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[ABANDONED] @@LEADER@@ Sing Your Song

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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

[ABANDONED] @@LEADER@@ Sing Your Song

Postby Daarwyrth » Tue Jun 08, 2021 10:46 pm

[Title] @@LEADER@@ Sing Your Song

[Validity] Didn't choose 968.2 or 968.4

[Description] The annual @@REGION@@vision Singing Contest hype train is just around the corner, and citizens across the region jump on like fleas on a dog's bottom, your own people chief among them. Yet the question who will be chosen to represent @@NAME@@ at the mother of all singing contests has been at the forefront of your thoughts this last week, due in no small part to the gargantuan neon-sign billboard in front of your office window asking that exact question.

[Option 1] "Everyone's always overdoing it with the glitter and glamour, all at the cost of the quality of the song!" bemoans the chairman of the committee responsible for the choice of this year's representing act. "I propose we surprise everyone with something simple: a nicely dressed, charming young woman playing a cello, and singing a song about falling in love with a children's fable. A guaranteed victory! Now, all I need to convince the others is the endorsement of someone with weight-err, that is, political weight, not the other kind, heh..."

[Effect 1] cellists have had no treble ensnaring their audiences recently

[Option 2] "Something simple?!" demands Pito Austern incredulously, the famous drag king also known as 'the Breasted Man'. "@@REGION@@vision is an absolute craze among the LGBTQ+ community, and you need to jump onto this rainbow-coloured, unicorn-shaped boat of ours to show @@REGION@@ how gayly @@NATION@@ looks to the future! If you endorse me as our nation's contestant, then I promise phoenixes won't be the only thing rising once they see me... what? I'm talking about the points, you doofus!"

[Effect 2] men with moobs proudly present their bust these days

[Option 3] The door to your office opens and you brace for all hell breaking loose as a group of demonic-looking musicians enter, yet instead they produce banjos and start singing a song about love and peace. "We'll indubitably subvert expectations," chirps the lead singer looking like a nightmare come true in a friendly tone once they're done. "Oh, what a jolly affair it'll be to teach others you can't judge a book by its cover! I beseech you, support our merry ensemble as @@NAME@@'s envoys of song this year!"

[Effect 3] pleasant-looking people have a devil of a time gaining anyone's trust nowadays

[Option 4] "There's only one person worthy of representing us at the contest!" bellows the @@MAN@@ heading an enthusiastic group of @@REGION@@vision fans gathered below the neon-sign in front of your office window, who erupt in choir: "@@LEADER@@! @@LEADER@@!" The @@MAN@@ turns to you smiling. "You see? The people have spoken, and our will should always be law! Now, about your performance..."

[Effect 4] @@LEADER@@ absolutely stole the show dancing in a silver gown and a big star-shaped headdress
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Wed Jun 30, 2021 10:42 am, edited 22 times in total.
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:54 am

DRAFT 2:
[Title] @@LEADER@@ Sing Your Song

[Validity] Didn't choose 968.2 or 968.4

[Description] The annual @@REGION@@vision Singing Contest hype train is just around the corner, and citizens across the region jump on like fleas on a dog's bottom, your own people chief among them. Yet the question who will be chosen to represent @@NAME@@ at the mother of all singing contests has been at the forefront of your thoughts this last week, due in no small part to the gargantuan neon-sign billboard in front of your office window asking that exact question.

[Option 1] "Everyone's always overdoing it with the glitter and glamour, all at the cost of the quality of the song!" bemoans the chairman of the committee responsible for the choice of this year's representing act. "I propose we surprise everyone with something simple: a nicely dressed, charming young woman playing a cello, and singing a song about falling in love with a children's bedtime story. A guaranteed victory! Now, all I need to convince the others is the endorsement of someone with weight-err, that is, political weight, not the other kind, heh..."

[Effect 1] cellists have had no treble ensnaring their audiences recently

[Option 2] "Simplicity?!" demands Pito Austern incredulously, the famous drag king also known as 'the Breasted Man'. "@@REGION@@vision is an absolute craze among the LGBTQ+ community, and you need to jump onto this rainbow-coloured, unicorn-shaped boat of ours to show @@REGION@@ how gayly @@NATION@@ looks to the future! If you endorse me as our nation's contestant, then I promise phoenixes won't be the only thing rising once they see me... what? I'm talking about the points, you doofus!"

