[SUBMITTED][LAST CALL][CONTEST] A Sickly Scent

[Islands Of Ventro]

Okay, attempt two, hopefully, I can actually make a good one this time

[description]Seeds from the rare endangered species of Stifuonis stonkis has spread from a nearby nation via jet streams after a greenhouse fire. Your advisors have come to you with some bad news. The plant stinks to high heaven and is driving people away! The police won't go near them and the local botanists won't cut it down due to it being an "endangered species". Both sides of the party have come to you with their arguments.
Validity: All nations

Option 1
"You know, I had to leave my house and take my children out of school to go live with my aunt. My aunt!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a local from where the plant sprouted up. "Please help us @@LEADER@@, order these botanists to cut it down right this instant! Sure it's endangered, but life will go on. Well, maybe not for it."
Validity: All nations
effect: no plants are allowed into the country without an extensive smell test

Option 2 "@@LEADER@@, please don't do this, this plant is one of a kind!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a botanist who lives in the town. "Destroying it is helping murder an entire species. We have been trying to get it to grow outside of greenhouses for years and even though have barely worked. Now that it's finally growing, you have to let it stay. If people don't like it then they should just leave, at least until we can figure out what makes it grow."
Validity: All Nations
Effect: local towns have had their population halved for the time being

Option 3 Just then, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your crazy Minister of the Environment bursts into the room out of breath. "He.....he has a point, we have been trying to get this plant to grow for years with no continuous success. The soil here is perfect. We have to spread the plant around, we just can't let this species die out. Especially if we can save it. I don't care if people don't like the smell, supply them with noseplugs or something. Just save the plant." He proceeds to collapse on the ground.
Validity: All nations
effect: more and more people are moving to urban areas to escape the foul smell

Option 4 "You know, if this plant is really as foul-smelling as these people make it up to be, we should totally use this in our military," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, your head military strategist. "They are all-natural so we won't be hurting the environment, and they don't last long, as evident by it not being able to grow well in different climates. I vote we use this to strengthen our military might. You have to think outside the box. Outside the pot, if I dare say."
Validity: All nations with a military
Effect: the nation's enemies have added weed killer to their arsenal of weapons

My only problem with it is that it seems a little too unrealistic, but this is nation-states so hopefully, it fits right in. Is it realistic enough to do that?
here is the link to my old issue for this contest

https://forum.nationstates.net/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=505737

Edit: Thanks so much to Minskeiv for all the help, they basically fixed up all grammatical errors and even added a few bits

[Islands Of Ventro]

/bump

[USS Monitor]

Well, it made me laugh. That's partly just the WTF factor, but anyway...

I think you could elaborate on how the plant spread to areas where it didn't used to grow. Has there been a change in weather patterns -- e.g. shifting rainfall because of climate change -- that made conditions more favorable? Did it escape from someone's garden or greenhouse?

You might also address whether the plant is returning to areas where it grew in the past, or if it has gotten loose in places where it never used to grow before. For example, the person who wants to cut it down could argue that it is not native, or the environmentalist option could argue that it is just returning to its old habitat.

You could combine option 3 and 4 as an option to cultivate the plant on a large scale for military use. I don't find option 3 very plausible as something an ecologist would advocate.

[Drew Durrnil]

The premise for this issue is good, but you still need to add good grammar, effect lines, and your options are kinda dull.

[USS Monitor]

I managed to skim right over the lack of effect lines. You need effect lines.

[Islands Of Ventro]

Wow I just missed them smh.

Grammar has never been my step suit but I’m ready to tackle this. I also am going to change option three to, “Your crazed environmentalist” to give it a little more crazy feel, then change the some of the description to say how it spread.

I’m glad you like it!

[Daarwyrth]

The rare endangered species of Stifuonis Stonkis has spread from the nearby nation.

Two things: first, I think you need to establish in the premise what exactly this species is. Is it a plant? Is it a fungus? Perhaps also how it spread. Secondly, "the nearby nation" doesn't really work I feel. You can make it "a nearby nation", or you can specifically what nearby nation. Either use an existing one from the issue base, or make up a new one. Your choice

and now that it is finally growing.............

I'd reduce this to a normal ellipsis (meaning just ... ).

says @@RANDOMNAME@@ a botanist who lives in the town.

My advice is to add a little characterisation here. Have the botanist look in a funny way, or do something funny with botany

Option 3

This option isn't any different at all from option 2. My advice would be to remove your current option 2 and replace it with option 3, and perhaps merge in a few elements from option 2 into 3.

Oh, and of course the effect lines, but from the other comments I see you're already aware of that issue

[Islands Of Ventro]

The rare endangered species of Stifuonis Stonkis has spread from the nearby nation.

