NATION

PASSWORD

[SUBMITTED] Actually, That Was @@NAME@@!

A place to spoil daily issues for those who haven't had them yet, snigger at typos, and discuss ideas for new ones.
User avatar
Homyland
Attaché
 
Posts: 86
Founded: Apr 25, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

[SUBMITTED] Actually, That Was @@NAME@@!

Postby Homyland » Wed Jun 23, 2021 6:42 am

This is my first issue draft ever :)

[title] Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!

[validity] must not have "State Press" policy

[description] A new satire show, called "Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!" has boomed in popularity. However, said television show has been accused, only 1 month after its start, of faking the happenings said on it.

[option] "Shut it down!" — shouts patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@ — "This stupid show is mocking my — I mean our — wonderful nation! It should be BANNED!
Oh, and while you're at it, shut down any others that oppose the nation."
[fallout] anything that combines the words "@@LEADER@@" and "bad" is shut down
[policy] Sometimes adds State Press

[option] "It's called "we do a little trolling"." — objects the host of the show, @@RANDOMNAME2@@ — "C'mon! It's just satire; it's not like we hurt anybody. For the sake of entertainment, the show must go on."
[fallout] everything is allowed on TV, from news to conspiracy theories

[option] "We can have a middle ground" — says your Minister of Alternative Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME3@@ — "Just allow pure satire, and shut down the fake news. As easy as that."
[fallout] fake news are searched for and silenced, as people laugh at @@NATION@@'s history

[option] Your brother enters your office without asking. He then says:
"If you managed every part of the press, this wouldn't happen. Just nationalize the entire communication system, radio, cinema, TV... everything."
[fallout] the national anthem plays automatically 6 times a day on people's phones
[policy] Adds State Press


[title] Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!

[validity] must not have "State Press" policy

[description] A new historical satire show, called "Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!"; consisting of blaming evil events committed by @@NATION@@ on rivals, only to tell them it was @@NATION@@ who did it, has boomed in popularity. However, said television show has been accused, only 1 month after its start, of faking the happenings said on it.

[option] "Shut it down!" — shouts patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@ — "This stupid show is mocking my — I mean our — wonderful nation, and his history! It should be BANNED! And while you're at it, shut down any others that oppose the nation."
[fallout] anything that combines the words "@@LEADER@@" and "bad" is shut down
[policy] Sometimes adds State Press, Removes Public Protest

[option] "It's called "we do a little trolling"." — objects the host of the show, @@RANDOMNAME2@@ — "C'mon! It's just satire; it's not like we hurt anybody. For the sake of entertainment, the show must go on."
[fallout] TV is messier than a 2-year-old's playground

[option] "We can have a middle ground." — says your Minister of Alternative Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME3@@ — "Just allow pure satire, and shut down the fake news. As easy as that. Wait, it's easy, right?"
[fallout] cyberpolice struggle searching for misinformation, as people laugh at their own history

[option] Your brother enters your office without asking. He then says:
"If you managed every part of the press, this wouldn't happen. Just nationalize the entire communication system, radio, cinema, TV... everything."
[fallout] the national anthem plays automatically 6 times a day on people's phones
[policy]Adds State Press, Sometimes adds Autocracy, Removes Public Protest


[title] Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!

[validity] must not have "State Press" policy

[description] A new historical satire show, called "Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!" has boomed in popularity. This show is about blaming evil events committed by @@NATION@@ on rivals, only to tell them it was @@NATION@@ who did it.
However, said television show has been accused, only one month after its start, of faking the happenings said on it.

[option] "Shut it down!", shouts patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@, holding a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag. "This stupid show is mocking my — I mean our — wonderful nation, and his history with its stupid 'satire', which is clearly just anti-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ propaganda! It should be BANNED! And while you're at it, shut down any others that oppose the nation. It's better for national security."
[fallout] anything that combines the words "@@LEADER@@" and "bad" is shut down
[policy] Sometimes adds State Press, Removes Public Protest

[option] "It's called 'we do a little trolling'.", objects the host of the show, @@RANDOMNAME@@."C'mon! It's just satire; it's not like we hurt anybody. We tell people things, they are shocked about it, we film that, everyone laughs. Harmless, simple and fun. For the sake of entertainment, the show must go on."
[fallout] TV is messier than a 2-year-old's playground

