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[DEFEATED] Commend Libertanny

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[DEFEATED] Commend Libertanny

Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 5:30 pm

Yes, yes, I know. This has been attempted already. But the reason it flopped was because of a lower quality of writing (sorry Vamp) and the proposal's inability to convince people that the nominee was actually commendable. I believe this addresses both. We worked closely with Zukchiva for some of the finer points of wording and for informational purposes, and Libertanny himself helped provide us with some helpful dates. Additionally, we worked to refine this draft over the course of a month, with input from helpful members of the PfS discord and the NSWA discord, as well as a couple WA-minded TEPers. This was a comprehensive project. I think I got everything that is commendable, and did away with everything that isn't. For those who might say that it could be better to wait until Serge has done more, he's retired now, and is likely not to come back for a long while. But I ramble, I ramble. Without further ado:

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Commend Libertanny

Commendation | Nominee: Libertanny


The Security Council,

Believing that there exists few nations of such caliber that can permanently better the fates of their regions through work of extraordinary difficulty and nearly unmatched inspiration, of which Libertanny of The East Pacific (TEP) can be counted,

Applauding Libertanny’s contributions to TEP as Minister of Information in early 2018 and Chief Minister of Communications in late 2018, a period in which they worked to involve members of the unrepresented Regional Message Board (RMB) community within the Ministry, and played an integral role in expanding the reach and scope of the Eastern Pacific News Service (EPNS) as an informative tool, also repealing the EPNS Act (which heavily restricted the operations of the EPNS) in the Magisterium so that the EPNS could function with greater flexibility and effectiveness,

Identifying Libertanny’s contributions to design and art in TEP, serving as Minister of Design in late 2018, where they engaged a formerly decaying ministry, circulating various design programs to assist nations in their pursuits, and creating numerous designs including the TEP delegate seal as well as various flags, badges, and awards.

Admiring Libertanny’s valiant efforts to oppose the 2019 coup d’etat of TEP by Fedele via the founding of a legislative bloc which actively and publicly opposed Fedele’s actions, the proposal of a symbolic Magisterial resolution to condemn Fedele for openly ignoring regional law, and the assistance in unendorsement campaigns during the coup to depose the usurper, ultimately playing a vital role to overcome the subversion,

Recognizing Libertanny’s restructuring of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs following the coup, creating a new leadership council consisting of senior diplomats and delegating leadership responsibilities to it, helping democratize the decision-making process, ease the burden of leadership, and allow for such greater efficiency that it remains in use to this day,

Noting Libertanny’s extensive structural reforms of TEP’s Government during their eight-month tenure as Delegate, including but not limited to:
  1. Empowering World Assembly influence in the region by establishing the independence of the Ministry of World Assembly Affairs from the purview of any other ministries, strengthening its decision-making power and building engagement within this very Assembly,
  2. Creating Ambassador positions for various, underrepresented communities within TEP's government, such as the RMB and the Cards Association, TEAPOT; connecting TEP’s government to more isolated parts of the region and fostering a greater sense of community in TEP,
  3. Instituting the precedent of allowing regional legislature representation in treaty negotiations, improving upon the prolonged process of drafting treaties and eliminating a large hindrance to the advancement of interregional diplomacy, and
  4. Directing the creation of REWARD without aid, a World Assembly Development Program which has strengthened regional security by incentivizing the endorsement of regional security officers and encouraged a more vibrant endorsement culture within the region,
Saluting Libertanny’s contributions to TEP diplomacy during their delegacy, mainly by building treaties emphasizing goodwill, mutual defense, and cooperation, with regions such as The Free Nations Region and Thaecia, both of which have become some of TEP’s closest allies,

Appreciating Libertanny’s initiative in creating and helping to host all editions of the well regarded 2020 “Paradoxical Event”, a gaming festival regularly enjoyed by 100+ nations; this boosted regional activity for participating regions, and encouraging the forming of new and bountiful international relationships; and in founding the subsequent “Paradoxical Corporation,” which will continue to host such events,

Accrediting that Libertanny has single-handedly transformed and bettered The East Pacific as a respected leader, hard worker, and reformer on a caliber befitting such a commendation,

Hereby Commends Libertanny.