Two things: first, I think you need to establish in the premise what exactly this species is. Is it a plant? Is it a fungus? Perhaps also how it spread. Secondly, "the nearby nation" doesn't really work I feel. You can make it "a nearby nation", or you can specifically what nearby nation. Either use an existing one from the issue base, or make up a new one. Your choice

and now that it is finally growing.............

I'd reduce this to a normal ellipsis (meaning just ... ).

says @@RANDOMNAME@@ a botanist who lives in the town.

My advice is to add a little characterisation here. Have the botanist look in a funny way, or do something funny with botany

Option 3

This option isn't any different at all from option 2. My advice would be to remove your current option 2 and replace it with option 3, and perhaps merge in a few elements from option 2 into 3.



Oh, and of course the effect lines, but from the other comments I see you're already aware of that issue

Changed to a nearby nation
Will shorten it to ... (I see what you mean, kinda off went a little overboard
I think I might just try and make option three different than option two a little bit more, I meant it as option two it just gets left there, while option three is to actively plant it around the country.




Edit: The way I differentiated option two and three is I made two temporary and three over the top

[Minskiev]

Grammar blah blah weird macros blah unnecessary italics blah missing commas and using personnel instead of personal blah.

Run through a grammar checker. Or let me do it for you:

[description] The rare endangered species of Stifuonis Stonkis has spread from a nearby nation via jet streams after a greenhouse fire. Your advisors have come to you with some bad news. The plant stinks to high heaven and is driving people away! The police won't go near it and the local botanists won't cut it down due to it being an "endangered species". Both sides of the party have come to you with their arguments.
Validity: All nations

Option 1
"You know, I had to leave my house and take my children out of school to go live with my aunt. My aunt!" shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, a local from where the plant sprouted up. "Please help us @@LEADER@@, order these botanists to cut it down right this instant! Sure it's endangered, but life will go on. Well, maybe not for it."
Validity: All nations
effect: no plants are allowed into the country without an extensive smell test

Option 2 "@@LEADER@@, please don't do this, this plant is one of a kind!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a botanist who lives in the town. "Destroying it is helping murder an entire species. We have been trying to get it to grow outside of greenhouses for years, and now that it's finally growing, you have to let it stay. If people don't like it then they should just leave, at least until we can figure out what makes it grow."
Validity: All Nations
Effect: local towns have had their population halved for the time being

Option 3 Just then, @@RANDOMNAME@@, your crazy Minister of the Environment bursts into the room out of breath. "He.....he has a point, we have been trying to get this plant to grow for years with no success. The soil here is perfect. We have to spread the plant around, we just can't let this species die out. Especially if we can save it. I don't care if people don't like the smell, supply them with noseplugs or something. Just save the plant." He proceeds to collapse on the ground.
Validity: All nations
effect: more and more people are moving to urban areas to escape the foul smell

Option 4 "You know, if this plant is really as foul-smelling as these people make it up to be, we should totally use this in our military," suggests @@RANDOMNAME@@, your head military strategist. "They are all-natural so we won't be hurting the environment, and they don't last long, as evident by it not being able to grow well in different climates. I vote we use this to strengthen our military might. You have to think outside the box. Outside the pot, even."
Validity: All nations with a military
Effect: the nation's enemies have added weed killer to their arsenal of weapons

[Islands Of Ventro]

Thanks so much!!!!! This really helps especially since I’m trying to get UR before season three, if I get this it will really up my chances and this really helps with that, once again thanks so much. I took a basically all your edits except for a few.

[Islands Of Ventro]

/bump

[Candensia]

This really reminds me of #957.

[Islands Of Ventro]

This really reminds me of #957.

It follows some of the same concept but I think that this draft differentiates enough to be considered its own issue, this draft also deals with environmental stuff and how to treat endangered plants.

[Dabarastan]

The rare endangered species of Stifuonis Stonkis has spread from a nearby nation via jet streams after a greenhouse fire. Your advisors have come to you with some bad news. The plant stinks to high heaven and is driving people away! The police won't go near it and the local botanists won't cut it down due to it being an "endangered species".

I think this is lacking a bit in logical flow and clarity. Is it the endangered plant's seeds that are being spread by jet streams? If so it would help to clarify that in your introductory line. Something like "Seeds from the endangered X plant species have spread [etc.]"

When you say the police and botanists won't go near/cut down "it", to me it sounds like there is just one really big plant somewhere that everyone is gathering around. I would try and rephrase this just to have a bit more clarity with what exactly is going on.

Both sides of the party have come to you with their arguments.

Is there a more interesting way for this to come to leader's attention? Or if people are simply gathering in Leader's office (which I think is also fine), it might not be worth mentioning in the introduction at all. You could instead use that space to flesh out your premise a little more.

