreaking havoc on the infrastructure. Yesterday the busiest intersection of @@CAPITAL@@ was held up for over four hours by a woman trying to herd a large group of sheep to pasture in @@ANIMAL@@ Park. A cross-town group of affluent and angry citizens now demands that you control the burgeoning homestead movement.

In your issue draft you put the focus on chickens, yet I feel it isn't distinct enough from "The increasing presence of farm animals and intricate homemade irrigation systems have begun wreaking havoc on the infrastructure" as in the issue premise that I have quoted above. At its core, your issue idea comes down to "farm animals cause problems in cities", which is the same issue idea behind #454.

If you are determined to write an issue on a problem with chickens, I would suggest you try to find a more distinct angle than what issue #454 presented. You could, for example, try to write a follow-up issue to one of the choices in #454 that focuses on chickens?
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Oct 09, 2021 2:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Amishire
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Postby Amishire » Sat Oct 09, 2021 5:25 am

Wow, they really are similar! Funny how we were thinking of the same thing. :lol2: I’ve never seen that one in my life. Mine was inspired by my own experience with city chickens. I don’t think I could change it though, if they don’t accept mine, well, that’s okay.

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 09, 2021 5:42 am

Amishire wrote:Wow, they really are similar! Funny how we were thinking of the same thing. :lol2: I’ve never seen that one in my life. Mine was inspired by my own experience with city chickens. I don’t think I could change it though, if they don’t accept mine, well, that’s okay.

Well, issue #454 isn't mine, as that one was published long before I discovered NationStates :P but I would encourage you to look at possible different angles, and write something about that. Especially as a follow-up issue to one of the options in #454.
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Amishire
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Postby Amishire » Sat Oct 09, 2021 1:20 pm

New draft, how is it???

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Postby Amishire » Wed Oct 13, 2021 7:31 pm

Daarwyth?
Last edited by Amishire on Wed Oct 13, 2021 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Random Country 453632
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Postby Random Country 453632 » Fri Oct 15, 2021 10:06 pm

Option 1 and 2's opening is very long. Also, the effect of option 1 seems to imply that ALL pets wen't to the farm, including iguanas!

This draft seems very good nonetheless, looking forward to this
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 16, 2021 1:50 am

I believe this is looking better, yes, especially as a follow-up to the issue we discussed earlier. I do have a few remarks however:

- Option lengths: it's something I used to do in my early days drafting issues as well, put a lot of characterisation and things into the options. Yet over the years I've learned that less really is more, and colourful but succinct characterisations work best. I'd advise you to shorten the issue options by trying to put the characterisations in a short but descriptive manner. For example, instead of "Are you the manager?” A middle-aged woman with a severe, blond-dyed haircut and a jutting lower lip" you could put it as ""Are you the manager?" shrilly asks a middle-aged woman, her inverted bob framing her soured face". It may not shorten the sentence significantly in this case, but it puts the scene in a more succinct way while conveying the same message. And for example "Your frightened security guards are peeking out from behind the plants. It is up to you to deal with this menace." could be cut from the option, because the previous line characterises the speaker enough already. I understand that it's certainly comedic, but it lengthens the text unnecessarily.

- Option 4: Currently I feel this option basically repeats either option 2 but in a different way, and comes close to being a dismiss button. My advice would be to either cut it from the draft, have the speaker replace the speaker of option 2 OR go with something really wacky. For example, the farmer could suggest that all of @@NAME@@ becomes farmland and farms, no cities just farmland and farming communes as far as the eye can see.
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Postby Random Country 453632 » Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:50 am

Option 3 is way, way, way, WAY too short, but if you just want a hen, its fine. However, options are usually partially humorous, like a stupid idea or blatantly humorous speaker. Darn tootin! Not the entire option
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:58 am

Random Country 453632 wrote:Option 3 is way, way, way, WAY too short, but if you just want a hen, its fine. However, options are usually partially humorous, like a stupid idea or blatantly humorous speaker. Darn tootin! Not the entire option

I think that's the very beauty of Option 3. It's short but that's its strength, just the hen relaying the message. I know there are similar tropes in the issue base, so the shortness of it is definitely not a problem, especially considering the other options are fairly lengthy ;)
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Postby Bears Armed » Sat Oct 16, 2021 3:59 am

Random Country 453632 wrote:Option 1 and 2's opening is very long. Also, the effect of option 1 seems to imply that ALL pets wen't to the farm, including iguanas!

In RL there actually have been experiments with farming iguanas, somewhere in Central America. They can make better use of the native vegetation than any imported livestock.
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Postby Amishire » Mon Oct 18, 2021 5:28 pm

Thank you guys, will fix!

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Postby Australian rePublic » Mon Oct 18, 2021 11:27 pm

Option 1- You can ban roosters without banning chickens. In fact, that would be a great option, with a lot of "cock" puns
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