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[DRAFT] A Pat On The Cheek

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Daarwyrth
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[DRAFT] A Pat On The Cheek

Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Jun 13, 2021 7:05 am

[Title] A Pat On The Cheek

[Validity] Doesn't have High Patriotism

[Description] A new wing of the @@CAPITAL@@ University Library has been named after you, and naturally you attended its opening ceremony as the guest of honour. After the momentous occasion, a group of well-wishers gathered outside sought to personally congratulate you on this achievement, and a few cordial but brief handshakes later everyone was feeling rather pumped... until a pleasant-looking young man slapped you in the face! And to add insult to injury, you were told the entire affair had been televised.

[Option 1] "This wasn't a mere assault on another person, this was an assault on @@NAME@@ itself!" proclaims feverishly patriotic TV host @@RANDOMNAME@@ while footage of the offending ordeal is examined by @@HIS@@ guests frame-by-frame among indignant gasps. "It's high treason, and I say off with the traitor's hands, and anyone's limbs that are risen against our proud @@TYPE@@, literally or figuratively!"

[Effect 1] the number of evil tongues has been drastically cut down recently

[Option 2] "And where were those lousy goons of the security detail, huh? Drinking tea on the veranda?!" fumes retired General @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the guests at the table. "They should have stopped that despicable little face-slapping toad from even so much as looking at @@LEADER@@ with those traitorous little eyes of his! No, relying on the security service for protection was a gross mistake, as only our proud citizens in uniform can be entrusted with that responsibility!"

[Effect 2] @@LEADER@@'s state visits are often mistaken for a @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military invasion

[Option 3] "What's your deal, man? I just wanted to show that you're like, bad the way you run things," sulks the barely adolescent offender in question, after having been thrown face-first into a cell. "Isn't that our right, or something? And writing petitions is for those deadbeats that live in their mommy's basements and have no life. The cool citizens of @@NAME@@ get to voice their opinion any way they like. Now, let me go, loser!"

[Effect 3] throwing rotten tomatoes at cinema screens has once again come into fashion

[Option 4] "Y'all went soft, ya weak sacks of meat!" shouts former farmhand Billy Bob @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ while spitting in a bowl. "Back in my day, anyone who packed us a punched, we punched back twice as hard! Enough with the 'no violence' crap you've been running in this country. Learn to punch like a man, you wuss! Come on, hit 'em back!"

[Effect 4] the state's monopoly on violence ended violently
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:42 am, edited 9 times in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Jun 13, 2021 7:05 am

DRAFT 2:
[Title] A Pat On The Cheek

[Validity] Doesn't have High Law Enforcement, doesn't have High Patriotism

[Description] A new wing of the @@CAPITAL@@ University Library has been named after you, and naturally you attended its opening ceremony as the guest of honour. After the momentous occasion, a group of well-wishers gathered outside sought to personally congratulate you on this achievement, and a few cordial but brief handshakes later everyone was feeling rather pumped... until a pleasant-looking young man slapped you in the face! And to add insult to injury, you were told the entire affair had been televised.

[Option 1] "This wasn't a mere assault on another person, this was an assault on @@NAME@@ itself!" proclaims feverishly patriotic TV host @@RANDOMNAME@@ while footage of the offending ordeal is examined by @@HIS@@ guests frame-by-frame among indignant gasps. "It's high treason, and I say off with the traitor's hands, and anyone's limbs that are risen against our proud @@TYPE@@, literally or figuratively!"

[Effect 1] the number of evil tongues has been drastically cut down recently

[Option 2] "And where were those lousy goons of the security detail, huh? Drinking tea on the veranda?!" fumes retired General @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the guests at the table. "They should have stopped that despicable little face-slapping toad from even so much as looking at @@LEADER@@ with those traitorous little eyes of his! No, relying on the security service for protection was a gross mistake, as only our proud citizens in uniform can be entrusted with that responsibility!"

[Effect 2] @@LEADER@@'s security convoy is often mistaken for a foreign military invasion

[Option 3] "Dude, why you acting so cringe, man? I just wanted to show that you're sus the way you run things," sulks the offender in question, after having been thrown face-first into a cell. "Isn't that our right, or something? And writing petitions is for dweebs that live in their mommy's basements and have no life. The based citizens of @@NAME@@ get to voice their opinion any way they like! Now, let me go you noob!"

[Effect 3] throwing rotten tomatoes at cinema screens has once again come into fashion

[Option 4] "Y'all went soft, ya weak sacks of meat!" shouts former farmhand Billy Bob @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ while spitting in a bowl. "Back in my day, anyone who packed us a punched, we punched back twice as hard! Enough with the 'no violence' crap you've been running in this country. Learn to punch like a man, you wuss! Come on, hit 'em back!"

