[DRAFT] Coppers 'Armless Against Wrong'uns

[Merconitonitopia]

Title
Coppers 'Armless Against Wrong'uns

The issue
A police raid on a group suspected of illegally keeping firearms quickly turned into a hostage situation when the police—who had no arms of their own—found themselves severely outgunned.

Validity
Firearms banned in the police force

1.
"Look, @@LEADER@@, we made a mistake," says chief of police @@RANDOMNAME@@. "I don't like it, but the fact is that if we want to continue our righteous crusade against the evils of firearms, we need some firepower of our own—if only to give these despicable gun nuts a taste of their own medicine!" @@HE@@ holds @@HIS@@ truncheon like a rifle and pretends to shoot. "BANG BANG BANG BANG! Eat lead, you bastards!"
Outcome
cops celebrate as firearms return to the police force

2.
"No! You can't!" cries hoplophobe @@RANDOMNAME@@, visibly shaking with fear. "N-no g-g-guns, please! They're terrible things! If we want to fight against firearms, it's imperative that we set a good example for our citizens by not using them ourselves. In fact, we ought to get rid of all forms of weaponry in the police force!"
Outcome
the police have their hands tied since cuffs were banned

3.
"WHAT? You're telling me those cowards didn't put up a fight?" spits officer @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@. "Why, if I was in there with my trusty baton, I'd have those thugs on the floor quicker than they could pull a trigger! This incident proves a serious lack of discipline in the police force. We need tougher training and harsh punishments for cowardice. And while we're at it, we'll need to raise recruitment numbers to account for casu—uh, turnover."
Outcome
@@DEMONYM_ADJECTIVE@@ police can kill a man in over 700 ways (and that's just with their bare hands)

[Bears Armed]

In clause 3, shouldn't that be "casu-" rather than "caus-" ?

[Merconitonitopia]

In clause 3, shouldn't that be "casu-" rather than "caus-" ?

Aye, it should. Thanks.

[Candlewhisper Archive]

Interesting premise, though I think it's worth looking at different reasonable approaches.

I'd structure this more as:

1) cops need guns, to deal with criminals with guns.
2) not all cops need guns, just specialised armed response units.
3) cops don't need guns, cops need training in de-escalation and non-violent resolutions.

[Sacara]

I'd structure this more as:

1) cops need guns, to deal with criminals with guns.
2) not all cops need guns, just specialised armed response units.
3) cops don't need guns, cops need training in de-escalation and non-violent resolutions.

I like this format better than the way it is currently written; however, if I were writing this, I would switch options two and three around.

Title
Coppers 'Armless Against Wrong'uns

The issue
A police raid on a group suspected of illegally keeping firearms quickly turned into a hostage situation when the police—who had no arms of their own—found themselves severely outgunned.

I would recommend changing 'keeping' to 'owning', and what about "who had no arms other than the ones attached to their body"? Just me thinking out loud on that one.