[ABANDONED FOR NOW] An Alliterative Ailment

[Big Boyz]

I've never drafted an issue before, but I thought I would give it a shot for the contest. I don't think anything like this has been written before, but I would appreciate a check for plagiarism. All feedback is welcome and encouraged!


[title]An Alliterative Ailment

While munching on some marmalade this morning, you were perfectly puzzled and perplexed to find that, at some point in the night, a strange and surprising sickness had somehow secured a stranglehold over @@NAME@@, causing all denizens, diplomats, and do-gooders to speak in an alluring, albeit tiring, alliteration.

1. “This abysmal ailment is absolutely abhorrent” remarks your minister of defense. “What would one do with such a whimsical way of wording? We must minimize the magnitude of our memoranda to circumvent this silly situation. Sure….it….may….be….slow,.....but…..what….is…..the….alternative?”

[effect] Fast-talking @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ speak a mile an hour.

2. Just as you were about to take a sip of tea, your minister of education, being on high alert for any potential educational opportunities, promptly burst through your window. “Every year, our onerous offspring are failing, fumbling, and falling-short of our educational goals. We could truncate the tragedy of this terrible turn-of-events by taking time to voraciously instill a very verbose national vocabulary, consequently clearing communication for our countrymen and cracking this conundrum, without resorting to remedial relations”.

[effect] The verbose @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ vocabulary is very vexing for visitors.

3. Having heard the hubbub, your nephew passes you a piece of paper, apparently deciding to weigh in on the matter. It reads: “Are you kidding me @@LEADER@@? Have you heard how these people talk? There is no way we could possibly learn to communicate effectively on any reasonable time-frame! It’s time to ABANDON spoken language altogether! The only way we can effectively communicate is through written language. Mandate that everyone carries something to write with at all times, and outlaw verbal communication”.

[effect] @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ are oblivious to sarcasm.

4. Clearly concerned about the cause of the crisis, the most prominent @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ psychiatrist, Dr. Drake DeGroot, sends you a sloppily written slice of stationary, which says: "@@LEADER@@, do you realize the potential scientific advancements that this alliterative mania holds for the international community? Psychological epidemics are so rare that they are some of the most under-researched topics in all of modern psychology! Please, we must put more funding towards researching the causes of this outbreak and treating the currently known cases. With these breakthroughs, our scientific program could be the star of @@REGION@@! Oh, and a little psychotherapy never hurt anybody, right?"

[effect] Scientists scrutinize studies and seek stardom while citizens search for psychiatric support.

[title]An Alliterative Ailment

While munching on some marmalade this morning, you were perfectly puzzled and perplexed to find that, at some point in the night, a strange and surprising sickness had somehow secured a stranglehold over @@NAME@@, causing all denizens, diplomats, and do-gooders to speak in an alluring, albeit tiring, alliteration.

1. “This abysmal ailment is absolutely abhorrent” remarks your minister of defense. “What would one do with such a whimsical way of wording? We must minimize the magnitude of our memoranda to circumvent this silly situation. Sure….it….may….be….slow,.....but…..what….is…..the….alternative?”

[effect] Fast-talking @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ speak a mile an hour.

2. Just as you were about to take a sip of tea, your minister of education, being on high alert for any potential educational opportunities, promptly burst through your window. “Every year, our onerous offspring are failing, fumbling, and falling-short of our educational goals. We could truncate the tragedy of this terrible turn-of-events by taking time to voraciously instill a very verbose national vocabulary, consequently clearing communication for our countrymen and cracking this conundrum, without resorting to remedial relations”.

[effect] The verbose @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ vocabulary is very vexing for visitors.

3. Having heard the hubbub, your nephew gives you a piece of paper, apparently deciding to weigh in on the matter. It reads: “Are you kidding me @@LEADER@@? Have you heard how these people talk? There is no way we could possibly learn to communicate effectively on any reasonable time-frame! It’s time to ABANDON spoken language altogether! The only way we can effectively communicate is through written language. Mandate that everyone carries something to write with at all times, and outlaw verbal communication”.

[Trotterdam]

While munching on some marmalade this morning, you were perfectly puzzled and perplexed to find that, at some point in the night, a strange and surprising sickness had somehow secured a stranglehold over @@NATION@@, causing all denizens, diplomats, and do-gooders to speak in an alluring, albeit tiring, alliteration.

Uh... issues are supposed to be somewhat realistic.

[Big Boyz]

While munching on some marmalade this morning, you were perfectly puzzled and perplexed to find that, at some point in the night, a strange and surprising sickness had somehow secured a stranglehold over @@NATION@@, causing all denizens, diplomats, and do-gooders to speak in an alluring, albeit tiring, alliteration.

Uh... issues are supposed to be somewhat realistic.

Psychological plagues can happen they're just not very common .

[Daarwyrth]

I really like the creativity of this one, as the draft itself really left me impressed. After I read it, I did have some concerns about the realism of this issue, and whether that would be a problem. But...

There are a number of issues in NS that deal with sometimes odd or unusual situations. I think this one could fit into that category as a bit of a spoof.

However, there is one glaring issue with the narrative itself that has left me somewhat bemused: why is no one trying to figure out what is causing this ailment, and how to cure it? I think the third option could be tweaked to he about a scientist that also writes on a paper, but instead says something of the lines of "what the heck are you talking about people, this is a national emergency, not a curiosity! We need to find out what causes it and cure it". If you could devise a reason why the ailment is being caused, that would help the issue gain strength regarding the question of realism

A very interesting and well-written first draft, and I'm looking forward to see where you take this draft further!