[Islands Of Ventro]

The rare endangered species of Stifuonis Stonkis has spread from a nearby nation via jet streams after a greenhouse fire. Your advisors have come to you with some bad news. The plant stinks to high heaven and is driving people away! The police won't go near it and the local botanists won't cut it down due to it being an "endangered species".

I think this is lacking a bit in logical flow and clarity. Is it the endangered plant's seeds that are being spread by jet streams? If so it would help to clarify that in your introductory line. Something like "Seeds from the endangered X plant species have spread [etc.]"

When you say the police and botanists won't go near/cut down "it", to me it sounds like there is just one really big plant somewhere that everyone is gathering around. I would try and rephrase this just to have a bit more clarity with what exactly is going on.

Both sides of the party have come to you with their arguments.

Is there a more interesting way for this to come to leader's attention? Or if people are simply gathering in Leader's office (which I think is also fine), it might not be worth mentioning in the introduction at all. You could instead use that space to flesh out your premise a little more.

I have fixed a lot of what you put down as you have brought up some good points but I think I will just leave it as they are just gathering in the leaders office as it acts as a sort of base for the upandcoming conversation.

[Candensia]

I have fixed a lot of what you put down as you have brought up some good points but I think I will just leave it as they are just gathering in the leaders office as it acts as a sort of base for the upandcoming conversation.

I think that's a perfectly logical viewpoint. It's also rather tired and overdone in the issue base.

I don't think it necessary for issue participants to *literally* gather in @@LEADER@@'s office whenever an issue comes up. To me, speakers will present as if they were on television, writing an article, making a presentation in front of a crowd, speaking to @@LEADER@@ or the government directly, etc.

[Minskiev]

Now that I look at it, yeah, this is pretty similar to #957. The last option's basically the same as well.

[USS Monitor]

Endangered species and food are two different things, so I think the premise is different enough from #957 if the writing can be refined.

[Islands Of Ventro]

/bump

[Islands Of Ventro]

Last call

[Candensia]

I wouldn't submit this yet.

In option two, the speaker claims that removing the plant from outside will endanger the survival of the species, but then implies that the plant grows just fine inside greenhouses, which would pretty much ensure its survival as a species, even if it goes extinct in the wild. Similarly in option 3, the speaker claims that the plant would die out if it is not allowed to grow outside, despite it being implied in option 2 that the plant grows fine in a greenhouse.

I think you either need to justify why the plant must be allowed to grow outisde of greenhouses, or establish that the plant does not respond well to cultivation, and therefore must be allowed to grow freely to protect its species.

It may be easier to write this if you have just one counter option, rather than two, and I'd recommend merging options 2 and 3.

[Islands Of Ventro]

If this does not work I will prolly merdge them into 1 option.


I edited option 2 to say they have Barly been able to keep the plant growing in the greenhouse (implying problems with the greenhouse)

I then edited option 3 to say that they have had no continuous success meaning that so what they have done has not worked and they need to move on before the species dies.



Hopefully these clear some things up




Edit: thanks for the advice

[Bears Armed]

Scientific binomials for species take the form 'Genus species', not -- as you have it here -- 'Genus Species'. Ideally they should be set aside from the surrounding text by being placed in italics or [second preference] underlined, but IIRC that isn't allowed in Issues so quotation marks are probably the next best alternative...

[Islands Of Ventro]

Scientific binomials for species take the form 'Genus species', not -- as you have it here -- 'Genus Species'. Ideally they should be set aside from the surrounding text by being placed in italics or [second preference] underlined, but IIRC that isn't allowed in Issues so quotation marks are probably the next best alternative...

I’m not sure I’m understanding you completely right here, you were saying that it should go in the order genus species, but you’re saying I put it in the order of genus species. This is confusing me. Both the genus and species are both completely made up I meant for comedic intent. For the italicization, I will take a different approach, I will change the font to be italicized then copy and paste it into the submit page. I have no idea if this will work but if it does that means that I will be able to go through as italicize without the use of [i].

[Minskiev]

Scientific binomials for species take the form 'Genus species', not -- as you have it here -- 'Genus Species'. Ideally they should be set aside from the surrounding text by being placed in italics or [second preference] underlined, but IIRC that isn't allowed in Issues so quotation marks are probably the next best alternative...

I’m not sure I’m understanding you completely right here, you were saying that it should go in the order genus species, but you’re saying I put it in the order of genus species. This is confusing me. Both the genus and species are both completely made up I meant for comedic intent. For the italicization, I will take a different approach, I will change the font to be italicized then copy and paste it into the submit page. I have no idea if this will work but if it does that means that I will be able to go through as italicize without the use of [i].

They mean that the Stonkis should be all lowercase.

also don't make this last call, you've got two more weeks