[option] "We can have a middle ground.", says your calm Minister of Alternative Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just allow pure satire, like that old comic strip turned into a movie, and shut down the fake news, like those Panic Chain morons I've been trying to sue the last two years. As easy as that. Wait, it's easy, right?"
[fallout] cyberpolice struggle searching for misinformation, as people laugh at their own history

[option] Your brother enters your office without asking. He then whispers to you:
"If you managed every part of the press, this wouldn't happen. Just nationalize the entire communication system, radio, cinema, TV... everything."
[fallout] the national anthem plays automatically 6 times a day on people's phones
[policy]Adds State Press, Sometimes adds Autocracy, Removes Public Protest


[title] Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!

[validity] must not have "State Press" policy

[description] A new historical satire show, called "Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!" has boomed in popularity. This show is about blaming evil events committed by @@NATION@@ on rivals, only to tell them it was @@NATION@@ who did it.
However, said television show has been accused, only one month after its start, of faking the happenings said on it.

[option] "Shut it down!", shouts patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@, holding a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ flag. "This stupid show is mocking my — I mean our — wonderful nation, and his history with its stupid 'satire', which is clearly just anti-@@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ propaganda! It should be BANNED! And while you're at it, shut down any others that oppose the nation. It's better for national security."
[fallout] anything that combines the words "@@LEADER@@" and "bad" is shut down
[policy] Sometimes adds State Press, Removes Public Protest

[option] "It's called 'we do a little trolling'.", objects the host of the show, @@RANDOMNAME@@."C'mon! It's just satire; it's not like we hurt anybody. For the sake of entertainment, the show must go on."
[fallout] TV is messier than a 2-year-old's playground

[option] "We can have a middle ground.", says your calm Minister of Alternative Solutions, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Just allow pure satire, and shut down the fake news. As easy as that. Wait, it's easy, right?"
[fallout] cyberpolice struggle searching for misinformation, as people laugh at their own history

[option] Your brother enters your office without asking. He then says:
"If you managed every part of the press, this wouldn't happen. Just nationalize the entire communication system, radio, cinema, TV... everything."
[fallout] the national anthem plays automatically 6 times a day on people's phones
[policy]Adds State Press, Sometimes adds Autocracy, Removes Public Protest
Last edited by Homyland on Fri Jun 25, 2021 7:45 am, edited 7 times in total.
Govenment positions:
Ex-Minister of the Interior in First World Order (RIP)
Ex-Lead Senator in The Legionary (RIP, with an alt)
Founder of the Realm of Nowhere (with an alt)
Gameside Advocate in The North Pacific

User avatar
Albanian American State
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 7
Founded: Jun 16, 2021
Ex-Nation

Postby Albanian American State » Wed Jun 23, 2021 6:57 am

Looks pretty good!
8)
Proud to be Albanian.
I like going at my own speed.
Etatist Kemalism is the only way state industry will advance.
"Shakespeare wrote, Einstein thought, Ataturk built."
-William J. Clinton

------------------------------
He/Him
Albanian Democratic Party supporter
Bektashi Sufi
Proud Korçevite
Partizan FC Fan
Football nerd(or soccer for ya Yanks)

--------------------------------
The Albanian American State founded in 2033 is an American South country of Albanian Americans set to unify New Albania as once Skanderbeg imagined.
This nation doesn't represent my views in politics.
NS Stats are useless.

User avatar
Katuda
Political Columnist
 
Posts: 2
Founded: Oct 14, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Katuda » Wed Jun 23, 2021 7:14 am

Looks good mate! :clap: :clap: :clap:

User avatar
Daarwyrth
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1761
Founded: Jul 05, 2016
Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Wed Jun 23, 2021 1:40 pm

Welcome to Got Issues! Have you had a look at The Got Issues forum FAQ & How To Write An Issue? If not, definitely check that out! Now, as for my feedback:
A new satire show, called "Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!" has boomed in popularity. However, said television show has been accused, only 1 month after its start, of faking the happenings said on it.