[Effect 4] the state's monopoly on violence ended violently


DRAFT 1:
[Title] A Pat On The Cheek

[Validity] None

[Description] A new wing of the @@CAPITAL@@ University Library has been named after you, and naturally you attended its opening ceremony as the guest of honour. After the momentous occasion, a group of well-wishers gathered outside sought to personally congratulate you on this achievement, and a few cordial but brief handshakes later everyone was feeling rather pumped until... until a pleasant-looking young man slapped you in the face! And to add insult to injury, you were told the entire affair had been televised.

[Option 1] "This wasn't a mere assault on another person, this was an assault on @@NAME@@ itself!" proclaims feverishly patriotic TV host @@RANDOMNAME@@ while footage of the offending ordeal is examined by @@HIS@@ guests frame-by-frame among indignant gasps. "It's high treason, and I say off with the traitor's hands, and anyone's limbs that are risen against our proud @@TYPE@@, literally or figuratively!"

[Effect 1] the number of evil tongues has been drastically cut down recently

[Option 2] "And where were those lousy goons of the security detail, huh? Drinking tea on the veranda?!" fumes retired General @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the guests at the table. "They should have stopped that despicable little face-slapping toad from even so much as looking at @@LEADER@@ with those traitorous little eyes of his! No, relying on the security service for protection was a gross mistake, as only our proud citizens in uniform can be entrusted with that responsibility!"

[Effect 2] @@LEADER@@'s security convoy is often mistaken for a foreign military invasion

[Option 3] "Dude, why you acting so cringe, man? I just wanted to show that you're sus the way you run things," sulks the offender in question, after having been thrown face-first into a cell. "Isn't that our right, or something? And writing petitions is for dweebs that live in their mommy's basements and have no life. The based citizens of @@NAME@@ get to voice their opinion any way they like! Now, let me go you noob!"

[Effect 3] throwing rotten tomatoes at cinema screens has once again come into fashion

[Option 4] "Y'all went soft, ya weak sacks of meat!" shouts former farmhand Billy Bob @@RANDOMLASTNAME@@ while spitting in a bowl. "Back in my day, anyone who packed us a punched, we punched back twice as hard! Enough with the 'no violence' crap you've been running in this country. Learn to punch like a man, you wuss! Come on, hit 'em back!"

[Effect 4] the state's monopoly on violence ended violently
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:34 am, edited 2 times in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

Current year: 2021 CE | Monarch: Queen Demi Maria I | Prime Minister: Dame Maria vyn Nysen | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary parliamentary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
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Ioavollr
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Postby Ioavollr » Thu Jun 17, 2021 8:27 am

Hi,
I like the writing in this one, particularly the punch lines. I think they deliver well. I fear that Option 3, though it's clearly referencing current trending language, will age poorly. I some more robust slang might strengthen this issue.

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 17, 2021 8:35 am

Ioavollr wrote:Hi,
I like the writing in this one, particularly the punch lines. I think they deliver well. I fear that Option 3, though it's clearly referencing current trending language, will age poorly. I some more robust slang might strengthen this issue.

Thank you! When writing it I did have the same thought, that the specific slang might fall out of use in the future and therefore have its meaning lost. I was contemplating changing the speaker in this option in a future draft, and I think I'll do so for the next one. Thanks! :)
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Australian rePublic
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Postby Australian rePublic » Sun Jun 20, 2021 3:48 am

Free speech does not equal the right to physically assaults. There are plenty of issues about whether nation should have free speech. It's been done. Instead, this should be an issue about whether or not slapping someone counts as free speech
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sun Jun 20, 2021 4:39 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Free speech does not equal the right to physically assaults. There are plenty of issues about whether nation should have free speech. It's been done. Instead, this should be an issue about whether or not slapping someone counts as free speech

But, that's what the issue premise already does? Free speech isn't mentioned in the premise, and the options steer it into the direction of "how to respond to a physical assault of @@LEADER@@". It's not about free speech, only option 3 makes a reference to it, but that's just 1 option, not the entire issue premise.
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sun Jun 20, 2021 4:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Postby Bears Armed » Sun Jun 20, 2021 5:34 am

Australian rePublic wrote:Free speech does not equal the right to physically assaults. There are plenty of issues about whether nation should have free speech. It's been done. Instead, this should be an issue about whether or not slapping someone counts as free speech

But then we've already got an issue about whether terrorists causing explosions counts as free speech, anyhows....
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Wed Jun 23, 2021 1:31 pm

New comments or ideas on this draft? :)
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Wed Jun 23, 2021 9:49 pm

Thanks for option 3 I hate it.