Co-authored by Ponthieu.
Last edited by Frisbeeteria on Sun Oct 24, 2021 9:05 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Postby Vikanias » Fri Sep 24, 2021 5:35 pm

Way better then the previous version, if this makes it to quorum I’ll be voting for!
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Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 5:37 pm

Vikanias wrote:Way better then the previous version, if this makes it to quorum I’ll be voting for!

Thank you, kind soul!
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Postby Giovanniland » Fri Sep 24, 2021 5:47 pm

Some critiques:

Applauding Libertanny’s contributions to TEP as Minister of Information in early 2018 and Chief Minister of Communications in late 2018, a period in which they worked to involve members of the unrepresented Regional Message Board community within the Ministry, and played an integral role in expanding the reach and scope of the Eastern Pacific News Service (EPNS) as an informative tool, and to repeal the EPNS Act in the Magisterium, which heavily restricted the operations of the EPNS, which now allows EPNS to function with greater flexibility and effectiveness,

The end of this clause looks confusing to me, since there are two "which" sentences. I have no idea if this works, but perhaps something like: "...to repeal the EPNS Act (which heavily restricted the operations of the EPNS) in the Magisterium, so that the EPNS could function with greater flexibility and effectiveness".

Identifying Libertanny’s contributions to design and art in TEP, where they created various badges and awards, as well as the TEP Delegate seal and various flags for other members of the region; served as Minister of Design in late 2018, engaging a formerly decaying ministry; donated valuable international artwork to various residents of TEP; and circulated various design programs to assist nations in their pursuits,

Is the "international artwork" here related to the common IC term used for the cards game? If yes, I don't think Libertanny has gifted cards in a notable enough scale so that their efforts are worth of mention here; if it was just a coincidence then I suggest searching for a better term. Also, "engaging a formerly decaying ministry" doesn't really tell me anything about their term as Minister of Design, so this should be explained (unless the rest of the clause is what they did as Minister of Design).

Saluting Libertanny’s contributions to diplomacy during their delegacy, mainly in the negotiation of many important treaties, which strengthened the diplomatic relationships of TEP, and fostered a spirit of interregional goodwill, defense, and cooperation; notably including those with The Free Nations Region and Thaecia, both of which have become two of TEP’s closest allies,

Here I think that cultural relations could also mentioned, such as an interregional event or such that resulted from the treaties, if there were any. Not that treaties aren't important, mind you, but this could strengthen the clause.
Last edited by Giovanniland on Fri Sep 24, 2021 5:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Varanius » Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:01 pm

Aivintis wrote:Believing that there exists few nations of such caliber that can permanently better the fates of their regions through work of extraordinary difficulty and nearly unmatched inspiration, a field in which Libertanny of The East Pacific (TEP) excels,
Does he though? Does he excel? Let’s see

Applauding Libertanny’s contributions to TEP as Minister of Information in early 2018 and Chief Minister of Communications in late 2018, a period in which they worked to involve members of the unrepresented Regional Message Board community within the Ministry,
RMB! That’s something.
and played an integral role in expanding the reach and scope of the Eastern Pacific News Service (EPNS) as an informative tool,
In what way was this expanded?
and to repeal the EPNS Act in the Magisterium, which heavily restricted the operations of the EPNS, which now allows EPNS to function with greater flexibility and effectiveness,
All that flexibility just to still be a subpar paper. Call me when you make a Western Post.

Identifying Libertanny’s contributions to design and art in TEP, where they created various badges and awards, as well as the TEP Delegate seal and various flags for other members of the region; served as Minister of Design in late 2018, engaging a formerly decaying ministry; donated valuable international artwork to various residents of TEP; and circulated various design programs to assist nations in their pursuits,
If art was commendable, Imki and Bran would somehow be even more commendable than Lib then they already are.