What kind of show is "Actually, That Was @@NATION@@!"? Has it appeared in a previous issue? As it stands, the premise doesn't give an explanation of what the show is about or what it does, and I feel that leaves out a great deal of context. What happenings is the last part referring to for example? Why is it relevant that they're fake? You should explain that in the description.
"Shut it down!" — shouts patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@ — "This stupid show is mocking my — I mean our — wonderful nation! It should be BANNED!
Oh, and while you're at it, shut down any others that oppose the nation."

This should be one line, without a new paragraph starting at "Oh". Also, what exactly is the show mocking? Why is what they're problematic? I think expanding the premise in the description of the intro would help give this option more clarity.
everything is allowed on TV, from news to conspiracy theories

I feel this effect line could be a little sharper. It isn't bad, but it's a little tame in its current form.

I fear there will be a lot of overlap with existing issues on freedom of expression in television, as there are already other issues that have covered the subject, and this particular issue draft isn't approaching the subject from a different or new angle. My advice would be to try to find a bit of a niche regarding freedom of speech on television, and try to form an issue around that. Whether satire should be allowed or not sadly isn't new or unique anymore, but perhaps there is an angle that you could pursue :)
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

Current year: 2021 CE | Leader: Queen Demi Maria I | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
List of Authored Writings | Factbook on Daarwyrth | Factbook on Queen Demi Maria I | Royal House of Zylkoven | WA Representatives | Political Parties | Diplomatic Programme
Played nations
  • Daarwyrth
  • Great Robertia
  • Independent Democratic Socialist States
Who am I?
  • 25 years old male
  • Dutch and Polish
  • English literature major
  • Ex-religious gay leftist

User avatar
Homyland
Attaché
 
Posts: 86
Founded: Apr 25, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Homyland » Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:05 am

Draft 2 is up!

Thanks to Katuda, Albanian American State and Daarwyrth for their feedback :)
Govenment positions:
Ex-Minister of the Interior in First World Order (RIP)
Ex-Lead Senator in The Legionary (RIP, with an alt)
Founder of the Realm of Nowhere (with an alt)
Gameside Advocate in The North Pacific

User avatar
The Atlae Isles
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1058
Founded: Feb 07, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Atlae Isles » Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:15 am

Welcome to Got Issues! :)

First, a few stylistic/grammar points:
  • The first sentence of the description is quite long and confusing. I would split them into two sentences, one introducing the show and saying it's popular, then the other saying what it is. Also contains a wrong semicolon. :p
  • Don't use the dashes here. Issues have been pretty consistent in the way they are styled, so try not to go against the grain there.
  • Use single quotes instead of double quotes when quoting something inside dialogue, specifically for 'we do a little trolling.'
  • 1 -> one

Overall, the issue needs more content. It needs more than just a few sentences. Here's how I would approach it:
[option] "Shut it down!" — shouts patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@ — "This stupid show is mocking my — I mean our — wonderful nation, and his history! It should be BANNED! And while you're at it, shut down any others that oppose the nation."

In what way is this show mocking your history? Give examples. Go all out and try and make the reader laugh.
Why should it be banned? Is it corrupting the youth? Is it spreading disinformation?
Ban this one TV show -> banning all bad TV shows is a pretty big jump. Why are you banning these?

Looking forward to seeing your next draft!
Author of Issues #752, #816, and #967
Delegate-Elect of The East Pacific
WA Ambassador: George Williamsen
"Gloria in Terra" | "The pronunciation of "Atlae" is /ætleɪ/. Don't you forget it."
Collecting TEP Cards! - Deputy Steward of TEAPOT

User avatar
Homyland
Attaché
 
Posts: 86
Founded: Apr 25, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Homyland » Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:47 am

Draft 3 is here. Thank you for your feedback, Atlae!

