"My fellow Tryphaloi, it was with a heavy heart that I was forced to take such harsh and severe measures against my own brother, but this was essential for the greater good of our country, of our people. As of this day, Tryphalia is set free from the forces of superstition, prudery, bigotry, parochialism, dogmatism, and medievalism. Together, my fellow countrymen, we will press forward to a new, brighter, more enlightened future and destiny, one liberated from the yoke of false gods. Together, we will advance the cause of humanity. Together, we will cast aside the moralistic homilies of the repressive past. The age of secular humanism, the age of reason, the age of science and art...that day has come at last for Tryphalia.
"Let us be candid with each other. We have had more than our fair share of coups, revolts, mutinies, and purges. We have been through a lot, and I did not contemplate with enthusiasm the prospect of yet another revolution. Even so, if I did not act now, if I succumbed to the temptation to leave things be in the siren song of the allure of a false harmony, false accord, false peace, and false stability....we might never get another chance to cast off the shackles of such barbarism. So, yes, for the sake of our country and of posterity, for the sake of a new, better social order, for the sake of civilization itself, I was compelled to seize command of the State and place my own reputation, my own legacy, onto the scales to be measured, judged, and weighed in the balances by history.
"Accordingly, as of tonight, I, Colonel Demetrios Poulas of the Tryphalian National Army, have summarily executed the previous leadership of our country and instituted my own rule. As head of the new provisional government, I have decreed an officially secular state, with full separation from any sect, denomination, or church. I have also decreed martial-law and issued a lifetime ban on clerics of any religion holding any kind of public office or civil service post. We must banish the madness of clericalism to the rubbish heap of history....forever. I have also ordered the review of all so-called 'moralistic legislation,' with a view toward repeal of any which lack a scientific or rational basis for their continuance. In the meantime, their enforcement will be...relaxed, the acts forbidden in them effectively decriminalized pending the results of said examination.
"There are three exceptions to this new policy. The first is that all legislation against simple fornication, that is, pre-marital intercourse, for all parties aged at least sixteen years, shall be formally and immediately rescinded. The second is that all anti-narcotics legislation shall also be repealed posthaste. The third and last of these is that divorce laws will be relaxed to a sufficient extent as to make escape from harmful and abusive unions available at once. Any other such statutes, however, will only be abrogated if so recommended by the outcome of said evaluation by a special commission of technocrats, scientists, physicians, and other experts. As of tonight, the tyranny of the moralistic simpletons and hypocrites is at an end. As of tonight, purists shall be replaced by pragmatists in control of the councils of government.
"Tomorrow, we shall all awaken to a new dawn, a better world. Well, all except those who forced my hand and compelled me to act in such a ruthless fashion. Those fools will pay the price for their temerity and sanctimonious stupidity. God is dead. Long live Man! Good night and sweet dreams, my children, from your new father, the father and founder of the new Tryphalia."
Thus ended the inaugural address of Tryphalia's new, secular military dictator, Colonel Demetrios Poulas, a motivated by the urgent and burning need to abolish theocracy and ecclesiastical tyranny forever.