Admiring Libertanny’s valiant efforts to oppose the 2019 coup d’etat of TEP by Fedele via the founding of a legislative bloc which actively and publicly opposed Fedele’s actions, the proposal of a symbolic Magisterial resolution to condemn Fedele for openly ignoring regional law, and the assistance in unendorsement campaigns during the coup to depose the usurper, ultimately playing a vital role to overcome this subversion attempt,
Was Lib the only founder? How active a role did he play in this legislative bloc? Are these actions really that unique in terms of anti-coup efforts? Was it even successful or was it Fedele’s incompetence that killed the coup? Is symbolic legislation really commendable, or even noteworthy?

Recognizing Libertanny’s restructuring of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs following the coup, wherein they created a new leadership council consisting of senior diplomats, and delegated leadership responsibilities to it, which helped democratize the decision-making process, ease the burden of leadership, and allow for such greater efficiency that it remains in use to this day,
Fun, custodial work. And hardly a revolutionary idea.

  1. Empowering the World Assembly in the region with establishing the independence of the Ministry of World Assembly Affairs from the purview of any other ministries, strengthening its decision-making power and building engagement with this very Assembly,
Yawn, get me something juicy.
  • Increasing diverse representation through the creation of Ambassador positions for the RMB and the Cards Association, TEAPOT, connecting TEP’s government to more isolated parts of the region which might not otherwise be heard, and fostering a greater sense of community in TEP,
  • Is there anyone even in that other than Atlae?
  • Instituting the precedent of allowing the regional legislature representation in treaty negotiations, which improved upon the prolonged process of drafting treaties, eliminating a large hindrance to the advancement of interregional diplomacy, and
  • Yes I’m sure shoving the entire legislature into the process helped with that “prolonged” nature.
  • Directing the creation the REWARD, a World Assembly Development Program which strengthens regional security by incentivizing the endorsement of regional security officers and encourages a more vibrant endorsement culture within the region to this very day, without aid,
  • Bran did it better
    Saluting Libertanny’s contributions to diplomacy during their delegacy, mainly in the negotiation of many important treaties, which strengthened the diplomatic relationships of TEP,
    This might actually be onto something
    Who?
    Yes and I’m sure TEP’s very proud of their favorite vassal
    Appreciating Libertanny’s initiative in creating the well regarded 2020 “Paradoxical Event”, a gaming festival wherein they directly hosted the first rendition and helped organize the three subsequent ones, extensive work which created a fun festival that is regularly enjoyed by 100+ nations with popular games and events, boosting regional activity for participating regions, and encouraging the forming of new and bountiful international relationships, and the founding of the subsequent “Paradoxical Corporation,” which will continue to host such events,
    And…a festival. Do you know how many of those TWP has a year? And better ones might I add…

    Accrediting that Libertanny has single-handedly transformed and bettered The East Pacific as a respected leader, hard worker, and reformer on a caliber befitting such a commendation
    If he is, you’re certainly not proving it.
    Last edited by Varanius on Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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    Postby Wayneactia » Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:08 pm

    Not really seeing much here that's winning me over. As Vara has very eloquently expressed, most of that stuff are the general duties of any higher up in a feeder government. Is there anything groundbreaking here other than "He is a good egg"? It is very well written, but that "special" ingredient is missing.
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    Postby Outer Sparta » Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:24 pm

    I still stand by my statements that Libertanny isn't commendable. Commendations of GCR delegates require more than the duties and activities they've done in their region.
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    Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 8:18 pm

    Giovanniland wrote:The end of this clause looks confusing to me, since there are two "which" sentences. I have no idea if this works, but perhaps something like: "...to repeal the EPNS Act (which heavily restricted the operations of the EPNS) in the Magisterium, so that the EPNS could function with greater flexibility and effectiveness".

    Yeah you’re right, I’ll change it.