[Effect 2] men with moobs proudly present their bust these days

[Option 3] The door to your office opens and all hell literally breaks loose as a group of demonic-looking individuals start rocking the ears off your head. "We'll indubitably subvert expectations," chirps the lead singer in a friendly tone once they're done. "And what a jolly affair it'll be, your Excellency! I beseech you, support our merry ensemble as @@NAME@@'s envoys of song this year!"

[Effect 3] pleasant-looking people have a devil of a time gaining anyone's trust nowadays

[Option 4] "There's only one person worthy of representing us at the contest!" bellows the @@MAN@@ heading an enthusiastic group of @@REGION@@vision fans gathered below the neon-sign in front of your office window, who erupt in choir: "@@LEADER@@! @@LEADER@@!" The @@MAN@@ turns to you smiling. "You see? The people have spoken, and our will should always be law! Now, about your performance..."

[Effect 4] @@LEADER@@ absolutely stole the show dancing in a silver gown and a big star-shaped headdress


DRAFT 1:
[Title] @@LEADER@@ Sing Your Song

[Validity] Didn't choose 968.2 or 968.4

It's that time of the year again where the media toot the horn of their @@REGION@@vision Singing Contest hypetrain, and all citizens in the region jump on like fleas on a dog's bottom, your own people chief among them. And as always, the dreadful question of what horrendously exaggerated, mind-boggingly cliche act to send in has been at the forefront of your thoughts this week, and not at all because of that gargantuan neon-sign billboard in front of your office window asking that exact question.

[Option 1] "Everyone's always overdoing it with glitter and glamour, all at the cost of the quality of the song," bemoans the director of the nation's broadcasting service airing the show, pushing up the pair of glasses continuously sliding down @@HIS@@ nose. "Why don't we send in something simple? A nicely dressed, charming young woman playing on a - oh, I don't know - a cello or something? Singing a song about falling in love with a children's bedtime story? People will love the simplicity!"

[Effect 1] cellists have had no treble ensnaring their audiences recently

[Option 2] "Simplicity?!" demands Pito Austern incredulously, the famous drag king also known as 'the Breasted Man'. "@@REGION@@vision is an absolute craze among the LGBTQ+ community, as every freak flag flies that day! You need to jump onto this rainbow-coloured, unicorn-shaped boat of ours, and show @@REGION@@ how gayly @@NATION@@ looks to the future by sending in me. I promise, phoenixes won't be the only thing rising once they see me... what? I'm talking about viewership numbers, you pervert!"

[Effect 2] men with moobs are often mistaken for drag kings these days

[Option 3] The door to your office opens and all hell literally breaks loose as a group of demonic-looking individuals start rocking the ears off your head. "We'll indubitably subvert expectations," says the lead singer with a friendly tone and polite smile once they're done. "And what a jolly affair it'll be, your Excellency! I beseech you, let our merry ensemble be your envoys of song this year!"

[Effect 3] pleasant-looking people have a devil of a time gaining anyone's trust these days

[Option 4] "We want Dustin Bleeper, and we want Dustin Bleeper now!" shouts a group of avid @@REGION@@vision fans below your office window, as one of them steps forward. "No matter that he's Brancalandian, or a bratty twat. We're the people of this nation, and our will should be law! We should get to decide @@NAME@@'s entry to the contest, and as a matter of fact, we should get to decide on most things going forward. We're the people, and we know exactly what we want! Well, most of the time, I think. I-I'm not sure..."
[Validity] Doesn't have referenda

[Effect 4] government expenditure on foreign artists and nationwide referendums leave many an economist reaching high notes
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Thu Jun 10, 2021 11:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Tinhampton
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Postby Tinhampton » Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:57 am

I'd ask "why isn't there any option for @@LEADER@@ to Sing @@HIS@@ Song?" but then I remembered player autonomy... possibly :P
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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:36 am

Tinhampton wrote:I'd ask "why isn't there any option for @@LEADER@@ to Sing @@HIS@@ Song?" but then I remembered player autonomy... possibly :P

Oh, but that is a really nice one... huh... I think someone could suggest it to @@LEADER@@, and then the player can choose themselves if they want to. Aka, player autonomy preserved! I'll see if I can add the option, thanks :)
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Jim the Baptist
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Postby Jim the Baptist » Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:41 am