Didn't think I was gonna make 3 drafts in 2 days.
Govenment positions:
Ex-Minister of the Interior in First World Order (RIP)
Ex-Lead Senator in The Legionary (RIP, with an alt)
Founder of the Realm of Nowhere (with an alt)
Gameside Advocate in The North Pacific

User avatar
The Jerichowan Country
Civil Servant
 
Posts: 6
Founded: May 23, 2019
Democratic Socialists

Postby The Jerichowan Country » Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:55 am

Looks good, but instead of the Part with 2 year olds play ground i'd write 'TV is messier than a 15 year old Teenager's bedsheets'
Last edited by The Jerichowan Country on Thu Jun 24, 2021 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
"If there is one thing i have learned during my almost six and a half decades long life, is that you should never underestimate the tenacity of the sith and their empire." - Nolan Vark, Jedi Master upon being interrogated by Arcann, Emperor of Zakuul and Vaylin, High Justice of Zakuul

User avatar
Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 22281
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Thu Jun 24, 2021 2:31 am

Option 3 is contradictory? What counts as satyr?
Check Out My Blog: https://sgb1995.wixsite.com/mysite-6
From Greek Ancestry Orthodox Christian
18 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
In-Character posts made by this fictious account do not reflect the actions of any real world government
The ONLY reason why the Judeo-Christian God is referred to as He is because gender-neutrality is totally completely impossible in the Hebrew language. The ONLY reason why Europe and Asia are considered separate continents is because the Ancient Greeks, who drew the maps, had no idea what lay to the north, meaning that the three lands separated by sea had to be given different names. The Greeks divided themselves across Europe and Asia. Don't idiotically assume that everything that you don't know the explination for is due to racism/sexism

User avatar
The Atlae Isles
Ambassador
 
Posts: 1058
Founded: Feb 07, 2016
Left-wing Utopia

Postby The Atlae Isles » Thu Jun 24, 2021 3:16 am

Homyland wrote:Draft 3 is here. Thank you for your feedback, Atlae!

Didn't think I was gonna make 3 drafts in 2 days.

That was quick! I do like how you've taken my suggestions to heart.

I've just gotta say, however, the advice about your options needing more meat applies to the rest of your options as well. Option 1 looks good length-wise but Option 2 and Option 3 are feeling a little scant for now. I gotta sleep though, will I see another draft when I wake up? ;)
Author of Issues #752, #816, and #967
Delegate-Elect of The East Pacific
WA Ambassador: George Williamsen
"Gloria in Terra" | "The pronunciation of "Atlae" is /ætleɪ/. Don't you forget it."
Collecting TEP Cards! - Deputy Steward of TEAPOT

User avatar
Homyland
Attaché
 
Posts: 86
Founded: Apr 25, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Homyland » Thu Jun 24, 2021 6:28 am

Draft 4 is up and running!

Sorry for the misorder in the drafts post :P
Govenment positions:
Ex-Minister of the Interior in First World Order (RIP)
Ex-Lead Senator in The Legionary (RIP, with an alt)
Founder of the Realm of Nowhere (with an alt)
Gameside Advocate in The North Pacific

User avatar
Homyland
Attaché
 
Posts: 86
Founded: Apr 25, 2020
Left-wing Utopia

Postby Homyland » Thu Jun 24, 2021 12:34 pm

Is it ready for submit? (The last version is "Fourth Draft")
Govenment positions:
Ex-Minister of the Interior in First World Order (RIP)
Ex-Lead Senator in The Legionary (RIP, with an alt)
Founder of the Realm of Nowhere (with an alt)
Gameside Advocate in The North Pacific

User avatar
Australian rePublic
Postmaster of the Fleet
 
Posts: 22281
Founded: Mar 18, 2013
Capitalist Paradise

Postby Australian rePublic » Sat Jun 26, 2021 5:48 pm

Good Luck
Check Out My Blog: https://sgb1995.wixsite.com/mysite-6
From Greek Ancestry Orthodox Christian
18 Published Issues and 1 WA Resolution
In-Character posts made by this fictious account do not reflect the actions of any real world government
The ONLY reason why the Judeo-Christian God is referred to as He is because gender-neutrality is totally completely impossible in the Hebrew language. The ONLY reason why Europe and Asia are considered separate continents is because the Ancient Greeks, who drew the maps, had no idea what lay to the north, meaning that the three lands separated by sea had to be given different names. The Greeks divided themselves across Europe and Asia. Don't idiotically assume that everything that you don't know the explination for is due to racism/sexism


Advertisement

Remove ads

Return to Got Issues?

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Ebrilond, Osheiga

Advertisement

Remove ads