    Is the "international artwork" here related to the common IC term used for the cards game? If yes, I don't think Libertanny has gifted cards in a notable enough scale so that their efforts are worth of mention here; if it was just a coincidence then I suggest searching for a better term. Also, "engaging a formerly decaying ministry" doesn't really tell me anything about their term as Minister of Design, so this should be explained (unless the rest of the clause is what they did as Minister of Design).

    Regarding cards, it does, and yeah that makes sense.

    As for “engaging”, well it was dead and he made it active. I thought that was evident with my word choice, but can change it if you suggest something better.

    Here I think that cultural relations could also mentioned, such as an interregional event or such that resulted from the treaties, if there were any. Not that treaties aren't important, mind you, but this could strengthen the clause.

    That makes sense. Paradoxical was really the main one, but under his delegacy we participated in Late Nite Festival (mostly me and Altys tho) and Tea House of Cards (mostly y0 tho). I can look for others he played a more active role in.
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    Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 8:48 pm

    Outer Sparta wrote:I still stand by my statements that Libertanny isn't commendable. Commendations of GCR delegates require more than the duties and activities they've done in their region.

    I’m kinda new at this, so could you explain what kind of things outside duties and activities that they could do?
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    Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 8:49 pm

    Wayneactia wrote:Not really seeing much here that's winning me over. As Vara has very eloquently expressed, most of that stuff are the general duties of any higher up in a feeder government. Is there anything groundbreaking here other than "He is a good egg"? It is very well written, but that "special" ingredient is missing.

    If possible, could you please point to instances of that “special” ingredient in other commendations so I can better understand how to capture it?
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    Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 8:52 pm

    Varanius wrote:In what way was this expanded?

    Articles and authors from an unrepresented community.

    All that flexibility just to still be a subpar paper. Call me when you make a Western Post.

    EPNS will buy the Western Post and abolish it for that insult to our honor!!!!!!!! >:(

    If art was commendable, Imki and Bran would somehow be even more commendable than Lib then they already are.

    There was, in fact a design clause in Imki’s commendation, if that’s what you’re referencing.

    Was Lib the only founder? How active a role did he play in this legislative bloc? Are these actions really that unique in terms of anti-coup efforts? Was it even successful or was it Fedele’s incompetence that killed the coup? Is symbolic legislation really commendable, or even noteworthy?

    Lib was not the only founder, but everyone played an active role. And I don’t know for sure how unique they are, but even if it happened twelve other times in twelve different regions then it is still a valiant effort to oppose subversion. If “has this happened before” is the bar, then most commendation clauses are thrown out the window anyway, aren’t they? As for whether or not the attempt was successful, yes. Like the clause says, it played a vital role in opposing the cabal’s control of the Magisterium and spreading information to counter coup. Alone, the symbolic bill would not be commendable, but with this I think it is. As for noteworthy, yes it is.

    Fun, custodial work. And hardly a revolutionary idea.

    Custodial work is hard work, necessary work, and unglamorous work. That’s noble.

    As for whether or not it’s a revolutionary idea, maybe not, but it modernized the Ministry and enhanced its bureaucratic efficiency. Again, being the second or third person to do something great doesn’t mean it’s not great. Commendations aren’t patents.

    Is there anyone even in that other than Atlae?

    Well, discounting, well me, and the actual leader of the organization, Evrigenis, and of course Atlae, there’s 22 members.

    Yes I’m sure shoving the entire legislature into the process helped with that “prolonged” nature.

    “representative”, not “everyone”, but that’s kinda my point, since that’s how it functioned before Serge cleaned it up.

    Yes and I’m sure TEP’s very proud of their favorite vassal

    HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

    And…a festival. Do you know how many of those TWP has a year? And better ones might I add…

    Festivals that consistently reach 150-190 participants over four events with four different, unique themes and roleplays? Festivals that are so popular that they become independent organizations and still have a leg to stand on? How many?

    If he is, you’re certainly not proving it.

