TITLE:
Gifts From Above
VALIDITY:
some environmental protection, some culture
DESCRIPTION:
@@TYPE@@ Square, where marble statues of historic notables look down on a picturesque open space, is well recognised as one of the most notable cultural sites and tourist attractions in @@NAME@@. However, a thick blanket of bird droppings regularly accumulates, leading many to call for nests to be removed from nearby trees and buildings.
OPTION 1
"True beauty is culture, and history," expounds aesthete @@randomname@@, pointing to a statue depicting an 18th century general who was famously hunchbacked and pug-nosed. "But beauty is somewhat marred when layered with faeces. The various Societies of the art world will gladly foot the bill for maintenance of this and other cultural sites, we just need your permission to begin our great work. After all, one cannot make an omelette without breaking a few hundred eggs."
OUTCOME:
the outdoor monument that was thought to be a Chris Ofili modern art installation was actually just a pile of crap
OPTION 2
"If we're talking true beauty, then none can compare with that of nature's avian diversity, fine in form and feather," blathers conservationist @@randomname@@, with an expansive sweep of @@HIS@@ arm indicating three nearby pigeons who between then have a damaged foot, a weird beak, and some sort of disturbing dangling pink growth. "Birds nests must be protected from any interference while being either built or occupied, for the sake of preserving wild bird populations."
OUTCOME:
even on sunny days everybody carries an umbrella
OPTION 3
"So we want to keep corrosive and ugly poop off statues, but also keep birds away?" ponders Logistics Solutions Conceptual Analyst @@randomname@@, whose usual modus operandi includes teambuilding meditations and brainstorming mind maps. "I visualise a new pan-positive approach, utilising everyone's best selves according to OCEAN personality type. Shiny silver reflective banners to elicit fear responses. Daring metal spike patterns on building edges, to deflect non-harmonious aerial approaches, and swathes of UV-stablised polypropylene mesh netting, to create a barrier from firmament-borne threats. Tailored sculptures that evoke the ancient predator-prey response. This is dynamic solution building, people! Let's do this!"
OUTCOME:
fake wooden owls adorn city rooftops