Anyway, I don't really think this would be appropriate for nations with high law enforcement, and maybe high patriotism as well. The latter for obvious reasons. The former because there are a lot of countries where even if this could happen, the offender would just get shot at that point.
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Fri Oct 01, 2021 1:27 pm

After a period of quiet, I have returned to working on this draft! I took over Fauxia's comments to add in a few new validities, so I'd love to hear what people think!
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Tue Oct 19, 2021 10:42 am

Any new thoughts or comments? :)
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Current year: 2021 CE | Monarch: Queen Demi Maria I | Prime Minister: Dame Maria vyn Nysen | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary parliamentary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
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Postby Terrabod » Tue Oct 19, 2021 1:43 pm

The law enforcement validity in an unnecessary restriction on who can receive this issue. We can't just assume that high Law Enforcement means high Police Brutality in NS... and besides, I don't see how having a large/well-funded police force would prevent someone slapping you.
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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Tue Oct 19, 2021 5:42 pm

Terrabod wrote:The law enforcement validity in an unnecessary restriction on who can receive this issue. We can't just assume that high Law Enforcement means high Police Brutality in NS... and besides, I don't see how having a large/well-funded police force would prevent someone slapping you.

Initially the law enforcement validity wasn't there, but it was suggested in previous comments that it might be odd for a nation with high law enforcement to happen, so I went along with it at the time. Personally, I agree with you and your assessment, but I'll keep it in for now and see what other reactions it will draw. However, I am leaning towards removing that specific Validity in the next draft.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

Current year: 2021 CE | Monarch: Queen Demi Maria I | Prime Minister: Dame Maria vyn Nysen | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary parliamentary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
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Pythaga
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Postby Pythaga » Wed Oct 20, 2021 9:35 pm

I agree that the law enforcement validity really isn't needed here. No matter how many security folks are around, you can't stop someone already in range from getting a surprise hit in.

I also think that the meme slang in option 3 isn't the way to go. You can still write an annoyed teenager without using wording that will seem hopelessly outdated soon enough.

I really like all the effect lines, although I think 2 can be improved by rewording it; I'm not sure if you mean that folks in @@NAME@@ think that, or if foreign nations receiving a state visit think that. I'd recommend going with the latter, and rewording to something like: "other nations commonly mistake @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ state visits for invasions." Of course, you could leave it as is and let readers draw their own conclusions.

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:43 am

Pythaga wrote:I agree that the law enforcement validity really isn't needed here. No matter how many security folks are around, you can't stop someone already in range from getting a surprise hit in.

I also think that the meme slang in option 3 isn't the way to go. You can still write an annoyed teenager without using wording that will seem hopelessly outdated soon enough.

I really like all the effect lines, although I think 2 can be improved by rewording it; I'm not sure if you mean that folks in @@NAME@@ think that, or if foreign nations receiving a state visit think that. I'd recommend going with the latter, and rewording to something like: "other nations commonly mistake @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ state visits for invasions." Of course, you could leave it as is and let readers draw their own conclusions.

Done! The law enforcement validity has been removed, effect 2 has been reworded and I changed the meme slang in option 3 to a (hopefully) more time-resistant speech :)
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Sat Oct 23, 2021 3:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

Current year: 2021 CE | Monarch: Queen Demi Maria I | Prime Minister: Dame Maria vyn Nysen | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary parliamentary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
List of Authored Writings | Factbook on Daarwyrth | Factbook on Queen Demi Maria I | Royal House of Zylkoven | Political Parties | Daarwyrth's WA Mission | Diplomatic Programme | Major Businesses
Played nations
  • Daarwyrth
  • Great Robertia
  • Kazgorovia
Who am I?
  • 26 years old male
  • Dutch with Polish roots
  • English literature major
  • Ex-religious gay leftist

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Daarwyrth
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Postby Daarwyrth » Sat Oct 30, 2021 5:49 am

New comments or thoughts? :)
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

Current year: 2021 CE | Monarch: Queen Demi Maria I | Prime Minister: Dame Maria vyn Nysen | Capital: Daarsted | Government type: Unitary parliamentary semi-constitutional monarchy | Technology level: Post-modern tech
List of Authored Writings | Factbook on Daarwyrth | Factbook on Queen Demi Maria I | Royal House of Zylkoven | Political Parties | Daarwyrth's WA Mission | Diplomatic Programme | Major Businesses
Played nations
  • Daarwyrth
  • Great Robertia
  • Kazgorovia
Who am I?
  • 26 years old male
  • Dutch with Polish roots
  • English literature major
  • Ex-religious gay leftist


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