    I’m not sure if this is supposed to be a closing statement or a critique of how I connect the clauses to the greater argument. If it’s the latter, could you elaborate?
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    Postby Varanius » Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:21 pm

    Aivintis wrote:but everyone played an active role.
    So he wasn’t the founder, he was a founder? Just how many founders were there?
    And I don’t know for sure how unique they are, but even if it happened twelve other times in twelve different regions then it is still a valiant effort to oppose subversion.
    Valiant, sure. But much less impressive
    If “has this happened before” is the bar, then most commendation clauses are thrown out the window anyway, aren’t they?
    I’m not saying that should be the case, but surely a little ingenuity isn’t too much to hope for? Something new or different.
    Alone, the symbolic bill would not be commendable, but with this I think it is. As for noteworthy, yes it is.
    Symbolic legislation is just that: symbolic. It’s not an achievement, and it’s not commendable. No amount of context magically changes that.

    Custodial work is hard work, necessary work, and unglamorous work. That’s noble.
    Noble, sure. But not commendable. Commendations are for those who go above and beyond, custodial work just doesn’t meet that bar.

    As for whether or not it’s a revolutionary idea, maybe not, but it modernized the Ministry and enhanced its bureaucratic efficiency. Again, being the second or third person to do something great doesn’t mean it’s not great. Commendations aren’t patents.
    Again, not saying they are. But commends need more than just standard cleaning up of the region.

    Well, discounting, well me, and the actual leader of the organization, Evrigenis, and of course Atlae, there’s 22 members.
    Fair enough.

    “representative”, not “everyone”, but that’s kinda my point, since that’s how it functioned before Serge cleaned it up.
    How were these representatives chosen?

    Festivals that consistently reach 150-190 participants over four events with four different, unique themes and roleplays? Festivals that are so popular that they become independent organizations and still have a leg to stand on? How many?
    4 themes is not nearly as many as you seem to think it is.

    What we seem to have here is a delegate who mainly went around doing basic janitorial work for TEP. Basic fixes, and certainly not new or exciting ones. A great delegate by TEP standards maybe, but he doesn’t really seem to go above or beyond. And I assume this image is on purpose. You seem to have notably left out the failed initiatives, unlike your predecessor. The consortium, OBB, the “defense” of Warzone Asia, the liberation numbers for SP. On and on. The reason this document looks like nothing but boring, standard work, is because you removed all the fun exciting initiatives, knowing they had failed. You’re a much better author, and you’re much more determined than that other attempt ever was, but all the determination in the world won’t turn water into wine, and it won’t make Lib commendable either.
    Last edited by Varanius on Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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    Postby Outer Sparta » Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:25 pm

    Aivintis wrote:
    Outer Sparta wrote:I still stand by my statements that Libertanny isn't commendable. Commendations of GCR delegates require more than the duties and activities they've done in their region.

    I’m kinda new at this, so could you explain what kind of things outside duties and activities that they could do?

    I would suggest you look at prior commendations of GCR delegates and see what accomplishments they have listed. That'll give you a good start.
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    Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:35 pm

    Varanius wrote: So he wasn’t the founder, he was a founder? Just how many founders were there?

    I’m not sure, but being the only person in an anti-coup group is kinda ineffective, so I’m not sure why it seems like you’d prefer if he was alone.

    How were these representatives chosen?

    Usually they’re just the Provost, but if the Provost can’t make it, they can decide to send a Deputy instead.

    4 themes is not nearly as many as you seem to think it is.

    You’re ignoring my question, and the point it makes, but that’s okay. And four themes in a little over a year in one event while a lot of others are hosted is pretty good in my experience as a GCR MoC and a major UCR MoC.

    You seem to have notably left out the failed initiatives, unlike your predecessor. The consortium, OBB, the “defense” of Warzone Asia, the liberation numbers for SP. On and on.

    I’m confused. If you put failed attempts in, you have to take them out because they’re not commendable, but if you leave them out because they’re not commendable, you have to put them in because they’re not commendable?