[Candensia]

I think this draft is *interesting*, and clearly displays that you have talent for writing. However, in my opinion, it's probably too much of a stretch to work, and I share Trotterdam's verisimilitude concerns.

I think you'd be much better off writing on a more tangible topic, especially for your contest entry. With a more solid foundation, I think you certainly have what it takes to write an issue.

[Big Boyz]

I really like the creativity of this one, as the draft itself really left me impressed. After I read it, I did have some concerns about the realism of this issue, and whether that would be a problem. But...

There are a number of issues in NS that deal with sometimes odd or unusual situations. I think this one could fit into that category as a bit of a spoof.

However, there is one glaring issue with the narrative itself that has left me somewhat bemused: why is no one trying to figure out what is causing this ailment, and how to cure it? I think the third option could be tweaked to he about a scientist that also writes on a paper, but instead says something of the lines of "what the heck are you talking about people, this is a national emergency, not a curiosity! We need to find out what causes it and cure it". If you could devise a reason why the ailment is being caused, that would help the issue gain strength regarding the question of realism

A very interesting and well-written first draft, and I'm looking forward to see where you take this draft further!

Thanks for the feedback! I've added another option about scientific research (although the doctor is a little bit more concerned with international fame than curing the masses ).

[Big Boyz]

I think this draft is *interesting*, and clearly displays that you have talent for writing. However, in my opinion, it's probably too much of a stretch to work, and I share Trotterdam's verisimilitude concerns.

I think you'd be much better off writing on a more tangible topic, especially for your contest entry. With a more solid foundation, I think you certainly have what it takes to write an issue.

Thanks for the feedback! I've added another option that might make this slightly more realistic, but maybe you have a point about the contest. I'll keep it in mind. I might change this from a contest entry to a regular issue draft at some point if I can come up with something that would be better .

[Altradical]

3. Having heard the discussion at hand, your nephew gives you a piece of paper, apparently deciding to weigh in on the matter. “Are you kidding me @@LEADER@@? [...]"

This doesn't make it clear that it's written on the paper. At first I thought he was speaking, but then I noticed there wasn't as much alliteration.

A shock a day keeps the psychiatrist away!

Sorry, I don't get it. Is it implying the psychiatrist uses shock as "therapy"? Then if someone were to get shocked, the psychiatrist is already there, not away.

[Big Boyz]

3. Having heard the discussion at hand, your nephew gives you a piece of paper, apparently deciding to weigh in on the matter. “Are you kidding me @@LEADER@@? [...]"

This doesn't make it clear that it's written on the paper. At first I thought he was speaking, but then I noticed there wasn't as much alliteration.

Fixed.

A shock a day keeps the psychiatrist away!

Sorry, I don't get it. Is it implying the psychiatrist uses shock as "therapy"? Then if someone were to get shocked, the psychiatrist is already there, not away.

Changed.

Thanks

[Altradical]

[effect] Scientists scrutinize studies and seek stardom, while citizens search for psychiatric support.

Effects can't have commas

[Big Boyz]

[effect] Scientists scrutinize studies and seek stardom, while citizens search for psychiatric support.

Effects can't have commas

Really? Ok, I've taken out the comma.

[USS Monitor]

I think this draft is *interesting*, and clearly displays that you have talent for writing. However, in my opinion, it's probably too much of a stretch to work, and I share Trotterdam's verisimilitude concerns.

I think you'd be much better off writing on a more tangible topic, especially for your contest entry. With a more solid foundation, I think you certainly have what it takes to write an issue.

^This is more or less how I feel.

It is interesting. I wasn't expecting much when I saw the title of the thread, and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the writing. I think you have a lot of potential as an author, OP.

But I have reservations about this specific draft. I think it is too unrealistic. There are some really interesting conditions that can affect people's speech on an individual basis, like people who begin speaking in unusual accents after a brain injury -- but that would not happen on a national scale. Even if there was some type of ergot or brain virus or something that changed people's speech patterns, how did it infect the whole nation at the same time? And we're not looking for issues about pandemics, even if they have completely different symptoms from COVID.

[Trotterdam]

More to the point, speaking in alliteration is something deliberate that takes quite a bit of thought to do well (and most examples of alliteration are from people spending some time looking up the right words to type, optionally later reading off from a script if it needs to be spoken out loud, not real-time conversation). It's not something you're going to do when confused and delirious due to brain damage.

[Big Boyz]

I think this draft is *interesting*, and clearly displays that you have talent for writing. However, in my opinion, it's probably too much of a stretch to work, and I share Trotterdam's verisimilitude concerns.

I think you'd be much better off writing on a more tangible topic, especially for your contest entry. With a more solid foundation, I think you certainly have what it takes to write an issue.

^This is more or less how I feel.

It is interesting. I wasn't expecting much when I saw the title of the thread, and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the writing. I think you have a lot of potential as an author, OP.

But I have reservations about this specific draft. I think it is too unrealistic. There are some really interesting conditions that can affect people's speech on an individual basis, like people who begin speaking in unusual accents after a brain injury -- but that would not happen on a national scale. Even if there was some type of ergot or brain virus or something that changed people's speech patterns, how did it infect the whole nation at the same time? And we're not looking for issues about pandemics, even if they have completely different symptoms from COVID.

Ok, I'll abandon the draft for now to brainstorm other ideas. I might pick it up at a later date, but it won't be an entry in the issues contest.