Interesting idea, although I'm not really sure what picking each option is communicating will change in nation, but I admittedly tend to think too much about stats for someone who isn't an issues editor.
Also, in the real Eurovision, I don't think state leaders are very involved in the selection process (not to say that they can't be on NS), but reading this draft, it's hard to get invested in the issue since it just doesn't feel like something @@LEADER@@ would realistically be confronted with. Still, it could work.
I do think the premise needs major rewriting though. It's a little dense and too descriptive, with all of the similes, metaphors and adjectives etc. It also reads as a little biased/subjective, particularly where you say "horrendously exaggerated, mind-boggingly cliche act" - why do you assume the act has to fit this description? That's just a stereotype. Your job (as the issue writer, not leader) at the beginning is just to objectively describe the issue, not judge the acts or assume leader will invariably select someone of the nature you described. What if leader decides to send an act that's NOT an exaggerated cliche? Leader is just choosing an act, but what kind of act you should save for the options.

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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 10, 2021 5:50 am

Jim the Baptist wrote:Interesting idea, although I'm not really sure what picking each option is communicating will change in nation, but I admittedly tend to think too much about stats for someone who isn't an issues editor.
Also, in the real Eurovision, I don't think state leaders are very involved in the selection process (not to say that they can't be on NS), but reading this draft, it's hard to get invested in the issue since it just doesn't feel like something @@LEADER@@ would realistically be confronted with. Still, it could work.
I do think the premise needs major rewriting though. It's a little dense and too descriptive, with all of the similes, metaphors and adjectives etc. It also reads as a little biased/subjective, particularly where you say "horrendously exaggerated, mind-boggingly cliche act" - why do you assume the act has to fit this description? That's just a stereotype. Your job (as the issue writer, not leader) at the beginning is just to objectively describe the issue, not judge the acts or assume leader will invariably select someone of the nature you described. What if leader decides to send an act that's NOT an exaggerated cliche? Leader is just choosing an act, but what kind of act you should save for the options.

The stereotype is tied to the trope with the neon billboard outside of the office, and the idea was that the "horrendously exaggerated, mind-boggingly cliche act" bit was displayed on the billboard. I might rewrite that bit a little to make that clearer, as I am a huge Eurovision fan, so this is by no means my opinion written into the draft, which of course I know is no-no :P but I agree that it could benefit from a rewrite there.

I also suppose that it could be changed into @@LEADER@@ being asked for their input on the decision. After all, the act is sent as a representation of the country so I could imagine whoever is making the selection would want to know what @@LEADER@@ thinks, I think.
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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 10, 2021 6:54 am

Alright, new draft is up with a number of rewrites and (hopefully) improvements! I'd love to know what people think :)
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Dabarastan
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Postby Dabarastan » Thu Jun 10, 2021 7:45 am

Daarwyrth wrote:[Description] The @@REGION@@vision Singing Contest hype train is once again around the corner

For The North Pacific and The South Pacific, this will read as "The The North Pacificvision Singing Contest". Adding an adjective could mitigate it: "The famous The North Pacificvision Singing Contest". It's still clunky but at least it avoids the double 'the'.

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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 10, 2021 7:53 am

Dabarastan wrote:
Daarwyrth wrote:[Description] The @@REGION@@vision Singing Contest hype train is once again around the corner

For The North Pacific and The South Pacific, this will read as "The The North Pacificvision Singing Contest". Adding an adjective could mitigate it: "The famous The North Pacificvision Singing Contest". It's still clunky but at least it avoids the double 'the'.

Oh yeah, right, I had thought of that myself at some point but completely forgot. Thanks for reminding me! :)

EDIT: Mended!
Last edited by Daarwyrth on Thu Jun 10, 2021 8:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Thu Jun 10, 2021 11:45 pm

I put up a new draft with a few tweaks in the text. Especially Option 3 has been altered, as I felt the "subvert expectations" was a little lost in it.
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Daarwyrth
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Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Postby Daarwyrth » Wed Jun 23, 2021 1:28 pm

Any new thoughts or comments? :)
The Royal State of Daarwyrth

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Fauxia
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Postby Fauxia » Wed Jun 23, 2021 9:50 pm

Option 2 doesn't work for nations with heterosexuality or that don't allow transgenders... or probably low inclusiveness in general.

I'm not sure @@LEADER@@ is qualified to do this, and that it's pretty similar to the mascot issue.
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