    Also, slight correction: OBB didn’t fail. It succeeded.
    Last edited by Aivintis on Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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    Postby Aivintis » Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:37 pm

    Outer Sparta wrote:
    Aivintis wrote:I’m kinda new at this, so could you explain what kind of things outside duties and activities that they could do?

    I would suggest you look at prior commendations of GCR delegates and see what accomplishments they have listed. That'll give you a good start.

    I looked at a few commendations of similar figures, but I’m not sure how many of them were WADs. I’ll go check specifically for that.
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    Postby Varanius » Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:43 pm

    Aivintis wrote:
    Varanius wrote: So he wasn’t the founder, he was a founder? Just how many founders were there?

    I’m not sure, but being the only person in an anti-coup group is kinda ineffective, so I’m not sure why it seems like you’d prefer if he was alone.
    I’m asking because how much he contributed to the group matters. In what form matters, how matters, and with who matters. Being a founder out of god knows how many isn’t commendable without context

    I’m confused. If you put failed attempts in, you have to take them out because they’re not commendable, but if you leave them out because they’re not commendable, you have to put them in because they’re not commendable?
    Well you’re definitely confused. I’m not saying you should add them in. I’m saying the reason this resolution is the way it is (bland and janitorial) is because all the attempts to actually do something failed. That’s important context.

    Also, slight correction: OBB didn’t fail. It succeeded.
    Please, it hit a backwater so backwater-y defenders didn’t even know it existed. And telegrammed the whole region to do it. It might be an “alternative success”, but calling it a true actual victory is lacking to say the least.
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    Postby Zukchiva » Sat Sep 25, 2021 3:18 am

    Libertanny founded the SMC, and is the one who lead most discussions in it.

    As for Lib's restructuring of the MoFA, Im pretty sure Praeceps and Marrabuk were commended for restructuring a MoFA one way or another. Changing the structure of things may not be exciting, but it can be commendable- and I firmly believe it is in this context.
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    Postby Varanius » Sat Sep 25, 2021 6:58 am

    Zukchiva wrote:Libertanny founded the SMC, and is the one who lead most discussions in it.

    As for Lib's restructuring of the MoFA, Im pretty sure Praeceps and Marrabuk were commended for restructuring a MoFA one way or another. Changing the structure of things may not be exciting, but it can be commendable- and I firmly believe it is in this context.
    I don’t believe Marra was commendable either, and he did a lot more than Lib has. And it’s not just that it’s “not exciting”, it’s not new or unique. It’s something anyone could’ve done. It doesn’t display ingenuity or hard work. Sure it’s something. And if doing literally anything was the standard by all means commend Lib. But it’s not. This is a commendation, for someone who excels internationally. For someone who left a longlasting and powerful mark on the game. Copying and pasting an internal FA structure just doesn’t make the cut for that.
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    Father Knows Best State

    Postby Aivintis » Sat Sep 25, 2021 8:19 am

    Varanius wrote:Please, it hit a backwater so backwater-y defenders didn’t even know it existed. And telegrammed the whole region to do it. It might be an “alternative success”, but calling it a true actual victory is lacking to say the least.

    The goal was to break records. It broke records. I don't think the target even mattered - I've already forgotten who it was - and the goal wasn't to hold it or take a difficult target, and in that way it failed, sure, but the actual goal was achieved, and I think that is a true actual victory and not an "alternative success" the way Lib SP might be considered that due to being record-breaking. The first actual concept for OBB was Libertanny DMing us and saying he wanted to break a raiding record.
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    Postby Varanius » Sat Sep 25, 2021 9:35 am

    Aivintis wrote:I've already forgotten who it was
    Yes that’s my point
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    Postby Aivintis » Sat Sep 25, 2021 10:13 am

    Varanius wrote:
    Aivintis wrote:I've already forgotten who it was
    Yes that’s my point

    And my point is that who it was didn't matter because there was a goal and it was achieved.

    But none of this is relevant to the Commendation.
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    Postby Thousand Branches » Mon Sep 27, 2021 11:26 am

    Hoo boy I got some big edits on this one, you ready? :p

    Aivintis wrote:Believing that there exists few nations of such caliber that can permanently better the fates of their regions through work of extraordinary difficulty and nearly unmatched inspiration, a field in which Libertanny of The East Pacific (TEP) excels,

    “Field” is a weird word. It generally suggests some kind of academic sphere or area of interest where I think this resolution is more referring to work that the nation has taken on. I’d change it.

    Aivintis wrote: Applauding Libertanny’s contributions to TEP as Minister of Information in early 2018 and Chief Minister of Communications in late 2018, a period in which they worked to involve members of the unrepresented Regional Message Board community within the Ministry, and played an integral role in expanding the reach and scope of the Eastern Pacific News Service (EPNS) as an informative tool, and to repeal the EPNS Act (which heavily restricted the operations of the EPNS) in the Magisterium, so that the EPNS could function with greater flexibility and effectiveness,

    “And to repeal” should be “also repealing” or even just “repealing” would be better.

    Comma before “so that the EPNS” is unnecessary.

    Aivintis wrote: Identifying Libertanny’s contributions to design and art in TEP, where they created various badges and awards, as well as the TEP Delegate seal and various flags for other members of the region; served as Minister of Design in late 2018, engaging a formerly decaying ministry; and circulated various design programs to assist nations in their pursuits,

    Both semicolons should be commas, those are not separate or full sentences, therefore semicolons are incorrect.

    I’m gonna suggest a totally reorganized clause here. This one is kind of all over the place and could be reorganized to work a lot better:

    “Identifying Libertanny’s contributions to design and art in TEP, serving as minister of design in 2018, where they engaged a formerly decaying ministry and created numerous designs including the TEP delegate seal as well as various flags, badges, and awards.”

    Something to that effect would work as well, but I would start out by introducing the position and then what they did both in that position and as a whole.

    Aivintis wrote: Admiring Libertanny’s valiant efforts to oppose the 2019 coup d’etat of TEP by Fedele via the founding of a legislative bloc which actively and publicly opposed Fedele’s actions, the proposal of a symbolic Magisterial resolution to condemn Fedele for openly ignoring regional law, and the assistance in unendorsement campaigns during the coup to depose the usurper, ultimately playing a vital role to overcome this subversion attempt,

    I’d change “this subversion attempt” to “the subversion”. It clearly wasn’t an attempt if all of this was necessary to get rid of it. Subversion was not attempted, it was done :p

    Aivintis wrote: Recognizing Libertanny’s restructuring of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs following the coup, wherein they created a new leadership council consisting of senior diplomats, and delegated leadership responsibilities to it, which helped democratize the decision-making process, ease the burden of leadership, and allow for such greater efficiency that it remains in use to this day,

    “Wherein” should just be “where” or better, change “wherein they created” to “creating” (delegated would then be delegating etc). Comma after diplomats is unnecessary. “Which helped” to “helping to”.

    Aivintis wrote: Empowering the World Assembly in the region with establishing the independence of the Ministry of World Assembly Affairs from the purview of any other ministries, strengthening its decision-making power and building engagement with this very Assembly,

    The first “World Assembly” should probably be like “World Assembly influence” or something similar. It is not TEP’s world assembly. The first “With” should be “by”. The last “with” might be “within”?

    Aivintis wrote: Increasing diverse representation through the creation of Ambassador positions for the RMB and the Cards Association, TEAPOT, connecting TEP’s government to more isolated parts of the region which might not otherwise be heard, and fostering a greater sense of community in TEP,

    What’s the RMB? It’s not mentioned anywhere before what that acronym means so it should either be “Regional Message Board” or you previous RMB mention should note it as being shortened to RMB.

    “and fostering” would be better as “and as a result, fostering”.

    Aivintis wrote: Instituting the precedent of allowing the regional legislature representation in treaty negotiations, which improved upon the prolonged process of drafting treaties, eliminating a large hindrance to the advancement of interregional diplomacy, and

    The second “the” only provides for confusion (“precedent of allowing the”).

    “Which improved” should be “improving”.

    Aivintis wrote: Directing the creation the REWARD, a World Assembly Development Program which strengthens regional security by incentivizing the endorsement of regional security officers and encourages a more vibrant endorsement culture within the region to this very day, without aid,

    “The creation the REWARD” should be “the creation of REWARD”. Also I think everything after “the region” is unnecessary. If you want to keep “to this very day” feel free, but “without aid” just makes no sense and is not necessary.

    Aivintis wrote: Saluting Libertanny’s contributions to diplomacy during their delegacy, mainly in the negotiation of many important treaties, which strengthened the diplomatic relationships of TEP, and fostered a spirit of interregional goodwill, defense, and cooperation; notably including those with The Free Nations Region and Thaecia, both of which have become two of TEP’s closest allies,

    “TEP, and” there doesn’t need to be a comma there.

    “Notably including those with” should be “notable including those treaties with”

    Replace the last “two” with “some” (you already established that it is both of them).

    Aivintis wrote: Appreciating Libertanny’s initiative in creating the well regarded 2020 “Paradoxical Event”, a gaming festival wherein they directly hosted the first rendition and helped organize the three subsequent ones, extensive work which created a fun festival that is regularly enjoyed by 100+ nations with popular games and events, boosting regional activity for participating regions, and encouraging the forming of new and bountiful international relationships, and the founding of the subsequent “Paradoxical Corporation,” which will continue to host such events,

    The beginning of this clause is a mess. I have far too many individual edits to write each one out, so I’ll just post my edited version if that’s alright:

    “Appreciating Libertanny’s initiative in creating and helping to host the well regarded 2020 “Paradoxical Event”, a gaming festival regularly enjoyed by 100+ nations; this boosted regional activity for participating regions, and encouraging the forming of new and bountiful international relationships,”

    A couple notes on this, the “Paradoxical corporation” bit is totally unnecessary and it clogs up the end of the clause. You can just combine the hosting stuff with “creating” at the beginning and cut out a bunch of really weirdly worded stuff. The note of it being “extensive work” is also unnecessary, obviously it is extensive work if it’s being commended and also this clause is more about this cool festival Libertanny came up with than the work it took to host it.

    Aivintis wrote: Accrediting that Libertanny has single-handedly transformed and bettered The East Pacific as a respected leader, hard worker, and reformer on a caliber befitting such a commendation,

    I think “as a respected leader, hard worker, and reformer” is unnecessary and it clogs up the middle of this clause. Without it, this just sounds better, I think

    Hope this was helpful and have a sensational day~

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    Postby Aivintis » Wed Sep 29, 2021 12:45 pm

    Most of this is grammatical stuff, so I don’t feel the need to quote or address it, but I’d like to make four points specifically regarding some proposed removals.

    1. Design. This removes the part about how he shared design tools. Was that intentional, because I was questioning its validity.

    2. The “without aid” in the REWARD clause was meant to convey how Lib did 90% of the work and directed the other 10%, but I’m fine with changing it to something that makes more sense because this wording was a pain.

    3. I think Paradoxical Corporation is important to show how it has grown independence and self-reliance.

    4. The middle part of the kinda “conclusion” clause to me is important to show range and depth of accomplishment of the earlier mentioned task.
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    Postby Tinhampton » Wed Sep 29, 2021 1:16 pm

    Aivintis wrote:3. I think Paradoxical Corporation is important to show how it has grown independence and self-reliance.

    You assert that they "will continue to host such events." Have they actually done so yet?
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    Postby Aivintis » Thu Sep 30, 2021 3:04 pm

    Tinhampton wrote:
    Aivintis wrote:3. I think Paradoxical Corporation is important to show how it has grown independence and self-reliance.

    You assert that they "will continue to host such events." Have they actually done so yet?

    Four editions so far, and right now we're working on the fifth.
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